Choices

[TeamH5]

We are planning a trip to WDW in Dec 2016... but I'm feeling guilty for not planning a trip home to see my parents instead...

We are a military family, and my mom flies out probably once/year to see the grandkids. I've always offered to pay for my Dad, he just won't fly(by choice, not necessity). It's cheaper to fly them to us, then vice a verse being that we are a family of 6, and they live in a small town where airfare is just... ridiculous to get to it. Lol

At any rate, being that both DH and I are Active Duty, we've spent our fair share of time on deployments, separate orders, etc.. most recently, we've spent 1 yr of the past 5 under the same roof. The other 4 have been separated due to those deployments and orders. Our youngest child was actually brought to be on our last trip to the World, that was a 'mid tour' vacation. Lol

Anyways, If you could only budget for 1 vacation, and under these circumstances, would you choose to take your immediate (DH and kids) family on a much needed FAMILY vacation to get some together fun time, or would you choose to go back home and spend a week with the grandparents?

It will cost about the same for us to go to either place. We'd have to factor in airfare (main cost) and rental car if we go to see my parents. With WDW, we drive down, stay at SOG, use SALUTE tix, take our own food into the parks, etc... to make it as affordable as possible. So cost comparison wise, the 2 trips would come to within a couple hundred dollars of each other.

 

[Malibustyle23]

We are planning a trip to WDW in Dec 2016... but I'm feeling guilty for not planning a trip home to see my parents instead...

We are a military family, and my mom flies out probably once/year to see the grandkids. I've always offered to pay for my Dad, he just won't fly(by choice, not necessity). It's cheaper to fly them to us, then vice a verse being that we are a family of 6, and they live in a small town where airfare is just... ridiculous to get to it. Lol

At any rate, being that both DH and I are Active Duty, we've spent our fair share of time on deployments, separate orders, etc.. most recently, we've spent 1 yr of the past 5 under the same roof. The other 4 have been separated due to those deployments and orders. Our youngest child was actually brought to be on our last trip to the World, that was a 'mid tour' vacation. Lol

Anyways, If you could only budget for 1 vacation, and under these circumstances, would you choose to take your immediate (DH and kids) family on a much needed FAMILY vacation to get some together fun time, or would you choose to go back home and spend a week with the grandparents?

It will cost about the same for us to go to either place. We'd have to factor in airfare (main cost) and rental car if we go to see my parents. With WDW, we drive down, stay at SOG, use SALUTE tix, take our own food into the parks, etc... to make it as affordable as possible. So cost comparison wise, the 2 trips would come to within a couple hundred dollars of each other.

Stop feeling guilty and don't depend on others opinions of what they would do. Just go and enjoy your family time. Be careful this time if you don't want another souvenir though!

Yes you on my have so much time in your life for your parents and your kids but that time when your kids are small is so fleeting. Make the memories now while you can.

 

[Shanti]

We are planning a trip to WDW in Dec 2016... but I'm feeling guilty for not planning a trip home to see my parents instead...

We are a military family, and my mom flies out probably once/year to see the grandkids. I've always offered to pay for my Dad, he just won't fly(by choice, not necessity). It's cheaper to fly them to us, then vice a verse being that we are a family of 6, and they live in a small town where airfare is just... ridiculous to get to it. Lol

At any rate, being that both DH and I are Active Duty, we've spent our fair share of time on deployments, separate orders, etc.. most recently, we've spent 1 yr of the past 5 under the same roof. The other 4 have been separated due to those deployments and orders. Our youngest child was actually brought to be on our last trip to the World, that was a 'mid tour' vacation. Lol

Anyways, If you could only budget for 1 vacation, and under these circumstances, would you choose to take your immediate (DH and kids) family on a much needed FAMILY vacation to get some together fun time, or would you choose to go back home and spend a week with the grandparents?

It will cost about the same for us to go to either place. We'd have to factor in airfare (main cost) and rental car if we go to see my parents. With WDW, we drive down, stay at SOG, use SALUTE tix, take our own food into the parks, etc... to make it as affordable as possible. So cost comparison wise, the 2 trips would come to within a couple hundred dollars of each other.

