Child Support refund check ??? UPDATE post 114

[hentob]

I just bet you do all that you say you do. If you did then you would know the truth of the manner and you are not angry at the neglect of the child by the bio mom, you are cutting at the venting of a stepparent.

But do keep telling yourself how special you are than anyone else. Whatever it takes to get you through the night.

Whoa…calm down, Nelly

I am done with you, so please feel free to get the last word.

Gladly.

I think you are still angry at me because I called you out a while back when you wished people that complained about GAC abuse would be hit by a bus and become quadriplegic You haven't been the same to me ever since.

That and she has nothing better to do than read people's old posts to "prove" something..

You are just embarrassed that you lied and were caught

Maybe we have a Pig II here.

OMG
It's ok. I would rather you call me that on here than use it in front of your step daughter. It is ok. I can take it.

 

[hentob]

I spend 12000 of money I didn't have. I begged and borrowed. So when it comes to a child that you feel is being hurt in any way (or in my case would have been) you fight like hell. These are your children. This is what a parent does.

You get it

May your life get easier from here, as you are a wonderful, loving parent

I am sure it wasn't easy, but you did it

You don't wash your hands of a child because it get's too expensive. If you don't want the hassle of dealing with step-children or crazy ex's, don't marry someone with kids from a previous relationship.....

Well said.

 

[disneychrista]

And I get so tired of hearing about mortgage and electricity and water...am I getting a check from her for the times that he is here every month? Her mortgage payment is the same if he is living with her or if he would come to live with us.

I can only speak for California but % of time with each parent is considered when an support order is made. In my case I know I get 80% of the what the full order would be because the kids were with ex 20% of the time when the order was made.

And yes the mortgage may be the same regardless but she could choose to live in a smaller space if not for kids.

 

[racefanof88]

There are LOTS of other expenses involved with raising a kid besides seeing new shoes on their feet.

School fees, school book fees, costs involved for making school projects, insurance, insurance copays (our sick visits are $25 and emergency room is $75) plus whatever medications, dentist visits, glasses, toiletries, hair cuts, sports team fees, gymnastics or karate classes, scouting fees, going to the movies, presents for birthday parties, books, furniture, bedding, toys, computer, music...and they don't joke about teens eating you out of house and home for nothing. This doesn't count the gasoline involved (and the wear and tear on your car) in running kids from this to that.

If you're not there 24/7 you truly have no idea what the ex spends the money on...and if you wanted a less complicated life, then you should not have married a divorced person with children.

 

[LuvMy3Monkeys]

If you think you will shame me because of my compassion and my drive to save children that are in horrible homes, keep trying

You seem immature and bitter, which does not surprise me. Afterall, you chose to marry a man that (not too long ago) decided to bed down with a drug using prostitute (your words). I am sure the fact that he did this frustrates and mortifies you on a daily basis, but you seem to have given up on the child that was conceived from this relationship. Please don’t turn your back on this poor seven year old boy

OP-I wish you well. You seem to care for your step daughter

For someone who belittles everyone who doesn't go out and save the world and go what you deem is the heroic movement of the day... you sure talk down to everyone on this thread who doesn't agree with you.

You're saying that these "poor" kids are the reason you are so upset and you're just sticking up for them... but yet if you actually had custody of one of these "poor" kids, could you imagine what they would grow up like? Constantly putting down others because their beliefs don't match their own. Jumping down people's throats and ignoring their good efforts while only pointing out what they are doing wrong. Yeah, that sounds like great parenting skills. Good luck with that.

Nothing about what my husband did frustrates or "mortifies me" LOL... why I would be mortified I'm not totally sure... And actually I never said she was a drug using prostitute. I said she sells her prescription pills... that she SHOULD be taking! So wouldn't that make her like a reverse-drug-user??

And for the record... if we weren't doing anything... then the mom wouldn't be undergoing psychological testing (like I already explained). It is court ordered because we have been trying to pursue getting custody switched to grandma, so that it's only between grandma and DH, because then his rights would trump hers... making it much easier to fight for custody. But you didn't ask about that, did you? Nope. You just wanted to stir the pot and point out what I did wrong.

Hmmm... anyway... point being... if you really are involved with advocacy issues you would KNOW that the number one thing you DO NOT DO regarding a parent in a situation like this is accuse, belittle and attack. So if you were really so concerned and you thought this was actually a critical issue and you felt compelled to "save this little boy" as you say... then you would approach me gently and tell me that you know we've been trying and yes sometimes it's hard, but you can't give up and you would offer to lend an ear if we needed any ideas of how to prove it to the court.

