Christmas gift giving rant!

[eliza61]

Warning,
I'm probably a little heated over this since all summer I've had relatives begging with little or no tact for money.

Does any one but me remember the days when people got Christmas gifts and had to at least pretend to be appreciative.

I have had so many relatives tell me what to give or what not to give their kids for the holidays. Generally I give US savings bonds or Disney stock I'm on this big kick to get kids saving. My BIL actually told me buy his kids toys instead (I won't go into the reasons).

I could never imagine telling some one (outside of a baby or bridal registry, thats different) what not to give or what to give. Parents are different, we generally say stuff like what do you want Santa to bring you etc, etc.

I'm sorry it's just seems like gift giving has gotten out of hand and in todays economic environment I'm happy that some one thought enough of me or my kids to even buy a gift. Are we raising little greedy monsters?

P.S. I got an email from a family member say "this Christmas instead of a gift please only give me cash". It offended me.

 

[bwatlas]

First all, love the Ben Franklin quote.

I am in a position this year where I cannot afford to give as I have in the past, and stated that I will be getting the kids only gifts. Now I am in the doghouse with my sister, as how can you NOT buy gifts for all (me single mom, single income, her, married, two incomes, and house paid for). I mean, I was floored that she thinks we all live and are as well off as her?!?

And yes, she would and does tell me what to get her boys, as they have 'so many other family members buying, we don't need doubles, you can get them this or this, but not that or these'.' The kids don't even need anything, and I too, like you, would rather do the savings thing for them, or a collectable for when they're older.

But, this year I have very limited funding, so stated I was thinking of getting them 'those', but no, HIS (BIL) side of family is getting them that. I mean, what do you get a 3 and 5 year old, when your on a limited budget, and they have 6 sets of grandparents, and there are some 12 of us aunts/uncles! I mean, parents are financially ok, so kids always have best of the best, new, and duplicates of everything!

Oh yeah, did I mention the my nephew (oldest) is a, um, handful? He is unappreciative of anything, anyway, and at the pleasant age of 5! He doesn't listen, and lives by his own rules. He has a path worn to principals office at the great grade of K! (also almost got kicked out of BIBLE school over summer, but DD and I got him to be able to stay for rest of week) So, don't even get me started on his 'winning' personality! I can't handle being around him for more than an hour or two as it is, which is a whole other story in itself!

So, yes, what happend to being appreciative of what you got, if you even got anything?! I remember my grandparents didn't have as much as my other set did, but I was always greatful for anything I got! Maybe I'll give my nephews oranges for Christmas, like they 'might' have gotten in the olden days?

 

[jacobsmom]

IT took quite a while but we convinced DH family NO gifts this year. It's basically been an exchange of gift cards the past few years which is ridiculous. We are the only ones in the family with a child so it's overwhelming every year the amount of stuff we get. (I would much rather have DS get Disney Stock---but that's a whole different story).
My family does home made gifts for the most part which I enjoy. It's funny to me though that my Aunts and Uncles tell me to give their kids money for their birthdays etc. when they (my aunts and uncles) gave me a t-shirt and bag of m&m's every birthday when I was growing up! Seriously.... I agree that their kids are spoiled and unappreciative. It's frustrating to me to have such requests. I want my cousins to appreciate what they are given instead of telling me how much money they want.

 

[EthansMom]

Personally, I think this year is a good time to start giving less-expensive gifts and giving gifts to far fewer people.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Warning,

P.S. I got an email from a family member say "this Christmas instead of a gift please only give me cash". It offended me.

This person should get nothing...OK, maybe a lump of coal.

 

[asoko]

I give ideas to people when they ask. But I hate it when my MIL spends so much on the kids especially for things they aren't going to play with or wear. I do send a list to her so she can get something they will enjoy and she won't waste her money. My DS would be happier with a $2.00 dinosaur than a $300video game. I am guilty of telling people not to buy things, because quite frankly, I think 100 stuffed animals is enough. I would rather the family would adopt a family at Christmas time than spend the money on my family, we have plenty.