Plan the family trip to WDW, but invite grandparents to fly over & join. It would be lovely if they did. They probably won't, as you describe, but you never know. If they don't, at least you, and they, know that you offered.

 

[wendow]

Plan the family trip to WDW, but invite grandparents to fly over & join. It would be lovely if they did. They probably won't, as you describe, but you never know. If they don't, at least you, and they, know that you offered.

This was what I was going to suggest also. If they choose not join you, I would still move forward with this family trip to WDW.

Thanks to you and your dh for your sacrifice and service to our country.

 

[QueenIsabella]

Is there a reason the kids can't have fun with their grandparents? I ask, only because you worded your question like they can only have fun at WDW, not when visiting the grandparents. Now, that may be the case--depending on where the grandparents live and their lifestyle, the kids might be bored to tears spending a week with them. But it seems to me, the argument that "the kids are only little for a while" doesn't hold water--you've been to WDW before. Your parents won't live forever, either. I have no idea about their age or health, but I would factor that in, as well.

Inviting your parents along might seem like a good compromise, but only if it's truly a possibility. If you know they won't go because your dad won't fly, it's not a genuine offer--it's a guilt maneuver.

 

[Aliceacc]

If your dad really won't fly, then I think I would fly to see dad. It doesn't matter why he won't fly.

If there's any way to take 2 short trips, then I think I would do that. Or save a little longer, fly to see dad for a few days, then fly to Orlando. But if he won't fly in to see you, and you won't fly in to see him, then you don't get to see your dad... ever?

My dad died 2 weeks before my youngest was born, and she never had the chance to meet him. I would hate to make that particular choice.

WDW will be there. But dad??? Go see your father. Give your kids the gift of a relationship with their grandfather.

 

[jevs]

If I was in your position I would go and see my parents. Parents don't live forever.

Ultimately it's your decision so have fun wherever you go.

 

[Marionnette]

If I was in your position I would go and see my parents. Parents don't live forever.

Ultimately it's your decision so have fun wherever you go.

^^This!

My father passed away last year. One of my greatest regrets is that we did not take the kids to see my parents often. You can't rewind and get those years back. I'm sure there are plenty of fun things that your kids can do when they visit their grandparents.

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

Isn't there any way you could try to make both happen? Could you offer to pay for transportation to Disney for your parents? I don't care how they want to get there--plane, train, bus, car.

That's a tough call, but to me family trumps everything else. I come from a very close-knit extended family, and we do for each other all the time. I'm trying to instill the same thing in my kids. But since you are a military family, I'm sure your family dynamic is different from mine in a way that I really can't comprehend. As you said, you and your husband don't always get to be together with the kids. I think if I was in your shoes I'd try to open the vacation up to the grandparents.

 

[TeamH5]

Is there a reason the kids can't have fun with their grandparents? I ask, only because you worded your question like they can only have fun at WDW, not when visiting the grandparents. Now, that may be the case--depending on where the grandparents live and their lifestyle, the kids might be bored to tears spending a week with them. But it seems to me, the argument that "the kids are only little for a while" doesn't hold water--you've been to WDW before. Your parents won't live forever, either. I have no idea about their age or health, but I would factor that in, as well.

Inviting your parents along might seem like a good compromise, but only if it's truly a possibility. If you know they won't go because your dad won't fly, it's not a genuine offer--it's a guilt maneuver.

That may have came out wrong. Not that they couldn't have fun at their grandparents, just that they'd be bored out of their mind of just sitting at their house. There's no other kids/cousins or anything for them to play with. We could do stuff to keep them occupied (my kids are used to being outside, hiking, riding bikes, etc) but my parents wouldn't be able to join due to their limited mobility. While sitting around and playing board games and watching movies would work for a day, they'd be begging for something else after the 2nd day of 14 hrs of board games/movies.

And you're right. Dad won't fly to Disney, so why offer knowing it would be an empty gesture?
I wouldn't mind offering, but I know he won't come.

 

[TwoMisfits]

That may have came out wrong. Not that they couldn't have fun at their grandparents, just that they'd be bored out of their mind of just sitting at their house. There's no other kids/cousins or anything for them to play with. We could do stuff to keep them occupied (my kids are used to being outside, hiking, riding bikes, etc) but my parents wouldn't be able to join due to their limited mobility. While sitting around and playing board games and watching movies would work for a day, they'd be begging for something else after the 2nd day of 14 hrs of board games/movies.

