Catholic Guilt

[Christine]

I'm sincerely confused about something. I'm not Catholic, but if all/most of you left/stopped attending the Catholic Church because I presume you feel its teachings are false/wrong, then what is there to feel guilty about? If it's okay to miss services, practice birth control, have abortions, and whatever else you mentioned you are now doing, why are you feeling guilty? It seems to me at least you would feel a sense of relief! Just asking...

It's a brainwashing thing. And I only say that because I have been a victim of it.

I will tell you that I am agnostic. I no longer really believe--at least not in anything organized. But my grandmother (who was Catholic and then had to become Episcopalian due to divorce at that time) drilled "baptism" into my head. Drilled it, I tell you.

Even though I didn't really believe, when I did have my children, I ran and got them baptized. I just couldn't NOT do it. It felt weird.

 

[luvmy3]

It's a brainwashing thing. And I only say that because I have been a victim of it.

I will tell you that I am agnostic. I no longer really believe--at least not in anything organized. But my grandmother (who was Catholic and then had to become Episcopalian due to divorce at that time) drilled "baptism" into my head. Drilled it, I tell you.

Even though I didn't really believe, when I did have my children, I ran and got them baptized. I just couldn't NOT do it. It felt weird.

I know exactly what you mean. Two out of three of my kids are baptized. When my first was born I was really pulling away from the Church, but I HAD to get her baptized. By the time the second was born, I was already gone but felt tremendous guilt not baptizing him, so I did. He was about 6 months old so it took me awhile to decide but it felt wrong not to do it. By the time my third was born, the guilt was gone and he was never baptizedand I have never struggled with the decision not to do it.

 

[AKBAFB]

I'm sincerely confused about something. I'm not Catholic, but if all/most of you left/stopped attending the Catholic Church because I presume you feel its teachings are false/wrong, then what is there to feel guilty about? If it's okay to miss services, practice birth control, have abortions, and whatever else you mentioned you are now doing, why are you feeling guilty? It seems to me at least you would feel a sense of relief! Just asking...

Yes, my dear, that's kind of the point of the thread! Regardless of whether one is a praticing, non-practicing, or former Catholic, there does seem to be an awful lot of people who always have this little nagging "angel" in their head reminding them of all their "sins" and all the "guilt" they should have. Like Christine said, it's almost like being brainwashed.

 

[lillygator]

I thought the thread title said quilt....I am thinking, what the heck is a catholic quilt!

 

[Disney Doll]

Funny, I've been Catholic since birth and don't feel guilty about anything. Maybe I've never done anything to feel guilty about.

I also wasn't aware that Catholics had the market cornered on guilt. I always thought that conscience had more to do with guilt than religion.

 

[luvmy3]

Funny, I've been Catholic since birth and don't feel guilty about anything. Maybe I've never done anything to feel guilty about.

I also wasn't aware that Catholics had the market cornered on guilt. I always thought that conscience had more to do with guilt than religion.

Since you are still a Catholic, you could never know where some of the posters are coming from. It takes leaving the religion to feel the "Catholic" guilt. It is a real thing, and has nothing to do with your conscience and everything to do with the religion.

 

[Pigeon]

I'm pretty well recovered in many aspects of my life. But certain things do trigger guilt, and there are certain Catholic superstitions that I know are nonsense, but still bother me occasionally.

 

[Disney Doll]

Since you are still a Catholic, you could never know where some of the posters are coming from. It takes leaving the religion to feel the "Catholic" guilt. It is a real thing, and has nothing to do with your conscience and everything to do with the religion.

Well, I have friends who aren't Catholic, have never been Catholic and they feel guilt.

Why would that be, do you think?

And if one has left a religion, I would assume that means that they no longer subscribe to its teachings, so how could those teachings that onew presumably no longer believes in cause guilt?

Seems strange to me.

 

[luvmy3]

Well, I have friends who aren't Catholic, have never been Catholic and they feel guilt.

