Can Someone Please Explain to Me...

[PrincessKsMom]

Just read on a TMZ link (yeah, I know) that Chastity Bono is going through gender reassignment to become a man. Good for him, I completely understand how someone can be a man trapped in a woman's body. But here's where I'm confused and hoping someone can explain to me. I thought Chastity came out as being a lesbian? So now if Chastity becomes a man, then she's not really a lesbian and never really was, right? I mean, I know this sounds stupid and people shouldn't be pidgeoned holed and we shouldn't classify, but I'm just really confused by it all.

Hopefully someone can help me understand, not only for my own personal growth, but I'd like to be able to answer questions intelligently, should my daughter ever ask me about something like this.

Thanks!

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

Personally, I just read about this. http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/06/11/ent.chastity.bono/index.html Honestly, I am unable to fully speak my mind here without causing a lot of uproar, but I will say a little.

I have had this sort of thing happen in my personal arena of friends, it's something that I worry is becoming more of a "fad" than a real gender issue for many lesbians. Why is it that so many of the strong willed mostly handsomely butch women seem to see this as the "cool thing to do" these days?

I have followed Chastity Bono's life more or less throughout her career, since I am only a year older, she has been a contemporary that I have admired. Right now, I have a ton of mixed emotions about this. As long as she is truely happy, I wish her the best. Rats, strike that I wish him the best.

 

[ConcKahuna]

I used to have a lesbian friend named Andy. She always claimed she was a straight man trapped in a womans body (kind of how straight men joke about the opposite).

These days he's Kaiden, and living happily with his wife.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

This is the second time I've known of someone like this. I worked with a gay man, who then had gender reassignment surgery, as well as the hormone therapies, etc. who became a woman. I always wondered if it's what she truly wanted, and not something her partner wanted more, KWIM? But then again, I didn't know her all that well, so who the heck am I to question someone's motives. Whatever they were, I hope she's happy with her decision. I give her credit, she worked the whole time at my company, dressing more femininely etc. Once the final surgery was done, she decided to leave. I guess it's just easier to start over somewhere else than to try to get people to stop calling her by her male name.

I guess the way I've been thinking about it is: physically the person is considered either gay or a lesbian because they do have a male or female body and technically, at that point, prefer to be with someone of the same sex. However, emotionally, I feel like if they believe mentally and hormonally that they are a man or a woman inside, then they really are more straight emotionally than gay or lesbian. Does that make any sense? It sure does in my head, but I guess I might not be explaining it well.

Anyway, regardless of who or what they were or become, I wish them all well as I'm sure this must be the hardest decision they will ever make although it might very well be the most liberating.

Thanks for trying to explain this to me.

 

[colaboy29]

You can get some more info about it at Joe.My.God's blogpost on it.

The important part they say is to wait for Chaz to tell his own story "and to avoid speculation about the details of Chaz’s story before he is ready to tell it in his own words."

 

[rpmdfw]

The decision to transition gender is not an easy or quick decision. There is a LOT of painfull soul-searching and literally hundreds of hours spent with psychologists. It is not a "fad" nor is it something that a reputable gender reassignment surgeon will do unless or until they believe that it is the best thing for the individual. If the psycologist doesn't believe that the individual is ready, the procedure doesn't take place. Even the step to begin living as a person of the opposite gender (which is the step where it appers Chaz is currently) is not taken lightly, even though it is fairly early in the process.

I grew up in Trinidad, Colorado (aka the Sex Change Capital of the World). I had the privilege of knowing the late Dr. Stanley Biber, the pre-eminent surgeon in the field and of having heard him speak on the subject. I have also met several people who were at various stages of transitioning. I have the utmost respect for the professionals who allow people to live life as their true sleves and for the courageous individuals who have decided to defy the societal constraints that have kept them from being true to who they are and live life on their own terms as who they were meant to be.

This is Chaz's personal journey. Our speculation is not only irrelivant to him, but it is disrespectful of the very personal decision he has made. To write it off as a casual "cool thing to do" is as bad as people who judge us for wanting to marry our partners or serve openly in the military.

