Children with Parents in bathroom

[MissElizabeth]

Wow, the only reason I go in to the bathroom with my five year old is to make sure she can reach the soap. If you can't trust a ten year old boy to pee on his own, how can you trust him to drive in six years or be on his own in eight?

The saddest thing is that our smart, independent, competent daughters are probably going to grow up and marry these coddled boys and put up with a helicopter mother in law. Yuck.

 

[pospisil]

I think sometimes boys are in the ladies room because MOM has to pee, not the boy. DS9 has been going in the mens room alone since he was 5 or so, but if it's just me and him in a crowded place, like the flea market, or the mall, he comes in with me and stands right by the door when I have to go. I'm not worried about something happening to him in the mens room, but am afraid he'll get lost in the crowd waiting outside for me. I don't think that will last much longer though, he hates the ladies room.

 

[Leajess99]

I'm shocked at the responses on this thread. I have sent my 3 year-old into the bathroom by herself (granted at a very small venue), but If I'm somehow still tailing her into the bathroom at 6, 7, 8, I think I will have failed in teaching her some basic self-sufficiency and independence.

All that being said, I couldn't care less whether a young boy or a grown man is in the bathroom with me, but I know that most Americans are not like me and have more prudish views on these things.

My solution -- communal bathrooms. Instead of the single toliet family bathrooms that most places have there should be large-scale bathrooms (almost identical to the male/female versions) that people can take opposite sex children into (or even just use as another option themselves).

My hometown in Iowa just built a great new athletic complex with a great aquatic center. There is a male locker room, a female locker room, and a family locker room, that men and women, boys and girls can all use together. It was actually fabulous. My husband, me and two girls were all able to get ready together and it really helped with the extra hands. While we were in there another father came in with his two sons and a mom came in with her two sons and two daughters. Nobody cared that opposite sexes were in the room and it was really great solutions and, frankly, very progressive for the middle of Iowa.

Our Zoo has had these type of family bathrooms for as long as i can remember. It has the main door lock and then 2 private stalls with one having a smaller toilet for small kids, a bench that can pull down to be sat on, a changing table, 2 sinks with one again being smaller, and I forget what else. They are nice and it even helped with our gril scouts about 5 years ago.

 

[pacrosby]

And at what point in time have you even taken into consideration the female victims of molestation and sex crimes?? Why should my 8 year old expect to see a 2nd grader in the girls' bathroom while she is in it where she belongs?? What happens if a young lady has to ask mom or someone else for a pad or tampon because of just starting their period or having an unexpected or early start to their period?? Could you honestly not understand how embarassing that would be to those young ladies??
Do you take your 9 year old in the stall with you?? If you are so fearful for his safety than he should be in the stall with YOU. 8, 9, and 10 is still TOO old for the female bathroom barring any disability. My youngest would freak to see a child her age in the bathroom and I can honestly say that we did not experience that at Disney once. We have experienced women changing outside of the stalls or taking off their shirts to blow dry them after a water ride.

I cannot imagine these boys all being okay with going in the ladies' bathroom with their moms. I know my son would have died of embarassment.

Sorry to yell but you seem to have trouble hearing.....

MY 9 YR OLD DOESN"T GO INTO THE BATHROOM WITH ME!!!!!

I never suggested that he did (in fact I've pointed out that he does NOT many times over LOL) and I've never said I fear for his safety. When I said he is often in the bathroom with my dd, I meant in my house. ugh

Yikes, people. Follow the bouncing ball will ya LOL


ETA: What's really funny is that I specifically stated in that very post you quoted that I don't bring my boys in with me (read the bottom of the post). You need to start to look before you leap.

 

[pacrosby]

And at what point in time have you even taken into consideration the female victims of molestation and sex crimes?? .

And with all due respect, THIS is when we start to pull stuff out of our hoo-ha's to back up our point.

A women who has had the experience as you describe is not going to be frightened by a 'little boy' in a restroom with his mother. Unless a little boy was the attacker? What do you think? Likely?

And if a teenager had to ask Mom for assistance, for whatever the reason, she is not likely to be screaming over the stall and/or opening the door with her drawers down. Heck, even if a litle boy did somehow overhear her say 'I need a tampon', the kid wouldn't know what the heck she was talking about.

