Child molested in bathroom

[cruisnfamily]

Originally posted by TIGGERSMOM
He's 19 so I let him use the men's room all by himself now.

 

[tar heel]

For the record, this little boy did NOT go to the restroom alone -- he had two older brothers with him. It was one of them who caught the pervert in the act. The little brother didn't come out of the stall, the older brother checked and found the door was locked. He looked under the stall, then started screaming for his mother. The pervert ran out, the mother chased him and called for her boyfriend, who was outside to catch him. The boyfriend caught him and held him until police arrived.

I find the fact that this little boy was molested when his two brothers were in the restroom even scarier than if he had been alone. I have three boys and sent all of them to the bathroom together many times.

Also for the record, it was a magistrate, not a judge, who set the bond so low ($40,000) and didn't check this jerk's criminal record. The local police, needless to say, are furious. This guy needs to be off the streets.

 

[tkd lisa]

I also posted on the debate thread about my experience taking my son into the locker room once. Flamed as well. I agree this is very sad. We live in a very rural area, where most people know each other well. My kids have a lot of freedom (similar to the out in the morning, and I'll call you when dinner is ready philosophy of the 70s!) and we love it! But their rules are different when we are at home vs. when we are visiting DC. At home, they are free to go up to the rides/machines in the front of Wal Mart while I'm checking out, and to use the bathroom by themselves (they are 10 and nearly 12), but in DC, they have to be with an adult at all times. They understand the difference. At our local stores, odds are good that they will probably see 1/2 dozen people they know while they are waiting for me at the front of the store. If anything were to be tried, all they'd have to do is squeak, and someone we know would probably be there!

 

[disneyjunkie]

Originally posted by FreshTressa
Was that the boys using the men's locker room thread on the debate board???

Here's a link to the other thread.
http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=475772&perpage=15&pagenumber=1

The bathroom "debate" starts on page 15. Look for the post that explains how one family deals with boy in ladies room.

Oh, be sure to check out page 22,(the second to last post.)

 

[charabby]

Well, I see people taking young boys (younger than 10?) into the ladies room all the time and I think nothing of it. I certainly don't like it when they 'peek' but that actually applies to *all* children who do that, of either gender and I don't think I've ever seen a kid older than three or four do that. My 5 yo dd will comment every time we see a boy in the ladies room, but I just remind her that the men's/ladies' room rules only apply to adults. Boys with their moms have to go into the ladies room in public to keep them safe. My dh will not take the girls into the men's room anymore - he thinks they are too old b/c of the lack of privacy so he will send myy dds into the ladies room together, if I'm not there (they are 8 and 5). Unfortunately, I think girls can safely go into a ladies room alone at a younger age than young boys can go into the mens room alone.

Sorry, moms of boys, I don't like to change in the locker room with boys over 5 in there. I sympathize with your situation and would like to see *all* gyms offer a family changing area to address the situation. Because I know what kind of bind moms can be in with this issue, when I confront this situation (an older boy in a locker room at the pool where I am going to have to take off my bathing suit) I will either wait until mom or son are done and gone or I'll slip into a bathroom stall to get changed. One locker room we used to go to had one row of lockers reserved for moms with older boys, but there was still a problem with some of the boys peeking around the lockers. I remember a mom or two on the locker room thread basically saying, 'too bad, my son's safety is more important than your modesty' in regards to this issue, but I personally think if you have to be brininging your boy into a room where women may need to take off all their clothing, you *must* teach them not to look and stare at the women. It's only common courtesy and respect for the same boundaries you are worried about with your sons. I definitely do not think the solution is to send those little boys into the locker room alone, though. Ultimately, gyms needs to convert some of their space for family use.

Sorry for rambling - I've just had those thoughts at the back of my mind since I read the other two threads.

 

[ToyStory Fan]

What a great country we live in, where a complete dirtbag like this can roam free.

Not to point any fingers of blame here though, but what were the parents thinking sending a 5 year old into a rest stop bathroom alone??????

Hopefully the guy gets convicted, goes to jail and then someone mistakingly(oops did I say that out loud) leaks out the information that he's a child molestor...that'll make for a pleasant stay in jail.