Why would that be, do you think?

And if one has left a religion, I would assume that means that they no longer subscribe to its teachings, so how could those teachings that onew presumably no longer believes in cause guilt?

Seems strange to me.

You misunderstood my post, there is guilt and there is such a thing as Catholic guilt. It is the guilt one feels after they have left that religion. I imagine there are all kinds of religion based guilt felt by people who leave, or convert to another religion.
If you were never a Catholic, or still a practicing, believing Catholic you would be incapable of feeling Catholic guilt, but very much able to feel guilty about anything else. Like I feel horribly guilty because I haven't called my grandmother in a week in a half. That has absolutely nothing to do with any religion, its just my own conscience.
As far as the teachings causing guilt after one has left it really a personal thing, everybody has their own reasons. I don't want to offend anyone by saying this, but IMHO, the church really does have a way of "brainwashing". Its what they need to do so that the followers remain in the church. I'm not just talking Catholisim, I mean any organized religion.
Its what makes people second guess their choice to leave. It even scares people enough into staying even when they don't truly believe in the teachings, and that too can cause Catholic guilt.

 

[Goobergal99]

I went to Catholic School from second grade all the way through High School. Talk about guilt. I don't go to Church on Sunday, I use birth control, I believe in a woman's right to choose. I feel guilty all the time.

LOL yea, I went to catholic school from K-12th grade and then after a couple years in a community college, I went back to catholic school to get my BSN.

Year and Years of guilt, we should start a cult.... "recovering catholics united against angst ridden guilt" LOL

 

[Goobergal99]

I am also agnostic.... and haven't really raised DD catholic although she does go to catholic school (I know I am a hypocrite but we live in Philadelphia so the other options are not so good, so don't judge LOL) In any case the most religion she gets is at school, it was pretty much the same in my house we never went to church or anything....

I do remember as a child always worrying about God seeing me do bad things... The nuns used to always tell us we should be good or we would make the baby jesus cry!

But I am just guilty all the time over other things... and I blame it all on my catholic upbringing

 

[KikiFan]

Former Catholic. I've managed to release the guilt, mainly because I've found a church that suits me better. But my family wears me out with their guilt.

I'm the only one in my family that regularly attends church. Pretty much weekly, for the last 15 years in fact. But on Christmas eve my sister wanted us all to go to Mass. They never go to church, except for Christmas Eve - yet somehow their need to go to mass trumped my desire to go to my church. Yeah it got ugly.

 

[minniecarousel]

I was a former Catholic for a while, but actually went back. The trick is to find a Catholic church that doesn't actually look like one.

Our parish is run by Jesuits, who are not known for their strict adherence to church dogma. It is also the University parish, flooded by college students (in a good way), so most Catholics don't even recognize it. For example, we have kneelers, but they aren't used for anything other than for the kids to stand on to get a better view. We have an active GLBTQ ministry---one that doesn't try to "cure" the people in it, but accepts them as they are. (A family friend of mine and her parter are often at the Mass we attend.) Parish members bake bread (with honey!) for communion, rather than using those tasteless dry wafers. The 7PM Sunday Mass (which my wife and I refer to as singles night) is the most heavily attended by the students, and has a five piece rock band for music.
One of the more interesting features is that the faith formation classes for the kids are all taught by the college students. I get to know some students not in my classes, getting a different picture of the University. And, these kids are smart, well-mannered, and fun to be around. Gives you hope for the future. What's more, most of them have as little regard for the church hierarchy as I do.

Jesuits being Jesuits, the sermons are pretty light on the whole guilt and shame thing, and focused instead on spiritual growth, with a heavy dose of social justice thrown in.

It's really pretty cool. My MIL is staying with us this month, and it took her a while to get over the fact that, you know, it's weird, but she's starting to like it. At coffee and donuts yesterday, she mentioned that "The singing is different. It sounds younger that it does at home."

