Christmas + stress + advice

[ChisJo]

As always, Christmas is causing me stress. Not financially...in fact, this year, we are hardly exchanging any gifts. It has to do with the family. Every year, its the same thing. My family and my husbands family are so dysfunctional and we are so different from them. We could care less if we saw them, to be honest, and we would care even less if there was an ocean separating us. However, just to be the responsible adults, we go over at Christmas and do our Christmas duties. It is always the same. Arguments, drunken stupidities, ignorant comments, loud loud loud, unhappy environment, and this is at both families. I'm already dreading it, and I'm already getting stressed about it, to the point where its making me sick to my stomach.

A couple of nights ago, we decided that next year, we are going away at Christmas time. Am I being selfish? I am starting to hate the holidays because of everything and I am starting to become a scrooge...I don't want to be like this anymore. I would feel like I am running away from it, but our families are not the type of families that talk about their feelings, so talking about this with them would be totally pointless. I am starting to pick up shifts at the holidays to avoid them, but then I'm leaving my husband high and dry, and that's not fair to him.

If we were to go away, any suggestions? Please, not WDW. We would want somewhere a little quieter than that.

 

[boundfordisney]

Sorry for all the stress you are feeling but you have the best idea to go away on holiday to avoid it all. Maybe renting a cabin or staying at an inn some where depending on what you would be willing to spend. What about taking out a map perhaps one closer to where you live and picking out some small town you have never heard of and just pick up and go there, find some small dinners to eat at and try and meet as many people as you can to just sit and get to know. Im sure you can find somewhere you would like I myself would love to spend a xmas in Austria or Germany exploring the xmas markets they look awesome and it just looks so small town christmassy, hope to do the europe river cruise maybe in 2012 and I will get to see and wander through the markets. you can get deals like 2 for 1 and discounts on air viking river cruises is one to check out good luck and hope your holidays get better

 

[boundfordisney]

Oh forgot to mention Hamilton where you can meet another disser! close to niagra falls and lots of other interesting places!

 

[olwyngdh]

Williamsburg VA--lots of interesting things to see and do, good food, and as quiet or as busy as you want it to be. Another idea is an ocean resort with a boardwalk--Ocean City MD is wonderful in the winter, and again, as quiet or as busy as you want to make it.

 

[stefanospops]

We booked a Disney cruise for Christmas next year. We celebrate on Jan 7 so we booked the 5 day cruise leavingon the 3rd, which is also my birthday!

 

[drag n' fly]

As always, Christmas is causing me stress. Not financially...in fact, this year, we are hardly exchanging any gifts. It has to do with the family. Every year, its the same thing. My family and my husbands family are so dysfunctional and we are so different from them. We could care less if we saw them, to be honest, and we would care even less if there was an ocean separating us. However, just to be the responsible adults, we go over at Christmas and do our Christmas duties. It is always the same. Arguments, drunken stupidities, ignorant comments, loud loud loud, unhappy environment, and this is at both families. I'm already dreading it, and I'm already getting stressed about it, to the point where its making me sick to my stomach.

A couple of nights ago, we decided that next year, we are going away at Christmas time. Am I being selfish? I am starting to hate the holidays because of everything and I am starting to become a scrooge...I don't want to be like this anymore. I would feel like I am running away from it, but our families are not the type of families that talk about their feelings, so talking about this with them would be totally pointless. I am starting to pick up shifts at the holidays to avoid them, but then I'm leaving my husband high and dry, and that's not fair to him.

If we were to go away, any suggestions? Please, not WDW. We would want somewhere a little quieter than that.

Lol you just described my inlaws...in Edmonton ironically! I feel your pain. Let me pack my bag I'll join you How about Hawaii? Our quiet getaway is Palm Springs

 

[Gigi22]

OP, you don't have to do anything you don't want to, just so long as you are willing to put up with the consequences--if any. My vote would be to take a trip out of town, doesn't have to be far away, for the holidays.

 

[boundfordisney]

I like the cruise idea that can be the best of all worlds

 

[dancin Disney style]

OP....I'm also in your boat. I have come to the point that I don't want to 'do' Christmas anymore. We decided a few years ago that we wanted to go away for that week but the kids were totally against it. This year we told them about 2 weeks ago that starting next year we will be going away. There will be no more Christmas drama. Funny, the child that put up the biggest fuss is actually excited about going away. Even funnier, last year DH and I both had the perfect set up of days off that he said we were going away and would be able to leave on the 23rd.....well the youngest started making a big deal out of it. Doesn't DH say to her 'what if we go and spend Christmas in WDW?' Even that didn't work and she is the kid that wants to be there 24/7. She makes us nuts talking about it all the time.

 

[joandegennaro]

Life without all the family drama is a happy one for us. I used to have all the same kinds of issues at the holidays, now we just celebrate as a family of 4. Way more peaceful A friend goes to Hilton Head for the holidays every few years and she says its great. Lots for the kids to do and relaxing at the same time. Weather may not be great that time of year but I'd take the cooler weather at HH over the cold and stress in Edmonton.

 

[magickingdommommy]

I have to agree that going away is the best idea.

And I think the key to family peace will be letting everyone know early that you are going to try something different for the holidays, and don't tell them the real reason why you need to get away.

It's not selfish - it's your holiday too, and you should be able to enjoy it!

 

[dancin Disney style]

So, thankfully, another one is done. With only minor snotty remarks being made.