 

[KristiKelly]

That's terrible, there are sick people in this world, HOWEVER, what were those parents thinking???? There is NO WAY I'd let my 6 y/o DS go into a rest stop restroom alone. I don't like going in them myself much less a child. I live in Burlington NC, a year or so ago 2 boys 6 & 8-ish went into a Ham's restaurant bathroom and a man exposed himself to them. My son still goes in with me and doesn't know any different. I love what the the malls are doing now with the "Family Bathroom" they should have those everywhere.

 

[CRB#33]

Originally posted by tar heel
For the record, this little boy did NOT go to the restroom alone -- he had two older brothers with him. It was one of them who caught the pervert in the act. The little brother didn't come out of the stall, the older brother checked and found the door was locked. He looked under the stall, then started screaming for his mother. The pervert ran out, the mother chased him and called for her boyfriend, who was outside to catch him. The boyfriend caught him and held him until police arrived.

I find the fact that this little boy was molested when his two brothers were in the restroom even scarier than if he had been alone.

 

[isyne4u]

Mystery Machine....I applaud you for helping that boy and his mom. I hope that when my son is old enough to go by himself (or I'm comfortable letting him go) that there is someone willing to do that for him.

tarheel....I too, think it is even scarier that the boy was with other boys when it happened and that magistrate ought to be strung up by his....well you get the idea!

My son has tried to peek under stall doors but I snatch him up quick and let him know that this is inappropriate behavior. Then instead I get all they why questions a 3 year old can throw out!

Common sense does prevail and I find it gratifying that we have so many people that understand our plight as parents and don't even question us when we do what is safest for our kids.

charabby...I can understand the locker room to the extent that there is less privacy and I like that you make the adjustments for yourself instead of yelling at the parents. I am looking at getting my son into swim lessons at the YMCA, I will be sure to check out their locker rooms to see if they are set up for more privacy for those without boys or I will make sure that my son stays away from those changing!

Toystoryfan...I like the leak idea. I think the mother felt comfortable letting all the boys go in the restroom together and that nothign could happen that way.

thanks,
tara

 

[snoopy]

My boys are 8 and 5 and it has never occurred to me to NOT bring them in the restroom with me. DS 8 doesn't like it very much, but too bad, so sad for him. He knows its not an option that he go in the mens room alone. I don't know when I'll feel comfortable letting him go by himself, I just know I'm not now.

As far as what other people think, again, its never occurred to me, nor do I care. If they want their boys to go into the men's room alone, so be it, but mine are coming with me to the ladies room. They know better than to peep in the stalls (actually both are looking straight at the ground and don't want to make ANY eye contact) - we all go in the stall together and thats that.

I've never had to bring my boys into a women's locker room, anytime we have been to a pool or waterpark my husband has been with us, but I'd have no hesitation with that either. As far as women feeling uncomfortable because an 8 year old boy is in the room when they are undressing, oh well! The safety of my child, and all children, is more important than individual modesty.

 

[alabamaalan]

My situation is opposite of most of yours. As a father, I sometimes have to take my daughter with me into the men's room.

Problem one is that there is usually only one or maybe two stalls in a men's room in varying states of cleanliness.

She is 6 now and I have only had to take her a few times; usually my DW is with us when we shop so she can take her to the women's room, but it does happen on occassion.

I cover her eyes as I walk in with her and go to a stall with her.

 

[JESW]

That is just so very sad! That is also why I brought DS into the ladies room all the time just until recently. He turned 9 in november and is mortified being in the ladies room - fortunately, boys don't need to go as often as girsl so I don't have to worry often.

The other day he & I were at bj's alone and he had to go. I stood outside the door of the men's room and eyed the two men who went in - they both came out rather quickly but DS was taking forever. Just when I was about to break the door down he came out - he had been playing in the sink! But I was so nervous about him being in there with those two men - altho the guys were probably not a problem.

Jill

 

[Jeafl]

alabamaalan, when my girls were young (under 5), if my husband had to take them into the men's room he would cover their eyes and bring them right into a stall. On the way out he would cover their eyes while they washed their hands too. Nobody was thrilled with this solution, but if I wasn't there he had no choice. There is no way he would ever let them into the ladies' room alone, or ask a strange woman to take them in. Women are capable of sexual assault as well.

