Canadian Buffoon's Disney With a Teen Vacation - 08/13 - The Wrap

[pkondz]

But the thing is when the weather jerks you around between cold and just perfectly nice and warm your whole body rebels from not being able to adjust. Also there is a trade off. Come July and August we will be dealing with Heat Index in the 110 range. Not quite as bad at the humidity as FLorida but still intense.

110. Don't you spontaneously combust at those temperatures?

And I hear you with the body temp adjustments.
When it warms up to 50 in the spring, we shed jackets and revel in the heat.
When it cools down to 50 in the fall, we put on coats and freeze.

I knew I bought the belly dancing scarf for a reason!!

Yay! She's in the harem!

Ok, this made me choke on my coffee

Sorry about that. Next time I'll wait until you're done.

Except I despise confrontation, so I probably would have apologized back.

So Canadian of you.
I like my version better.

Going back through my photos, it seems I DO have one of you. You're the one in the middle, right?

Nope. I'm the other one, holding the axe and wearing plaid.

 

[SoccerDogWithEars]

We actually are suppose to get yet another jerk in to cold weather though. The high will only be 52 on Wednesday. At Least you have consistency. We end up with a russian roulette anytime we want to get dressed for the day.

Gracefulskinny, where do you live? Your forecast sounds suspiciously like mine, and I live in central NC.

So Canadian of you.
I like my version better.

True, yours is much more entertaining. It wouldn't be the first time I was drunk in Epcot, though the last time I was 8. (True story: my parents have always let me have a sip of their drinks. This time, we were waiting for the fireworks, and they didn't notice I kept sipping. I only probably had a couple of ounces, but at that age....) They were mortified. I find the story hilarious.

Nope. I'm the other one, holding the axe and wearing plaid.

Ah, my mistake. I figured a peace-loving Canadian such as yourself would not feel comfortable with something that could be used as a weapon.

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

Yep. Me too. Everyone knows it's @Captain_Oblivious.

(Although it is nice to know I can stop adding up the points
for one person.)

Wow, I'm actually blushing. You guys are the best.

Also, your check is in the mail, and I'm awarding you 20 flattery points.

 

[pkondz]

Actually I want to go to Maui (and possibly not come back).
But since that ain’t happening, I suppose I have to settle for hearing about it.

Every time we go to Hawaii (3 times now! How'd that happen?)
we always don't want to leave.

Kind’a like firing that brand new Christmas BB gun for the first time…

Well of course…
Else we’d have to actually read your drivel.

And who would want that?!?!?

(which still beats having to read any of my drivel)

This is one of those rare occasions when we agree.

Admitting that I’m smart?

Well.... not you.

Oh that’s one almighty mistake.
Now you have no credibility of any type what so ever.

Wait. You're saying that I once had credibility?


And I thought you knew me.

Donald Trump has decided to appoint himself Prime Minister of Canada?

No offense, but.... he would never gain any traction up here.
And I'm quite shocked that he has any down there.

You never do what you’re ordered to (unless it’s Ruby giving the order)…
so that not much of a shock.

This is a truism.

But you just said I was smart a moment ago.
How can any of us ever trust you again?!!

This would assume that you trusted me in the first place.



Fools!!!

But I HATE beets!
Oh, wait… you said “deets”. I like those.
Carry on.

I can eat beets, but I sure don't go out of my way to.
I don't eat deets.
I like good beats.
But only the musical kind, not the physical assault kind.

Tiny? And yet you keep asking us to trust you.

And you keep falling for it!

DW would never allow me to move that far north.
I’ll just have to live vicariously through your experiences on that one.

I wish I could live vicariously through me too.

I suspect that the author had to go back and clean up the language after penning the original dialog for that one.

Give it a few years.
Slow but sure, it’s creeping up that way.

Don't tell anyone, but there isn't a Canadian alive who isn't secretly cheering global warming on.

Cause you know what’s important in life.

Sure. If I did another solo trip, she'd kill me.

Was she wearing running shoes that day?

Ha, ha! Don't be silly!


I hid them.

Huh… we hadn’t noticed.

Then you're the only one.

Never ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to.

Oh. Whoops!

I suspect that’s a bit of an understatement.

I was too lazy to find a turning cartwheels smiley.

But this I’ll question not in the least.

Which is also why you’re still married.
(same can be said for myself, but we’re focusing on abusing you at the moment)

Oh, there's plenty of room for group abuse here.

