Caution-Religious question about interfaith marriages

[goodstarr]

I am Christian and have been married to a non-believer for almost 10 years. Recently, I have become friends with the another mother from DD-7's school, who is also Christian. Ever since she found out that DH was not a Christian, she has had lengthy conversations with him about this. She tells him that she wants to learn about his religion, then when he talks about it, she says "how can you believe that?" and quotes scripture to contradict what he says. Then she asks me how can I not have these conversations with him everyday. Now please understand, everything she says concerning scripture, I totally agree with. I just don't agree with her tactics. I knew DH was not a Christian when I married him. I pray for him, annoint him (and our house) frequently, have brought him to church numerous times (and he has been involved in activities there) and I talk about what God is doing in my life. He sees me go to church, read my Bible and can see how God has made me the person that I am. I believe that in Corinthians it states that if a woman is married to a non-believer and he wants to be with her, that he is sanctified through her. I don't feel that the way to get him to accept Christ is through telling him how stupid he is to believe what he believes. I feel through prayer, fasting and annointing, God will come into his heart. I feel that her tactics only push him away from wanting to hear The Word. I know that as Christians, we have a responsibility to spread The Word, expecially to our unsaved family and friends, but I also feel that there are better ways to get people to "receive" The Word, other than debating them at every chance meeting. Am I wrong to feel this way?

 

[CBRorBust]

You cannot make him a believer if he doesn't want it in his life.

I think that you have taken the healthiest approach with him by loving him regardless of his religious views, or lack there of, no pun intended.

While your friend may be on a mission on her own, it is going to take him wanting to accept God in his life to make him "convert." All I can say is good luck. My grandmother is the most Catholic person I know, yet she is married to an atheist. She loves him no matter what his beliefs are, and prays for him daily. That's all you really can do for now.

 

[pumba]

some where in the Bible it says......NOT TO JUDGE.......so don't.....and I would not let your friend judge him either.....how does she know what is in his heart.......sometimes religious debates are a big issue and separates families.........I have been married for almost 37 years and I do not question my husbands beliefs......

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

Goodstarr, here's how I feel. If someone were to try to share their religious beliefs with me once or twice, I wouldn't mind, I'd take their interest in my spiritual well being the same way that I'd take their inquiries into my physical health. but if they were to come to my house and argue with me on a recurring basis, I would be offended and upset that they showed no respect for my beliefs.

 

[jel0511]

I am currently and intend to stay in my interfaith marriage and I find your post insulting. I am the "Christian" (Methodist) in this marriage and my husband is Jewish. Yes, he doesn't believe in Jesus, and there is NOTHING wrong with that. According to HIS beliefs he will get into Heaven just like everybody else. Now, he isn't a practicing Jew (doesn't go to Temple) and I'm not a practicing Methodist (don't go to church). I respect that my husband has different beliefs and don't believe that just because we believe different things, he could be "condemmed" or need to be saved in any manner, because he doesn't believe in Jesus. There are MANY different religions in this world, some just have a faith in a God, some have a faith in Jesus, some have a faith in something else. Just because you don't have a faith in the same thing doesn't mean anyone needs to be "saved" or prayed for. This kind of rellgious differences is one of the HUGE problems in the world. Just take a look at the Middle East for examples to start. If the world could just accept that people are different and can believe in different things and respect them for that, we'd be much better off.

 

[GoofItUp]

jel0511, It sounds like you think people should have an open mind to different religious views, but it also sounds like you just condemned goodstarr for believing if she annoints/prays for her husband he will be sanctified through her. If she believes this and her husband has no problem with it, why are you condemning it? That doesn't sound very open-minded.

goodstarr, For a response to your situation.....I have very strong Christian beliefs and don't mind discussing them with someone just like I would the latest sports game, what happened on a TV show, or my last trip to Disney. However, I also don't slam people over the head with my views because I know that won't do any good for anyone. I'm not sure which category your friend falls in. If she's just sharing her faith and differences like someone would if she liked one sports team and your DH liked another (ie, How could you think that QB's any good? He hasn't completed a pass all year!) then I wouldn't see the problem. I hope this makes sense.

 

[Tina]

I didn't read Lori's post like that at all. I agree 100% with her (speaking from a Lutheran (me) and Jewish interfaith couple's point of view). Well said, Lori.

 

[Aimeedyan]

Though I am not sure I agree 100% with your own feelings on religion and his santification, that's not anyone elses business but yours and God's. I am in total agreement that her tactics are not the best probably, and that she needs to back off... For some reason, people are told to evangelize but not taught HOW to do it in a socially appropriate manner. they also aren't taught when to STOP, before driving someone further away. Thats why evangelical Christians have such a bad rep!

I would sit her down and have a heart to heart with her. Really. Just tell that you appreciate her friendship, and understand what she is trying to do, but its just driving your hubby away from all things Christian, and not doing any good. That he can not be made to believe something, nor does his beliefs have to make sense to anyone but him!

Thats what I would do. I think she'll back off if you present it to her like that...

Good luck... it is so hard when you start mixing religion into friendships and family. Everyone has diff thoughts on it, and its so personal and so passionate a topic! Only YOU can make the best decision for you, and only YOU have to answer to God for it. =)

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Honestly her behavior doesn't have a thing to do with trying to convert him. To me it sounds like good old fashioned debating if he engages her in conversation.

If it were my dh he would go tell her to take a flying leap off a short pier. (He doesn't debate religion well.)

If your dh doesn't want to hear her ideas he can ask her to stop. If she doesn't respect his request she is just downright rude, imho.

