msdznyduck
<font color=blue>Victim of the latest fly by taggi
- Joined
- Jul 26, 2002
- Messages
- 1,707
Dear Santa,
>
> I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned, and cuddled my
>two children on demand, visited their doctor's office more than my doctor,
>sold 62 cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on
>the school playground, and figured out how to attach nine patches
>onto my daughter's Girl Scout sash with staples and a glue gun. I was
>hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had
>to write this letter with my son's red crayon on the back of a receipt in
>the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free
>time in the next 18 years.
>
> Here are my Christmas wishes: I'd like a pair of legs that don't
>ache after a day of chasing kids (in any color, except purple, which I
>already have) and arms that don't flap in the breeze, but are stro ng
>enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy aisle in the
>grocery store. I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in
>the seventh month of my last pregnancy.
>
>
> If you're hauling big ticket items this year, I'd like a car with
>fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a
>television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals;
>and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can
>hide to talk on the phone.
>
> On the practical side, I could use a talking daughter doll that
>says,"Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with one
>potty-trained toddler, two kids who don't fight, and three pairs of
>jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools. I
>could also use a recording of Tibetan monk s chanting, "Don't eat in
>the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my
>voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be
>heard by the dog.
>
>
>
> And please don't forget the Play-Doh Travel Pack, the stocking
>stuffer this year for mothers of preschoolers. It comes in three
>fluorescent colors and is guaranteed to crumble on any carpet making the
>In-laws' house seem just like mine.
>
> If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for
>enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the
>luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being
>served in a Styrofoam container.
>
>
>
> If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to
>brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare
>ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be
>helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without
>demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family;
>or if my toddler didn't look so cute sneaking downstairs to eat contraband
>ice cream in his pajamas at midnight.
>
> Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my
>feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a
>safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the chimney and come in
>and dry off by the fire so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies
>on the table, but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.
>
>
> Yours Always,
> Mom
>
> PS--One more thing...You can cancel all my requests if you can keep
>my children young enough to believe in you.
>
>
>
>
> I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned, and cuddled my
>two children on demand, visited their doctor's office more than my doctor,
>sold 62 cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on
>the school playground, and figured out how to attach nine patches
>onto my daughter's Girl Scout sash with staples and a glue gun. I was
>hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had
>to write this letter with my son's red crayon on the back of a receipt in
>the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free
>time in the next 18 years.
>
> Here are my Christmas wishes: I'd like a pair of legs that don't
>ache after a day of chasing kids (in any color, except purple, which I
>already have) and arms that don't flap in the breeze, but are stro ng
>enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy aisle in the
>grocery store. I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in
>the seventh month of my last pregnancy.
>
>
> If you're hauling big ticket items this year, I'd like a car with
>fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a
>television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals;
>and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can
>hide to talk on the phone.
>
> On the practical side, I could use a talking daughter doll that
>says,"Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with one
>potty-trained toddler, two kids who don't fight, and three pairs of
>jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools. I
>could also use a recording of Tibetan monk s chanting, "Don't eat in
>the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my
>voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be
>heard by the dog.
>
>
>
> And please don't forget the Play-Doh Travel Pack, the stocking
>stuffer this year for mothers of preschoolers. It comes in three
>fluorescent colors and is guaranteed to crumble on any carpet making the
>In-laws' house seem just like mine.
>
> If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for
>enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the
>luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being
>served in a Styrofoam container.
>
>
>
> If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to
>brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare
>ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be
>helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without
>demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family;
>or if my toddler didn't look so cute sneaking downstairs to eat contraband
>ice cream in his pajamas at midnight.
>
> Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my
>feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a
>safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the chimney and come in
>and dry off by the fire so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies
>on the table, but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.
>
>
> Yours Always,
> Mom
>
> PS--One more thing...You can cancel all my requests if you can keep
>my children young enough to believe in you.
>
>
>
LOVE it ... esp last part!
