Canadian Buffoon's Hi Low Vacation - South Central Musings

[pkondz]

Okay kiddies.
I'm hoping to start writing soon.

I really want to get that last update
in before Elle and I leave.
And certainly before I leave
the following week.

So if you haven't got your guesses in...

Ya better get crack-a-lackin'!

 

[juniorbugman]

Okay I may have missed it - where are you travelling this year?

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

Now I wonder why you picked that.
Did you know what happened last year?
Or did you just pick a point on a map?

I do remember hearing about the fire near Fort McMurray last year. Sounded horrible.

But mostly, I was just picking a point on the map that would be a ridiculous waste if you had access to someone else's WestJet app.

That's the real reason
I didn't take photos.

Got 'em all memorized.

Oddly, I believe this. 6 trips would make an impression.

By hook or by crook
I wasn't going to the nook.

Hope it was cooked. By the book.

Best movie ever?

It's up there.

It is a great one, for sure.

Thanks!
It's Verdana.

Sounds like a fancy cologne.

That sounds good.
How much more fresh
can you get??

Straight from the cow! With lots of sugar.

Would that be so bad?
They have ice cream, ya know.

Excellent point. I could survive.

Hmmm....
Third time I'm asking this.

Have you ever tried them?

Of course not! I'm going full Ugly American here, making sweeping judgments on subjects I know nothing about!

Seriously, though, I've never been an adventurous eater. And there are certain foods I would really struggle to make myself eat. There are people who eat pigs' feet, for example. Head cheese. Ox tongue. That would be a nope, nope, and nope. Knowing what it is would make me hard-pressed to ever want to put it in my mouth. And snails have been in that category as well.

If they're that good...


...you'd probably still have to catch me on the right day.

You haven't had the Keg's.

You would.

I think.

Which would you prefer?
A bacon wrapped fillet mignon
that you don't even need
a steak knife to cut that's
perfectly cooked...
Or ice cream.

I know which one I'd pick.

I would go carnivore in this case. The bacon puts it over the top.

It really is.
There's a reason it was our
first National Park.

Someday, I will get there! Would love to visit.

I swear. I always just thought Buffalo wings
was an expression.
As in "our wings are so big...
they're like not off a chicken...
but a buffalo sized chicken!"

I'm a sucker for buffalo chicken dip. So addicting.

 

[franandaj]

"cloppities"... I like that.

I tried to find a picture,
but the only one I found
was too small to see much.

I looked through my photos and I don't have any pictures either, but they did get added to the menu.

I still don't get why you can't
order a Sausage and Egg
with only egg whites.

You know I don't know why either. In fact when they announced the new sandwich advertising said any sandwich could be ordered with an egg white. I have to chalk it up to stupid employees, because when I tried to order one, they told me it wasn't possible. Perhaps I could try it again at a different branch, but I don't want to push the definition of insanity.

And if there were...
I doubt it would be edible.

Very true!

Ah yes.
Love "free" hotel breakfast.

As long as they have make it yourself waffles.

Depends. How badly do you want it?
Show me where stuff is in your kitchen
(and a tray) and... sure.

My kitchen is very organized. I'm sure you could find anything you wanted/needed.

Gotcha.
We got a Le Creuset fondue pot
as a wedding gift.

Awesome gift.

Is it electric or do you use sterno?

Wow. That is really organized.

I can't imagine turkey every month.

This is how I work out dinner.

That's somehow better than a bikini??

And... trust me... no one wants to see that.

well I do think it would look less ridiculous than if you had Clam shells on your chest!

 

[pkondz]

Okay I may have missed it - where are you travelling this year?

Let's see...
Next week, Elle and I are off to Nova Scotia
for a quick 3 day trip.

The following week I leave for my road trip.
Looks like I'll be getting as far south
as Tennessee/North Carolina.

 

[pkondz]

I do remember hearing about the fire near Fort McMurray last year. Sounded horrible.

Yeah. It was really bad.
About 2,400 homes and businesses destroyed.
90,000 people evacuated.

Apparently the costliest disaster
in Canadian history.

But mostly, I was just picking a point on the map that would be a ridiculous waste if you had access to someone else's WestJet app.

I figured as much.

