Child Support

[mfd25wife]

He can always make extra cash by picking up a second job part-time. Where there's a will there's a way.

In AR, they would reevaluate the CS, and increase it based on the 2nd job, too. It's ~25% net income for CS for one child. It is increased for each additional child, but I'm not sure how much. My current had to pay it to his ex, and my ex was supposed to pay me. Guess which one did not pay.

 

[stardebby]

I know I will get no sympathy here. And I know the amount of child support he has to pay is to state guidelines. I have no experience with divorce and child support and didn't realize how things work.

 

[Turn the Page]

He works about 55-60 hours a week now. So it might be hard for him. I know I opened a can of worms here and everybody wants to say just shut up and take care of your children. It's just hard for me as his Mother we have had so much to deal with this past year. His Dad was only 50 when he died.

I am very sorry for your loss. That has got to be really tough.

However, your first priority in this situation should be making sure your son provides the kids with a comfortable life not making sure he has a social life.

 

[Buckalew11]

He works about 55-60 hours a week now. So it might be hard for him. I know I opened a can of worms here and everybody wants to say just shut up and take care of your children. It's just hard for me as his Mother we have had so much to deal with this past year. His Dad was only 50 when he died.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I just think you and your son need to realize that lifestyles change when divorce happens. His kids deserve to get the "first fruits" from their parents. He might have to rent a more reasonably priced place.

 

[JessB320]

I know I will get no sympathy here. And I know the amount of child support he has to pay is to state guidelines. I have no experience with divorce and child support and didn't realize how things work.

Divorce and child support/parenting plans aren't fun for any involved people also seem to jump on the " dead beat dad" band wagon so quickly. My only experiences have been quite the opposite , With dead beat moms- so i guess I've never understood this . My own dad raised us without any help of any kind from my mother. My DH and I have always had our older kids full time, and never got the child support their bio mom owed. Even with the courts and support enforcement we only got a fraction of the funds owed- we ended up paying our attorney more in fees than we received, what a headache.

There are great dads out there, I wish your son the best and hope he's able to adjust and keep the rental for his kiddos.

 

[stardebby]

I am very sorry for your loss. That has got to be really tough.

However, your first priority in this situation should be making sure your son provides the kids with a comfortable life not making sure he has a social life.

It's really not about him having a social life he doesn't need one now. It's just about him being able to pay his bills and afford to eat. With the loss of my husband I'm in no position to help him financial. He didn't want out of the marriage she left him. I know he is not perfect but he wanted to try and save the marriage but she had an affair.

 

[Turn the Page]

Why do I get the feeling this is going to turn into another thread like the one luvsjack started a couple weeks ago?

 

[stardebby]

It's really not about him having a social life he doesn't need one now. I just want him to be able to take care of his kids and himself. With the loss of my husband I'm in no position to help him financial. He wasn't the one who wanted a divorce she left him. I know he's not perfect by he wanted to try and save the marriage but she left and had an affair.

 

[stardebby]

Divorce and child support/parenting plans aren't fun for any involved people also seem to jump on the " dead beat dad" band wagon so quickly. My only experiences have been quite the opposite , With dead beat moms- so i guess I've never understood this . My own dad raised us without any help of any kind from my mother. My DH and I have always had our older kids full time, and never got the child support their bio mom owed. Even with the courts and support enforcement we only got a fraction of the funds owed- we ended up paying our attorney more in fees than we received, what a headache.

There are great dads out there, I wish your son the best and hope he's able to adjust and keep the rental for his kiddos.

Thank you so much at least someone on here can understand. I know everyone thinks if Dads complain about how much child support they are paying it means they don't want to take care of their kids.

 

[usnuzuloose]

I am very sorry for your loss. You know divorce is a very painful thing. All the things that revolve around every aspect of it can just rip out the heart. Not to mention what it does to the children. It also ruins everyone financially. I hope at some point she realizes that the grass it not greener on the other side.

I know you want the best for your son, and it is hard to stand by and watch. But all you can do is just try to support him to the best of your ability and be there for him to just listen. Remind him that what he is paying for are his children, and that it is still worth it. I hope it goes well for all of you.