You are acting like these 'little boys' of these women who have described taking their 8/9 yo kids in (again, NOT me) are going to be walking around the bathroom, up and down the aisle, peeking in the stalls, gigling like toddlers. Please. What kind of 8/9 yo do you know? You are right in one regard, most are not going to be happy to be in there. They will feel funny and out of place. Probably more so than you. And what does that mean? It means they are going to try to be invisible and pray that Mom hurries the heck up.

And people have labeled these moms overprotective and paranoid? Now who is acting a wee bit overprotective and paranoid?



If it makes you uncomfortable for whatever reason, that's fine. I don't understand it, no matter how you might like to justify it, but I'll respect it because that's how 'you feel'. Just please don't put out these crazy examples to try and imply that I'm the one who's being so very unreasonable. The 'other side' has been ridiculed outright for using what some have dubbed extreme examples to defend their position. It really ought to go both ways.

And for the last time.....remember, I don't bring my boys into the ladies room with me

 

[pepperderr]

I didn't expect to be thought of as paranoid because my son locked himself in the bathroom and was afraid to come out. It's only about the 500th time he has used the bathroom alone at Walmart and this was the first time he ever did that. If I was paranoid about it, I never would have let him go by himself to begin with. My kids know about strangers and to scream and beat them up. I don't need remind them of it every day or tell them they can't go to the bathroom alone because some boogie man might get them. But why was a man talking on the phone in the bathroom for so long and not using the bathroom ? He can't walk and talk on the phone at the same time? I think he was just being cautious too because we were just saying before that that we wondered why all the cops were there.

I think no matter what someone says online there is always someone to come along and disagree. We all have our own opinions, which I think is what the OP wanted. As far as saying it didn't make a difference weather I was at the pharmacy or right outside the door, I disagree because if he wanted to hurt or take my son he could have done it a lot easier since I wasn't close by to see it or stop it. Now a days kids scream and yell and have fits over stupid things so much that when it happens no one even pays attention.

Regardless of what others think, I will wait outside the door for my 10 yo son from now on and I will continue to take my 6yo son in the ladies room every time he needs to go if his brother is not there to take him to the men's room. Yes he does go in the stall with me. I think at 7yo I will start letting him go in the men's bathroom alone. I definitely think 8yo for sure is too old to be in the womens bathroom.

pepperderr

 

[Hannathy]

I think sometimes boys are in the ladies room because MOM has to pee, not the boy. DS9 has been going in the mens room alone since he was 5 or so, but if it's just me and him in a crowded place, like the flea market, or the mall, he comes in with me and stands right by the door when I have to go. I'm not worried about something happening to him in the mens room, but am afraid he'll get lost in the crowd waiting outside for me. I don't think that will last much longer though, he hates the ladies room.

I don't blame him. My 9yr old would have died before he went in the ladies room. I don't understand why he cant wait out side the door, a 9 yr old certainly can be told to stay put and don't move so why would he get lost in the crowd.


As far as the cell phone I have heard people talk on them in the bathroom many, many times, so it isn't something that unusual. As to why he would be doing it, possibly he wanted a little more privacy than out in the main store.

 

[GinnyEmma]

I woke up thinking about this discussion which means I will walk away after this post, not to take my ball and pout, but really it shouldn't matter to me what people i don't know think about this, lol.

But it does. It does because boys deserve to become independent, and restrooming is a personal thing that a child should be in control of. Mommies are "protecting" their sons, not for the son's sake, but for their sake.

That said, to answer the question of the difference between boys and girls in this discussion, the answer is that the world isn't entirely safe. Nor is it entirely fair.

Boys are more often assaulted (sexually or physically) by known perps (like girls) but in less intimate places. Schools, churches, etc. Girls are in more danger in their homes, their relatives homes and their friends homes. None are in great danger in a crowded, well lit, populated Disney restroom!

Saying they are the same because both need to use the restroom and are thus in the same potential danger is like saying because both genders date they have the same concerns of date rate. It is just plain different.

So, we could not allow those situations, or we can give our kids the skills they will need forever. Building these instincts (which could occasionally lead to a child locking themselves in a rr, lol) is the only way they will gain the confidence in themselves to assess the situation and act on it.

Talk to the men in your life. Ask them how they feel about this issue. Ask them how they would have felt. This is a new trend which isn't good for our young men. We can't protect them from everything, wrapping them in bubble wrap.

