Chivalry is not dead!

[snyderla]

I am 41 and have had Rheumatoid Arthritis since I was 17. I was also in a car accident and had my leg broken in 5 places, so I have a metal bar in it from the knee to the ankle. Usually, though, I am able to stand when needed on a bus, it isn't easy, but I usually can. Also, my DH has gout and sometimes can not stand after a long day at the park, but looking at either of us, (he is 29) you would think we were fine (unless you looked very closely at me, then you would be able to see joint deformities). Our most recent trip to WDW we had a horrible experience. I can stand if I have something to hold on to, but I can not raise my arms above my head very well, my elbows don't straighten and I have a massive tear in my rotator cuff (not operable at this point), due to the RA. I was in a packed bus and the driver was the worst one I have ever experienced at WDW, fast and furious around the corners, etc. I had to reach up and grab the rope and was in tears by the time we got to the resort (I wasn't sobbing, but the tears were streaming down my face). DH and I had gotten separated when we got on the bus as I was trying to find a place to hold on. There was a man in front of me in a seat and a man next to me who would not let me near the vertical bar to hold it. I wanted to get the driver's name, but he had something in his pocket covering it up, the only time I have ever seen a name tag covered at WDW. I was angry with the men who didn't offer a seat and who didn't let me hold onto the bar ( I tried, he kept squeezing me out of the way). I should have waited for the next bus, we had already waited through 3 and there were 2 sitting there for us, both full. (PC at Easter!LOL). In 9 trips to WDW, that was my worst experience, so all in all I've been really blessed when I am there. I know I shouldn't have been angry with those men, but at the time I couldn't help it. DH & I decided after that we won't stand anymore unless we are the last ones on the bus, because then we can hold on to that area in the front of the bus. And we will stay together, so he can hold on to me!

Just because someone looks healthy doesn't mean they are. But if we choose to get on a bus knowing we will have to stand, we should be prepared to do that and not complain that others didn't give up their seats (like I did!). But I think it is wonderful when people offer their seats to others in need. Thank you again to the people who have offered me seats, and to the family who paid their little girl a buck to sit with her sister so I could have her seat! They were a neat, funny family!
Lori

 

[georgina]

Originally posted by MHopkins2
OMG, are you serious? I *love* that sort of behavior!

Totally serious! I wouldn't put up with that stuff for long! And as for this one:

"Actually, I totally believe it - I know that's at least partially to blame. *sigh* So one more time, ladies, please don't do that! Encourage random acts of chivalry! "

I'd much rather teach my daughters independence. I guess a lot of our feelings depend on our background and experiences. As the youngest of 6 girls, I learned what females can do. As an engineering major who was often one of only 3 women in a class of 80, I learned to be independent and assert myself. I always thank politely men men who hold doors for me, but I still think it's silly.

 

[MPLsDad]

I posted on a similar thread months ago and was told not to expect a seat, but to wait for the next bus if having a seat is so important. No one knows anyone else's circumstance, but when you're in the happiest place on Earth, a small conversation or kind request could make a world of difference. Would it be wrong to request a seat of someone??? "Hi, I can see that you are comfortably seated, but my sleeping toddler feels like a thousand pounds. Do you mind giving up your seat for a weary person holding a two year old?" Too awkward - your thoughts????

 

[Figaro]

Hi,MPLsDad!

People with invisible disabilities often aren't comfortable explaining their disability to strangers and I think asking someone who is sitting might be difficult for both people if the one sitting has a physical problem that is not obvious. That's one of the problems with having an invisible disability...people can't see it and make assumptions about a persons physical status without knowing the whole story.

People can (and do) ask for just about anything. Although the oddest question I've ever had asked was when a total stranger at WDW asked me if I had sex with my husband! (I use a wheelchair). I looked shocked and said that I didn't discuss my sex life with anyone other than my husband and they were offended because I said that.

It really does take all kinds(smile).

 

[MPLsDad]

Thanks Figaro - I see your point and you make a great case for not asking. That being said, I find it unbelievable that someone actually asked you about your private life!!!! If I were in your place, I wouldn't have been able to respond!

 

[disneyjunkie]

Originally posted by MPLsDad
Would it be wrong to request a seat of someone??? "Hi, I can see that you are comfortably seated, but my sleeping toddler feels like a thousand pounds. Do you mind giving up your seat for a weary person holding a two year old?" Too awkward - your thoughts????

I don't think it'll be wrong to ask.

The person might say yes and let you have the seat. The person may say no because they have a problem standing. Then again the person may say no because they have been up since 6:00am, walking around the parks all day, their feet HURT, and they let the other bus go because they did not want to have to stand up.


I don't think anyone would be wrong for what they say. If I HAD to pick someone who I felt was wrong, it would be the person who got on the bus expecting someone to give them a seat.

 

[Figaro]

Hi, MPLsDad!

You would be surprised at what people feel comfortable asking total strangers about(smile). And while I will always answer young children who ask me why I am in a wheelchair with a very general answer that it is because my legs don't work very well, I finally made a decision not to answer adults who ask why I am in a wheelchair.