But you didnt do that did you? No. You accused me of giving up on my stepson, which I didn't. You criticised me for the legal steps we have already done, saying we did nothing... which isn't true. You belittled me and told me I am immature and bitter, which I am not.

So, it looks like the only person failing in this situation is you. If you really are a child advocate and you really are trying to help the kids... then you just plain suck at your job. Maybe you should find a new hobby, cause I'm not buyin it!

 

[IntercomGroupPage]

You are just embarrassed that you lied and were caught





It's ok. I would rather you call me that on here than use it in front of your step daughter. It is ok. I can take it.

What did I lie about?

How does dredging up an old post of mine "prove" anything?

And, FTR, I do not call the Pig anything other than "your mom" in front of her.

 

[blanq]

I hear ya, SereneOne.

That and she has nothing better to do than read people's old posts to "prove" something.

Maybe we have a Pig II here.

I understand that you are kind of new here, registering just about a year ago and all, so perhaps some of the Board protocol is not known to you. I am giving you the benefit of the doubt that you do not realize that personal attacks are not allowed on the Disboards. Referring to another Dis member as maybe being a "Pig II" feels awfully like a personal attack to me. In any event, it offended me , and I can't recall ever feeling offended reading any threads on the Boards before. I will not report your post to a moderator, again assuming that you simply aren't aware of how we are supposed to treat one here. We pretty much believe in playing nice in the sandbox around here.

 

[IntercomGroupPage]

I understand that you are kind of new here, registering just about a year ago and all, so perhaps some of the Board protocol is not known to you. I am giving you the benefit of the doubt that you do not realize that personal attacks are not allowed on the Disboards. Referring to another Dis member as maybe being a "Pig II" feels awfully like a personal attack to me. In any event, it offended me , and I can't recall ever feeling offended reading any threads on the Boards before. I will not report your post to a moderator, again assuming that you simply aren't aware of how we are supposed to treat one here. We pretty much believe in playing nice in the sandbox around here.

I will be nominating you as a Moderator stat. You possess the skills and temperament for the job. Thank you for keeping up with this thread and policing it accordingly. This DIS is a better place because of you.

 

[LuvMy3Monkeys]

Being on the internet all the time being sarcastic and judgemental is not showing compassion and drive to save children. Why not volunteer with GAL or some other organization and put action to your usually cutting words? It astounds me that people can say that having a child is something you do not know about until you actually have one, but yet people who marry and become stepparents are automatically suppose to know what it all entails. It does not make one immature to marry a person who has made mistakes. We can't all be the Jesus Christs that seem to be running rampant on the DISboards proclaiming perfection.

Poster with the DH that has a messed up ex, I have experienced and seen much of what you talk about and it is heart breaking for everyone involved, especially the children. Please document the abuse, talk to DSS and see if anything can be done. If the abuse is bad enough an emergency hearing can be held and I am sure DSS can tell you the steps needed to do so. I would also like to sugggest counseling for yourself and your DH. It is hard to go through what "blended" families go through and keep one's sanity and know what is the right thing to do with so many complications. I wish you the best and especially the children involved the best. They are the ones that suffer the most.

Thank You

 

[Liberty Belle]

I will be nominating you as a Moderator stat. You possess the skills and temperament for the job. Thank you for keeping up with this thread and policing it accordingly. This DIS is a better place because of you.

Sarcasm is also not allowed.

 

[IntercomGroupPage]

Sarcasm is also not allowed.

I will nominate you as well.

 

[livie1205]

so when any child turns 18, they move out with no help from their parents? Huh.

HELLO? Did you even read this before you hit the reply button? Like I wrote...if they need help we will gladly help them but NO I do not think anyone should be made to support a adult.I also get support and I would in no way expect my ex to pay for my ADULT child! I hope that we make them ready to be adults by that time...we already have college funds for then but they will have to do some things for themselves.My dh and I have started funds for then yrs ago with no help from our exs who have put 0.00 in them.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I will nominate you as well.

Thanks, but no thanks. I'd have a hard time dealing with a poster who would call another poster a pig.

 

[rainy~daze]

hey all, OP here--
for those of you who were following this thread to see the outcome of the original post

the domestics office never called back, however, I went onto the website to see if there has been any update listed there as to case status, payment amounts due, credits, etc. it shows today that as of June 12, 2009 (the day she graduated) that this case has been closed.

I can only conclude from this whatever information supplied by her mother back in August when she turned 18 included information that she was to graduate this June, I do not know if they followed up with her to confirm it in fact happened since we received no letter of the sort. But, they apparently have that information and have closed the case without my DH being required to go in and file the petition for modification.

