Classmate's father died--what to do to help?

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I had a conference yesterday with DS8's teacher. Went well, but then the teacher informed me that his classmate had lost her dad that morning. Apparently he had an accident while diving into a lake over the summer and broke his neck. He was paralyzed and in rehab, but then died that morning. I was completely stunned, to say the least. I feel so badly for that little girl and her family! The teacher sent home cards for the children to write and decorate, which is nice, but I was thinking that perhaps the class could do more? My problem is, I'm 6 months pregnant and have a 2yo, so it would be difficult for me to, say, organize a bake sale (I imagine that, even with good insurance, there have to be bills piling up!). I would be happy to do plenty of baking for it, though, or something else that I could do at odd hours.

Any thoughts?

 

[isla bonita]

A nice gesture is to prepare a full meal for the family they are in no state of mind to shop and prepare a healthy meal. It was done for us when we were in the same spot and it was very appreciated.

 

[CamColt]

You may want to see what the family wants/needs right now.

DS had a classmate in the same situation (lost her mother) last year. As room mothers, myself and the other mother took up a collection and we planned to purchase a Thanksgiving meal for the family. As it turned out the father said he didnt want that since they would be with extended family and instead asked that we make a donation to the cancer society in the mothers name.

 

[kasar]

DD had a little boy in her class that lost his mom last year.

One thing our school did was to sponsor a team for the Relay For Life (the mom had cancer) in her memory. Maybe you could do something for a Spinal Cord and Neck Injury group (Christopher Reeve had a foundation, I believe) - have the kids do a coin drive or have a hat day or something.

Our school has lunch tickets and all the kids got together and bought this little boy enough lunch tickets to last through the rest of the school year so they didn't have to worry about making lunches or the tickets running out.

 

[Disney Doll]

Another thing that might be helpful is a mass gift-card buying.

Assign each child in the class a store from which to buy a gift card...groceries, clothing, gas, office supplies, toys. Set a price limit...maybe $10 per card. Those will be helpful as time goes on if there isn't as much money for "extras".

 

[golfgal]

Another thing that might be helpful is a mass gift-card buying.

Assign each child in the class a store from which to buy a gift card...groceries, clothing, gas, office supplies, toys. Set a price limit...maybe $10 per card. Those will be helpful as time goes on if there isn't as much money for "extras".

That is a great idea but I wouldn't set a limit. Some people would choose to give more and some people can't afford even an extra $10.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

Those are some really good ideas--I like the gift card and lunch ones, especially, because the children can be involved.

I don't know a thing about the family, but I can only imagine there are huge bills--the dad was in rehab in New York City, and we live ~4 hours north of there, so mom was commuting to see him on weekends for the past several months.

I was planning on e-mailing the teacher to see what she would like to do. She did send each child home with a card to decorate for the little girl, expressing their thoughts.

 

[golfgal]

Those are some really good ideas--I like the gift card and lunch ones, especially, because the children can be involved.

I don't know a thing about the family, but I can only imagine there are huge bills--the dad was in rehab in New York City, and we live ~4 hours north of there, so mom was commuting to see him on weekends for the past several months.

I was planning on e-mailing the teacher to see what she would like to do. She did send each child home with a card to decorate for the little girl, expressing their thoughts.

It would really depend on their insurance. I know when a friend of ours when through cancer treatment our insurance (he worked with DH) actually covered their living expenses while he was getting treatment at the Mayo Clinic. They paid for a hotel room and a food stipend. When all was said and done, they paid $1000 out of pocket for various uncovered things--and our insurance wasn't very good. It just covered major things really well.

Do you know any close relatives/friends of this family even a little bit? Maybe you could call them and say that your DD is in Jimmy's class and the class wants to do something for the family and what would they need the most right then.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

I would go with some type of money collection from the parents. Today at my 2 older ds school they are taking a collection for a student who died from brain cancer. The family has alot of medical bills. They did it last week too. DS told me they must have not gotten alot because they are doing it again. Must admit this is the lst time ds told me about it. I know some people think money is impersonal, but some kind words and notes to go with the gift would make a lasting impression during the familys sorrow.

 

[RUDisney]

It is admirable of you to want to do something for this child's family. However, when tragedy has struck in our school, the entire school is asked for donations. We have raised thousands of dollars for various families who needed help at various times, depending on what happened. Last year alone, a kindergarten student's mother was killed by police crossfire when a robbery suspect entered her house early in the morning. Another went to a cancer-stricken child's family and another was for a family who lost their house due to a fire.

Email the teacher and ask if the school will be doing a collection for this family. If not, then organize the class to do something.

In other words, think bigger for the family instead of just focusing on the class. I didn't know any of those families from the last school year, but I knew that if I was in need like they were, I'd appreciate the kindness of strangers, too.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I planned to talk to the teacher because I really don't know the family, their situation or needs. I don't even know if there might be another sibling or two affected. It's just such a heartbreaking situation.

Just a few weeks ago, a middle school student died suddenly, and you're right, the whole school pitched in. It's a central school--K-12, and the community really varies in terms of middle class down to people who hunt to survive and live in a shack, so this family could be anywhere along that spectrum.

I appreciate everyone's thoughts on this.