That is unfortunate.
(Especially since the fact has profited me not one penny)

It's actually hurting you in some ways. Helping in others.
Imports from our country cost you less.
Tourism revenue from us is way down.

Now cut that out!
More condolences.

Thanks.

And more proof that life’s second most unavoidable truth is always in play:
Life’s not fair (not now, not tomorrow, not ever)

I always tell the DDs this. "Who said life was fair?"

You mean to tell me that you’re not just aching to listen to Pomp and Circumstance nonstop for three hours? Go figure. (now imagine how awful it to be one of the musicians that has to play the piece for all those hours and without the option of not showing up).

No music.
Just hours of names being announced.

Oh, and you’re a good man, there sir (of course I’ll deny I said that if questioned).

Thanks. It was the right thing to do and my pleasure.

I think we may need to get everyone on the same page here as to the exact definition of the word: “interesting”.

You're not the first to point that out.

Wouldn’t want to be hindering the full development of their self-esteem, don’t ya’ know.

Ah. Well. Bravo then, Father of the year.

Not getting up at 4am is always a bonus.

May this not be an instance of foreshadowing.
You’re already pushing it on the bad omen scale, here.

You'll just have to wait and see.
Next update.

Cool! Than you can loan me the $100, then.

This reminds me of a story.
We had a pretty colourful character at work.
Whenever the lotto would get big enough,
he'd announce that he wasn't coming in to work on _____ day
since he was going to win the lottery.

One day he made his standard announcement,
so I said "So you think you're going to win?"
"I know I'm going to win." He replies.
"Well, when you win, can I borrow five bucks?" I ask.
"Ponzie, I'll give you the five bucks." He magnanimously says.
"Can I have it now?" I ask.
He immediately says. "No."

I’ll be sure you get paid back out of whatever proceeds are actually left in my estate after all my other creditors have picked over the corpse.

Sweet! I can always use a semi-used pair of socks.

I knew it wouldn’t be long before our national brand of discourse started invading y’all’s sensibilities and forced a cultural turn toward the scatological.

It was inevitable in the end.

Natural states always seek equilibrium…
You’ll be paying for that good fortune and some point in the near.

And believe me... the thought terrifies me.

That may be seen as a good thing…


…right up until you get to that point, at least.
Ya’ done spoilt the drama.

Sorry about that.

Blasted procedures and protocols…
Don’t they know that rules like that should only be applied to other people’s kids!

I know! Never inconvenience me!

I concur…
And have the past experience to validate the theory as well.

You too, huh?

Not a fan of left turns?
Granted, road tracks are far more challenging.
But this is more like a road rally (given that there are actual speed and time limits and all).

Actually, I'm a fan of left turns.
That's why I made left turns around the airport... twice.

So polar bears ride the rails into Winnipeg as well?
I figured they were just naturally occurring in that area.

They live a bit farther north.
But they do like to visit the city to get some shopping done
from time to time.

While breathing shallow…
Making you even more tired.

They’re similar in one respect…
Just don’t feed ‘em and they won’t seek you out.
At least it was hobos and not bums. Then you’d have been in trouble.

Nope. Polar bears will seek you out to eat you whether you feed them or not.

Brings up my favourite story.

When you live in the North, you need to learn basic polar bear survival skills.
1. Always carry pepper spray.
2. Always wear little bells on your belt loop so you don't accidentally sneak up on a bear.
3. Learn to know what fresh bear scat looks like.

What does fresh bear scat look like, you ask?
Easy.


It smells like pepper and has little bells in it.

Sounds like you do have a good idea of what other people thought of it, then.

beat the 4000 keystroke limit, I see; lucky you.

If you don't, the plane blows up.

That’ll learn you.

I need to learn to stop breathing.

So what did they think of that?
I suspect they pummeled you good when you got back.

Spam?

Let's not get ahead of ourselves here.

Flattery? What’s that?

It's a form of insincerity that garners points in lousy contests.

Delayed
Since you had to rush to get there, fate might as well punish you farther for the effort exhibited.


You are seated beside someone who spends the entire flight clipping their toe nails.
No?
Your coughing so frightens the other passengers that they are forced to reclassify you as baggage?
Still not it, huh…

Really not sure what to say for this one as so many things are annoying about commercial flight.
I’ll go with one of the other passengers keep invading you allotted space in some fashion.