Oddly, I believe this. 6 trips would make an impression.

Hope it was cooked. By the book.

Look, if that's what it took.

Sounds like a fancy cologne.

I wear it on Sundays.
Most of the people in church
can't stand it.

So that's why.

Of course not! I'm going full Ugly American here, making sweeping judgments on subjects I know nothing about!

Seriously, though, I've never been an adventurous eater. And there are certain foods I would really struggle to make myself eat. There are people who eat pigs' feet, for example. Head cheese. Ox tongue. That would be a nope, nope, and nope. Knowing what it is would make me hard-pressed to ever want to put it in my mouth. And snails have been in that category as well.

If they're that good...


...you'd probably still have to catch me on the right day.

Hmmm....

See next update.

And I've eaten pigs' feet (meh)
Head cheese
but not Ox tongue.
Haven't had the opportunity.

I would go carnivore in this case. The bacon puts it over the top.

Okay. You can stay.

Someday, I will get there! Would love to visit.

It's breathtakingly beautiful.

I'm a sucker for buffalo chicken dip. So addicting.

Geez!
Well, better put that on
my culinary bucket list!

 

[pkondz]

I looked through my photos and I don't have any pictures either, but they did get added to the menu.

Pictures or it didn't....

Oh.
I don't have one either.

You know I don't know why either. In fact when they announced the new sandwich advertising said any sandwich could be ordered with an egg white. I have to chalk it up to stupid employees, because when I tried to order one, they told me it wasn't possible. Perhaps I could try it again at a different branch, but I don't want to push the definition of insanity.

I know what definition you refer to.
No one (qualified) ever actually said that.

Whatever happened to
"If at first you don't succeed..."?

Or...

Isn't doing something over and over...
Called "practice"?

Heck. Go back to the same one.
Different employee may
provide different results.

As long as they have make it yourself waffles.

Not a huge fan.
They taste a bit... off.

Plus I'm not a huge fan
in the first place...

Unless I can cover them with
honey, fruit and whipped cream.

My kitchen is very organized. I'm sure you could find anything you wanted/needed.

That's settled then.

Is it electric or do you use sterno?

Sterno.

This is how I work out dinner.

Holy crap!
I used to do up to a week in advance.
Now I'm lucky if I do 2 days!

And I see your June 16th.

well I do think it would look less ridiculous than if you had Clam shells on your chest!

Nope!
I'll leave that for my girlfriend.

 

[mustinjourney]

Okay kiddies.
I'm hoping to start writing soon.

I really want to get that last update
in before Elle and I leave.
And certainly before I leave
the following week.

So if you haven't got your guesses in...

Ya better get crack-a-lackin'!

With the injured finger, I haven;t kept up with all the side banter. Where are your next two trips taking you?

*ETA -- nevermind -- I see someone else asked and you answered. I was hoping for another WDW trip!

 

[pkondz]

The End

In the previous update,
I mentioned escargots.

(A snail walks into a car dealership
and buys a car and then asks
if they can paint a big "S"
on the side.
When questioned why,
the snail replies...
"So people can point and say,
"Look at that S car go!"")

Thank you.
I'm here all week.
Try the escargots.

No really.
Try it.

No? Too squeamish?
Looks a little... horrid?
Can't get past the
"They're snails!
for goodness sakes!" part?


Then let me tell you a little tale.


When I was around 17-18 years old...


so.... over 200 years ago...


I went on a double date
with my then best friend, Dan.
Now Dan knew
that he didn't like escargots.
The rest of us liked it,
but Dan didn't.

In passing, I asked him where
he'd eaten them before.
"I haven't." He replied.
"Then how do you know
you don't like them?" I asked.

"I just know." He said.


Well that didn't sit well
with Dan's girlfriend.
She continued to pester him
to try some and he kept saying
that he didn't like them,
and wouldn't like them.


He just knew.


Of course she wound up ordering some.
And when the dish arrived,
she spent the better part of 20 minutes
trying to convince him to:
"Just try one. Just one!"


But no matter how much she cajoled,
or how much she waved a speared
escargot in front of his face,
Dan refused to so much as sniff it.