So, we're still Catholic, but it's really hard to tell. And, yes, the Bishop knows we don't use the kneelers. Apparently, it's Officially Okay.

That said, there's no reason for you to go back, or feel guilty if you don't. Everyone has to find their own path. Enjoy the one you are on!

I would love to find a parish like this! We have Jesuits come over from the University of San Francisco to help out at our large suburban parish and we just love them!

Catholic guilt is apparent in my life. I'm a sporatic church-goer, but I don't think I could ever go to another church. Sad but true.

 

[Disney Doll]

See bolded below

You misunderstood my post, there is guilt and there is such a thing as Catholic guilt. It is the guilt one feels after they have left that religion. But if one has a mature understanding of religion and what it is supposed to mean in one's life, finding a religion that "works" for you should not be guilt-inducing.I imagine there are all kinds of religion based guilt felt by people who leave, or convert to another religion. But you didn't say "religious guilt"...you said Catholic guilt.If you were never a Catholic, or still a practicing, believing Catholic you would be incapable of feeling Catholic guilt, but very much able to feel guilty about anything else. Like I feel horribly guilty because I haven't called my grandmother in a week in a half. That has absolutely nothing to do with any religion, its just my own conscience. Did you ever consider that Catholic guilt may be your own conscience too? Or is it easier just to decide that the Catholic religion sucks because it "makes" you feel guilty?As far as the teachings causing guilt after one has left it really a personal thing, everybody has their own reasons. I have never understood how someone can say that they don't believe in a religion, don't practice a religion, but can still be affected by that religion. I don't want to offend anyone by saying this, but IMHO, the church really does have a way of "brainwashing". That is offensive, whether you mean it to be or not. I choose to be a Catholic because it works for me. I am not "brainwashed" into it. I am quite intelligent and very capable of making my own decisions, and have even been known to make decisions that go against the group once in a while. Catholics are not all a bunch of lemmings who will jump off the cliff just because a bunch of other Catholics have. Its what they need to do so that the followers remain in the church. I'm not just talking Catholisim, I mean any organized religion. But again, your post is specifically citing Catholicism. If you mean any religion, why specifically cite Catholicism?Its what makes people second guess their choice to leave. Maybe people second guess their choice to leave because they are leaving for the wrong reasons. Figuring that out would require a period of discernment though, and it's probably easier to say "I hate the catholic church and now it's their fault that I am feeling guilt for leaving". Absolves the person of the need to take some personal responsibility for their actions or decisions.It even scares people enough into staying even when they don't truly believe in the teachings, and that too can cause Catholic guilt.

You have issues with the Catholic church...that's pretty clear from the content of your posts. I'm not going to fix them, nor do I care to.

I'll leave yet another Catholic bashing post now, and leave you all to have your fun.

Try the period of discernment some day though...you'll be amazed at what happens when you actually think about something.

 

[Disney Doll]

See bolded below

You misunderstood my post, there is guilt and there is such a thing as Catholic guilt. It is the guilt one feels after they have left that religion. But if one has a mature understanding of religion and what it is supposed to mean in one's life, finding a religion that "works" for you should not be guilt-inducing.I imagine there are all kinds of religion based guilt felt by people who leave, or convert to another religion. But you didn't say "religious guilt"...you said Catholic guilt.If you were never a Catholic, or still a practicing, believing Catholic you would be incapable of feeling Catholic guilt, but very much able to feel guilty about anything else. Like I feel horribly guilty because I haven't called my grandmother in a week in a half. That has absolutely nothing to do with any religion, its just my own conscience. Did you ever consider that Catholic guilt may be your own conscience too? Or is it easier just to decide that the Catholic religion sucks because it "makes" you feel guilty?As far as the teachings causing guilt after one has left it really a personal thing, everybody has their own reasons. I have never understood how someone can say that they don't believe in a religion, don't practice a religion, but can still be affected by that religion. I don't want to offend anyone by saying this, but IMHO, the church really does have a way of "brainwashing". That is offensive, whether you mean it to be or not. I choose to be a Catholic because it works for me. I am not "brainwashed" into it. I am quite intelligent and very capable of making my own decisions, and have even been known to make decisions that go against the group once in a while. Catholics are not all a bunch of lemmings who will jump off the cliff just because a bunch of other Catholics have. Its what they need to do so that the followers remain in the church. I'm not just talking Catholisim, I mean any organized religion. But again, your post is specifically citing Catholicism. If you mean any religion, why specifically cite Catholicism?Its what makes people second guess their choice to leave. Maybe people second guess their choice to leave because they are leaving for the wrong reasons. Figuring that out would require a period of discernment though, and it's probably easier to say "I hate the catholic church and now it's their fault that I am feeling guilt for leaving". Absolves the person of the need to take some personal responsibility for their actions or decisions.It even scares people enough into staying even when they don't truly believe in the teachings, and that too can cause Catholic guilt.

