Children left in cars

[dimimi]

I don't know about "excuse," but I think it's a valid explanation. I completely understand how it can happen. Think how often we go on autopilot when we're driving somewhere.

For this reason, I always made a point of looking in my son's carseat every single time I got out of the car. Even if I knew he wasn't there, I made myself look. Because I don't think most of the people who do this are crazy or neglectful or any different from you or I.

This is completely different from those complete idiots who knowingly leave their children in a hot car when they go into stores and, in some cases, bars.

I completely understand how this could happen. When my kids were little we could put them in the front seat because there were no airbags, unfortunately I could see how this could happen. I heard recently on the news that with the mandatory back seat law for kids, there have been many deaths. The experts encourage people to always leave something in the back seat, like your purse or brief case, so you always check it. I would have needed to do this because I could see being distracted. The last case I heard about was a man who took off of work to pick up his son from daycare and take the child to the doctor. He then returned to work, forgetting his son. So sad!

 

[smb6]

It is so sad and it does sound like an accident. The officers are well trained and if no charges are filed; I trust that it was just that- an accident. No one is perfect; everyone makes mistakes. Unfortunately some mistakes are life altering.
I have never forgotten a child in the car, but am certainly don't think I'm bullet proof. I once left my kids at church. I normally walked to get them before getting in the van to leave. This day I was helping in the nursery so I parked at the back of the church. I decided to drive around to the front to pick up the kids and instead drove right out of the parking lot. I didn't get past a few miles before I realized it and turned around, but still.......

 

[Hannathy]

I didn't get past a few miles before I realized it and turned around, but still.......

See that is the big difference you remembered right away not after 3 hours and numerous people asking or working all day. Big difference as far as I'm concerned.

 

[luvmy3]

How can you forget that you put your child in the car? How could you forget that you didn't take your child out? We aren't talking about a bag of groceries or gym clothes, we are talking about a living breathing child. No, I'm sorry but I don't believe for one moment that stuff can happen to just anyone. It takes a certain type of person to be that forgetful no matter the situation they are dealing with. It doesn't matter what your socio-economic status is, your gender, your race, your profession, your amount of education but there is something about you personally that could cause you to do it, something that *anybody* just doesn't have.

 

[Liberty Belle]

See that is the big difference you remembered right away not after 3 hours and numerous people asking or working all day. Big difference as far as I'm concerned.

I'm assuming she didn't find out that day that her father passed away. Also, just because she remembered then doesn't mean it's abnormal not to. Things are not so black and white.

 

[Liberty Belle]

How can you forget that you put your child in the car? How could you forget that you didn't take your child out? We aren't talking about a bag of groceries or gym clothes, we are talking about a living breathing child. No, I'm sorry but I don't believe for one moment that stuff can happen to just anyone. It takes a certain type of person to be that forgetful no matter the situation they are dealing with. It doesn't matter what your socio-economic status is, your gender, your race, your profession, your amount of education but there is something about you personally that could cause you to do it, something that *anybody* just doesn't have.

Ok. I hope you're not that type of person. A BA in psychology doesn't make me an expert on the human psyche, so I'll just keep imagining I just might be that type of person and still check my car every time I get out of it. And now, I can be assured I will never leave my child in the car.

 

[PigletsMommy]

OP... here is the updates on the story

http://www.newschannel5.com/global/story.asp?s=12978413

They also said on the news earlier that this woman was some sort of doctor in Laos and trying to get licensed in the US.

This is the 3rd child in the past 2 weeks to die in a hot, locked car. The heat index has been over 100 for 2 weeks now.

As for my mention of the 11 yr old child. In my post I stated I did not believe it was the responsibility of the child to get her sister out of the car... but I do think an 11 yr old is old enough to say "Hey mom, what about little sister".

I'm just saying that I think there was something else going on in this household that distracted EVERYONE involved from checking on a child who was supposedly "sleeping" for 3 hrs. Yes, shocked or distraught over the death of a family member in another country...but still... 3 hours? My daughter is almost 2 & will occasionally take a 3 hour nap...but I can say that if she is sleeping more than 1 hr you can bet that I am in there checking on her every 15-30 minutes just to *make sure* she is ok.

I can't begin to imagine the guilt that this whole family will feel about this tragic death. It did not have to be.

Updating to add...According to another news channel the mother has been charged.
http://www.wsmv.com/news/24627342/detail.html

 

[Hannathy]

I'm just saying that I think there was something else going on in this household that distracted EVERYONE involved from checking on a child who was supposedly "sleeping" for 3 hrs. Yes, shocked or distraught over the death of a family member in another country...but still... 3 hours? My daughter is almost 2 & will occasionally take a 3 hour nap...but I can say that if she is sleeping more than 1 hr you can bet that I am in there checking on her every 15-30 minutes just to *make sure* she is ok.


http://www.wsmv.com/news/24627342/detail.html

That is what I was saying. Who lets a child sleep for 3 hours in the middle of the day without once looking in on them. And not just the Mom but what about the Dad or the other family member.