Way too many people have tried to convince me to try this or that alternative medicine option, or prayer, or any number of very odd pieces of advice that get more and more difficult to say no politely to. Plus honestly, there is very little that is more boring than a total strangers medical problems(smile) and when I am at WDW I'm not thinking about medical stuff, but about having fun!

 

[BadgerBruce]

DW & myself always offer our seats to the elderly & parents with small kids. If one of us do it, we both do & this is why:
On one bus ride I had the aisle seat & offered it to a very grateful lady with a little boy of about 3. Jeffrey almost instantly starting kicking & screaming, and didn't let up for the entire ride back to the resort. His mom couldn't or wouldn't control him & he kept kicking & bumping into DW for most of the ride. DW pretty much lets everything roll off her back & put the experience quickly behind her. However, whenever it looks like I might be giving up my seat, she jumps right up with me!! (Also, when a kid starts acting up on a bus we look at each other in mock terror & whisper "Jeffrey"--and have a good private laugh!).

 

[poet123]

My DH would always offer his seat to a woman or someone with a child and we brought our kids( boys) up the same way But I think its a generation thing because now our kids are reluctant to do so at 16 and 20 because they have had so many negative comments from females!!!!!!!in their age group. I well remember standing with a toddler and its no fun at all so I stand as well if someone has a child and they need to sit . We would always offer a seat to an elderly man as well.
I think the key thing is how your offer is received, hopefully in the spirit it is meant as a helpful gesture and not something designed to demean or diminish the person. We will all need help at some time in some form.:

 

[FanofG00fy]

I am a 37 (in pretty good health, besides a weight issue, but we won't go there ) female and my DBF is 39 (in great health) and when ever possible, we give up our seats to elderly, parents with children, and anyone who looks completely exhausted. On our last trip in Dec 2003, we got on the bus from DD to POR. Very crowded. We noticed a mother and a daughter (teenager) got on and were having to stand. I noticed the look on the daughters face (pain was making her tear up), I looked at my boyfriend and he too noticed. Without hesitation,we offered our seats to them both. The mother hugged my boyfriend like there was no tomorrow. Her daughter kept apologizing and thanking us in the same breath. We never inquired as to what was wrong, but instead talked about how beautiful the decorations were at that time of year. We bumped into them the next day at the food court and the mother introduced her husband to us. He also thanked us for being so considerate to his wife and daughter and offered to buy our breakfast! Again we never asked. We kept bumping into this family for the remaining of the trip. On one of the last days, we got on a bus from the MK and their the whole family was. My Boyfriend and I had to stand, the daughter (who looked so much better) practically jumped out of her seat to offer her seat to us. We told her no, and for her to enjoy it. We had another enjoyable conversation with them and never once asked what had happened that night. But the one thing that will always stick in my boyfriends and my memories is what the Father said to his family. "When you kids get their age, you better be as polite to people as they are, or I'll put you over my lap and whip the tar out of you." I don't know if we look that old, but the father's expression when he saw us laughing about what he said was memorable.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, for those of you who don't believe it, yes there are people out there who will give up their seats to anyone. If you don't believe me, get on the bus with me, I'll be the one standing wearing a Goofy shirt and just happy that I'm on a bus at Disneyworld and not sitting behind a computer at work.

Chris

 

[Kuzco]

Originally posted by PatriciaH
Hehehe. We were on a Disney bus once after the MK closed. It was one of those packed, smelly busses mentioned. There is probably no way anyone sitting could get up even if they wanted to! The driver kept saying "come on, move to the back we can fit 72 on here.." This younger lady (30-ish) got on and started saying VERY loudly "It would be nice if one of these MEN got up to give some ladies a seat." I was thinking lady sureeeee.......

I have given up my seat in the past to those that seem to need the seat more than I. However, I do not feel that anyone should feel obligated to do so or should be asked to do so. I tend to agree with those that say that one should wait for the next bus if they wish to have a seat. But like I said, I will often times gladly give up my seat because of my own personal values/satisfaction. However, as PatriciaH stated, sometimes it is nearly impossible to give up your seat because everyone is crammed in the bus like sardines!

On another note, I would be shocked, however, if someone did ask me to give up my seat for them. I personally would find that to be rude. JMHO.

 

[riopooh]

Just last night I was trying to explain "chivalry" to my DS9 (who offerred me our only pillow at his CubScout campout - I wish I had remember to tell him about the gentleman that help me and my sleeping DD3 last August - He loaded my stroller and packages - and even got off with me at the TTC and reloaded everything - while his family continued on to their resort!! I was very impressed & thsnkful and will never forget him!! (I have to go find my son now to tell him that story!)

 

[DisKim]

Whenever I was in WDW with my son when he was a baby, someone always offered me a seat on the bus. I often got ready to stand while holding him, but I never had to. Believe me, I was most appreciative. Personally, I could never sit in a seat and watch an elderly person, a person with a health issue of a parent with a young child stand. I would feel so guilty!