Are we talking about the the hotel in Vancouver on Maui?
Well go with some kind of unexpected discount or room upgrade.


Well if it’s none of those then logic dictates that it must be a platypus.
That or an iguana of some type.


Gonn’a go with a zip Line for this one.
I’d sure like to be able to do that on Maui.

Heck, l’d like to be able to do anything on Maui (including live like a hobo)

Noted.

 

[afwdwfan]

Yep. Me too. Everyone knows it's @Captain_Oblivious.

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

Nope. Polar bears will seek you out to eat you whether you feed them or not.

Brings up my favourite story.

When you live in the North, you need to learn basic polar bear survival skills.
1. Always carry pepper spray.
2. Always wear little bells on your belt loop so you don't accidentally sneak up on a bear.
3. Learn to know what fresh bear scat looks like.

What does fresh bear scat look like, you ask?
Easy.


It smells like pepper and has little bells in it.

 

[GoofyIsAsGoofyDoes]

Every time we go to Hawaii (3 times now! How'd that happen?)
we always don't want to leave.

Well I know that the state security forces didn’t lower their weapons until the pressure door was sealed and locked on the plane, but did they let you out of the handcuffs before you were seated or only after the plan was aloft and over open ocean?

This is one of those rare occasions when we agree.

Good…
Now bring on the next round of insufferable drivel.

No offense, but.... he would never gain any traction up here.
And I'm quite shocked that he has any down there.

Traction? Who said anything about y’all allowing it.
I said he’d appoint himself unconditional leader.

Also, I’m not offend… more ashamed.
The more depressing part of it though is, while I also wish to be shocked, knowing my neighbors, acquaintances and fellow citizens as I do, I I’m sadly not even surprised.

I can eat beets, but I sure don't go out of my way to.

Taste just like dirt clods.
Bullies and their henchmen may be able to force you face first down in the mud…
But I don’t purposely seek out vegetables that recreate such experiences.

And you keep falling for it!

No…
I keep calling you out on it.
It’s the rest of the rabble that’s treating me like Cassandra.

Don't tell anyone, but there isn't a Canadian alive who isn't secretly cheering global warming on.

Yeah, but…
Have you considered the outcome of having all seven billion of your global neighbors squeezed into only two narrow bands of latitude?

Ha, ha! Don't be silly!


I hid them.

So you may not be quite as dumb as you otherwise appear, then.

Sweet! I can always use a semi-used pair of socks.

Better than the used britches.
And if you’re very lucky, one of the socks might be the one that’s not riddled with holes.

It was inevitable in the end.

When you live in the North, you need to learn basic polar bear survival skills.
1. Always carry pepper spray.
2. Always wear little bells on your belt loop so you don't accidentally sneak up on a bear.
3. Learn to know what fresh bear scat looks like.

What does fresh bear scat look like, you ask?
Easy.


It smells like pepper and has little bells in it.

That’s one I’m quite familiar with.
But it’s never a mistake to reference a classic.

If you don't, the plane blows up.

I always suspected this to be the case…
But it’s good to receive confirmation from someone that’s in the biz.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves here.

Oh but it’s just so much fun to get out ahead of one’s self.
Especially when negotiating dizzying heights…

It's a form of insincerity that garners points in lousy contests.

Ahhhh…
But you’ve already disqualified such forms of insincerity from point consideration…
So now you’re only left with forms of sincerity.


And those look more like insults then flattery.

 

[Gracefulskinny]

110. Don't you spontaneously combust at those temperatures?

nope but thats partly because it only FEELS like 110. THe higher the humidity the stronger the heat index. As I'm sure you've figured out from being down in FLorida, a humid 90 is significantly different than a dry one.

 

[Steppesister]

Nope. Polar bears will seek you out to eat you whether you feed them or not.

Brings up my favourite story.

When you live in the North, you need to learn basic polar bear survival skills.
1. Always carry pepper spray.
2. Always wear little bells on your belt loop so you don't accidentally sneak up on a bear.
3. Learn to know what fresh bear scat looks like.

What does fresh bear scat look like, you ask?
Easy.


It smells like pepper and has little bells in it.

 

[pkondz]

True, yours is much more entertaining. It wouldn't be the first time I was drunk in Epcot, though the last time I was 8. (True story: my parents have always let me have a sip of their drinks. This time, we were waiting for the fireworks, and they didn't notice I kept sipping. I only probably had a couple of ounces, but at that age....) They were mortified. I find the story hilarious.