Well, my date and I couldn't pass this up,
so we began to harangue him too.
"Come on! Try it!"
"Don't be a baby! Eat it!"
"Do it! Just do it!"
(This was pre Nike slogan, too!)

Finally... after a lot of abuse,
Dan relented.
More to get us off his back,
I suspect, than from any
desire to try it.


So he comically screwed up his face,
pinched his nose and opened his mouth.
His girlfriend obligingly popped
a snail into his open maw.

Immediately, Dan's face
turned a bright red.
And he involuntarily began to gag.
The gagging continued
until he started to vomit.
He tried to hold it in until he could
run to the bathroom,
but we were in a booth
and there were bodies between him
and salvation.
Great gouts spewed out of his mouth
and onto the table cloth.
We all drew back in horror, trying to
evade and avoid the splash radius.
His girlfriend was not so lucky.
I don't know if Dan was trying to turn
to her to apologize or he was just trying
to escape in that direction or if it was
simply his revenge on her.
Either way, he turned and yakked
all over her red dress.
Well... it used to be red.

Eventually, he got himself
under control and.....


Wait.......

No, hang on....

Oh.

My bad.
That's not what happened at all.
He didn't barf.


After the escargot was placed in his mouth,
Dan froze.
"Chew it!" We all called out.
He shook his head "no".
"Chew it!!" We called out again.
And, with great reluctance,
he did just that.
Suddenly, his eyes flew open.
He continued to chew
for a few more moments...
He swallowed.
"Holy cow!" He exclaimed.
(Incorrect taxonomy, but I chose
not to correct him.)
"That was soooo good!" He enthused.

He split the rest of the escargots
with his girlfriend.


To this day,
whenever he goes to a restaurant
where escargots is on the menu;
he orders it every time.

So try it.
You may not like it, not everyone has
the same tastes.
But... you may surprise yourself.



Okay.
Just before I get back to the
last update for this trip...

I gotta know...
This dude.
Coolest ever?
Or just annoying?

Let me know.


One last comment.
Very few photos this round.
Mostly just drove and flew.
So there you go.


Actually, that's all I should say.

Chapter 17 - The End.

We mostly just drove and flew.
The end.

Wow! That was easy!


Nah.
I need to torture you some more
by throwing in a whole bunch
of unnecessary verbiage.


-------------------------------------------------------


We got up at 8:30 and spent
the next little while getting
ourselves beautiful...

Well, Ruby did.
I just got ready.

No amount of work
is going to make me
look good.


We had some breakfast
of yogurt and berries
and banana loaf
that we'd picked up
in Banff.

Unfortunately,
while the loaf was good,
the yogurt was too sour
(not bad, just not tasty)
for our tastes.

We checked out and headed
for the highway.
We had a three and a half
hour drive ahead of us.


We did break it up a little
by stopping a little over
an hour later in Calgary
at the Harley Davidson there.

Grabbed a poker chip and
continued on our way.


Roughly an hour later,
we arrived at the midway
point between Calgary
and Edmonton,
in the town of Red Deer,
named after shame-faced
husbands who apologize
to their wives.
"Yes dear." He said, with a red face.

They just spelled it wrong.
That happens, ya know.


We popped into the Harley dealership,
snagged another poker chip
and decided we were hungry.

Berries and a slice of
banana loaf doesn't
carry you as far
as you might think.

Or not at all.

There was a Five Guys
less than 10 minutes away, so...

Let's eat!


We walked in, and the place
was pretty much empty.
We placed our orders
and grabbed a seat
by the window.

Naturally, as we have a
tendency to do.
We brought in the crowd.

We weren't even a little surprised.
We just expect it.

Notice all the empty tables...
but the lineup extends out the door.

Yum.
In case you're wondering,
or have never been.
That's about half of an order
of French fries.

The burger was good,
definitely a cut above
the regular chains
(McDonalds, Burger King, etc...)
But....

It would be so much better
if they would melt the cheese.
I wonder if you can ask for that?
It messes up the grill, so maybe not?


After lunch, we drove for another hour
until we arrived at Edmonton International.
We dropped off the car,
checked our bag
and breezed through security.


We had plenty of time,
so we wandered about for a bit.
We spotted a Cookies by George
and made a bee line.