The question of "does that mean that Chastity wasn't really a lesbian if she's realy Chaz trapped in Chastity's body?" while and interesting philosopical question, is beside the point. Chaz has made the decision to be true to himself and to live his life being himself. That's courageous. It's courageous if a person says "I'm lesbian and I refuse to live in the closet"; and it's courageous to say "I will live my life as the gender I am supposed to be". That courage needs only to be applauded and respected, not questioned.

 

[MariDisney]

You know, I'm certainly no expert on this, but I just feel compelled to post. I believe that gender and sexuality is really more chemistry than biology. I see it more like a spectrum where few people are "100% female" or male. I don't think I'm explaining it very well. Was this person ever a lesbian? I don't know. I don't think it matters or that we really have the right words. I suppose he is a person who is attracted to females, so whatever title we give that. Anyway, I hope that when Chastity has the surgery that the end result is that he feels like his body portrays what his chemistry is telling him.

 

[Lukas87]

If she undergoes a surgery to make her a male, it has nothing to do with whether or not she was a lesbian.

She was born a woman and eventually realized that she was sexually attracted to other women. At this point, it made her a lesbian. A woman who was attracted to women.

Eventually she decided that her gender identity was male. If she undergoes surgery, she will become a male who is attracted to women. This doesnt change the fact that she previously was a woman attracted to women, and therefore a lesbian.

 

[spacemermaid]

The decision to transition gender is not an easy or quick decision. There is a LOT of painfull soul-searching and literally hundreds of hours spent with psychologists. It is not a "fad" nor is it something that a reputable gender reassignment surgeon will do unless or until they believe that it is the best thing for the individual. If the psycologist doesn't believe that the individual is ready, the procedure doesn't take place. Even the step to begin living as a person of the opposite gender (which is the step where it appers Chaz is currently) is not taken lightly, even though it is fairly early in the process.

I grew up in Trinidad, Colorado (aka the Sex Change Capital of the World). I had the privilege of knowing the late Dr. Stanley Biber, the pre-eminent surgeon in the field and of having heard him speak on the subject. I have also met several people who were at various stages of transitioning. I have the utmost respect for the professionals who allow people to live life as their true sleves and for the courageous individuals who have decided to defy the societal constraints that have kept them from being true to who they are and live life on their own terms as who they were meant to be.

This is Chaz's personal journey. Our speculation is not only irrelivant to him, but it is disrespectful of the very personal decision he has made. To write it off as a casual "cool thing to do" is as bad as people who judge us for wanting to marry our partners or serve openly in the military.

The question of "does that mean that Chastity wasn't really a lesbian if she's realy Chaz trapped in Chastity's body?" while and interesting philosopical question, is beside the point. Chaz has made the decision to be true to himself and to live his life being himself. That's courageous. It's courageous if a person says "I'm lesbian and I refuse to live in the closet"; and it's courageous to say "I will live my life as the gender I am supposed to be". That courage needs only to be applauded and respected, not questioned.

Yes. This. Thank you for posting this.

It's not for anyone else to say what his gender identity or orientation is/was; these are all questions only he can answer.

And it is very, very true that one can't just walk into a doctor's office and say, "I'd like to transition today!" and then have the surgical procedure done right then & there, or indeed, anytime soon. There are many steps that come before that- interviews with psychologists, living as the gender one is transitioning to, hormone treatment (which isn't something to be undertaken without thinking it through), and finally, the actual GRS surgeries themselves.

 

[soulmates]

I can't speak for anyone but myself. I know personally, I am 100% comfortable in my body, so is my DP. I will say, having watched MANY documentaries on the subject, I can't imagine what they go through, the daily struggles, family situations and whatnot. I have such admiration for anyone who is willing live their life open & honestly, knowing it will bring harsh judgement and possibly violence to themselves. I applaud her for going public and sharing her story with so many who have questions.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I hope no one feels I've been disrespectful in any way. That was not my intention at all. I was just hoping for insight from someone who is educated and knowledgeable about this. I just feel like understanding is what helps people be more accepting of others and less judgmental. I think the unknown is what scares people.

Thanks to everyone for responding to my post and sharing your knowledge and information with me.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

You can get some more info about it at Joe.My.God's blogpost on it.

The important part they say is to wait for Chaz to tell his own story "and to avoid speculation about the details of Chaz’s story before he is ready to tell it in his own words."