 

[Buckalew11]

Thank you so much at least someone on here can understand. I know everyone thinks if Dads complain about how much child support they are paying it means they don't want to take care of their kids.

What else could it mean?

For either parent? Not limited to Dads. I've known 3 dads who never complained. Both also went above and beyond for their kids.

Did your son try for custody since he did not want a divorce and she cheated? I know it would not be a guarantee but I have a female client who cheated and lost custody of her daughter.

 

[superme80]

It's really not about him having a social life he doesn't need one now. I just want him to be able to take care of his kids and himself. With the loss of my husband I'm in no position to help him financial. He wasn't the one who wanted a divorce she left him. I know he's not perfect by he wanted to try and save the marriage but she left and had an affair.

Wait Auntie is that you??? My cousin is going through the exact same thing. He pays so much in child support. His ex is always trying to keep the kids from him and demanding more money. Yes he understands he has to pay for his kids, but not be taken for practically every cent. His ex left him, so I understand your frustrations.

 

[Turn the Page]

What else could it mean?

I was kind of thinking the same thing.

 

[Turn the Page]

Wait Auntie is that you??? My cousin is going through the exact same thing. He pays so much in child support. His ex is always trying to keep the kids from him and demanding more money. Yes he understands he has to pay for his kids, but not be taken for practically every cent. His ex left him, so I understand your frustrations.

Who left who should not even be a factor. Child support is meant to keep the kids in at least close to the living condition they are used to. When people start pointing fingers about who left who and who cheated and who wanted to make it work it turns into a pissing match and the kids are the ones who end up suffering. The impression I get from you and the OP is that since the ex wife is the one who left you feel they shouldn't have to pay as much in child support. That's not relevant at all.

 

[Buckalew11]

I was kind of thinking the same thing.

Well, she is the one who said he was complaining about the amount and that "when fathers complain that people think they that they do not want to take care of their kids" so what are we supposed to think?

 

[Turn the Page]

Well, she is the one who said he was complaining about the amount and that "when fathers complain that people think they that they do not want to take care of their kids" so what are we supposed to think?

I don't know. I also want to know why it matters who left who?

 

[suemom2kay]

All he does is work and every day off he gets the kids so he feels like he had no life.

Wow. Just wow.

That's called being a parent. Who do you think watches my child on my days off from work?

 

[superme80]

Who left who should not even be a factor. Child support is meant to keep the kids in at least close to the living condition they are used to. When people start pointing fingers about who left who and who cheated and who wanted to make it work it turns into a pissing match and the kids are the ones who end up suffering. The impression I get from you and the OP is that since the ex wife is the one who left you feel they shouldn't have to pay as much in child support. That's not relevant at all.

I'm sorry, but if one spouse is trying to make it work and the other up and leaves and then uses the kids as leverage I have no sympathy for them. And the kids will not be able to have the same lifestyle. One income cannot support 2 households, unless they make a lot of money. If you are middle income you cannot support 2 households in California. It cannot be done. The ex needs to get a job to help keep the kids in the lifestyle the are accoustomed to. If they can't do that then the lifestyle will drop.

 

[stardebby]

What else could it mean?

For either parent? Not limited to Dads. I've known 3 dads who never complained. Both also went above and beyond for their kids.

Did your son try for custody since he did not want a divorce and she cheated? I know it would not be a guarantee but I have a female client who cheated and lost custody of her daughter.

His children are only 4 and 2 years old so even though she had an affair and wanted out. He was trying to do what's best for them.

 

[Turn the Page]

I'm sorry, but if one spouse is trying to make it work and the other up and leaves and then uses the kids as leverage I have no sympathy for them. And the kids will not be able to have the same lifestyle. One income cannot support 2 households, unless they make a lot of money. If you are middle income you cannot support 2 households in California. It cannot be done. The ex needs to get a job to help keep the kids in the lifestyle the are accoustomed to. If they can't do that then the lifestyle will drop.

Of course the mom will likely have to get a job. However, the amount the father pays in child support should not at all depend on who left who. It should be based upon income and expenses only. The fact that the OP's ex DIL had an affair and left has no bearing on the amount of child support he pays.