I keep telling you people.
You have to try these things.


And you can't eat these
little baked pieces of Heaven
while walking.
You must sit. Savour.

So I plunked Ruby down
in a massage chair
and headed over to
Booster Juice for some smoothies.

Ya gotta have something
to wash the cookies down, right?

I returned and we ate cookies
and drank fruit smoothies
as we were kneaded by our chairs.

Not the worst way to finish a vacation.


Soon enough it was time to find our gate.

We walked over and saw
that our plane was waiting.

Soon enough we were boarding
and then winging our way
back to Winnipeg.

Back to home.
Back to work.


And, as always,
upon arrival back home...

I immediately started planning
my next getaway.



Which would be Vegas.
About 3 months later.

Want to hear about that?
If so, I'll tack a chapter
or two on here.


Contest

Answers to previous questions:
1. What time do we get up?
Answer: 8:30
30 points, +/- 30 = 10 points, +/- 60 = 5 points.

2. How many Harley dealers
do we visit?
Answer: b. 2 - 20 points.

3. Dinner.
What happens after we
go into the practically empty
restaurant?
Answer: People. Lots of people. - 15 points.

4. Where did we eat?
Answer: c. Five Guys. 20 points.

5. What treat did we eat
in the airport?
Answer: a. cookies. - 20 points.

6. What's your favourite thing to eat?
Answer: 15 points.


Bonus points for washer/dryer - 15 points.

Did you see it? 20 points if you did.

(pkows airlines on the grey T-shirt.)


QueenJen - 7:00, 1, fills, Wendys, banana, potato taco, w/d, pkows- 65 points.
fallonkendra - 8:30, 2, fills (close enough), Wendys, cookies, nachos, w/d, pkows - 135 points.
rndmr2 - 9:00, 2, fills, 5 Guys, cookies, cheese, w/d, pkows - 135 points.
Mac Brew - 8:00, 1, closed, Wendys, banana loaf, mince & tatties, w/d, pkows - 45 points.
MAGICFOR2 - 8:00, 0, move, 5 Guys, cookies, cake, w/d, pkows - 100 points.
cinderkelly - 9:00, 1, move, Wendys, brownies, mash & gravy, w/d - 40 points.
Terra Nova guy - 8:30, 1, fills, A&W, cookies, burger, w/d, pkows - 115 points.
Curiouser&curiouser! - 7:30, 1, close, 5 Guys, cookies, chocolate, w/d - 75 points.
franandaj - 8:00, 3, fills (close enough), A&W, cup cakes, noodles, w/d, pkows - 75 points.
irene_dsc - 7:30, 1, fills, 5 Guys, banana loaf, w/d, pkows - 75 points.
KathyM2 - w/d - 15 points.
Captain_Oblivious - 7:00, 2, closed, 5 Guys, banana loaf, Philly, w/d, pkows - 90 points.
vrajewski10513 - 8:30, 2, power, 5 Guys, cup cakes, spuds, w/d - 100 points.
Steppesister - 8:30, 1, fills, A&W, banana loaf, V&A, w/d, pkows - 95 points.
DonnaBeeGood - 7:15, 2, directions, 5 Guys, cookies, ice cream, w/d, pkows - 110 points.
afwdwfan - 8:00, 2, fills, Wendys, cup cakes, wings, w/d, pkows - 95 points.
mustinjourney - 8:45, 2, fills (close enough), 5 Guys, cookies, wings, w/d, pkows - 135 points.
GoofyIsAsGoofyDoes - 8:00, 2, fills (close enough), 5 Guys, cookies, pie, w/d, pkows - 135 points
juniorbugman - 7:30, 2, nothing, 5 Guys, cup cakes, KD, w/d, pkows - 95 points.


As usual, if I've made any mistakes,
either above or below, let me know.