 

[HeatherPage]

My husband and I are the type of people to offer seats to elderly, pregnant, small children or people with small children. It's not so much of a tired thing I'm worried about, but if the bus were to be in an accident and a child, elderly person, pregant woman was thrown forward while standing and injured when it could have been prevented if someone had offered their seat in the first place. Now we have a 2 year old and I will be the one sitting with him on my lap (or his daddy if he wants nothing to do with me) and the other of us will stand if someone in more need than one of us needs a seat. I'm just grateful that I'm healthy enough to give up my seat to someone in need.

 

[DizBelle]

Originally posted by BadgerBruce
DW & myself always offer our seats to the elderly & parents with small kids. If one of us do it, we both do & this is why:
On one bus ride I had the aisle seat & offered it to a very grateful lady with a little boy of about 3. Jeffrey almost instantly starting kicking & screaming, and didn't let up for the entire ride back to the resort. His mom couldn't or wouldn't control him & he kept kicking & bumping into DW for most of the ride. DW pretty much lets everything roll off her back & put the experience quickly behind her. However, whenever it looks like I might be giving up my seat, she jumps right up with me!! (Also, when a kid starts acting up on a bus we look at each other in mock terror & whisper "Jeffrey"--and have a good private laugh!).

I got it! Cosby! I love that one!

 

[Maridw]

My DH will also give up his seat for someone who he thinks needs it. My DD (17) will also give up her seat to a mom/dad with kids. I always get complements about my DD's manners.

Last May (Grad night time) we were at DTD and had waited for a bus for about 20 minutes. When one finally got there a huge group of teens came out of nowhere and I overheard one girl say to other, "we are going to get on this bus, one way or another!"
They proceeded to try and squeeze past the main line that had already formed and get ahead of people that had been there even longer than us. When I got close to the bus, I put my hand up against it and kept them from getting in front of us. Once on the bus DH, DD & I got separated. DD got the last seat at the very back, but DH & I were standing. There was an elderly woman with her grandkids and she took one of them and put him on her lap and offered me the seat. I was kind of grateful (had a very long, tiring day) and so took the seat. When we got under way, she said she wanted to make sure that one of the teens wouldn't get it. She too had overheard what was said and felt that they might get on, but they weren't going to get a seat, LOL. Her husband also offered my DH a seat but he politely refused. We had a nice chat on the way back to the resorts and thanked her again before we got off. (None of those teens got a seat either and we could hear them complaining the whole time.) The majority of the people on the bus, besides the teens, were families with kids, & elderly. Alot of the families had kids in laps, so it was a FULL bus.

 

[theSurlyMermaid]

While my DH and I will offer our seats to people at WDW, I had a VERY bad experience doing this on the NYC subway. I offered my seat to a limping elderly gentleman, and he instantly started screaming "Do I look too OLD to you?" along with four letter words that definitely cannot be printed. I was in shock. The worst was that no one else on the subway did a thing as I was being verbally abused....everyone just kept looking at their newspapers.

At WDW, people are usually much kinder, but I have to say, that one experience has made me very hesitant about even speaking to random people on the bus, let alone offering them my seat.

 

[JessiMommy]

Originally posted by skiwee1
ITA. I was the person that the other poster was speaking that said wiat for another bus. My mom cannot balance herself and really has bad knees. I have bad feet! So instead of taking a bus where we know we have to stand, we wait for an empty bus.

I think most of the posters here are talking about able bodied folks not offering a seat to someone in need. Your case is completely different. Your mom has bad knees, you have bad feet. Neither ailment is obvious to the naked eye of course. I do not make judgements about individual people not giving up a seat for that reason. No one really knows what another person's limitations are. When you are smashed in a bus late at night with that many people though there has to be a few who could/should be able to give a seat to an elderly person, pregnant woman etc. So no... one should not make individual assumptions that a person is rude for not giving up a seat.

 

[ekmdisney]

For me it was at the Grand Canyon. Thanks to a car accedint 10 years ago, the one thing that I no longer have is a good since of balance, thanks to the damage to my right ankle and foot. (Guess that is what happens with a car engin rams in to your foot.)

So, anyway, the Grand Canyon has a shuttle system, and the place was crowded. So we would see a bus coming and we could see that it was standing room only. So we decided to wait until the next bus, so that we could sit. Well every one who was waiting for the bus with us, got on. The bus driver noticed us still sitting at the waiting area. He ask if we wanted to get on the bus. I told him that I could not stand, because if I did I most likely would fall inside the bus. He said that all the buses would be full that day and I should just go ahead and get on. Then in a loud voice he says, "We need some one to give up thier seat, because the lady claims she has an injury that will not let her stand on the bus." To that I said, "If you would like I will take off my sock and shoe and you can see the 15 scars from my four surgies to but my ankle and foot back together again." He didn't look to happy about the fact I could prove I was not faking it. But I did get a seat.

 

[ncbyrne]

My oh my, when I started this thread I had no idea it would take off in so many directions. A few nerves have been hit, but hopefully more men will know exactly what I meant when I first posted. Chivarly is not dead....ailing perhaps, but not buried yet!