Can you have compassion for someone yet still hold them responsible?

[Planogirl]

I can have compassion for people whether they contributed to their situation or not. I don't really see how assigning blame really helps in any way.

 

[jiminyC_fan]

Starting a whole new thread just makes me laugh.

 

[underdesea]

I can have compassion for people whether they contributed to their situation or not. I don't really see how assigning blame really helps in any way.

I still go back to because it helps some people feel superior to those less fortunate, because gosh darn it, they brought it on themselves. Foolish mortals.

 

[redrosesix]

It would appear that many believe that having compassion for someone or their situation is mutually exclusive from also holding them somewhat responsible.

Here are some examples:

1. A worker who has no savings at all who is furloughed or let go.
2. Someone who lives beside a river known to flood who's home is destroyed in a flood.
3. Someone who comes down with lung cancer after working 30 years as a bartender.
4. A homeowner who needs a new roof but has no money set aside for the roof.
5. Someone who needs a new transmission but once again has no money set aside for repair.
6. Someone who's home is destroyed by a hurricane that lives 5 miles or less from the coast of Florida.
7. Someone who is living a lifestyle beyond their income.

I voted before I read the examples. I have known plenty of people who were struggling...sometimes it was me. It costs money to live and sometimes the work you do find doesn't pay enough. It isn't really living beyond your means...it is just living.

Tbh I was thinking about my kids and the spots they have gotten themselves into from time to time. It was their responsibility but I felt for them dealing with the consequences of their actions.

So yup...definitely

 

[underdesea]

I voted before I read the examples. I have known plenty of people who were struggling...sometimes it was me. It costs money to live and sometimes the work you do find doesn't pay enough. It isn't really living beyond your means...it is just living.

Tbh I was thinking about my kids and the spots they have gotten themselves into from time to time. It was their responsibility but I felt for them dealing with the consequences of their actions.

So yup...definitely

I was a "smart kid." I made good grades, dean's list, all that stuff. I also made some really dumb decisions in my 20s. I was fortunate I didn't pay a high price for them. If I had paid the price, then yes, it would have been on me. I'm old, so we didn't have the Internet then, but I'm sure there would have been people eager to judge me for my youthful stupidity and say I deserved it and they would have never made those mistakes. To be that perfect.

 

[LSUmiss]

I believe that people should be held somewhat responsible for their particular situation in life and that if you hold them accountable, you can still feel sorry for them, you can still feel a want to help them.

But it would appear that holding that view makes me a monster even though the vast majority agree with me.

Confusing.

Sympathy is not empathy.

 

[disykat]

I didn't vote because while I would say yes to the question in general terms, I think your examples are simply ridiculous.

As for the original topic, I was one who objected to you (and others) insisting you weren't affected on the other thread and that people who planned well wouldn't be affected. My DH is DOD. When he has been threatened with furlough (he hasn't been this time) it affected us greatly. We had emergency savings. We had the ability to live off of my income only. It wasn't going to bankrupt us. Bills weren't going to go unpaid. But to say it didn't affect us would simply be ridiculous. NO ONE wants to not get a pay check and simply saying it shouldn't matter won't make it so. I don't care how well you planned, losing or having a paycheck postponed affects people.

AND - editing to add this point - it affects you from the day they start talking about it. I don't know anyone who just ignores it until the day the paycheck stops. I live in a community where many businesses rely on money being spent by people who work for the federal government. Restaurants, stores, etc. all notice when people stop spending money. What about the people who own businesses in areas where many of their customers are federal employees? Are they to blame for their circumstance as well?

 

[SirDuff]

I still go back to because it helps some people feel superior to those less fortunate, because gosh darn it, they brought it on themselves. Foolish mortals.

That and being able to convince themselves that it wouldn't happen to them.

 

[jerseygal]

Of course. You can feel sorry for people that make poor choices. I know some of them.

Absolutely, know some of them as well.

 

[maxiesmom]

Why is it I have a mental picture of a woman with a flower crown on her head, sitting on a mountain top, throwing bolts of lightning down at the foolish mortals???????

 

[Christine]

I don't know anyone who just ignores it until the day the paycheck stops. I live in a community where many businesses rely on money being spent by people who work for the federal government. Restaurants, stores, etc. all notice when people stop spending money. What about the people who own businesses in areas where many of their customers are federal employees? Are they to blame for their circumstance as well?

