Christmas Gift Giving - Right or Wrong? (Sorry long)

[NHdisneylover]

I just want to say that I told my brother and sister that I was stopping Christmas gifts and I asked that they respect my decision and I asked that they also stop purchasing for my family. I did not demand that they are to stop, I asked them to please stop. I hope in that in the whole scheme of this that is was less rude and presumptuous to ask rather than demand and if I didn't say something like we would not be accepting gifts, it would have fallen on deaf ears. Rude, yes I guess so. Necessary, yes also. I guess sometimes you just have to say it as it is. There would never be an end if I didn't. I guess if it came across as terribly rude, next year I won't have to worry, because I won't get an invite.

I was the first to admit that I didn't handle this well. It was in the heat of the moment but actually in the end, it was what I should have done a LONG time ago. Now that it is out there and I have apologized to my mother (she hasn't accepted my apology yet, so I really don't know how that will end) I feel better. I am looking forward to making our cards and to the less stress there will be not having to get this gift and that gift, and if this person will like it or not. They are all adults. I am pretty sure Christmas shouldn't be about the gifts anymore.

Well that does seem much nicer than telling them you will not accept gifts. I still think it is kind of rude though. You are basically telling someone that if they give you a gift they are being disrespectful to you--I don't get that I can see explaining that you really have plenty of things and want to make sure that they know you do not expect or need a gift so they should in o way feel obligated to keep it up just for the sake of tradition.

I totally understand wanting to put an end to the gift giving madness, stopping you own gift giving and letting others know you are happy to spend time with them and do not NEED a gift. However, if they enjoy giving gifts, or already have something purchased for this year, or want to model giving for their children or whatever I really think you could be gracious about it--even if it is a dollar store item which you don't want and you feel they cannot afford.

 

[sparklynails23]

Maybe your mom just wishes she had the money back that she spent on the Disney trip so she could help your other family members out with their bills. Maybe it's not so much that she feels she wasted it but that it could have been spent on necessities. Disney is expensive, and it is a luxury.

 

[gator75]

This thread is right up my alley. Last year our family did this kind of thing exactly. It wasn't because of money though well some of it was.. It was mostly because my parents where taking 13 of us to disney as a gift for their anniversery , and we wanted the rest of my siblings to be able to save spending money for the trip. We figured that they would have plenty of oppertunity to do this if we skipped christmas or so to say.

We are also doing it this year. In fact this year we have included my dh side of the family. We told the no gifts because they are struggling finacialy ,and we don't need or want anything. We also are going to be in the middle of a kitchen remodle and we are going to disney in feb. therefore no christmas for us. DS birthday is the day before christmas we still buy for him , but that is it. And you know it really make for a very relaxed holiday season

 

[1stluvispooh]

When DH and I first were together his siblings drew names and exchanged gifts. As we all started to have kids we then had the cousins draw names and exchange a gift. About 6 years ago his 2nd sister said that they wouldn't be going in on the sibling drawing because "they couldn't afford it" and it was too stressful. This was a sore spot for many but especially for me since her architect husband was drawing up house plans for us which we were paying for and quite frankly I knew that what we were paying him would pay their mortgage for 6 months! Then 3 years ago DS#3 is getting a divorce so she couldn't afford it (this no one quibbled about) So now they get go together and buy there parents something. Now years ago I learned not to get into the whole "what are we buying mom and dad because DS#2 is one of those it's my way or the highway kind of people. Now she gets upset when she will discuss what they are getting their parents and I just tell her to talk to her brother. I buy for my family, he buys for his.