Can't find friends

[JasonBlue07]

Who are you bowling with?

Do you have good hygiene habits?

When you ask for names, you said they *keep* talking. Is there any chance they were mid-conversation and you might have interrupted, where the other person waited for a break to ask for names?

I'm with like 10-20 people. I don't think they're in a mid-conversation cause when I leave a girl ask for name when they're talking and they listen.

And yes I have a good hygiene cause at that time I was eating a mint candy and I don't sweat one bit

 

[phorsenuf]

Yea someone on the Internet...

 

[luvsJack]

I have friends but very little and we only hang out at school and that's only if we meet. I like art and I'm in an art camp now. It's the same thing as always, alone while others are talking to each other. I'm not gonna give up now but if this continue I'm gonna give up.

Is there a reason why you and those friends only hang out at school?

Do you and those friends have something in common?

Camp can be hard because some kids sign up with others that they know or if some have been going to that camp for several years, they already know each other. Enjoy your camp and keep trying to strike up conversations.

When school starts, is there an art club? or maybe a drama dept. that needs help with painting sets?

 

[JasonBlue07]

Is there a reason why you and those friends only hang out at school?

Do you and those friends have something in common?

Camp can be hard because some kids sign up with others that they know or if some have been going to that camp for several years, they already know each other. Enjoy your camp and keep trying to strike up conversations.

When school starts, is there an art club? or maybe a drama dept. that needs help with painting sets?

Well camp is almost done. And no me and those friends have very little in common, reason:
None of them love disney
None of them like outdoor stuff
None of them like to travel
None of them like pop or rock
Some do like art but manga art. I like American animation (that's one of the reason why I love disney)

 

[mrsklamc]

Well there is more to good hygiene than mint candy and not sweating but we'll assume you shower and brush your teeth daily and comb your hair.

Have you tried asking the friends you have at school to do things outside of school?

 

[mrsklamc]

Well camp is almost done. And no me and those friends have very little in common, reason:
None of them love disney
None of them like outdoor stuff
None of them like to travel
None of them like pop or rock
Some do like art but manga art. I like American animation (that's one of the reason why I love disney)

Well, this sounds a bit like you are only interested in being friends with people who are interested in the same things you are interested in. Try focusing on the things THEY are interested in.

 

[JasonBlue07]

Well there is more to good hygiene than mint candy and not sweating but we'll assume you shower and brush your teeth daily and comb your hair.

Have you tried asking the friends you have at school to do things outside of school?

I don't have a chance. When they talk to each other they yell, play around and all that fun stuff, you can barely get their attention. Also, they never stop talking and I don't wanna interrupt them.

 

[JasonBlue07]

Well, this sounds a bit like you are only interested in being friends with people who are interested in the same things you are interested in. Try focusing on the things THEY are interested in.

But you said find some one that is in common with me

 

[NHdisneylover]

Well let me just put it in a dialog


group must have been involved in a conversation already. Wait for a break in the conversation, and when there is one ask if they are ready to start playing or not yet?
*bowling starting and I'm about to put the names in*
Me: ok who want to go first
Group: *keeps talking about something and no one respond* Obviously, they are interested in their conversation. What was it about? Did you listen for a bit and then ask some questions to show your interest in their topic? THAT would be a good way to get involved, instead of sulking away when they were not ready to switch gears yet and did not respond to you trying to get them to do so.
Me: *walks away from the computer*
*someone else put the name in and the group respond to her* perhaps she did it at a better break in the conversation. Perhaps they are just more comfortable with her if they know her already Try to think of it as "good, we are starting now" and not "why did they respond to her but not me--what jerks" What you are thinking WILL come through in your face and tone going forward

This sort of is similar to how I pointed out that you START a lot of threads but do not contribute to other people's threads very often. You need to show interest in what others are talking about and doing instead of trying to change the flow of conversation or activity to what you want it to be. People will respond better to a new person if that person is not coming across as "bossy" or "intruding" and it feels intrusive to change the topic or activity KWIM?


Boy: *got a strike*
Me: nice
Boy: *ignore*
Me: *roll the ball and got 9 pin down*
Everyone: *ignore*
Girl: *roll the ball and got 1/2 pins down*
Everyone: *cheer*
Me: :|

The second one is harder--it doesn't seem like much conversation is happening at all really. I do wonder if a history of being overly competitive makes others not prone to cheering you on. And cheering on the person who only got half the pins is being supportive of someone who is not doing as well Instead of being unhappy that she is being cheered for, cheer as well

 

[Southernmiss]

Op are you on Facebook. The teens I know all are on Facebook or now snapchat? They may not see each other over school vacation, but are in touch via social media.

 

[luvsJack]

Well camp is almost done. And no me and those friends have very little in common, reason:
None of them love disney
None of them like outdoor stuff
None of them like to travel
None of them like pop or rock
Some do like art but manga art. I like American animation (that's one of the reason why I love disney)

So, why are you friends with them? What are they interested in? You might find you like some of their interests.