Thanks, I checked it out, and a few other blogs. I just can't believe the a--holes that comment on those blogs though. It's a sick sad world when someone has to take anonymous pot shots at others to feel better about themselves.

 

[PghLybrt]

Can i comment on the "fad" comment? I do not want to turn this into a debate but I do tend to agree with that idea. I have many friends who have transistioned. Most i totally get and they went through all of the right avenues, however one in particular uses T that is purchased right off the street. Thats scares me (more for safety reasons). I do think that some see it as cool now. I do get it as i see the world in so many more genders that just traditional male and traditional female too. It is something that my girl talks about but she really does not identify as a male but neither does she as a woman. So confusing isn't it!?

 

[wallyb]

And the big question...
How will this effect... CHER!

I'm concerned about Cher!
What about Cher?
How does Cher feel.
Cher! Cher? Cher.
And then there's Bob Mackie too.

Just kidding

 

[zeitzeuge]

And the big question...
How will this effect... CHER!

I'm concerned about Cher!
What about Cher?
How does Cher feel.
Cher! Cher? Cher.
And then there's Bob Mackie too.

Just kidding

For some reason that's the first thing I wondered actually. Chaz seems to have a very level head on his shoulders and obviously is doing well considering he's coming out with this news publically. I'm sure he'll do just fine.

But I don't even attempt to try and understand fully what a person goes through or how they deal with it, etc. I don't attempt to try and explain, debate or even discuss the subject. On topics I'm not an expert on, I try to keep my mouth shut. Hell, I have trouble explaining why I have an obsession with all things Disney!


All I can say, Well good for him and I wish him the best of luck. And Cher too.

 

[PghLybrt]

I have trouble explaining why I have an obsession with all things Disney!

Me too! It just is!

 

[soulmates]

Every interview and article I've ever read about Cher, she seems 100% supportive of her children. She was very candid about first hearing that Chasity was gay. She said she cried, alot. She was worried about her well being and all that goes with that. Eventually, she said she just wants her kids to be happy and supports both of them. As a parent, I appreciated her honesty. I love me some CHER!!

 

[DVCajun]

Re: the "cool" and "fad" comments, I just don't get that AT ALL. Being gay/lesbian is hard enough in our society, for crying out loud. Who decides "hey, it would really make me 'cool' to transition to another sex??" I do *not* think it's a "fad," not in the least. There was a moment in an L Word episode where Kit worried that all of our "strong butches" were being lost to transitioning. Perhaps that's where this sentiment is rooted. I don't know. I just know that we all have our personal struggles .... and being a strong, butch woman is a beautiful thing, and it's something *different* than a trans person. The same is true of any individual who bears the socially understood attributes of "feminine" or "masculine" while being in a body that society doesn't feel should have those characteristics.

But when it comes to transitioning, it's not something that can be done on a whim, or in response to a fad. It's something that's carefully considered, both by the individual undergoing the transformation and their health care-givers, and many, many checks are in place to make sure that their decision is NOT being made on the basis of anything other than a deeply held, soul conviction.

 

[npmommie]

I love Cher too.


I have a feeling that as a mom she will be supportive, but also probably have a moment of sadness for the little girl she gave birth too, but in the end I think she would want her to be true to herself and live her life as she feels she was meant to.

and princessK i didn't think your post was disrespectful at all, I myself have had those philosophical questions go thru my head.

I just wish everyone the best that goes thru this feeling of being trapped in a different body.
but it brings me back to the philosophy of it all. like what is "meant to be"
is it "meant to be" that chastity is a lesbian and in the public light and people see that a lesbian woman just lives a life like we all do. work, errands, etc etc etc
and if its meant to be that she should have been a he how does that all get figured out in the grand scope of the world and how we think "things happen for a reason"

ok, done thinking too much,
i hope he is happy in the end and that is the most important thing and I wish him all the best in his journey

 

[PghLybrt]

It's something that's carefully considered, both by the individual undergoing the transformation and their health care-givers, and many, many checks are in place to make sure that their decision is NOT being made on the basis of anything other than a deeply held, soul conviction.

I agree that is what it should be however there are those (friends included) that aquire T not through any health provider and start taking it. There are not checks in place with them. I think that is where the idea of it being a fad comes into play.