You have issues with the Catholic church...that's pretty clear from the content of your posts. I'm not going to fix them, nor do I care to.

I'll leave yet another Catholic bashing post now, and leave you all to have your fun. For a bunch of people who don't like the religion, ya'll spend an awful lot of time discussing it.

Try the period of discernment some day though...you'll be amazed at what happens when you actually think about something.

 

[RickinNYC]

I have almost 4 kids out of wedlock... I'm guessing I have an express ticket to the hot place

Just wanted to mention they are all with the same man... I'm not a episode of Maury or anything..

Ding ding ding! I think you beat me. Doesn't four children out of wedlock beat a gay guy?

If that's the case and our day comes calling, I'll be at the hot place holding your "Welcome Home" gift basket and complimentary bag of ice. Don't forget to pack your sunscreen! It's HOT there from what I understand! But not to humid though.

 

[jack hannah bananah]

Guilt is a result of doing something you know (down deep) is wrong. If you feel guilty because you are not going to church, it is because you need some spiritual guidance, fellowship, or just that one hour commitment to God. People who find a true relationship with God in another church do not feel "Catholic guilt". This guilt is not because you were raised Catholic. It is because you were raised with a sense of what you should be doing as a child of God - and you know you are not doing it. --Not to lay on the guilt

 

[luvmy3]

See bolded below
You have issues with the Catholic church...that's pretty clear from the content of your posts. I'm not going to fix them, nor do I care to.

I'll leave yet another Catholic bashing post now, and leave you all to have your fun. For a bunch of people who don't like the religion, ya'll spend an awful lot of time discussing it.

Try the period of discernment some day though...you'll be amazed at what happens when you actually think about something.

I'm sorry, where in this thread was anyone bashing the Catholic religion?
All the posters here have expressed that they feel some sort of guilt brought on by being Catholic at one point. Thats not bashing, thats stating the facts about our feelings. If you don't like the content of this thread, maybe you should have just moves along and not posted anything in it, since obviously you have no idea what we are talking about here

 

[TomLovesBecky]

My catholic friend who HATES the catholic church (not entirely sure why, she has been pretty vague about that and I'm not catholic so I don't care if she's catholic or not) had her daughter baptized. I was like, what the hell? I thought you didn't like or believe in the catholic church? She said, dead serious, I don't, but I still have to baptize her, I can't not do it.

 

[ProudMomTo3Boys]

My catholic friend who HATES the catholic church (not entirely sure why, she has been pretty vague about that and I'm not catholic so I don't care if she's catholic or not) had her daughter baptized. I was like, what the hell? I thought you didn't like or believe in the catholic church? She said, dead serious, I don't, but I still have to baptize her, I can't not do it.

I baptized all 3 of my children and that is pretty much how I feel. They have also received Communion, well 2 of them have, the 3rd isn't old enough yet. My DH is Catholic as well. He goes to Church every Sunday . I have to also add that I don't hate the Catholic Church. I just don't follow all the rules and because I don't that is where my guilt lies.