My first time drunk was when I was around that age too.
Except I didn't know it until later much later in life.

I mentioned to my folks that when I was little,
I had had a bunch of my cousin's beer.
They exchanged knowing glances.
"Well, that explains it." Dad says.
"What?" Says I.

They then tell me that there was this one time when I fell asleep
on the ride home and they couldn't wake me
and I'd also barfed in the car, which I'd never done before.

I have no recollection.

Ah, my mistake. I figured a peace-loving Canadian such as yourself would not feel comfortable with something that could be used as a weapon.

Weapon? What are you talking about? It's an axe. You cut wood with it.
What else could you possibly do with it?

Also, your check is in the mail, and I'm awarding you 20 flattery points.

Sweeeeeet

 

[MHSweb79]

And I hear you with the body temp adjustments.
When it warms up to 50 in the spring, we shed jackets and revel in the heat.
When it cools down to 50 in the fall, we put on coats and freeze.

I have lived in New England my entire life, and it never fails: Whenever we get a winter day above 45 degrees or so, people start walking around in shorts and T-shirts. But what really gets me is the next day, when the temperature is back down to 20 or 30 (and the wind is howling) you will always see some moron out in shorts again!

My niece recently moved to LA and she had to explain to her new friends the concept of "putting away your winter clothes." Apparently some people get to wear the same clothes all year - strange concept.

 

[Mrs T 2009]

1. On time

2. people arguing?
bab(ies) crying/screaming/yelling?

3. room ready right away, and exactly which view you wanted.

4. Miniature horse

bonus:: zipline

 

[franandaj]

Yes please.
Record it, upload it to YouTube and post the link here.
Thanks.

OK. How does this work for you? I'm surprised you wanted to hear this song.

I thought so.
I thought of you when I wrote that.

You thought of me. How sweet!

Rain. That's like liquid snow, right?

I'm not sure. Not having much experience with snow. However in theory it does make sense. I think rain might be wetter.

No, I wouldn't think they would.

And those were only one of two pairs of closed toe shoes that I owned at the time. Well OK I did have the boots I purchasedfor my pirate costume.

Because is was like... 60?

No. It was as cold as 40!

You poor thing! How will you survive!?

Like I said I had to buy a whole new wardrobe for how cold it was!

Plus we took the kids to one last time, so it's not like they've never done one.

I've done one before. I have no need to repeat it.

Yes and yes.

OK. Then my guess for your excursion is snorkeling.

And all too common these days unfortunately.

I still think people should need to get a license before their reproductive organs can be activated. I mean you need a license to fish, to drive but yet any dimwit can have a kid, usually more than one. Of course company here certainly doesn't fall in that category.

Wish we would have.
We just sat there, wincing at every cough.

Now you know for next time you're sitting next to TB kid. Unless he was next to you on the plane!

I could've kept it to myself, since I'm the only one doing the research.
But I asked Ruby which she'd prefer, and we were on the same page.

Nice that you were honest with her.

Stand by.

Oh boy!

Nope!

How can four people in pack enough stuff in half a suitcase each? Are you going to wear the same clothes most of the trip?

I don't go to the clinic every time I have a little cold.
But when it kept getting worse and worse...

Heck! With a trip on the horizon, I would have been in there as soon as things started.

What's a Z pack?

It's a five day course of Antibiotic called Azithromyacin. It can knock out all kinds of bugs, you take two the first day and then one a day for each day after.

Well, actually, no.
I do have insurance for that sort of thing.

Still... easier to take care of it ahead of time.

Interesting Foreign Medical Insurance?

Well, I could get away with that, but...
Passports
Foreign cash
cameras
camera chargers
etc.

That's not much of a list.

When I was in High School, you didn't dare skip a class.
They had a very strict rule.
Every time you missed a class, you lost 5% of your final mark.
I worked hard for those grades!

Wow! They didn't have any rules like that where I went to school. And I still passed with flying colors. Most of my Senior year was a joke since I was already accepted to college, and since I was majoring in music, it really didn't matter how well I could read and write, or what I knew about the government. After my first quarter of Calculus I dropped that knowing I would never need it in my profession. I still have never had to calculate the area underneath a curve for anything!

That would also explain, why when I went to University,
I skipped... all the time.