 

[indimom]

I forgot my infant son in the backseat while getting some groceries.
And to make matters "worse," I'm a child care provider, have been for fourteen years.
Luckily, it wasn't hot, and it wasn't long. I did remember him after about five-ten minutes. But I felt like @#$%.

And, yes, it was a change in routine that did me in.
I was director of a registered day care ministry at my church. On Fridays, I would run all the checks to the bank on my lunch hour. On this particular day my infant son was being fussy and giving the baby room teacher a hard time. Since I knew he usually fell asleep in the car, I decided to take him with me and give her a break. As expected, he fell asleep. So I did the banking and then stopped at the grocery store to pick up a couple things for dinner. I still can clearly remember standing in the bread aisle with my milk and a couple other items when I realized what I had done. Dropped everything and ran outside. He was fine.

So, yes, I'm one of THOSE people. I guess I'm lucky my kids have survived my lousy parenting. At least so far.

After the incident in Ohio with the teacher who picked up the doughnuts I was reminded yet again how tragic and avoidable this "should" be. What amazed me about that story was the day care provider never called to ask where the child was. I made sure to inform all the parents of the children I care for that I will always call if they do not show up when I am expecting them. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to one of my little ones just because I assumed they were home sick when really they were left in the backseat of the car... Oh, and I guess I was lucky that none of them were so sure of their own superiority as parents to get offended. They all thanked me for doing a little extra to protect their children from harm.

 

[luvmy3]

Ok. I hope you're not that type of person. A BA in psychology doesn't make me an expert on the human psyche, so I'll just keep imagining I just might be that type of person and still check my car every time I get out of it. And now, I can be assured I will never leave my child in the car.

And your point is what? That you have a BA in psychology and you still might be that type of person? Didn't I say in my post that it really didn't matter what type of education you had? I thought I did Oh, maybe you just wanted to mention that you have a BA in psychology?

I don't believe it can happen to just anyone, there is something about the type of person who momentarily forgets that they have their own child with them, depending on them for safety. I don't need a BA, or even be an expert with a PhD to have that opinion. You don't need your BA to feel differently.

 

[SunFloridaDisney]

I do agree with the people who say accidents and tragedies can happen to anyone.
We are all human, no one is perfect. It is just so so sad when there is a case like this, and maybe those people who say It would never happen to me are just a bit afraid of such an occurrence.

 

[luvmy3]

I forgot my infant son in the backseat while getting some groceries.
And to make matters "worse," I'm a child care provider, have been for fourteen years.
Luckily, it wasn't hot, and it wasn't long. I did remember him after about five-ten minutes. But I felt like @#$%.

And, yes, it was a change in routine that did me in.
I was director of a registered day care ministry at my church. On Fridays, I would run all the checks to the bank on my lunch hour. On this particular day my infant son was being fussy and giving the baby room teacher a hard time. Since I knew he usually fell asleep in the car, I decided to take him with me and give her a break. As expected, he fell asleep. So I did the banking and then stopped at the grocery store to pick up a couple things for dinner. I still can clearly remember standing in the bread aisle with my milk and a couple other items when I realized what I had done. Dropped everything and ran outside. He was fine.

So, yes, I'm one of THOSE people. I guess I'm lucky my kids have survived my lousy parenting. At least so far.

After the incident in Ohio with the teacher who picked up the doughnuts I was reminded yet again how tragic and avoidable this "should" be. What amazed me about that story was the day care provider never called to ask where the child was. I made sure to inform all the parents of the children I care for that I will always call if they do not show up when I am expecting them. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to one of my little ones just because I assumed they were home sick when really they were left in the backseat of the car... Oh, and I guess I was lucky that none of them were so sure of their own superiority as parents to get offended. They all thanked me for doing a little extra to protect their children from harm.

No need to get defensive, I never said that you were a lousy parent, you are saying that yourself. However, a change in routine is no excuse for not remembering your child is with you, ever. Would it be okay that a parent forgot they had their child with them while at the playground and that child left the park and got abducted, ran over by a car, drown in a pond?
I imagine posters here having a different opinion.

Also, if you were the daycare provider for my kids and I found out you left your own child in the car and forgot about them it would be the last time you ever watched mine. Sorry but thats not a chance I would take, if you think that makes me think I'm superior I could care less.

 

[luvmy3]

I do agree with the people who say accidents and tragedies can happen to anyone.
We are all human, no one is perfect. It is just so so sad when there is a case like this, and maybe those people who say It would never happen to me are just a bit afraid of such an occurrence.