Last year I finally convinced my SIL that we would not exchange presents between adult kids, only nieces and nephews. This year, my MIL had a great idea and suggested the same thing Opening present at in laws is crazy. They all open all the presents at the same time so nobody know what the others got. I don't think she even realized that we didn't exchange presents last year.

 

[The Moonk's Mom]

This person should get nothing...OK, maybe a lump of coal.

Or even better...a dollar bill...that's it...nothing more!

 

[eliza61]

This person should get nothing...OK, maybe a lump of coal.

I sent her an email saying I don't support "Bailouts". I know it was very &^itchy of me but boy, did it rub me the wrong way. I can't imagine emailing 20 relatives requesting cash.

 

[1LuckyMom]

You know what else drives me crazy. My MIL needs to know exactly what the each person wants, what it costs, exactly where to find it....After giving a very detailed list, she will than call a few days before the holiday saying "I went to three or four (name of store item was to be at) and I couldn't find (item on the list) would you mind getting it for me when you see it?" Then I have to go get the gifts and drop them are her house. I have finally, after 10 years, started telling her to just give the kids gift cards.

 

[*pixie*dust*]

I think it is time to stop buying for anyone not living in your home OP. Sounds like they dont appreciate it and it is causing you stress.

 

[RMulieri]

I never tell people what to get my daughter ...unless they ask.My daughters bday is Dec 26th, so i always get asked what to get.I even tell people save their money or give to charity, that Dd has enough.Still doesn't stop people, they still give gifts.i am appreciative, but a little appalled sometimes at the truckload of loot my family thinks she needs.

 

[RMulieri]

You know what else drives me crazy. My MIL needs to know exactly what the each person wants, what it costs, exactly where to find it....After giving a very detailed list, she will than call a few days before the holiday saying "I went to three or four (name of store item was to be at) and I couldn't find (item on the list) would you mind getting it for me when you see it?" Then I have to go get the gifts and drop them are her house. I have finally, after 10 years, started telling her to just give the kids gift cards.

Amen to that.My Mother and my MIL do the same thing...seriously it gives me a headache since I finish shopping in Oct.I tell them not to get anything, save their money...then I get the guilt trip" I could never do that, she is only a 4 yrs old, I gotta get her a nice present"

 

[ddmac]

At my family christmas is for the kids so we put all the kids in a hat and every kid picks one name and buys a presnt that costs around 25 and that alimnates have tons of gifts to open and the adults do a yankee swap. so our christmas is more about spending time with each other than opening tons of gifts

 

[jeepgirl30]

Oh i'm so with you on this! My sis is alway sending me lists of expensive items for her son. Expensive as in an iPod nano, authentic sport jersey, etc. She has one child I have 2 so apparently she feels I need to spend 20X the amount!

She sends my son her son's used matchbox cars IF she sends him anything. The first few years she said "he is so little he doesn't know". Or she'll tell me to pick something out and she'll send me money, she never does. 1/2 the time she will send my DD something and its good when she does but still not near what she asks me to spend.

My DS just turned 6 and she didn't send a thing for his bday. nothing not even a card. Of course for DN's bday she called me 2 weeks prior and asked me not to forget he would like a golf shirt, a Dick's gc AND an itunes gc. I sent the itunes gc.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

I give ideas to people when they ask. But I hate it when my MIL spends so much on the kids especially for things they aren't going to play with or wear. I do send a list to her so she can get something they will enjoy and she won't waste her money. My DS would be happier with a $2.00 dinosaur than a $300video game. I am guilty of telling people not to buy things, because quite frankly, I think 100 stuffed animals is enough. I would rather the family would adopt a family at Christmas time than spend the money on my family, we have plenty.

