Christmas money questions.....

[disykat]

Do you give your kids "Christmas money?" My family has never been big gift givers. After we became adults, my parents always gave us one small gift and then some "Christmas money." Even after we had plenty of money of our own we always loved it because it gave us an excuse to buy something outside our planned budget. It was "fun money." I have done the same for our adult kids and also their spouses. (I remember how excited they were when they became adults and my parents started giving THEM fun money at Christmas too.) This is the first year I'm starting to rethink it.

My older son just got a new job. He was already making more than DH did and his new job will make TWICE as much as he is currently making. Other son is already almost up to DH's last salary, but actually more now that DH is retired. Do we rethink the whole "fun money" thing?

I'm not a gift person so I always looked forward to the fun money and enjoyed spending it in various ways to treat myself. A nice meal, a massage, something I'd been looking at and didn't buy myself. Sometimes DH and I would combine ours and buy something together. It really wasn't about the actual money amount, just the excuse to treat myself.

What do you think? Is it okay to give Christmas money to kids who make more than you? (I'm so happy for them to be in this situation, but boy did the tables flip! I never earned more than my parents, so I've never thought about this. My DH earned more than his did but his parents were very into shopping and gift giving and would never have given money.)

 

[fla4fun]

Whatever you give them is a gift, be it an item or cash. I have given cash gifts to people who made more than I did (or at least equal salary). Sometimes it was because I knew they were saving for something special and I wanted to contribute. Sometimes I knew they needed a little fun money to just have a good time spending. If the dynamics in your family haven’t changed, and they appreciate the gift, and you enjoy giving it, why change now? Do what feels right.

 

[cvjw]

Yes. Give your kids Christmas money, regardless of their salaries.

 

[nw6675]

My sister and I got large checks from both sets of grandparents while they were living. When they passed my parents took it over and pretty much pass our inheritance in chunks each Christmas. One set of grandparents wanted my sister and I to inherit most of their estate, but my parents told them they would take care of us.

Fast forward, and for many years I made a ton more than my Dad. Like a LOT. But they always gave my sister and me large checks as gifts from them and my deceased grandparents. They said as long as we believe in Santa we get the money lol.

We do not take it for granted, know we are spoiled, and appreciate it so much no matter what we make.

 

[macraven]

We give our adult sons checks in a card for Christmas
We stopped doing gifts when they were finished with college

It was what worked best for all
and their request.

 

[disneychrista]

Before we stopped exchanging it became a useless exchange of cash or cash equivalents. My parents would give cash and I would give a gift card to some place. Seemed pretty useless and honestly don’t like getting cash as a “gift.” Gift cards are really only a very minor improvement.

 

[badiggio]

I agree with others that money is best.It can go towards whatever you want and much better than receiving something you didn't want and lying to not hurt someone's feelings.

 

[RogueX]

My mother and stepfather always give us the option of an item we've wanted (within a certain price limit) or money to use for how we choose. My mother finds funny ways to incorporate the money into a funny inexpensive gift so it's not just in a card. This year she put a check inside some Harry Potter nesting dolls for me. For my daughter, she wrapped some money in plastic, attached that to a strong piece of string with a picture of Buddy the Elf on top. Everything but Buddy was placed in the middle of a cupcake, so when my daughter opened her box, there was Buddy on top of the cupcake. She pulled his picture and the money in plastic would come out.

Truth be told, she was thrilled with the cupcake on its own, the money was an added bonus.

 

[fla4fun]

Before we stopped exchanging it became a useless exchange of cash or cash equivalents. My parents would give cash and I would give a gift card to some place. Seemed pretty useless and honestly don’t like getting cash as a “gift.” Gift cards are really only a very minor improvement.

I understand what you are saying, and I am not a fan of gift cards. However, there are some circumstances where I believe cash can be a legitimate gift, as opposed to useless or an afterthought. I can say I have received some very useless or thoughtless gifts over the years, but none of them were cash (the worst are alcohol gifts from people who know in advance that I do not drink). The most thoughtful gifts are the ones where the giver has taken time to consider what the recipient wants and needs.

For example, I am long-term unemployed right now, so I am supporting myself on my savings and my budget is tight. I was still using an eight year old cell phone that was starting to have problems, but I couldn’t justify the cost of a new one while the old one was operational. I would have just used it until it died and then gone without. My sister gave me money for my birthday to buy a phone. Could she have just bought a phone for my gift? Sure, but it’s like buying a car as a gift. Unless you know exactly what the person wants, you are likely to get the wrong thing. I was able to make the choice to wait a few months and get the latest phone instead of buying last year’s model (the old phone officially died a month after my purchase, so I timed it well).

She often asks for cash for clothes for her birthday or Christmas, because she has very particular taste and would prefer to pick out items herself than have to take items back for exchange. Telling us the exact item, size, color, etc. so we get the right thing takes more of the fun out of it for her than going shopping with the cash (bonus - we get to spend time together at the store as well).

I think if there is actual thought behind a cash gift, or it’s specifically requested, it’s no different than any other gift. But I can see where it might feel like a game of Hot Potato if both sides are repeatedly passing cash/equivalents to the other. There is no right or wrong answer to this question. Everyone should do what feels right for their own family and their own circumstances, and it sounds like cash gifts are welcome in the OP’s family and not so much in yours. That is okay, for both the OP and for you.