And you're right. Dad won't fly to Disney, so why offer knowing it would be an empty gesture?
I wouldn't mind offering, but I know he won't come.

If they haven't seen their granddad in years and he has health issues, I would go home. I lost a dad early (when my oldest was 1 month old - she was his 1st grand kid) and what I wouldn't pay to be able to have him see and play with my kids - he loved kids and would have been an amazing granddad. Disney will always be there - family won't.

However, I do understand boredom (this comes into play with 2nd set of grandparents here). So, when I plan a trip to see them, I plan activities where we will go have fun WITHOUT them for a few hours every day and the grandparents are totally okay with this and encourage it. Since you're talking December for a trip, there should be hundreds of holiday activities around to both go see alone and to do with grandparents, even if it's baking gingerbread men, driving through Christmas lights, seeing concerts, etc.

 

[jeepnjudy]

Not sure where your folks are located but could dad take a train to FL or CA depending on which state is closer? That could be a thought and sometimes the train can be much more relaxing than a plane ride. Either way, you need to decide what is best for your family!

 

[scrhsa]

Definitely take the trip. When you have time for your immediate family you take it!!! I gave up going to my 20 yr HS reunion so we could take a trip Disneyland( and my husband didn't even get to come on that trip ). My husband was in the Coast Guard and we learned real quick to take what we could get It also gave us a whole different outlook on holidays. They were never about the actual "day" but about the "day" we could all spend together! One duty station we only saw my parents once and his it think twice in a 2 yr period. And we have never been able to take a family vacation either--visiting family, yes, but not a real vacation with just us. It's hard for non-military to understand the need for you to have your family unit BE a unit.
Thank Ya'll for ya'lls service!!!!!! Your kids too, they put in their time as well

 

[clm10308]

I don't think there is snything wrong with asking the grandparents if they would like to join you at Disney. As long as the " We'd love to have you join us at Disney" is genuine.

I totally understand what you mean about a visit to the grandparents being boring. That is exactly what it is like for my kids when we visit my parents. We sit in the room with my mother all day watching her tv shows. My kids are old enough now that they sit around playing video games. I have to plan things to do to get us out of the house or I would go crazy. My mother isn't really happy about it, but I can only take so much court tv. My mothers solution to the boredom is tons of junk food.

I am in the process of deciding to make my visits only once every two years instead of every year. There are lots of places I would love to travel to with my family that we don't have the time or money to visit when I go back to my parents every year.

 

[afan]

Only you know what your family needs along with the relationship you and your kids have with your parents. I would discuss it with your DH. Also, it wasn't mentioned, but what about his family? I spent more time with one side of the family due to living in the same area and then had trips to visit the other side. Did I have fun, sure, but I didn't ever really get to know them, because how do you when you are a kid and it's a week trip. I would have much rather gone on a family vacation than to visit family I rarely saw, even now looking back I feel that way.

 

[Shanti]

Inviting your parents along might seem like a good compromise, but only if it's truly a possibility. If you know they won't go because your dad won't fly, it's not a genuine offer--it's a guilt maneuver.

It's not a "guilt maneuver", it is a genuine offer. If my child had been overseas serving in the military, and I was invited to join the family for a reunion trip to WDW, no dislike of flying would ever stand in my way. The OP's father just might relent on his anti-flying stance under these circumstances- you never know and sometimes people will surprise you. If he does not, then that is his choice and not the OPs. Frankly, I think the onus is on the grandparents to overcome the rigid "I just don't fly" stance & accept a warm, genuine offer to spend a vacation with their children and grandchildren.

Family bonds are everything, and those bonds begin with the nuclear family. The OP and spouse have had minimal family time with their young children due to deployments, and they need (not just want) some special, joyful time together to bond. If the grandparents choose to join in, all the better, but if they choose to stay home, at least the OP's spouse and kids will have had some magical bonding time that they will remember when separated during the next deployment.