Here is the thing--you want friends to hang out with outside of school. Right? Other people HAVE friends, you are wanting to enter their groups that are already established so YOU have to be the one making the effort. Get involved in something and it will make it easier.

 

[mrsklamc]

But you said find some one that is in common with me

Well, they do have something in common with you - you go to the same school, and presumably have some of the same classes or something. But you can't expect anyone to share all the same interests or only want to talk about your interests.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Well, they do have something in common with you - you go to the same school, and presumably have some of the same classes or something. But you can't expect anyone to share all the same interests or only want to talk about your interests.

and odds are they like SOME music--maybe not the bands you currently like, but something. They like art--just not the exact art you do, etc.

Having some common interests is not the same as "are basically the same as me"

 

[DawnM]

Friends don't have to have every detail of everything in common.

I have friends who don't even like Disney! But we share other interests.

Can you talk to someone about this? Maybe a school counselor? Maybe an adult who you trust?

They may give you some valuable insight as I think we are only getting a small picture of what is going on with you.

Dawn

Well camp is almost done. And no me and those friends have very little in common, reason:
None of them love disney
None of them like outdoor stuff
None of them like to travel
None of them like pop or rock
Some do like art but manga art. I like American animation (that's one of the reason why I love disney)

 

[NHdisneylover]

Friends don't have to have every detail of everything in common.

I have friends who don't even like Disney! But we share other interests.

Can you talk to someone about this? Maybe a school counselor? Maybe an adult who you trust?

They may give you some valuable insight as I think we are only getting a small picture of what is going on with you.

Dawn

I agree. I really hope you can talk to an adult about this--one how can help or find help for you.

 

[Lynne M]

I've been reading about this and thinking about how I found my closest friends. They kinda just 'happened'. You can't really force a friendship, it's something that happens, or doesn't, when you talk to people. I wonder if you're having trouble because you're trying a little too hard.

Let's see....one friend and I started talking because we were the two oldest people in a college class. That just started the conversation, gave us something to talk about that day. We kept talking, and are still talking 30 years later.

Another friend I met because she was hanging out with someone I knew from college orientation. I went up to say hi to the girl I knew, and ended up talking to the people who were with her, and found that this other girl liked the same kind of movies I do. We still go see movies together 35 years later.

I wasn't looking to make friends in either case. Just livin' my life. And that's how you'll find friends, too. You can't make it happen, you'll just run into people that you'll hit it off with. Don't press. When you meet new people, just strike up a conversation. Ask them a question about themselves. Everybody likes to talk about themselves. Just something to get the conversation started. Like "what school do you go to?" If it's someone in one of your classes, you have plenty of conversation material. "What did you think of the homework yesterday?"

And since you mentioned being sarcastic, competitive, and insulting, I'll just say that those things are kinda tricky, and can kill a friendship before it starts. I can be sarcastic with my friends and pick on them but that's because I've known them forever and I know their sense of humor, and I know where the line is between something they'll laugh at and something that'll hurt their feelings. I'd never, never be insulting with someone I'd just met and didn't know well.

Competitive...does that mean that you like to play games and compete, or that you get really mad and throw things and yell when you lose? Again, it can go both ways. Competing can be lots of fun between friends. Being a poor loser...well, nobody likes being around someone like that.

 

[JasonBlue07]

Well guys I've come down to these option, which one you guys think I should choose?

1. Completely give up and accept being alone
2. Completely change my personality and type, this means going to a "bad boy" type of person that is jocky, troublemaker, hitting on girls and etc
3. Having a "I don't care" attitude
4. Continue being a "good boy" type and keep trying
5. Not gonna look for friends anymore and just let it flow

 

[NHdisneylover]

Well guys I've come down to these option, which one you guys think I should choose?

1. Completely give up and accept being alone
2. Completely change my personality and type, this means going to a "bad boy" type of person that is jocky, troublemaker, hitting on girls and etc
3. Having a "I don't care" attitude
4. Continue being a "good boy" type and keep trying
5. Not gonna look for friends anymore and just let it flow

6. talk to a school counselor, a therapist, etc and learn some better skills for meeting and making friends.

 

[JasonBlue07]

6. talk to a school counselor, a therapist, etc and learn some better skills for meeting and making friends.

I'm actually aiming for number 2 or 5

 

[NHdisneylover]

I'm actually aiming for number 2 or 5

Well, from what I have seen over the years teaching, as a youth librarian, as a scout leader and as a parent--#2 will only make things worse. No one likes a poser or someone who is trying too hard, and you'll annoy and upset your parents and other adults on top of not really having friends.

5 is fine IF and only if you are okay with not having friends and not unhappy about it. I think, based on you starting this thread, that is not the case. So, I still vote for stopping the pity party and talking to adults who can help you learn to help yourself and build skills to talk with groups and make friends.