 

[disykat]

I'm so glad fun money is still an appreciated gift by so many. I know my kids have always enjoyed this in the past, so this gives me confidence to keep it up. Thanks. I've already bought a little gift for each of them and just picked up a Costco puzzle for each couple, (yes a puzzle of a costco!) so their "big gift" will still be some fun money.

 

[Kitty 34]

I just went to the bank this morning to get my monies out for my sons and wives. So when my teller counted it out for me and put it in my bank envelope she smiled and said "have fun shopping" . And I said "I just did".

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I cannot imagine salary ever being a consideration into whether a parent decides to not give a gift, unnecessary/fluff gift or otherwise. That means the gift really lost its meaning over the years if you're looking at it that way. Our parents have never been aware of our income anyhow (and my husband has always made more money than my mom even as a 22 year old graduate, me different story call center jobs don't pay that much lol right out of college). If you're done with the fluff gifts because they've aged up enough no problem but otherwise I'd continue with status quo unless everyone comes to the agreement to just end it.

I've always been a gift card person and my husband is like that as well. That has been extremely useful to us over the years from restaurant to Amazon to home improvement. We've used it for very practical things and then fun things and then restaurant for dinner out obviously. Twice now we've also focused more on Disney gift cards with two trips. These became our souvenir and food money for those trips.

 

[loves to dive]

I supported my parents for about 10 years up until they died but I would always give them gifts for holidays. My mama was big on getting gifts so it made her happy. We told them not to give us anything and not to give my son anything. Hubby's parents and family used to give us gifts that we then turned around and gave to charity (we didn't tell them of course) because they were usually something we just couldn't use, even the gift cards they would give us would be for somewhere we didn't go to. Fast forward and we finally told them not to give us anything, we really are that couple that has anything we want. So for a while his parents would give us money and we would give them money and it was just silly. So hubby finally told them not to do that either, they are retired and living on a fixed income, at the time we were both employed and making plenty of money (I'm semi-retired now). Hubby still gives them money. My son is an adult (42 last Sat) so I usually buy him a few things like clothes or something I know he needs then give him an Amazon gift card since you can get just about anything from Amazon. I gave him cash for his birthday and this year I'll give him cash for Christmas, get gifts for his baby and some little something for his SO. He prefers the cash.

 

[Smugpugmug]

I agree with others that money is best.It can go towards whatever you want and much better than receiving something you didn't want and lying to not hurt someone's feelings.

This is how I feel too. What you end up spending the money/gift card on would be considered the gift. I much prefer getting money as a gift vs. a physical gift that I would never use. For example, you can use the money to pick out clothes you want rather than getting clothes as a gift that don't fit and need to be exchanged/returned. If my family and friends didn't tell me exactly what they wanted, I would just give them cash or a gift card.

 

[DisneyHardin]

DH and I make more money than my parents, but they still give us Christmas money. I count on it to buy something that we might not normally splurge on or something for the house.

 

[amcnj]

There is a somewhat flexible amount to spend on each child. They are asked if there is anything they need and want. If any such items are “under budget”, or they have no list at all, money makes up the difference. Though there are also always some wrapped items, things they will be able to use or consume. Hence the not so firm budget!

 

[ronandannette]

Hmmm...interesting to ponder. For me, the amount of money the adult children earn wouldn't be as big a factor as whether or not they actually need money. From fairly early on DH and I had incomes that surpassed our parents on their best days, but that didn't mean we had near as much disposable income they had, especially once they retired. Their cash gifts were always helpful to buy/spend on things that we would never have prioritized in our own budget.

Given that the amount we're talking about with our adult children is $500 per family, if they were really raking it in, that amount might not be too meaningful. If that were the case, I'd revert to getting them actual gifts; something within our budget that was personal and they would like, regardless of the fact that they could easily afford to buy it for themselves. In our case, the money we send them is very important for them having a nice Christmas and unless they hit the lotto, that's unlikely to change.

 

[DL1WDW2]

I am surprised No mention of Contributing to a Charity.
It definitely sounds like everybody is very blessed and does not need more stuff or money , etc.
Maybe this is the time to find a new way to spread your love .
You could make a game of everybody researching and placing the name of the Charity in their special stocking .
Or everybody throw their Choice into a big jar with one item drawn to create a surprise ending.
This is a great topic. Making me rethink the holidays.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I am surprised No mention of Contributing to a Charity.

Most people these days welcome the opportunity to donate to a charity of their choosing. We all have causes that are near and dear to our hearts and that may not be the same one as someone else's. Even my husband and I have different charities set up for Amazon smile-mine is to the shelter/rescue that we adopted our cat from.

 

[ronandannette]

I am surprised No mention of Contributing to a Charity.
It definitely sounds like everybody is very blessed and does not need more stuff or money , etc.
Maybe this is the time to find a new way to spread your love .
You could make a game of everybody researching and placing the name of the Charity in their special stocking .
Or everybody throw their Choice into a big jar with one item drawn to create a surprise ending.
This is a great topic. Making me rethink the holidays.

Nice!! I'd be thrilled if somebody gave a donation in my name to a cause I care for, for Christmas.