Our kids aren't here to fill our needs. No one ever promised we would be comfortable doing so. They are just in our care while we teach them to be the best they can be. That is strong, self confident, caring people.

 

[mjkacmom]

You are acting like these 'little boys' of these women who have described taking their 8/9 yo kids in (again, NOT me) are going to be walking around the bathroom, up and down the aisle, peeking in the stalls, gigling like toddlers. Please. What kind of 8/9 yo do you know?

Lol - I have an 8 year old boy, and can totally see him acting this way! And you say you have a 10 year old girl, with no body issues. I have an almost 10 year old girl, as well, who will run around the house naked. Trust me - this ends, and they become very modest. I have no idea how long it's been since I've seen ds12 or dd14 naked, but when they were younger, they were nudists. Now, they are VERY private - neither one will even poop in the bathroom on the first floor.

 

[princessmom29]

I woke up thinking about this discussion which means I will walk away after this post, not to take my ball and pout, but really it shouldn't matter to me what people i don't know think about this, lol.

But it does. It does because boys deserve to become independent, and restrooming is a personal thing that a child should be in control of. Mommies are "protecting" their sons, not for the son's sake, but for their sake.

That said, to answer the question of the difference between boys and girls in this discussion, the answer is that the world isn't entirely safe. Nor is it entirely fair.

Boys are more often assaulted (sexually or physically) by known perps (like girls) but in less intimate places. Schools, churches, etc. Girls are in more danger in their homes, their relatives homes and their friends homes. None are in great danger in a crowded, well lit, populated Disney restroom!

Saying they are the same because both need to use the restroom and are thus in the same potential danger is like saying because both genders date they have the same concerns of date rate. It is just plain different.

So, we could not allow those situations, or we can give our kids the skills they will need forever. Building these instincts (which could occasionally lead to a child locking themselves in a rr, lol) is the only way they will gain the confidence in themselves to assess the situation and act on it.

Talk to the men in your life. Ask them how they feel about this issue. Ask them how they would have felt. This is a new trend which isn't good for our young men. We can't protect them from everything, wrapping them in bubble wrap.

Our kids aren't here to fill our needs. No one ever promised we would be comfortable doing so. They are just in our care while we teach them to be the best they can be. That is strong, self confident, caring people.

But this is not statistically true. Most sexual assults on both genders occur by know perps in a private location. I have never seen and statistic that shows a difference between girls and boys as far as the location of the assult goes. If you have such a study, I would LOVE to see it because it would be news to me.

 

[Hannathy]

Lol - I have an 8 year old boy, and can totally see him acting this way! And you say you have a 10 year old girl, with no body issues. I have an almost 10 year old girl, as well, who will run around the house naked. Trust me - this ends, and they become very modest. I have no idea how long it's been since I've seen ds12 or dd14 naked, but when they were younger, they were nudists. Now, they are VERY private - neither one will even poop in the bathroom on the first floor.

I agree. Now my DS wouldn't have run around the bathroom, just not his nature, I can see him and every other boy I have ever met from 4 to 24 smirk to laugh uncontrollably at a "bathroom" sound. Just what a 10 yr old girl wants to hear and walk out to.

Also the privacy bit, my DD was much freer but my DS is extremely private. He goes to great lengths to avoid me seeing him without his clothes. This started at about 9. If I have to throw in a clean towel or underwear while he is showering I really have to throw it in because all I'm allowed to do is open the bathroom door about 3 inches.



I do worry about this generation of coddled,babied boys. I have a DD 19 and she will state that the girls her age are much more brave, independent and problem solvers-as far as dealing with what life throws you problems.

Is it a coincidence that a line in Katy Perry's "Waking Up In Vegas" is her singing it to her boyfriend after they realize what has happened is "Don't call your Mother"? I don't think so.

 

[tartemis]

The saddest thing is that our smart, independent, competent daughters are probably going to grow up and marry these coddled boys and put up with a helicopter mother in law. Yuck.

LOL! I couldn't agree more. My mother was that way with my brother and I see it with some of my friends and their boys. And these are the same women complaining about certain of their husbands' behavior that they are installing in their own sons.

Take the redshirt discussion for example, more often than not, women are complaining that it is their poor baby boys that aren't ready for school yet and need to be held back. The girls -- oh, they are fine -- send them on their way.