So, it is official, no more legal obligation of support. (yeah, I'll say it--WOOHOOO!!) please read that accurately and observe the key word, legal.

I didn't say no more parental obligation-so no need to pull out the pitchforks. She is still his daughter--and this will be so much better. Maybe they can grow closer now, since when she needs or wants something now she will have to talk to him directly--not just have her mother call and say send more money.
Dh and I are excited more about the prospect of her now being in his life because she wants to be, not because she feels she needs to be. So, fingers crossed that this brings dad and daughter closer, finally.

 

[LuvMy3Monkeys]

So, it is official, no more legal obligation of support. (yeah, I'll say it--WOOHOOO!!) please read that accurately and observe the key word, legal.

Glad to hear it... most of here understood what you were trying to say in the first place.

Dh and I are excited more about the prospect of her now being in his life because she wants to be, not because she feels she needs to be.

You're right... and it will be nice for your DH to know that she loves him because he's her dad, not because she's getting the monthly check. On the flip side, it will be great for your stepdaughter to know that her dad still loves her and cares about her and wants to help her out even though the legal obligation is gone.

I'm happy that they have a good relationship Do I hear a graduation trip to disney??

 

[rainy~daze]

Glad to hear it... most of here understood what you were trying to say in the first place.



You're right... and it will be nice for your DH to know that she loves him because he's her dad, not because she's getting the monthly check. On the flip side, it will be great for your stepdaughter to know that her dad still loves her and cares about her and wants to help her out even though the legal obligation is gone.

I'm happy that they have a good relationship Do I hear a graduation trip to disney??[/B]

I so wish! But DH is so busy with work there is no way he can get away for even a weekend to go. And it is something I know she would love, maybe in the winter, a late grad gift..

 

[Microcell]

Glad to hear he wants to be closer to his daughter!

Speaking as a child of divorce and all the money issues at play regarding it, I have a piece of advice for you OP, (well your husband) is first to understand this: your step daughter is not keeping her distance because of money, it is because she is hurt. I am not interested in any way about who's fault the divorce might be but when her parents split, I would bet she felt rejected by her opposite gender parent and is just plain hurt. He could be a freaking saint walking the planet, when it comes to brass tacks she sees that he isn't there with her, day to day, and trust me, it hurts.

The key to getting closer would be to be sure your husband talks to her, one on one and tells her that he loves her and wants to build a relationship with her, and perhaps it could start by buying her lunch and asking her about how things are going with her and to listen to what she says.

Good luck!

 

[sunnyday123]

HELLO? Did you even read this before you hit the reply button? Like I wrote...if they need help we will gladly help them but NO I do not think anyone should be made to support a adult.I also get support and I would in no way expect my ex to pay for my ADULT child! I hope that we make them ready to be adults by that time...we already have college funds for then but they will have to do some things for themselves.My dh and I have started funds for then yrs ago with no help from our exs who have put 0.00 in them.

why actually I DID read it. Supporting someone constitutes a place to live, food, clothes, and other things that require payment. Paying for things and supporting them kind of go hand in hand. They don't turn 18 and a magic bag of money and responsibility appears at their feet. They should'nt be coddled, but you cannot expect someone to support themselves completely on their own at 18, and unless you're giving them the boot and they live under your roof, you're supporting them.

 

[rainy~daze]

Glad to hear he wants to be closer to his daughter!

Speaking as a child of divorce and all the money issues at play regarding it, I have a piece of advice for you OP, (well your husband) is first to understand this: your step daughter is not keeping her distance because of money, it is because she is hurt. I am not interested in any way about who's fault the divorce might be but when her parents split, I would bet she felt rejected by her opposite gender parent and is just plain hurt. He could be a freaking saint walking the planet, when it comes to brass tacks she sees that he isn't there with her, day to day, and trust me, it hurts.

The key to getting closer would be to be sure your husband talks to her, one on one and tells her that he loves her and wants to build a relationship with her, and perhaps it could start by buying her lunch and asking her about how things are going with her and to listen to what she says.

Good luck!

the only problem with that theory is they were never married, so she isn't a child of divorce. Her mom is married to the guy she has been with since his daughter was born. but I appreciate the wisdom, one on one is definitely what he tries to do to communicate with her.

 

[livie1205]

why actually I DID read it. Supporting someone constitutes a place to live, food, clothes, and other things that require payment. Paying for things and supporting them kind of go hand in hand. They don't turn 18 and a magic bag of money and responsibility appears at their feet. They should'nt be coddled, but you cannot expect someone to support themselves completely on their own at 18, and unless you're giving them the boot and they live under your roof, you're supporting them.

like talking to a wall........