We have made it clear to all that we are not going to be here next Xmas.

 

[TheBig2na]

Just because you are related, doesn't mean you have to put up with their garbage. I laid the law down a few years back and Christmas has been great. Everyone knows that I am not sitting down with my brother for dinner because of his numerous antics and that is it. If someone invites him for dinner I don't go. Simple as. They have the right to invite both of us, I have the right not to go. My stress levels are way down....Now the inlaws are starting though. Thankfully I am not involved though.

But with having a son now, that is what is important, not Adults acting like children. Enjoy the away trips. I know a few people who have done it to avoid drama. I think if people were more honest though and told people what the problem was, it would be easier. If you don't like someone, tell them. If you don't like their behavior, tell them. My wifes cousin was telling me yesterday how he had to break up a fight on Xmas eve. Crazy. Just don't hang out I say.

 

[weswife]

I agree. I understand where you are with this. The choice is yours.

My inlaws are difficult people. I have worked the last 10 yrs as a manager. I must work Christmas eve and stay until close at 5 then finish by 6 pm. Anyway, my inlaws came at 3 pm Christmas eve and gave gifts to us. My DH gave gifts we has purchased in return. The inlaws knew my schedule, so they planed me not being here. I did feel they were RUDE and I was hurt. Anyway, I am not dwelling on it. I am not aruging with DH about it. I told myself many years ago, that if I keep my distance from them my life is easier.

Good luck in what you decide to do!

 

[dancin Disney style]

Just because you are related, doesn't mean you have to put up with their garbage. I laid the law down a few years back and Christmas has been great. Everyone knows that I am not sitting down with my brother for dinner because of his numerous antics and that is it. If someone invites him for dinner I don't go. Simple as. They have the right to invite both of us, I have the right not to go. My stress levels are way down....Now the inlaws are starting though. Thankfully I am not involved though.

But with having a son now, that is what is important, not Adults acting like children. Enjoy the away trips. I know a few people who have done it to avoid drama. I think if people were more honest though and told people what the problem was, it would be easier. If you don't like someone, tell them. If you don't like their behavior, tell them. My wifes cousin was telling me yesterday how he had to break up a fight on Xmas eve. Crazy. Just don't hang out I say.

So what is your advise when dealing with immediate family that has been told....over and over and over...but it makes no difference? Told nicely, told with tears, told with a raised voice, told with foul language. Certain people feel that they are never in the wrong and twist things and words around so that they are always the victim.

 

[ChisJo]

So what is your advise when dealing with immediate family that has been told....over and over and over...but it makes no difference? Told nicely, told with tears, told with a raised voice, told with foul language. Certain people feel that they are never in the wrong and twist things and words around so that they are always the victim.

Agree....thats my family. Thats why we don't talk about our feelings...its a moot point really. No one listens and no one cares. If I didn't show up to a family dinner because my ignorant, drunk, foul, racist, rude, insensitive BIL was there, I would be the one that was rude and shunned because I should be able to put up with it, even though I have told my parents that I won't be there anymore if he is around. This year, I picked up shifts at the hospital. I worked all throughout the weekend (tonight included), 12 hour night shifts. Didn't give me much time with the family, and it was wonderful! Spending time at work with people I actually like was way better then dealing with the family drama that was unfolding at my parents house.

We decided that next year we are probably going to go to Tobago. We sort of just picked it and it has stuck. After the disastrous 2 hours I had yesterday at my parents house, my hubby and me just looked at each other and knew that we were going next year no matter what.

 

[dancin Disney style]

Funny, we all know that everyone has family issues but it's kind of nice to hear about it. It makes you feel not quite so bad.

 

[TheBig2na]

So what is your advise when dealing with immediate family that has been told....over and over and over...but it makes no difference? Told nicely, told with tears, told with a raised voice, told with foul language. Certain people feel that they are never in the wrong and twist things and words around so that they are always the victim.

Just cut them out. like i said, I don't speak to my brother because he is a lousy human being. I don't think having the same parents means you have to put up with it. Too many people have this notion that because they are family you have to put up with them. Cut them out and tell them why and be done.

 

[brighteyes]

I would like to chime in on this. For the last 30 years, yes I said 30!! I have been seeing certain people at family get togethers for years and have wished sooo much not be any where near this person. However, I did, and tried to pretend I was ok with this person so that I could see my family. Well I FINALLY got the nerve to tell my family that I will no longer be going to family functions for holidays etc. This year my DS asked me if I could go so he could see his extended family for christmas and he wanted me to be there too. I thought about it and ALMOST went. I said no, I will not attend, however he was welcome to go with his grandparents. He chose to stay home with me.

Let me tell you going for so many years when I didn't want to be there just made me ill with stress and for once, I felt good at christmas and stress free. I missed seeing the rest of my family but I can see them other times and places. And I really don't care if they understand or not, I have to do what is best for me.

So do what you need to do, take care of you.

 

[dancin Disney style]

Just cut them out. like i said, I don't speak to my brother because he is a lousy human being. I don't think having the same parents means you have to put up with it. Too many people have this notion that because they are family you have to put up with them. Cut them out and tell them why and be done.

If only it were that simple. I used to think that I would see a day somewhere down the road that it would come to that but as the years have gone on it seems to become more complicated. There are certain family members that you do have to put up with and for various reasons. In our case it is mainly the holidays that are an issue whether it be Christmas or Easter or whatever....I have no idea why.