Actually it seems like the opposite that the people who say it could happen to anyone are a bit afraid of such an occurence, and if it ever happened they will always be able to say "but it could happen to anyone", maybe thats how they could live for the rest of their lives with what they did.
Personally, not afraid of it ever happening, my kids are way past the age of me having to remember if I have them with me, all well and never once forgotten in a car even for a second

ETA While you are correct, tragedies and accidents can happen to anyone but the difference to me is that I don't believe that forgetting your child is an accident. An accident is when you leave the chicken breast in the car for 3 hours and it goes bad.

 

[Liberty Belle]

And your point is what? That you have a BA in psychology and you still might be that type of person? Didn't I say in my post that it really didn't matter what type of education you had? I thought I did Oh, maybe you just wanted to mention that you have a BA in psychology?

I don't believe it can happen to just anyone, there is something about the type of person who momentarily forgets that they have their own child with them, depending on them for safety. I don't need a BA, or even be an expert with a PhD to have that opinion. You don't need your BA to feel differently.

No, my point was that even though I have a degree in psychology, I am still not an expert, though I know more about the human mind and behavior than the general person (who may be skilled in another science, cooking, plumbing, etc). And I still am not sure that it couldn't happen to me. The reason I mentioned my degree is because I am more informed about the human mind and behavior than most people without one (in psychology), but I still don't know my own mind well enough to know that I would never make that terrible mistake. Plus, my opinion is somewhat based on what I have learned.

I still think your opinion about this is a dangerous one to hold and I hope you never find youself in that situation.

 

[luvmy3]

No, my point was that even though I have a degree in psychology, I am still not an expert, though I know more about the human mind and behavior than the general person (who may be skilled in another science, cooking, plumbing, etc). And I still am not sure that it couldn't happen to me. The reason I mentioned my degree is because I am more informed about the human mind and behavior than most people without one (in psychology), but I still don't know my own mind well enough to know that I would never make that terrible mistake. Plus, my opinion is somewhat based on what I have learned.

I still think your opinion about this is a dangerous one to hold and I hope you never find youself in that situation.

I guess I'm just more confident that I would never forget my children. Does that mean that an accident would never happen because of me, of course not but it won't be because I forgot that I had my child with me. I don't see any danger in that, I see more danger in believing you could actually forget you are with your own child. YMMV

 

[Liberty Belle]

I guess I'm just more confident that I would never forget my children. Does that mean that an accident would never happen because of me, of course not but it won't be because I forgot that I had my child with me. I don't see any danger in that, I see more danger in believing you could actually forget you are with your own child. YMMV

How so? The reason I think it's dangerous to think it couldn't happen to you is because you don't have any checks in place (I'm assuming) to make sure it doesn't happen. How is thinking it is possible that it could happen to anyone (including yourself) dangerous?

I'm not trying to be snarky. I'm sincerely curious as to why you think that.

 

[indimom]

No need to get defensive, I never said that you were a lousy parent, you are saying that yourself. However, a change in routine is no excuse for not remembering your child is with you, ever. Would it be okay that a parent forgot they had their child with them while at the playground and that child left the park and got abducted, ran over by a car, drown in a pond?
I imagine posters here having a different opinion.

Also, if you were the daycare provider for my kids and I found out you left your own child in the car and forgot about them it would be the last time you ever watched mine. Sorry but thats not a chance I would take, if you think that makes me think I'm superior I could care less.

Actually, I was being facetious when I called myself lousy. (Clearly you couldn't have called me that, I posted after you.) In general, I am proud of my parenting, my children and my qualities as a child care provider. I just don't deny the possibility that even I could make a mistake that would cost me everything.

 

[smb6]

Those that refuse to get off their high horse are often the ones knocked off of it. That goes for anything and everything, I know I've been knocked off of it a few times in life.....

 

[JoiseyMom]

I have actually read that & I still stand by my thoughts. If one is so wrapped in their own world maybe they are not in a postion to have children. If your career(in some of these cases) is so important maybe it was not the right time to have a child. These children not only died but suffered a horrible, painful death because of neglience of the adult who was supposed to protect them at all cost. Said adult, however, was too wrapped up in their own issues to care for that child. Plus I can add that I with 100% certainty have never & will never forget my child. I have been as stressed and sleep deprived as they come & ALWAYS remembered my child. I may never know where my phone is but I ALWAYS know where my children are.

Judgemental much? Do you think for one moment that these people didn't once say that also? It is horrible, but it happens, and one can hope and pray never to walk in their shoes. Everyone gets pre-occupied. I am driving all the tiem and I am on auto pilot and realize, oops I am going in the wrong direction. I am not going to judge someone, since I have never walked in their shoes. But to say that these people should have never had children and were just to wrapped up in their jobs, in my opinion is an ignorant statement and not one that understands the entire picture. But heck, that is just my opinion.

 

[Inigo]

The part that gets me in all this is the "experts" advise putting your purse or briefcase in the back seat so you'll have to get back there and won't accidently "forget" about the baby in the car. How the heck could you remember something minor like a purse or briefcase but forget the most important thing in the world: the child? I'd be a bazillion times more likely to forget a bag than I would a child.