can the step-mother of the groom wear black?

[DisneyFan32WI]

I think it is perfectly acceptable to wear a nice black dress.

 

[pixiewings71]

My gut instinct is no, but I think I'd ask the bride and see what her thoughts were. I know my BFF's Mom is wearing purple, which is the color the bridal party is wearing, I'm the Maid of Honor and my whole family will be wearing purple, my kids and my DBF. Different shades of purple, but still purple. I asked my BFF and she was ok with it.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I would ask the bride

 

[KirstenB]

As a guest, upon seeing the black dress, my first thought would be, "oh my, is she trying to make a statement about being in mourning?" I'd feel the same way if the mother of the bride wore black.

 

[Minnesota!]

My mom wore a beautiful black dress. (And it was above the knee...the horrors!)

Does anyone really care what others wear? Seems petty.

 

[disykat]

My first thought is that it's fine for guests to wear black, but coming from a mother of the couple it would seem like a statement.

That said, if everything in the family was great and there would be no doubt people were happy about the wedding and the bride said it was okay then it's fine. If in doubt...

 

[ChrizJen]

I think that it's OK, as long as she's wearing it because it looks nice and that's what she wants to wear...
My brother's MIL on the other hand...
My brother's wife has always had a really rocky relationship with her mother. Her mother has been after her about her weight ever since she was a child. And she's not nice about it at all, usually to the point of being downright abusive.
Well, 2 months before her wedding, her mom told her that if she couldn't lose 20 pound by her wedding day, she was going to wear all black to the wedding. SIL tried, and was not able to lose it all. And you guessed it! Her mom wore all black to her wedding. What a horrible, horrible woman!

 

[Camicar]

Former bridal consultant chiming in here: While it's acceptable for women to wear black to a wedding these days, there are important exceptions: Immediate family of the bride and groom.

WHY? Because in those situations, it can and often IS a statement on the woman's part about her feelings about the marriage. Believe me, I saw a lot of passive aggressive crap-slinging done via black gowns on the part of the MOGs.

ADVICE: When in doubt, ask the bride.

 

[monkey68]

I don't see what the big deal is. Black may be the traditional color for funerals, but chances are, the dress that gets worn to a wedding is just not suitable for a funeral. And why does it matter if the mother is wearing the same color as the bridal party? At my sister's wedding, our grandmother wore a light blue dress, in a similar shade to what those of us in the bridal party were wearing. It looked nothing like our dresses, she looked great, so who cared that the colors were similar?

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

Former bridal consultant chiming in here: While it's acceptable for women to wear black to a wedding these days, there are important exceptions: Immediate family of the bride and groom.

WHY? Because in those situations, it can and often IS a statement on the woman's part about her feelings about the marriage. Believe me, I saw a lot of passive aggressive crap-slinging done via black gowns on the part of the MOGs.

I have to disagree 100% I wonder if part of this is regional or cultural.
Thinking back on the last several weddings I have attended almost all including the mothers wore black, especially when they were black tie weddings.

Did my Mom wear black? No, because it was in Disney in June & just so hot.

 

[minniecarousel]

Years ago, a mother (step or regular) wearing black to a wedding WAS making a statement. Not so much anymore.

I was almost shocked when my older DS got married and his bride selected black for the bridesmaids color. It was expected that both of us Moms wear black. I got used to the idea and didn't have to be concerned about making sure I didn't clash with the MOB. (I mean, we both wore black, how much "clashing" could we do?!)

I'd ask the bride if she was OK with the stepmother wearing black. The only way I'd wear black under those circumstances is if she, and the groom, were OK with it.

 

[cepmom]

OP ~
I see nothing wrong with wearing black to a wedding. My stepmother wore black to my wedding...it wasn't an issue. Then again I wore white and I had already had a child so maybe my judgement is off

alot of wedding have black as one of their colors now so I think it is fine- now when my brother got married the brides mom wore clear heels - a whole other thread of course!

My stepmother wore a black dress to my wedding complete with clear shoes also!

 

[alexandria674]

As long as the stepmother isn't wearing a pillbox hat with a black veil and sobbing into her hankerchef while whispering how her little boy is gone I don't see what is a big deal.

 

[bumbershoot]

And get a great tan to go with it. Pale people don't look so good in black clothing.

Ooh, wow, totally disagree with that one. Nicole Kidman in black is stunning, for example.





If the couple is OK with it, go forward.

But know that it *might* be seen in a weird way by fellow guests. Heck, I was in a black bridesmaid dress wedding, and the family of the bride was freaking out about it! None of them wore black, and even though they understood what the bride was going for, they hated it. They thought it was some sort of statement (this is only in '02 by the way). they went ballistic when the bride tried to have the flower girl in black...she did have to compromise on this one, had her wear one of those white dresses with the tulle "pocket" skirt where there were flower petals in the skirt, and the flower petals were black.

Fellow guests like to critique. My former best friend and I were gossiped about b/c we had tattooes...tiny little flower things on our ankles...while acting as b'maids at another friend's wedding.

So anyway, know that poeple might talk about it, but as long as your intentions are pure and the couple and the other sides of their families know that you are not making a statement, go for it.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I am not anti-black at a wedding. I was in a wedding where we all wore black (it was an elegant black tie in winter and that is what she wanted and it was fabulous!).

However, I think parents of the bride/groom including steps should complement the wedding colors/theme and not draw attention to themselves.

I.e. if the colors were pastels and the moms were matching that, you would stick out like a sore thumb in black and silvery beads.

However--if your dress complements the choices of the bride and the moms, then it isn't a problem.

I'm pale (not pasty white--but pale) and I look great in black.

 

[Pigeon]

Personally, I wouldn't. I think it sends a negative message.