 

[KarenAylwood]

It's not a "guilt maneuver", it is a genuine offer. If my child had been overseas serving in the military, and I was invited to join the family for a reunion trip to WDW, no dislike of flying would ever stand in my way. The OP's father just might relent on his anti-flying stance under these circumstances- you never know and sometimes people will surprise you. If he does not, then that is his choice and not the OPs. Frankly, I think the onus is on the grandparents to overcome the rigid "I just don't fly" stance & accept a warm, genuine offer to spend a vacation with their children and grandchildren.

Family bonds are everything, and those bonds begin with the nuclear family. The OP and spouse have had minimal family time with their young children due to deployments, and they need (not just want) some special, joyful time together to bond. If the grandparents choose to join in, all the better, but if they choose to stay home, at least the OP's spouse and kids will have had some magical bonding time that they will remember when separated during the next deployment.

This. Absolutely this.

I'm not military but my BIL is and SIL used to be. They have had 3 deployments in the past and I've seen how hard it is on them and their children. My MIL and FIL do what they can to see their grandchildren and I think that the onus shouldn't always be on the kids (you/hubs) to make sure that the grandparents get to spend time with their grandchildren. After all of these deployments and tough times I think that it's not unreasonable to invite them. It is so incredibly hard as a child to deal with parents being deployed- I think that this trip to WDW would mean the world to them. I am also a believer that the nuclear family should come first. My parents know that vacation is tight and money is tighter. They do what they can to make sure that they have a relationship with their grandchild and we welcome that with open arms.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I agree that the grandparents should be making some effort to be with the children/grandchildren. I think a genuine offer to join the family in WDW would be wonderful, especially if the OP offered to help planning transportation (plane, bus, train, yacht--whatever) to help the grandparents get to Florida.

I think I'm coming from a different position, in that I've already buried both of my parents. My youngest never met either of them, and only my older two have any memories of my mother. Most days I accept that, but it still stings. I also think that children learn what we teach them. In 20 years or so, the OP will be the grandparent--will she want her children to put a Disney trip ahead of seeing her?

Now personally, I completely don't understand the "won't fly under any circumstances" thing--I would move heaven and earth to see my kids (no grandkids yet). And I don't know where the OP is located, and where her parents are, so it's tricky to say if 2 shorter vacations or driving or whatever is going to work at all. I know that when my dad was on his deathbed, he told me his greatest regret was not having grandchildren--way to lay on the guilt, Dad! So it makes me very sad to hear of a man who has grandchildren, but apparently not much of a relationship with them. Not blaming the OP for that, it just makes me very sad.

 

[lanejudy]

In reading some of these responses I see different levels of family dynamics. Grandparents who maybe don't enjoy or appreciate young kids (too active, too loud, poor health, etc.). Grandparents who love to spend time with the grandkids -- baking, gardening, workshop, knitting, going out to a movie and ice cream, a local zoo or even an hour at the local playground. If the grandparents simply have forgotten how to connect with kids, or today's kids seem so "different" than the olden days, a little help from the parents can guide that relationship.

OP - I think it depends on YOUR relationship with your parents, and what kind of relationship you wish to foster between them and your children. If you are fine with a more distant, kids-don't-really-know-grandparents kind of relationship, then it's completely understandable to plan the WDW trip. If you really want your kids to be close to their grandparents, and the grandparents enjoy spending time with the kids, then I'd go with the family trip. Maybe there are some local attractions within a day-trip range of your parents, and the parents might be willing/able to join on some. A local zoo, a skating rink (December right?) or ski hill with lessons, even the local mall or movie theater, a local sports event, etc. It comes down to what experiences you want for your kids, your spouse, yourself and your parents.

Family is important to me; there have been many years our only "vacation" involved traveling to visit family. And since I just lost my dad earlier this year, so I am SO glad my daughter has good memories of time spent with him; she loves looking at those pictures. But I also realize not all extended families have that same dynamic and do better without too much "together" time.

 

[Aliceacc]

The OP didn't say that dad won't do WDW, she said he won't fly. Not to WDW, not to his daughter's home.

Some people are simply totally terrified to fly. It simply cannot happen for them; they cannot do it.

I would hate for that to be the reason why anyone doesn't have a relationship with their grandkids.