 

[goodstarr]

I'm curious. How often are there cases of women molesting little girls in public restrooms? Sometimes my DH takes our 7 year old to the mall without me and may have to take her to the bathroom. I'm not sure whether he should take her to the men's room or let her go by herself to the ladies' room. It wasn't a problem when she was much younger, but now that she's 7, going into the men's room may be a problem. I see lots of info about moms and sons, but not much about dads and daughters.

 

[Pete's Mom]

I got flamed too on this thread back in June for saying that I take Pete in the ladies room because I was assaulted as a child in a ladies restroom by a woman my Dad asked to take me.

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=384786

The people who were opposed pretty much said that these things don't happen enough to justify them having to be uncomfortable with boys in the ladies room.

 

[GAIL HAYDEN]

Originally posted by disneyjunkie
Here's a link to the other thread.
http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=475772&perpage=15&pagenumber=1

The bathroom "debate" starts on page 15. Look for the post that explains how one family deals with boy in ladies room.

Oh, be sure to check out page 22,(the second to last post.)

Oh, yes, that second to the last post. Charming, racist, and unsympathetic comes to mind, along with a few other comments that I will keep to myself.

 

[jacksonsmom]

That is so sad I hope that sicko gets what is coming to him.

As far as taking boys into a ladies restroom. I don't see a problem with it!
My DS is 4 yrs old but looks like he is 6 or 7 yrs old (he is very talll for his age) is Dh is with us then DH brings him into the men's room but if DS & I are just at the store then I bring him in the ladies room. Sometimes I have noticed some strange looks, I think because my son looks so much older then what he actually is.

This June we are going to WDW. DH is staying home, my mom is coming with my son & I. My son will be almost 5 yrs old at that time. You better believe he WILL be coming into the ladies room with me when he has to go

 

[4greatboys]

Originally posted by Pete's Mom
I got flamed too on this thread back in June for saying that I take Pete in the ladies room because I was assaulted as a child in a ladies restroom by a woman my Dad asked to take me.

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=384786

The people who were opposed pretty much said that these things don't happen enough to justify them having to be uncomfortable with boys in the ladies room.

Its just a sad fact that there are plenty of men and women that do this kind of things to kids. To think its not going to happen, or not going to happen to you is just wearing rose colored glasses. I will do everything I can to protect my kids. If someone in the womens bathroom doesnt like it well thats just to bad for them. If there were more family restrooms this might not be such an issue. If I am supposed to weigh my childs safety for someone else being uncomfortable for a few minutes--well then the other person just loses out

 

[GAIL HAYDEN]

As far as women feeling uncomfortable because an 8 year old boy is in the room when they are undressing, oh well! The safety of my child, and all children, is more important than individual modesty.

I would imagine you would find a private place for you to change your son, like in a shower stall area. His modesty is important too.
If that is not available, then you do the best you can. I can understand the problem, but, I have an issue with the "oh well" attitude. I happen to be a person who is VERY uncomfortable undressing without total privacy (except at home) and feel my modesty and privacy is very important. Certainly not more important than a child/ren's safety, but, certainly not something to be taken as unimportant or given the "oh well" to.

 

[charabby]

Gail,

I also object to the 'oh, well' attitude as I mentioned in my post. I know that there are situations where a little boy has to be there and I have *no* objection to it, BUT my privacy and everyone else's privacy does need to be respected. After all, the boys are there to begin with to respect their needs. I'm certainly not comparing being started at by an 8 yo boy with that same boy being molested, but I don't think other people's boundaries should be so easily dismissed, even in the name of safety. It's not difficult to avoid making others feel uncomfortable so why would anyone want to.

Now, if some woman is feeling uncomfortable because the boy is there, but mom is taking care to avoid him seeing/watching the other women, then I agree, too bad! I am only referring to instances where moms don't keep close enough watch on their curious boys who in my case, are staring in horror Actually, now that I think about, I also take care to teach my dd's not to look at/watch people while they're changing. It's just appropriate locker room etiquette that all kids have to learn at one time or another. I certainly wouldn't expect other women at the locker room to accept my staring dd's just because the women are more modest than I think they should be.