Child has irrational fear of rain and thunder - help!

[frostedpink]

My 8 year old daughter has an irrational fear of rain and thunderstorms. It’s gotten to the point now that she doesn’t want to go outside if it’s cloudy! She asks us the weather every day and checks the weather app on my phone. If she sees clouds while we are out running errands, she’ll constantly ask why it’s cloudy and if it is going to rain. When it does thunderstorm, she shakes and jumps every time it thunders. If it happens overnight, she will come crawl into bed with us.

I have tried talking to her, we read books from the library about storms, and I even stood outside with her in the rain one time to prove that it doesn’t hurt us. None of those things have helped. She says she wants to get over the fear and I want to help her.

I don’t know what else to try!! Has anyone else had a child with this fear and how did you help them overcome it?

 

[NHdisneylover]

Poor thing (and poor you!).

I can't recomend much (and at some point it might get to you needing to have her speak with a therapist to get to the bottom if it---I don't know how bad it is and how long it has lasted).

The one thing i can say is that it usually makes things worse if a parent validates the fear too much---like if she asks if it is going to rain, do you tell her you've checked the waether and it is not supposed to rain so she shouldn't worry? (which acutally sounds like there is a reason to worry if it were to rain so that validates the reason for the fear). I mean, you don't want to write off her feelings, which are certainly real, but you also don't want to play into them and inadvertantly increase them.
So, if she asks if it will rain, just glance at the sky and shrug and say"hmm, it might---let's grab an umbrella" or "doesn't look likely" or whatnot---but let her see YOU being calm and unconcerned about it as an example, and hopefully that will help after a while.

 

[Christine]

Children at this age get *many* irrational fears and phobias. Not sure why, but they start getting all sorts of weird ideas and some kids just go overboard with them. I remember my friend's daughter had a very irrational thought process about the character in that movie "Powder." Just freaked out about it for about year. Anyway, in her family, they seem to also have storm phobias. Her 70 year old mother has one that sounds just like your daughter's. It's always been there but gets worse each year.

I think you are doing the right thing, but if it seems to be accelerating, you might need to take her to a therapist just to work through it because you really don't want to let these things get out of control.

Additionally, speaking as person who developed small phobias as a child, be VERY careful about letting her hear things on the news. The news takes what we use to think of as "storms" and slants them and highlights their deadliness. She does not need to hear those things. I remember getting all freaked out when I was about 8 years old because the news was highlighting some story about childhood leukemia. I never even knew about it but the news put it on my radar and I really struggled with fear of it.

 

[frostedpink]

The one thing i can say is that it usually makes things worse if a parent validates the fear too much---like if she asks if it is going to rain, do you tell her you've checked the waether and it is not supposed to rain so she shouldn't worry? (which acutally sounds like there is a reason to worry if it were to rain so that validates the reason for the fear). I mean, you don't want to write off her feelings, which are certainly real, but you also don't want to play into them and inadvertantly increase them.
So, if she asks if it will rain, just glance at the sky and shrug and say"hmm, it might---let's grab an umbrella" or "doesn't look likely" or whatnot---but let her see YOU being calm and unconcerned about it as an example, and hopefully that will help after a while.

Great insight!!! Yes, if she asks me if it's going to rain, I do say "nope, i checked the weather and no rain today so don't worry!". So you're right, I guess I am validating her fear. I will have to watch that!

 

[NHdisneylover]

Great insight!!! Yes, if she asks me if it's going to rain, I do say "nope, i checked the weather and no rain today so don't worry!". So you're right, I guess I am validating her fear. I will have to watch that!

It's such an easy trap to fall into! And then, if it is hard on you when the anxiety kicks in, you actaully start to worry about it raining, becuase rain means she'll be anxious, and hten your worry comes through and reinforces hers and it is a viscious cycle (or, at least, things have worked like that in my family from time to time)

 

[jodybird511]

Psychologist here--I would take her to a therapist, as this is not uncommon at all (I've worked with many kids on this exact issue, similar to how your daughter is presenting, with weather checking, etc.), and a brief stint (likely 6-12 sessions) in therapy, doing some very targeted cognitive and behavioral interventions, as well as developing some coping skills and anxiety reduction skills, would be extremely effective. Best of luck!

 

[DLgal]

My son is like this (he is 10 now) but he has sensory issues and autism. He hates getting wet and loud noises cause him physical pain so his "irrational fear" is actually very rational. When he was much younger we had no idea WHY he had so many "irrational fears" (hairdryer, airplanes, vacuum cleaner, blender, motorcycles on the freeway, etc.) Once he was able to tell us WHY those things bothered him (ear pain) we bought him Peltor earmuffs and he uses them as needed. He wears them during thunderstorms (we take them to Disney with us and he wears them for many loud things there too). But we still deal with the wanting to stay inside during rain and asking if it is going to rain when its cloudy. Got him a good raincoat from North Face that he wears in the rain and he is much better about it now because he has a way to stay dry and headphones in case of thunder.

