Can someone explain this to me (divorce related)

[Katie's Butterflies]

Of course he should get a lawyer. This is a legal situation. He only now got a lawyer probably because she only now filed a restraining order.

I kind of set myself up for that response No, it's more the way he announced it. Plus, he knew she was going to get a restraining order a while ago but kept putting it off.

Maybe he has changed his mind and now wants custody. Best to get a lawyer when there is a restraining order against you.

I doubt it. Though if he has changed his mind, he has a very good chance of getting custody as it is. (He has housing, steady income, the child loves him etc)

Sure, but when it gets to the point where you need a court and police reinforcements to ensure that they stay apart, then they need lawyers to explain to them the legal consequences of actions that might seem perfectly innocent (like phoning the S2BX), to advise them what the other party might initiate next in terms of legal action and how to best protect their own interests, and to deal with the legal stuff related to the restraining order.

Thank you for explaining. That makes a lot of sense

 

[Katie's Butterflies]

Luckily I have never been through a divorce, but it's really not a do-it-yourself-with some-advice kind of thing especially with children.

She needs her own lawyer and so does he. Why the wife is perplexed that he got a lawyer after she filed a RO is just strange to me.

Oh I completely agree. I've been trying to get her to find a lawyer from the beginning! However, the self help is a really great resource because it's not really self help... It's a bunch of legal people (attorneys, advocates, aides etc) who meet with you once (or more) a week and help you fill out/file all the necessary paperwork. They also have 3 classes you attend which explain each step of the process and help you find resources to help with the case.

However, I agree, she really does need her own lawyer.

 

[aaarcher86]

The fact that he announced it in and of itself is kind of a shocker for me. Usually the attorney sends a letter and advises to limit contact - and with a restraining order I'd be really shocked if the attorney advised him not to do that.

It's also odd that your friend would have put off getting a restraining order... if you need one you need it now...

 

[Singleminnie]

I had a similar experience in my divorce (just final 6/13/10). I was packing some of my belongings and my ex assaulted me by twisting my arm. So I got a restraining order. Once that is issued, a court hearing must be held within 2 weeks to give the person it is against can appeal it. When we had our hearing, we also requested the court to order the temporary custody and child support until we could work things out. So most likely they got an atty for that hearing, which is my guess. I hope they can work things out, my ex totally refused to discuss anything and we ended up at trial almost 1 1/2 yrs later. Then he asked for a new trial since he did not like the judgement. The new trial was denied thank GOD!

 

[disneyfans95]

not sure what the confusion or question is at this point..

Just tell your friend to lawyer up.. Welcome to the world of divorce

 

[Katie's Butterflies]

The fact that he announced it in and of itself is kind of a shocker for me. Usually the attorney sends a letter and advises to limit contact - and with a restraining order I'd be really shocked if the attorney advised him not to do that.

It's also odd that your friend would have put off getting a restraining order... if you need one you need it now...

Yeah, she put it off because she kept hoping he would stop and her family really really did not approve.

The whole attorney thing is weird to me. He told her father who told her that "He has an attorney now. You're going to be sorry."
She's and I'm

Personally, I think it's just a way to make her scared, throw her off and control her. But, as I said, I didn't know if there was a good reason for him to spend his limited funds on a lawyer. Now though, I get it

 

[Northstar]

I think it came as a surprise because this divorce was started a while ago and he only now got a lawyer. Plus, the way he said it kind of freaked her out.

Wait, he was talking to her when he announced this? Sounds like he already violated the restraining order!
Guess he's the kind of guy who hires a lawyer and then doesn't follow the lawyer's advice.

 

[Katie's Butterflies]

I had a similar experience in my divorce (just final 6/13/10). I was packing some of my belongings and my ex assaulted me by twisting my arm. So I got a restraining order. Once that is issued, a court hearing must be held within 2 weeks to give the person it is against can appeal it. When we had our hearing, we also requested the court to order the temporary custody and child support until we could work things out. So most likely they got an atty for that hearing, which is my guess. I hope they can work things out, my ex totally refused to discuss anything and we ended up at trial almost 1 1/2 yrs later. Then he asked for a new trial since he did not like the judgement. The new trial was denied thank GOD!

Thank you for your experience. I'm glad things are working out better for you.
I believe she mentioned a hearing this week, so I'll tell her that it is an appeal. (she wasn't exactly sure what it was). Unfortunately, her ex is trying to blackmail/threaten her into canceling the restraining order.

not sure what the confusion or question is at this point..

Just tell your friend to lawyer up.. Welcome to the world of divorce

Oh I get it now thanks And yes, I've been trying to convince her to get a lawyer. Perhaps this new move (by her ex) will convince her.

 

[Allison]

I believe she mentioned a hearing this week, so I'll tell her that it is an appeal. (she wasn't exactly sure what it was).

I wouldn't tell her that. You don't know what the hearing is for based on someone else's experience.

 

[Katie's Butterflies]

Wait, he was talking to her when he announced this? Sounds like he already violated the restraining order!
Guess he's the kind of guy who hires a lawyer and then doesn't follow the lawyer's advice.