Bonus points
MeghanEmily - 6 points for moooore ice cream.
QueenJen - 4 points for trusting. 4 points for starving.
fallonkendra - 4 points for being a cool cat.
rndmr2 - 4 points, thinks I'm beautiful. Or something like that. 4 points for shoppies.
Mac Brew - 2 points for moose. 4 points for Mince and Tatties. 2 points for asking for points.
Tracy161 - 4 points for silver linings.
MAGICFOR2 - 2 points for nap time. 4 points for same misunderstandings. 4 points for effort.
cinderkelly - 2 points for asking for points. 4 points for mash & gravy.
Terra Nova guy - 10 points for Ariel. 4 points for being tents. 6 points for not going.
Curiouser&curiouser! - 4 points to help with the suckage.
irene_dsc - 4 points for expectations.
franandaj - 2 points for again. 2 points and again. 2 points and again. 4 points for your you're.
KathyM2 - 8 points for Keg hacks.
Captain_Oblivious - 4 points for driving angry. 4 points for steering you right.
vrajewski10513 - 4 points for which came first. The chicken or the burger?
Steppesister - 4 points for tropical ports of call.
DonnaBeeGood - 4 points for family.
afwdwfan - 4 points for sucky endings. 2 points for shuffling off to Buffalo.
mustinjourney - 8 points for giving us the finger.
GoofyIsAsGoofyDoes - 6 points for deja moo. 4 points for 42. 4 points to race with. 2 points 'cause I'm an ID-10-T.
juniorbugman - 6 points for knowing a good Mac n Cheese.

Score

Steppesister - 737 points
Captain_Oblivious - 716 points
franandaj - 690 points
juniorbugman - 652 points
DonnaBeeGood - 614 points
irene_dsc - 601 points
rndmr2 - 592 points
mustinjourney - 561 points
Terra Nova guy - 558 points
Curiouser&curiouser! - 493 points
Mac Brew - 472 points
afwdwfan - 470 points
fallonkendra - 462 points
GoofyIsAsGoofyDoes - 459 points
MAGICFOR2 - 421 points
QueenJen - 363 points
orangecats2 - 359 points
Mrs T 2009 - 355 points
DISNEYMOON10121991 -350 points
jandlinz - 341 points
cinderkelly - 332 points
vrajewski10513 - 310 points
Thumper_Man's Wife - 189 points
Thumper_Man - 185 points
Gracefulskinny - 183 points
Chrystmasangel - 177 points
DaisyDuck001 - 154 points
Princess Leia - 144 points
queenbetsey - 135 points
chookie94 - 122 points
Heluvsme - 102 points
bankr63 - 87 points
tashers - 84 points
chillitsanne - 57 points
SoccerDogWithEars - 44 points
natebenma - 39 points
KathyM2 - 30 points
SnowWhiteOz - 30 points
MHSweb79 - 29 points
kaileighbug - 28 points
Tracy161 - 24 points
krnelson65 - 22 points
lisaviolet - 18 points
MeghanEmily - 16 points.
BibbitybobityLu - 6 points
SimplyGoofy - 6 points.
cindianne320 - 4 points
DizzneyDi - 4 points
Ladyfish77 - 4 points
knik - 4 points.
MarieLightning - 4 points
sk8jdgca - 4 points.
Gigi@Disney - 2 points.
Kiotzu - 2 points.
Self_resqing_princz - 2 points

Thanks everyone for playing along!

And...

The winnah!!
Congratulations @Steppesister !

If it's all right with you,
Instead of mailing out your prize,
I'll just drop it off at your
parent's house, okay?


And...

Did you see it?
Go ahead and blurt it out.

Thanks for reading, everyone!
Without all of you,
this TR wouldn't be a joy to write
and would be far less interesting
to read.
Thanks again.

Vegas Baby! Chapter 1. Heart Palpitations, Vegas Style​

 

[Steppesister]

DA WINNAH!!!!!!


Ooooooh, yeah!!

I'm pretty sure a DISMeet is plenty prize enough. Sounds like you are gonna be on quite a road trip!

 

[mustinjourney]

(A snail walks into a car dealership
and buys a car and then asks
if they can paint a big "S"
on the side.
When questioned why,
the snail replies...
"So people can point and say,
"Look at that S car go!"")

 

[mustinjourney]

Well, my date and I couldn't pass this up,
so we began to harangue him too.
"Come on! Try it!"
"Don't be a baby! Eat it!"
"Do it! Just do it!"
(This was pre Nike slogan, too!)

you ARE old!