All that to say, most "irrational fears" have a very real reason behind them. Time to be a detective and ask your daughter what it is about the rain/thunderstorms that she is afraid of. Then, address those issues. She may have some sensory sensitivities that make the sudden loud sound of thunder provoke an anxiety response. The shaking/jumping at the thunder is an involuntary response so she may be more sensitive to that noise than most people are.

 

[cornflkgrl]

This is one of my younger son's phobias as well. He also has some mental health issues so I thought It was related to that, but it sounds like It is not uncommon. For us It started when we moved to the Midwest from the mountains. He had never seen big thunderstorms or heard a tornado siren. He got interested in tornado chasing. He loved weather shows and books. Then we had a real warning with a real funnel and at some point it morphed into a fear of clouds...rain...thunder..radar images. He is constantly asking to see the radar and then he wants us to "prove" where the storm is moving.

What works best for us is distractions and talking up certain places. Like, we looked up the wind ratings on our trailer so now if We get high wind warnings, I will remind him how much wind our trailer is designed to withstand. We also looked up building codes. So I have talked about how strong and safe his school building is. This has helped some. We had a pretty sizable storm here the other day...I took the kids grocery shopping with me. I wouldn't ordinarily do that but I have conditioned him to think certain buildings have extra protection. He was distracted by the shopping and felt safe in the building.

We also use different words around here for storm. Thunderstorm= "rainshower with maybe some thunder" Tornado Watch= "looks kind of balmy out...its fine. Absolutely NOTHING on radar." Rain = it's sprinkling. Looks like we are gonna get a shower" If he starts obsessing about the actual weather events I just remind him of where we would go if we needed to and end the conversation.

It will get better over time.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I have a child who is an over-thinker, and she can develop irrational fears. One thing that helped her is a workbook called "What to Do When You Worry Too Much" It had simple exercises about overcoming anxieties. Read it together, and you can help her talk herself through her concerns, if that makes sense. My DD is now 13, and she still can get anxious, but she's much better at coping than she once was. Still hates thunderstorms, though! But, we role-played and discussed worst-case scenarios. We also planned helpful things--is she worried about a loss of power? Can she have a flashlight in her nightstand, just in case? Does the noise bother her? Could she put on headphones and listen to music? Really listen to your child and brainstorm with her, so she's part of her own solution. This is very empowering.

If you try this and she's still having major issues, I would consider a therapist. Keep in mind, she's not ever going to love thunderstorms--but, she can learn to cope, and maybe one day see the beauty of them. Maybe.

 

[cornflkgrl]

I also might add. Its the beginning of the year. It is possible the school (if she attends school) did a tornado drill and that kind of triggered the anxiety. I know they do them at the beginning of the year here.

 

[MrJT]

My daughter doesn't feel quite that strongly. But she definitely has a fear of thunder and lightning. It makes for an interesting time at WDW in August.

 

[UrbnCwgrl]

My 8 year old daughter has an irrational fear of rain and thunderstorms. It’s gotten to the point now that she doesn’t want to go outside if it’s cloudy! She asks us the weather every day and checks the weather app on my phone. If she sees clouds while we are out running errands, she’ll constantly ask why it’s cloudy and if it is going to rain. When it does thunderstorm, she shakes and jumps every time it thunders. If it happens overnight, she will come crawl into bed with us.

I have tried talking to her, we read books from the library about storms, and I even stood outside with her in the rain one time to prove that it doesn’t hurt us. None of those things have helped. She says she wants to get over the fear and I want to help her.

I don’t know what else to try!! Has anyone else had a child with this fear and how did you help them overcome it?

I realize this is an older thread: but it peaked my interest as after 40 years of experiencing this, I thought it may help someone-and so I'll share...I didn't know nor have the ability at a toddler, young child, teen and even into my adulthood to really know "why" certain things triggered such intense emotions for me all through my life. It is so tricky to "diagnose" pinpoint or observe behaviors and know their cause/reason for being there...

I had high highs and low lows...no in between. I've always been all or nothing -it's a blessing and in some ways very much a hindrance. Because it gets very much in the way of day-to-day. I was told I was not paying attention. It's to get attention. As I got older, well-meaning people family, friends, peers: called it moody, controlling, and all sorts of never positive diagnoses. I understand it must have been very difficult to rationalize or whatnot...but I sort of lived two lives as far as weather went. Shame will do that.

I relate to each child above in one way or another...