Of course they are to blame. They shouldn't set up their business near a possible furloughed agency.

 

[CarolAnn856]

Yes, I can have compassion for people with such low self esteem that they feel compelled to argue and argue and argue some more just to make themselves feel better, but still hold them responsible for beating a dead horse.

 

[slpeters]

Why is it I have a mental picture of a woman with a flower crown on her head, sitting on a mountain top, throwing bolts of lightning down at the foolish mortals???????

That's very grand. What I picture is that one woman from church. It seems like every congregation has one--a little older, a little heavyset, and the biggest busybody gossip you've ever seen, has the dirt on everyone and goes to church to share it. Everyone's polite to her, but no one really likes her.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Why is it I have a mental picture of a woman with a flower crown on her head, sitting on a mountain top, throwing bolts of lightning down at the foolish mortals???????

 

[maxiesmom]

I'd love to know too where you can live that would be immune to natural disasters. As we are blaming people for living too close to the water. We had a tornado come thru 3 years ago. Maybe I should have packed up and moved--where exactly???? Because apparently if it happens again it is my fault.

Oh, and we are close enough to Lake Michigan to get lake effect snow storms. Guess when we get snowed in that is my fault too.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I'd love to know too where you can live that would be immune to natural disasters. As we are blaming people for living too close to the water. We had a tornado come thru 3 years ago. Maybe I should have packed up and moved--where exactly???? Because apparently if it happens again it is my fault.

Oh, and we are close enough to Lake Michigan to get lake effect snow storms. Guess when we get snowed in that is my fault too.

You should have made better life choices.

Move to the center of the country... wait, tornadoes.
Move to the east coast... wait hurricanes and snow storms.
Move to the west coast... wait fires and winds.
Move to the south...again, hurricanes!

Well, I guess you should just be prepared for anything life throws at you no matter how big. Anything less is irresponsible.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

I have planned for the potential destruction of my home, I have bought a homeowners policy. I also avoided purchasing a home in a 100 year flood plain. I have replaced my smoke detectors at 10 years old. I maintain the major mechanical systems in my home so they are in proper working order and less likely to spark a fire.

But as I have said, here are exceptions.

Life is funny, though, how sometimes those homeowners' policies find ways to get out of paying, and those 100 year floods happen in places that were previously dry, or lightning strikes a cable transformer and blows your perfect wiring, or you find that your maintenance guy did a poor job, or a sinkhole randomly opens up, you find out the drywall in your house is from china, etc. etc. etc.

I get it, you lie to yourself and tell yourself you are safe, that what happenend to those poor, unprepared fools could NEVER happen to you. You dotted your i's and crossed your t's and built your protective wall.

Eventually, crap happens to everyone, and when it happens to you, know that someone, somewhere is likely sitting on their high horse, picking apart all the things you should have done to prevent it. But hopefully, most people in your life are mature enough to know that sometimes bad stuff just happens and you can't blame people. No one can protect against everything.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Life is funny, though, how sometimes those homeowners' policies find ways to get out of paying, and those 100 year floods happen in places that were previously dry, or lightning strikes a cable transformer and blows your perfect wiring, or you find that your maintenance guy did a poor job, or a sinkhole randomly opens up, you find out the drywall in your house is from china, etc. etc. etc.

I get it, you lie to yourself and tell yourself you are safe, that what happenend to those poor, unprepared fools could NEVER happen to you. You dotted your i's and crossed your t's and built your protective wall.

Eventually, crap happens to everyone, and when it happens to you, know that someone, somewhere is likely sitting on their high horse, picking apart all the things you should have done to prevent it. But hopefully, most people in your life are mature enough to know that sometimes bad stuff just happens and you can't blame people. No one can protect against everything.

 

[EveDallas]

I still go back to because it helps some people feel superior to those less fortunate, because gosh darn it, they brought it on themselves. Foolish mortals.

Yep. It's the whole "it would never happen to me so these people must deserve it somehow" mentality.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Starting a whole new thread just makes me laugh.

Starting a new thread in the middle of a pie fight tells everyone the person that started the new thread got the pie in the face.