Regarding the gagging portion -- I am constantly trying to get my oldest to eat her dinner. She's 4 years old and things that she used to love are apparently inedible.

Well -- she used to love fried rice. Just last week -- I ordered some chinese food and gave her some noodles and fried rice. She loved the noodles but wouldn't touch to fried rice. Naturally, I forced her to eat the rice. She kept telling me she didn't like it and I replied...just eat two bites for me, okay?

Well, she got one bit down and then IMMEDIATELY started gagging. I was forced to move the bowl up to her face so she didn't spew all over the place.

Needless to say, I have not forced her to eat anything else the last 2 weeks.

 

[mustinjourney]

mustinjourney - 8:45, 2, fills (close enough), 5 Guys, cookies, wings, pkows - 120 points.

I did make a comment about the w/d at some point -- so I am short 15 points I believe. That gives me 135 for the week and tied for first place in the last update! Moves from 9th to 8th overall. Go me!

I knew you owned your own airline from one of your other TRs -- I've been wondering why it's taken so long for you to ride on one of your planes.

 

[MeghanEmily]

I gotta know...
This dude.
Coolest ever?
Or just annoying?

I want to have the guts to walk around pulling stunts like this. I'm gonna go with cool.

Naturally, as we have a
tendency to do.
We brought in the crowd.

We weren't even a little surprised.
We just expect it.

Naturally! It must be hard to have such a following.

I returned and we ate cookies
and drank fruit smoothies
as we were kneaded by our chairs.

So....the perfect travel day then.

 

[KimBean]

Welcome aboard.

And do yourself a favor a take a look at his other TRs. They're hilarious.

Will do! Thanks. I was telling my daughter about this one today and she is like forward it to me! Lol. Keep it up!

 

[QueenJen]

And... trust me... no one wants to see that.

My first thought was - yep, no one needs to see that ever - on anyone. Then I had another thought.....I triple dog dare you to not only suit yourself up, but get the perfect trip report photo on your next visit to a WDW waterpark.

Ha! I don't bite hard, and how do you think you can control me?????

By a sternly worded admonishment?

no....

By physically restraining you?

no...


Ah.


How about...
By the promise of a gently steadying
hand in times of need?

I was thinking he could just send you a caramilk to gain control.

Not a huge fan.
They taste a bit... off.

Plus I'm not a huge fan
in the first place...

Unless I can cover them with
honey, fruit and whipped cream.

no...no..no - crumbled bacon cooked in the waffle....yummy. I'll have to try the honey - sounds good.

I gotta know...
This dude.
Coolest ever?
Or just annoying?

Let me know.

annoying.

Well, Ruby did.

You mean Ruby woke up beautiful.

banana loaf

drat

Grabbed a poker chip

snagged another poker chip

double drat

There was a Five Guys

this is not looking good for my guesses.

We brought in the crowd.

finally.

That's about half of an order
of French fries.

Whoa - that's plenty of fries.

Ya gotta have something
to wash the cookies down, right?

Milk?

we were kneaded by our chairs.

Hubs and I sat in those massaging chairs after riding space mountain several times in a row one late evening.

Want to hear about that?

Of course! no pressure.

Congratulations @Steppesister !

Congrats Steppe.

oh...and I did see your plane

 

[MAGICFOR2]

Let's see...
Next week, Elle and I are off to Nova Scotia
for a quick 3 day trip.

The following week I leave for my road trip.
Looks like I'll be getting as far south
as Tennessee/North Carolina.

Shoot, if you go that far South, come on down to Texas!

 

[MAGICFOR2]

DA WINNAH!!!!!!


Ooooooh, yeah!!

I'm pretty sure a DISMeet is plenty prize enough. Sounds like you are gonna be on quite a road trip!

CONGRATS!!!! (As long as you didn't jot the answers down on a napkin at DLR ) J/K

 

[pkondz]

DA WINNAH!!!!!!


Ooooooh, yeah!!

I'm pretty sure a DISMeet is plenty prize enough. Sounds like you are gonna be on quite a road trip!

Well considering the prize(s)
are already bought and paid for...

But if you want me to throw them out...

And congrats again!

 

[pkondz]

Believe it or not... it predates that.
I heard it from my uncle
in 1981 or 1982.