 

[goodstarr]

Jel0511, without getting into a religious debate, I did not mean to be insulting. My religion (Pentecostal) teaches that if you don't believe that Jesus is the Son of God and that He died for our sins and accept Him as your Lord and Savior, then you will spend eternity in Hell. So, I obviously believe that if DH believes, then he will be "saved" from eternal damnation. Of course, Jews are God's chosen people and have a special place in Heaven as well. These are views that are purely based on scripture. That's why I said that I pray, fast and annoint him so that he can be saved. I know that people interpret the Bible differently, and that's the way I read it.

 

[shortbun]

As a Christian, I feel that anyone believing in a "higher power"
is on the right track. So many religions mirror much of what
Christianity teaches me, I certainly can not judge nor do I welcome or encourage others to. Hey, if you want to honor the sun and mother earth, who am I to question your beliefs?

"A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still."

I do have a troubled mind when I hear my God described as
punishing and when I see religions based on guilt and lack of
self worth. Most of these branches are patriarchal in nature with
most writings and teachings developed by man in order to control
the followers. I see God as the ONLY control point in my religion
and I do not rely on man to tell me what God wants of me. I guess that's a judgement....I need to think about a better place
for those thoughts.

carry on

 

[Tinkbell]

I think your friend's intentions are good, but it really is none of her business. She is definitely going overboard and I wouldn't hesitate to tell her so.

 

[Disney Doll]

Your friend is rude, and I wouldn't hesitate to tell her so. Your husband is very nice for not telling her to take a long walk off a short pier. I can't stand when people jam religion down my throat.

 

[Otto's Doll]

1 Peter 3:1 In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands, even those who refuse to accept the Good News. Your godly lives will speak to them better than any words. They will be won over 2by watching your pure, godly behavior. 3Don't be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. 4You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. Goodstarr, according to this passage, your actions will speak so much louder than your words.
The Bible makes it very clear that the ONLY way to Heaven is through Jesus Christ. I believe that the Bible is the final authority.

Praying for your DH is the most important thing you can do for him. I found after I came to Christ that my DH didn't want to listen to me after the first or second time I tried to speak to him about it, but I knew he was watching me, and seeing the changes that God brought about in my life. That spoke to him much louder than my words. Also, my kids were a huge source of information for him, and he listened to them more than me. God is good, and after years of praying for him, he has found Jesus. I want to encourage you to keep on doing what you are doing. As for your friend, if it seems to be bothering your dh, I would agree with Aimeedyan, and ask her to stop, and tell her why. God bless you.

 

[GoofItUp]

Very well put, Otto's Doll.

 

[goodstarr]

Otto's doll, how very well said. Thank you so much. That's exactly the way i feel. Aimeedyan, you hit the nail right on the head about learning "how" to evangelize. When I told her that maybe she was putting him off when she "debates" him, she took this as a way to show me that he obviously has doubts about his religion since he doesn't want to go back and forth with her on his views and the scripture. I feel as if she's judging me for #1 marrying him since we are not equally "yolked" as she says and #2 because I do not participate in these daily debates with him so that he can see the light. I want to continue to be friends with this woman, but I don't want to have to defend my marriage every time we talk.

 

[PamOKW]

Originally posted by goodstarr
I am Christian and have been married to a non-believer for almost 10 years. Ever since she found out that DH was not a Christian, she has had lengthy conversations with him about this. She tells him that she wants to learn about his religion, then when he talks about it, she says "how can you believe that?"

I'm a little confused. You call your husband a non-believer and then you mention his religion. Does he belong to an organized religion and/or is an agnostic or atheist? I'm curious whether you were as involved in your religion (I'm guessing Evangelical?) prior to your marriage?

If this friend is badgering your husband in your home, he is within his rights to politely ask her to stop (unless he does enjoy the debate). If she persists in these "discussions" I agree that she is being rude. I also don't think she should be trying to drive a wedge between a husband and a wife no matter how well intentioned she feels she is being.

 

[BHFan25]

Personally, I would ask her to stop. I'd be afraid that she would make him mad and push him away from God instead of closer. Yup., I'd speak up about it even though her intentions might be good. Her tactics are not. No one wants God shoved down their throats. Your approach is best. Quietly let your DH see your life and love for God. It speaks volumes more. Your prayers are more powerful than you know. I hope he comes to know God through Jesus Christ.

 

[CyranoJones]

Of course, Jews are God's chosen people and have a special place in Heaven as well.

Phew!! What a relief. At least I know my husband is getting in.

 

[Laura]

Originally posted by BHFan25
No one wants God shoved down their throats.

Your DH married you knowing how and what you believed, and if your approach to his beliefs doesn't bother him, then nobody has the right to tell you how to combine your faith with your relationship with your husband.

As for your friend, I think if she's bothering your DH he should say something to her. But it sounds as though the person she's bothering is you; you sound afraid that she's undoing the work you've done toward his possible acceptance of Christianity. If so, I think you should say something to her about that: you're doing what you can, etc. etc. and if he wants to accept Christ, he will. She might be sanctimonious, she might want to genuinely help, she might be prejudiced, I can't say because I don't know her. But if she genuinely wants to save him, I think she would defer to your wishes. She should, anyway; you're his wife, you certainly know him better!

I don't believe in browbeating people into believing something, be it religion or politics or anything. It's counterproductive, and it just doesn't work. Lead by example, I say. And that sounds like what you're trying to do. I don't see anything wrong with that. He's a grown man, I'm sure he can think for himself.