Oh no, he hasn't spoken to her. He's very close to her father who then told her today exactly what the ex told him.

 

[bumbershoot]

Isn't a restraining order just to make sure they stay apart from one another.

Well, how are they going to continue to work on the divorce if he can't go near her or (I assume) talk to her???? So now he needs an advocate to speak *for* him, if he can't speak for himself to/with her.

 

[lizziepooh]

There must be a lot more to the situation if neither one of them is planning on custody of their child. That is pretty unusual. I hope someone is looking out for the child's best interest.

 

[disneymarie]

soon to be ex-husband. Sorry, I don't know what to call him.

Thanks for replying so quickly! As I have said, I know nothing about divorce.

I know this will sound stupid but, why does he need a lawyer if there is a restraining order against him? Isn't a restraining order just to make sure they stay apart from one another.

As soon as the restraining order issue came out, the War was declared. Instead of shared cusody, your friend has some reason to fear for safety of her and child. If she did not, then the shared custody, was not a concern,
Generally, if a restraining order is for a parent the child is not included unless they were endagered. The s2b ex is PO'ed.

Going through this with a family member the last month and it is very confusing. Especially if there are mutual friends of the parents.

In our family, A Protection order for the parent and child was provided. The s2b ex person evicted from the home.

Two day after the protection order the custodial parent was served divorce papers. So 1 + 1 = 2, the abusing party was making it so intolerable and threatening, endagering the child hoping the custodial parent would move out of the home....It became a child endangerment priority.(there had to be a plan)

For divorce papers to be served 2 days after the emergency protection order, before the hearing for the permanent order. For filing a sole and primary custody, child support and alimony, by s2b ex, this plan was long in the work...oh the roles were reversed though s2b ex is mom.

So an attorney had to be hired by the custodial parent with the restraining order on s2b ex to fight the drama, he has sole custody so HE should receive support and alimony, the the s2b ex, is in an apartment with a paramore that is a wanted felon for drugs.
Visitation is generous but supervised in neutral areas.

The Attorney fee for the month $3,200.
Enough for a Disney trip down the toilet because the Mom wants to be with a felon she met in rehab.

There is a long story behind it that as a family 100% support, emotional, financial, and physical was provided for 10 years. I know it is the sickness, but a poor little child has to be hurt and family torn apart.

 

[kellyg403]

I will agree with a couple other posters, at this point he needs a lawyer for the restraining order alone. He will have to go to court, most are temporary until a judge hears the facts and then decides what the length of the order will be etc. I would imagine that this is separate and apart from the divorce, not necessarily a family/divorce attny.

If things have gotten to the point where there is a restraining order, at the very least a mediator needs to be involved. She should really think about seeing an attorney and at least finding out what all is going to be involved. Depending on the RO, they can't even legally speak to each other I would think.

I have never had personal dealings with an RO, but a friend has. Her ex wasn't allowed so many feet near her, no telephone contact etc. I wouldn't think negotiating a divorce between the two of them with no attny would even be feasible. The one with RO takes a chance the other could call should there be an issue and have him arrested for violating the terms of contact.

Kelly

 

[Luvchefmic]

Actually, they agree on who gets custody and it's neither one of them.

I don't understand something...maybe I missed it ? (I agree that once she got a RO that all bets were off and of course he had to get a lawyer) If neither one of them are going to have custody (yet you said they agreed on visitation back on page one) wouldn't the common sense thing be to have a lawyer to draw up the papers to make it all legal in regards to their child?

 

[momof1princess]

OP, i haven't read all of the previous posts, but i will tell you, as a former legal secretary, that divorces can be done uncontested by the parties involved, as long as everyone agrees. once your friend filed the restraining order, however, the war was on, and honestly, the S2BXH would be nuts NOT to get an attorney. your friend should now hire an attorney as well, because she will definitely need one, and she should not be surprised if she receives some sort of court filing on S2BXH's behalf from his attorney in the next week to 10 days.

 

[disykat]

Well, how are they going to continue to work on the divorce if he can't go near her or (I assume) talk to her???? So now he needs an advocate to speak *for* him, if he can't speak for himself to/with her.

I agree. I don't see any way he can possibly proceed without a lawyer.

 

[sunnyday123]

there seems to be so much back story to this. if your friend had a restraining order for protection from emotional abuse, why in the name of God would she want to try and navigate a divorce on her own? and WHY is her Father on such good speaking terms with the soon to be x?

And most importantly, WHY are neither of them seeking custody of their child???

 

[RitaZ.]

Yeah, she put it off because she kept hoping he would stop and her family really really did not approve.

The whole attorney thing is weird to me. He told her father who told her that "He has an attorney now. You're going to be sorry."
She's and I'm

Personally, I think it's just a way to make her scared, throw her off and control her. But, as I said, I didn't know if there was a good reason for him to spend his limited funds on a lawyer. Now though, I get it

So, her ex told her father that he has hired an attorney. Is that right? If so, "You're going to be sorry" came from her father, not the ex.

Sorry, your story is confusing.

 

[Freyja]

Sounds to me like she needs a lawyer ASAP. Why would someone who has a restraining order put on her ex not have a lawyer in the first place?