And me on the contrary, I only missed a rehearsal or class if I was TB kid.

I never use "hobo" in real life.
But I just liked the sound of it for the TR.

Plus I wanted to see what kind of reaction I'd get.

Did you get the right one?

Noted.
And... I doubt it'll be on the next update, but not positive.

OK, well I got my guess in already.

 

[franandaj]

My niece recently moved to LA and she had to explain to her new friends the concept of "putting away your winter clothes." Apparently some people get to wear the same clothes all year - strange concept.

No we don't wear the same clothes all year. At least I don't. I wear tank tops and capris February (sometimes), definitely March through October, and then in November I start to wear long pants and T-shirts. By the end of December it's usually long sleeve shirts with long pants. And we pray that we don't have to get our jackets out, as long as we don't spend a lot of time outside in the Winter.

 

[SnowWhiteOz]

Eh hem - did you forgot something @pkondz? Skipping over me like I don't matter....

 

[jandlinz]

I've been a bit busy so I haven't been around, but I'm all caught up. So glad you started your Maui trip.

Where I live (and some of you, as well,) in winter, you can't do that.
Put on boots, coat, gloves, possibly a hat... then go out.

We just had 6 inches dumped on us in the matter of two hours. It's still coming down. I get it.

But I had about a year to work on her,
and I am nothing if not extremely annoying.

Maybe you're persuasive rather than annoying. I'm the same way.

So of course, we decided to take the kids.
(and when I say "we", I mean "she".
I am nothing if not cowed.)

You have very few years to have family vacations with your kids that make memories forever. I agree with Ruby. You'll have your romantic, private time soon. Patience grasshopper.

Well, let's just leave that until it happens, shall we?

Dun, dun, dunnnnnn.

So I emailed her back again, and said.
"But if you'd like an escort for the evening, I'd be delighted."

Wow! You must have really really wanted to see your cousin.

Of course by Sunday I was in full blown sick mode.
Thanks TB Kid! You're awesome!

I always tell the kids, "Positive things happen to positive people." In your case it backfired.

pkondz

Just a question, since I'm curious. How did you come up with your screen name, since it's so unique?

1. Is our flight on time or delayed?
2. What annoying thing happens on our flight?
(Hint: Not turbulence.)
3. What good thing happens at our hotel?
4. Animals! Animals on a plane! What kind?
(Hint: Not snakes... or dogs... or cats.)

1. Delayed, since you were worried you'd be late and had to hurry.
2. Crying baby.
3. Upgrade
4. Hmmm... I guess you'd have to hear it, so bird.

Oh. And 20 bonus points for anyone who guesses
what our one and only excursio

There are so many fun things. I have no clue how you picked just one. Zip lining?

 

[Steppesister]

No we don't wear the same clothes all year. At least I don't. I wear tank tops and capris February (sometimes), definitely March through October, and then in November I start to wear long pants and T-shirts. By the end of December it's usually long sleeve shirts with long pants. And we pray that we don't have to get our jackets out, as long as we don't spend a lot of time outside in the Winter.

Makes me very homesick.

 

[irene_dsc]

Eh hem - did you forgot something @pkondz? Skipping over me like I don't matter....

You're in good company. He skipped my comment, too!

 

[ForeverDance]

Oh, really?

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How about now? Not yet?

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Now?

Sorry about your luck but I laughed.

Don't know if they'd impound for speeding here.
I guess if they classified you as unsafe too or something.

Here if you go 50 over then they call it "street racing" and they impound your vehicle and it's a minimum $2,000 fine.

 

[ForeverDance]

I remember those winters. In school they made us go out for recess even when it was -30... Now they let you stay in if its below freezing, but back then we had to go out whether we liked it or not. The only way to avoid it was to hide in the bathrooms. You couldn't just hang out in there though, the teacher on recess duty would check periodically. She didn't want anyone staying warm while she had to be outside. Also you couldn't just stand inside a stall, your feet would be visible from the outside. You had to have really good balance and stand with one foot on each side of the toilet while leaving the door half open so that it looked like there was nobody in the stall. Hopefully the seat wasn't slippery or you would end up with one foot in the toilet. Good times.

I remember doing that exact thing!!!
Ah the memories.

These days they still make our kids go out unless there's a cold weather advisory. Which down here in the balmy area of Southern Ontario is around -30 (with or without wind chill).