Candlelight Vigil? (a sort-of vent)

[AmandaSparks730]

Has anyone been to a candlelight vigil?

They're quite hard, no matter how old you are.

...it's been a month, today, since we lost Kim.

A sad night last night; my friend Kim's candlelight vigil (RIP).

All my friends were there to lean on...some people talked about her (mostly her friends)...someone (I believe her English teacher) read a poem that she had written in October that made me weep BUCKETS ...the girl's chorale sang a very pretty (though very sad) song...all in all, a sad but beautiful night. All of us, students, friends, parents, grandparents, all out in the courtyard, remembering a lost friend. I laughed, I cried. Thank goodness my friends are all so wonderful and loving and supportive

I have no idea how we were able to get through it, some of us. I could barely look at Jake (Kim's ex-boyfriend and closest friend) the whole time. He looked like he was about to cry, but held it in somehow. How he finds the strength, I have no idea, considering he was ON the bus that killed her.

Jake, Aly (who you'll meet in my TR...if you read it...), Meggles, Ed, Arthur, Chris, Alicia, Ellen, Courtney, Teresa, Lyss...all such wonderful, wonderful friends. I feel so lucky to have them.

Lots of hugs, lots of tears, but we've all made it through this, and we will never forget Friday, May 1, 2009 for as long as we all shall live.

Rest in Peace, Kim. We all miss you and love you. You'll always be in our hearts, and we will NEVER, EVER, NEVER forget you.

A moment of silence/prayers/thoughts for all of us...

Thank you all.



If anyone wants to share stories or give advice on how to get through this terrible loss, feel free to jump in.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Hi,

I was in Junior High when a dear friend of mine was hit by a car. (That's 8th grade to be exact.)

He died of his injuries when we were all in 10th grade. He was in and out of a coma state as induced by his doctor.

You will never forget your friend, trust me. I am now 40 and I can still see my friend with his trademarked, "Give us a hug." I'm sure he was just trying to cop a feel, but hey, ANY 8th grader will do that! That's just his personality and I have visited his grave with many fun, kind, sweet, and funny memories.

Can you tell us a little about your friend? How did she die? My friend was hit by a drunk driver and now I never drive if I've had one drop. Perhaps, well, let's not go there.

As to get you through your terrible loss, just feel it. Express it. Do you do art or write or anything? Do you have plenty of people to talk to about this? Are you close with her parents? After a while, I'm sure they would love to hear how you are doing in your life, so check in on them from time to time.

 

[maelstrom]

In my experience, crying is important. Don't hold it back, because it will make you sick, and then you'll just end up bawling at something like a tv show and look like a nutjob. I was physically ill for a few days after my uncle died (cancer) and I didn't know why, and then I was watching a tv show and just completely broke down, and then I felt better. I realized that I really needed to let all of that energy out.

 

[EMom]

When I was in 7th grade, an 8th grade friend was killed in a motorcycle wreck on the country road I lived on. My best friend and I had been invited to go with the group that day (everyone was taking turns riding the motorcycle) but my mother had said NO. (Thanks, Mama.) I will never forget that the two boys honked at us as they drove by and we waved at them. A minute later, he was dead.

He was one of those kids that was a "golden child." Handsome, smart, athletic, kind, funny, popular.....everything you'd ever want to be if you were a boy and everything the girls wanted in a boy. And he died a horrible death, crashing his head into a tree, wearing no helmet. For some unknown reason, they had an open casket, and let me just say no amount of "work" could disguise the damage done to his head. To this day, I can remember the horror of what he looked like at the visitation.

If they had been one foot over on the road, they would not have hit a sand patch and skidded. If he had flown just a bit over, maybe he would have broken an arm or a leg, but lived. If his mother had said no, the way mine did, maybe he'd have children today. Who knows?

I have never forgotten him and I never will. He died too soon and needlessly. There is no use asking yourself why these things happen because I promise you, you will NEVER find a good reason for it. I figure I can ask God someday for the answer, but I'll never understand it while I'm living.

 

[TwingleMum]

I'm very sorry about your friend. To die so young seems so cruel. I know when I lost my only brother after a 5 yr olng battle with AIDs we were all devastated. We were angry at God and blamed him a bit. Well at my brothers funeral the priest told a story that I remember to this day and it still helps me.

A man lost his only child ~ a son. At the funeral lunch after the services an old church lady came up to him and told him it was God's Will. Well, the man looked outside the window for a little while and then went up to the old woman and said "Madam, I'll have you know when my son died God's heart was the first one broken." This really made me look at God a little differently. I guess I blamed him "Why did God let something as terrible as AIDs happen ?? Why let it happen to really kind loving people??" "why did he have to break my parent's hearts?" This story made me think of God as a dear dear Friend or loving Parent who was hurting right along with me and supporting me in my time of terrible need and grief. I felt his arm around me hugging me. It really helped comfort me. I hope it helps you alittle in your time of loss.

 

[Disney Doll]

Time will heal...not that you will forget, but your memories will soften and you be able to think more of how your friend lived than how she died.

 

[imabrat]

I hate to say it, but I know exactly what you're going through. The only difference is this death was unexpected, mine was expected. Still, it was all too soon.
Memorials are always the hardest. Don't hold back your tears. Your friend is an angel now - an angel far better than you or I would've made.

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Hi,

I was in Junior High when a dear friend of mine was hit by a car. (That's 8th grade to be exact.)

