Christmas ? for grandmas with lots of GKs

[hopemax]

I'm not sure how helpful, I will be. My Grandma has 11 grandchildren, and I was #8. I grew up away from the rest of the family, so I never knew what I got vs everyone else. I know when my Grandma came to visit, she would buy me a few gifts to make up for the fact that she only saw me once every 3-4 years. Christmases, I don't remember exactly what gifts were hers, but there were never any huge gifts under the tree from anyone. Once one in a while from my parents. It would be PJ's, or something Barbie (alright, I do remember now, that one year Grandma sent me a huge box of Barbie clothes her friends had made. Homemade but very detailed). Other clothes, CDs, etc.

When I was about your GD's age, that's when the great-grandkids started showing up. Through high-school my gift from Grandma was always the same: Hallmark Space Series ornament (I have an astronautical engineering degree, so these were highly wanted), a bag of my favorite candy and $10. I knew Grandma had a lot of people to buy from, and that she didn't have a lot of money anyway. So not sure how much help, because I never experienced the "spoiling."

Other Grandma had 3 grandkids, I was the oldest. She would spoil, but she would make sure everything was equal. When she lived with us, I would see her tally up our gifts to make sure the total cost was the same. But this was the Grandma I knew to go to if I wanted something that Mom said no too. I got my ears pierced because of Grandma, and a few other things. Now that I am an adult, I know I caused some friction. But I never hinted or asked Grandma for a car. It was all smaller stuff, certain labeled clothing and such.

 

[indimom]

Another non-grandmother answering. Hope you don't mind.

My parents give their 9 grandchildren $50 each for Christmas and $20 each for birthdays. The first three grandkids came within three months and the others followed after pretty steadily, so they didn't have this kind of issue.
My in-laws also do $50 for Christmas and $20 for birthdays. In their case, they did have three grandkids for almost a decade before the next 14!!! arrived. Last year, they also added two great-granddaughters to the list.
Our kids are some of the youngest and I wasn't a member of the family back when the oldest grandkids were born, so I couldn't say if they splurged on the first few or not, they've been equitable for as long as I've been around.

There is really no easy fix for the situation you are in right now. You explained to your granddaughter. On some level she understands; and she will get over it or not, her call.
In my opinion, you need to be fair. I understand that infant gifts are less expensive than teen gifts, but if you continue to spend more on her and less on the others, she will continue to expect that. And if the others realize this at some point, they will be hurt as it comes across as favoritism (even though that isn't how you feel). I would draw the line in the sand now.

 

[Kitzka]

I am going to comment from the perspective of the OPs GD.

She is expected to understand that she will not be getting as much but i think either her parents or OP should talk to her about it.

A few PP mention that it was 'bratty' or something similar for the GD to expect a car when she turns 16 but if i was the 9 year old who got a 4 wheeler and a trip to disney why wouldn't i expect a car at 16? esp if i have not been told differently? and if this person has fullfilled every other big wish in my 16 years of memory? of course she is going to be disappointed but i think if someone talks to her about it, then she will start to understand.

the area i grew up in 90% of 16 year olds got a car when they got their license. they were not new bmws or even new cars but 5-10 year old cars that we could go around in.

my DD is the only grandchild on my side and is spoiled but i try my best to keep my mom in check. She usually gives me the money she wants to spend on DD. I use 1/4 of it to buy gifts, 1/2 goes into DD's college account and 1/4 goes into an account for her car.

Lara

 

[MomToOne]

As the mother of a 10-year-old daughter that is waaaaaaaaaaaay to over indulged by her grandparents and aunt, I BEG you to please cut back on the gifts!!! Will she be upset and whine about it endlessly? Probably so. But she needs to learn that "stuff" is never going to make you truly happy in life. Happiness comes from deeper things, like having a family that loves you! It's a hard lesson to learn, but better she start learning it before she gets out there in the world and ends up with thousands in credit card debt and is still unsatisfied with her life.

Now if I can just get my mother and sister to listen to me on this one!

(And as far as your GD saying that it wasn't her fault that she suddenly had so many cousins, well, let's just say if I overheard a comment like that from my daughter, she would have a few extra chores to do that night!)

 

[Motherofboys]

As the mother of a 10-year-old daughter that is waaaaaaaaaaaay to over indulged by her grandparents and aunt, I BEG you to please cut back on the gifts!!! Will she be upset and whine about it endlessly? Probably so. But she needs to learn that "stuff" is never going to make you truly happy in life. Happiness comes from deeper things, like having a family that loves you! It's a hard lesson to learn, but better she start learning it before she gets out there in the world and ends up with thousands in credit card debt and is still unsatisfied with her life.

Now if I can just get my mother and sister to listen to me on this one!

(And as far as your GD saying that it wasn't her fault that she suddenly had so many cousins, well, let's just say if I overheard a comment like that from my daughter, she would have a few extra chores to do that night!)

I think this is one of the best posts I have read on the Dis in a long time!

I totally agree - the comment about it not being her fault that she has cousins - I would not be to thrilled hearing that and would nip that "I am so much more special than everyone else" attitude in the bud.

People (be it siblings or cousins, whatever) are much more important than things. The sooner she realizes that - the better!

My parents have 16 grandkids, they do $50 a kid - my mom sends gift cards to the older ones and shops for toys/clothes/books for the younger ones, but she always makes sure that it comes out equal.

 

[MSSANDRA]

I agree to cut back now. When DS was little both my parents and inlaws were making great money and with 3 grandchildren they were spoiled rotten. Things changed as the years went by and my parents are gone and in laws have money problems. BIG gift changes for grandkids.

I agree that fair does not have to be equal in the money department. The two year old will be just as happy with a 10.00 baby doll as the teen with a i-pod or what ever. Try to make it "look" even. Not 10 gifts for 1 and 2 for another.

Big items like a car or trip to WDW I think you have to keep more even. If you can afford to take each child at age 10 or whatever fine, it not do not take anyone. Buy all a car or none. I know this is as hard for you as her, it's really fun to spoil your grand-babies!