Last year I finally convinced my SIL that we would not exchange presents between adult kids, only nieces and nephews. This year, my MIL had a great idea and suggested the same thing Opening present at in laws is crazy. They all open all the presents at the same time so nobody know what the others got. I don't think she even realized that we didn't exchange presents last year.

OMG - My mother does this!!! She just spent over $300 on Ralph Lauren clothes for my girls that I've told her over and over again, they will never wear!!! One item is a turtle neck - DD#1 will never, and I mean never wear that because anything around her neck makes her gag. Another item is another jacket. They already have 2 - how many more do they need? She also keeps buying them shoes, though they already have 3 pairs each (they are 2 & 3 years old) - theres no need for more. Its just so upsetting to me because we don't have a lot of $$$ - and she just keeps waisting $$$ on stuff no one needs.... I just wish she would give a gift card so we could get something my girls could use, rather than something she wants for them for status - like Ralph Lauren and such.

 

[aimeeg]

I hear you on the RL overkill. My MIL was the same until she maxed out her cards. In a way I am happy. Now I do buy nice clothing for my girls. They always look nice and neat. They mostly wear Gymboree or things that I make them. (I sew.) Their shoes always matches their outfits and they have coordinating bows. My MIL will not buy them anything that is not RL. My DD4 finally told her I do like those clothes. She will not wear pants. We have other issues because my MIL buys way too much. This year my two girls have received 11 coats!!!! They are all Rothschild. Only two are the gorgeous wool coats. Three are for next year and the other six are for this year. Do not even get me started on sale bathing suits. I am not kidding when I say I have a garbage bag of unworn tagged bathing suits. Did I mention my kids do not swim???? LOL

We have really streamlined what we are buying our girls for Christmas. We are spending a little more money on less things that will last longer. Sorry no Disney Princess Plastic Crap that will break in two weeks!

 

[kristinw3girls]

I get my girls together and we MAKE the presents. I dip pretzels and they help by decorating the bags they come in. For Children's gifts my girls like to make bracelets, or other crafts to give to the cousins. I wish more kids would appreciate the time you spend instead for the $$. i'm trying with mine, but it is difficult.

 

[carj]

My side of the family does "stocking" stuffers which basically means that you are not supposed to spend more than $5 on each person. What we TRY to do is give things that are free, consumable or incredibly useful. It seems like we still come home with a ton of stuff, but it is soooo much less than in years past.

My husbands side of the family is another story. We exchange gift cards with is siblings, his dad writes us a check, his mom writes us another check. It really seems pointless. We usually pick out something for each of his parents. Some years we have good ideas, others not so much!

 

[holly7347]

OMG for the person asking for cash I wouldn't give them anything.

As a parent I'm torn. I would love to tell people that usually get the girls presents what to get them so I know it would be something they would actually use. But I do know how very rude that is so I keep my mouth shut. I just hate to see people wasting their money on stuff we either already have or that the girls just won't play with. About 80% of the stuff the girls were given last year was donated by New Year's. 15% more was donated by their b-days in March. Only about 5% is still in the house and played with. I do very much appreciate the thought and I'm trying to teach my DD's that as well. But it certainly is frustrating to be given a beautiful outfit that is too small and when I try to exchange it for a bigger one they are sold out.

When I give a gift I almost always ask the parent what the child could use. Money is hard to come by and if I'm going to spend money on someone I want to know that the gift will be used. But I do keep my mouth shut about what to give the girls unless asked.

 

[mommytoone]

This is the first year we are only buying for our DD. I told my mom and my MIL NO GIFTS. I spend $$ on you and you spend $$ on me. So only having to buy for one child is awesome!! I will not spend as much and she will get what she wants. My MIL and my Mom will of course buy for her, but I tell them what to get. I hate to see them waste money on things she will never play with. I only tell my MIL if she asks, but I do tell my mom.

If someone emailed me and asked for money, I would send them Monopoly money, and that would be the last gift from me.