Unfortunately, I think it has been this way with mothers and their sons from the dawn of time (Oedipus anyone?)







+++++++++++++++++-*-

 

[Hannathy]

Yep like I said I have a 19 yr old DD and she says some of the boys are clueless on their own because Mommy has always saved them.

Case in point she went with some friends to a midnight cult type movie in the city that the guys had planned and when they came out at 3:30 there were no buses. She asked the guys no one checked when they stopped running? She said they looked at her blankly and she waited and when none of them did anything but stand there she called for a van taxi to come get them and take them back to school.

 

[princessmom29]

Yep like I said I have a 19 yr old DD and she says some of the boys are clueless on their own because Mommy has always saved them.

Case in point she went with some friends to a midnight cult type movie in the city that the guys had planned and when they came out at 3:30 there were no buses. She asked the guys no one checked when they stopped running? She said they looked at her blankly and she waited and when none of them did anything but stand there she called for a van taxi to come get them and take them back to school.

reminds me of my guy friend that frantically called me after 2 weeks of college becuase he had no clean clothes. He had never learned to use a washing machine and needed help!

 

[EKW]

but will say, it would be WONDERFUL if this became a banned topic. Here's the news folks: You only get to make decisions for YOUR family! It doesn't matter what you think, what you feel, how fragile a psyche you and/or your children have, whether the other child has disabilities, whether you are easily offended, or what the price of tea is in China!!!!! Your opinion on this counts for zero, zip, nada! You do not get to tell other parents how to parent, end of discussion!!

 

[GinnyEmma]

If you don't like it, don't read it. Why on earth should you have the right to tell people what they can and can't discuss?

 

[Hannathy]

but will say, it would be WONDERFUL if this became a banned topic. Here's the news folks: You only get to make decisions for YOUR family! It doesn't matter what you think, what you feel, how fragile a psyche you and/or your children have, whether the other child has disabilities, whether you are easily offended, or what the price of tea is in China!!!!! Your opinion on this counts for zero, zip, nada! You do not get to tell other parents how to parent, end of discussion!!

And actually Disney and other places do have the right to tell you that you can't bring the opposite sex into the bathroom. With past generations that used common sense this wasn't necessary but with this current generation of over protective parents I see it coming very soon. Because if I saw a 13 and up male in the womens room you better believe I'd be getting a CM and complaining to Disney, and loudly telling them to get the heck out of the womens room!


And why do you even open the thread if it bothers you?

 

[OceanAnnie]

but will say, it would be WONDERFUL if this became a banned topic. Here's the news folks: You only get to make decisions for YOUR family! It doesn't matter what you think, what you feel, how fragile a psyche you and/or your children have, whether the other child has disabilities, whether you are easily offended, or what the price of tea is in China!!!!! Your opinion on this counts for zero, zip, nada! You do not get to tell other parents how to parent, end of discussion!!

Yep. It is always a hot topic with two camps and never the twain shall meet.

 

[crashbb]

I had two weird experiences at WDW recently.

1) Went into the ladies room. There was a boy in there (maybe 8 to 10 years old). That wasn't weird, what was weird was that he was using a stall with the door wide open. One would think that if a mother was worried enough to bring her son into the ladies restroom, she'd be worried enough to keep an eye on him (at the very least prevent him from flashing everyone in the restroom).

2) Young boy (maybe 4 to 6 years old) putting his camera under the stall door (the one his mother was in). Mother did put a stop to it, but it was a bit creepy.

 

[pacrosby]

Lol - I have an 8 year old boy, and can totally see him acting this way! And you say you have a 10 year old girl, with no body issues. I have an almost 10 year old girl, as well, who will run around the house naked. Trust me - this ends, and they become very modest. I have no idea how long it's been since I've seen ds12 or dd14 naked, but when they were younger, they were nudists. Now, they are VERY private - neither one will even poop in the bathroom on the first floor.

Funny that you say that because actually, my next door neighbor's 3rd grade boy is pretty darn inappropriate. When he was in K he asked my dd if he could see her underpants! So yeah, perhaps I'm making the mistake of using my own ds's as my frame of reference.

And, yes of course, I know the degree of modesty (or lack thereof) will likely "eventually" change. That's to be expected. I was young once too ya know