He died of his injuries when we were all in 10th grade. He was in and out of a coma state as induced by his doctor.

You will never forget your friend, trust me. I am now 40 and I can still see my friend with his trademarked, "Give us a hug." I'm sure he was just trying to cop a feel, but hey, ANY 8th grader will do that! That's just his personality and I have visited his grave with many fun, kind, sweet, and funny memories.

Can you tell us a little about your friend? How did she die? My friend was hit by a drunk driver and now I never drive if I've had one drop. Perhaps, well, let's not go there.

As to get you through your terrible loss, just feel it. Express it. Do you do art or write or anything? Do you have plenty of people to talk to about this? Are you close with her parents? After a while, I'm sure they would love to hear how you are doing in your life, so check in on them from time to time.

My friend died after being hit by a bus, exactly a month ago from today (May 1). She died on impact (well...we think...her body was too mangled to tell). I write a lot, and I dance (which helps SO MUCH...it's the only place where I can clear my mind). I met her parents for the first time AT HER WAKE ( ). We were more of school-friends and classmates. I have people to talk to, of course.

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend

In my experience, crying is important. Don't hold it back, because it will make you sick, and then you'll just end up bawling at something like a tv show and look like a nutjob. I was physically ill for a few days after my uncle died (cancer) and I didn't know why, and then I was watching a tv show and just completely broke down, and then I felt better. I realized that I really needed to let all of that energy out.

I've been crying quite a bit, and it helps to an extent. I held it in for a little while, then ended up in hysterics after her funeral procession came around the school's driveway (where we had formed an honor guard). I was literally like this: . It helped so much, and dancing that night helped even more.

When I was in 7th grade, an 8th grade friend was killed in a motorcycle wreck on the country road I lived on. My best friend and I had been invited to go with the group that day (everyone was taking turns riding the motorcycle) but my mother had said NO. (Thanks, Mama.) I will never forget that the two boys honked at us as they drove by and we waved at them. A minute later, he was dead.

He was one of those kids that was a "golden child." Handsome, smart, athletic, kind, funny, popular.....everything you'd ever want to be if you were a boy and everything the girls wanted in a boy. And he died a horrible death, crashing his head into a tree, wearing no helmet. For some unknown reason, they had an open casket, and let me just say no amount of "work" could disguise the damage done to his head. To this day, I can remember the horror of what he looked like at the visitation.

If they had been one foot over on the road, they would not have hit a sand patch and skidded. If he had flown just a bit over, maybe he would have broken an arm or a leg, but lived. If his mother had said no, the way mine did, maybe he'd have children today. Who knows?

I have never forgotten him and I never will. He died too soon and needlessly. There is no use asking yourself why these things happen because I promise you, you will NEVER find a good reason for it. I figure I can ask God someday for the answer, but I'll never understand it while I'm living.

I can't help but to think, what could she have become? She was a terrific artist; maybe she would've done that. She had been writing a novel for many years; maybe a writer. She was good at math and science; maybe something along those lines. (She had been an excellent student, honors courses).

"All things he never did are left behind..."

~Spring Awakening

I still see her at her locker, every day, waiting for her friends (and mine) to show up. I hear her laugh sometimes, and feel her, guiding us through her death.

I have not found reason behind this, and maybe there isn't one. Maybe this is a warning sign, you know? Like, be careful. You never know which day is your last. Live your life to the fullest.

"I live this moment as my last."

~RENT

And:

"No day but today"

~RENT

I'm very sorry about your friend. To die so young seems so cruel. I know when I lost my only brother after a 5 yr olng battle with AIDs we were all devastated. We were angry at God and blamed him a bit. Well at my brothers funeral the priest told a story that I remember to this day and it still helps me.

A man lost his only child ~ a son. At the funeral lunch after the services an old church lady came up to him and told him it was God's Will. Well, the man looked outside the window for a little while and then went up to the old woman and said "Madam, I'll have you know when my son died God's heart was the first one broken." This really made me look at God a little differently. I guess I blamed him "Why did God let something as terrible as AIDs happen ?? Why let it happen to really kind loving people??" "why did he have to break my parent's hearts?" This story made me think of God as a dear dear Friend or loving Parent who was hurting right along with me and supporting me in my time of terrible need and grief. I felt his arm around me hugging me. It really helped comfort me. I hope it helps you alittle in your time of loss.

I'm so sorry about your brother!

Being at her wake was so heartbreaking, seeing all the people who cared about her and loved her (and even people who barely or didn't know her!) The line was super-duper long (4 hours!), and I cried buckets, like sobbing. Still, I felt her there saying, "don't be sad". She wouldn't have wanted us to have been sad. She would've wanted us to have been laughing, remembering the good.

Time will heal...not that you will forget, but your memories will soften and you be able to think more of how your friend lived than how she died.

Thanks

 

[AmandaSparks730]

I hate to say it, but I know exactly what you're going through. The only difference is this death was unexpected, mine was expected. Still, it was all too soon.
Memorials are always the hardest. Don't hold back your tears. Your friend is an angel now - an angel far better than you or I would've made.

Oooh, Sonya X10000.

Don't say that, hon. You would make such a lovely angel, and I know your friend "J" is looking down on you, guiding you along. You'll always have her with you and your friends, and I'll always have Kim with me and my friends. Someday, who knows? We may just meet them again.