For 18 months prior I went from 5 minutes a day to adding 5 more minutes each 21 days of being intentional about my thoughts. It's from a neuroscience perspective. Switch on Your Brain, book has more info.

All I can tell you is I know the exact moment it stopped and it had nothing to do with the weather.
I was driving somewhere for the first time. I had ambiguous directions from the person I was visiting and took a wrong turn-(I didn't follow my own instructions -I had written down!!) Here is where I'd typically have the same type of meltdown that the weather would incite. So yes, it does bleed into other areas-very much so! I intentionally began "coaching" myself OUTLOUD. With encouraging -uplifting -Good and Kind short sentences. Common sense to most-not to me in THOSE moments...

It's gonna be okay
it'll all work out
I'm close
Let me try again

[As a person of faith , I added in some matching verses and thoughts that went along those same lines. Romans 8:28, 2 Tim 1:7, Phillip 4:13]

Well, something what I refer to as a metronome-type clock ticking inside and/or the mouse running on the wheel in mind stop! It ceased to be. It switched sometime in practice. And once implemented at the time of need it re-programmed my synapses in my brain. I didn't know until the next time it rained cats and dogs. That it really was gone. I even had a little anxiety looking at the whole thing from another side of the prism/lens...I had never been on this new side of mountain. I had taken precautions: I had earplugs, eyemask and socks&gloves (i put lotion on and think beauty) but it's to be grounded and aware and to calm down into peace/rest. However, that was a practice to... it's what I say to myself in those moments of "FEAR" DREAD ...

So, if you can honestly be that "coach" to them during those hiccups. I didn't have that. I had a bit of ridicule. Siblings that harped and poked making it worse...A mom who was a bit too distracted to put any effort into my dilemma ...a dad who would shed light by making fun.

You all here are here-your aware. Be uncomfortable WITH them...go there -please! Buckle up and turn it into a roller coaster ride, in your mind. Turn off your clock. Your two hours wasted could save them 40 years of circling trying land this plane -Totally follow them into their experience and Be the Adult. Let them lead you to the place...let them show you what they're afraid of...if they take you -they're trusting you to remain with them through the road out...wait-the key is they have to TELL you with THEIR OWN WORDS the way out...maybe they wont have to wait 40 years to walk out of the invisible wall they're behind... with you right beside them.

Hang in there-THIS To Shall pass-you may have to wait 40 years too-but don't give up-NEVER QUIT ---

Shalom-to you all, especially if you've read to this .

 

[kyton]

You realise that this thread was from 2016?

 

[RamblingMad]

My desert dog has problems too. I moved from the southwest to the southeast, and he hates rain, thunder, humidity, and the bugs. I can only do what a rational adult would do. I’m moving back to the southwest.

Maybe your daughter is secretly telling you that she wants to move to a desert. I’d listen to her and move.

 

[L&Lfan]

You realise that this thread was from 2016?

Absolutely. She states so in the first sentence. ⛈

 

[MaryKM]

Check out the work by Lynn Lyons. She has an incredibly powerful way of helping kids get a handle on their worries and explains how sometimes our best efforts as parents/caregivers, reinforce the worry. She changed my life. Honestly! She has a great website, a few recorded talks, and a book called "Anxious Parents, Anxious Kids," which is super family friendly and explains her approach. Good luck.

Edited... Totally didn't see this was from 2016 until just now.

 

[L&Lfan]

Funny that sometimes I listen to thunderstorms ⛈ on YouTube to aid in sleep. I love them!

 

[Quartz01]

I'm torn on thunder and lightning storms. I love hearing and seeing one in the comfort of my own home but always feel nervous for the people and animals outside.

 

[suemom2kay]

Psychologist here--I would take her to a therapist, as this is not uncommon at all (I've worked with many kids on this exact issue, similar to how your daughter is presenting, with weather checking, etc.), and a brief stint (likely 6-12 sessions) in therapy, doing some very targeted cognitive and behavioral interventions, as well as developing some coping skills and anxiety reduction skills, would be extremely effective. Best of luck!

I agree. My kid had a fear of bees (had never been stung) and stopped wanting to go outside. Took her to a therapist and it helped immensely!

 

[PollyannaMom]

You realize that this thread was from 2016?

Yes, the poster said as much. But it's a common fear, and reviving the thread may very well be helpful for someone else.

Children at this age get *many* irrational fears and phobias. Not sure why, but they start getting all sorts of weird ideas and some kids just go overboard with them.

I think it has to do with brain development around that age. - They're suddenly way more able to extrapolate and connect one thing to another!


To anyone dealing with this - I definitely agree with keeping an eye on news consumption! Sometimes kids hear about a far-away hurricane on TV and think a normal storm in their own area will do the same thing.