Can parents legally delay a child from starting kindergarten?

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Can a parent decide to hold a child back a year from starting kindergarten? DSS will turn 5 next June (2009) so he should be starting Kindergarten that fall. DH's ex told him that she has decided to hold him back a year so he will be 6 when he starts kindergarten. Her reasoning is so that he would be 18 when he is a Senior in High school.

This child is NOT immature or behind developmentally in any way, shape or form. He has been in preschool since he was a year old and can do all the typical things that 4 year olds can do and even more since he has an older brother at home to keep up with. The child has not been evaluated by a therapist or counselor that has made this recommendation - this is just the Mom doing what she wants to do.

This monumental decision to hold back the child was made just days after DH's ex lost a huge court battle with us over a trumped up increase in child support (she now has to pay DH back about $10k in overages we have paid in the past year). The way their original divorce decree was written there was an automatic reduction in child support when "the youngest child entered Kindergarten". How convenient that this decision to hold her child back a year in school will net her an additional $4200 in support for that year.

My concern is honestly more with the child being held back for no reason than the child support reduction. I can't imagine holding my child back from something for my own selfish benefit. I also know how ticked off I would be as a teen if I found out I could have graduated a year earlier if I had entered Kindergarten when I was supposed to but my Mom held me back for no valid reason.

Doesn't the state require a child to be enrolled in Kindergarten if they are 5 when the school year starts unless they are being homeschooled?

 

[daveswife]

This will depend on the state. Here in PA, compulsory school attendance age is 8.

ETA: Kindergarten is not mandatory in all states, either.

 

[2thfairy]

As far as I know there is no law. My ds will be turning 5 in july and we are not choosing to send him. We will wait until he is 6. This is a decision every family has to make. In our school district most parents choose to wait to send thier kids. I'm not sure in your situation what the reason is but just letting you know there are others that are waiting too.

 

[anl]

Yes, many parents that have kids (esp boys) with summer birthdays will hold them back a year. I think it depends on the child and her reasoning may be different...but it's pretty common here and I would probably do it too as I can see the advantage of my little one having a sept birthday and being the oldest in his class.

 

[dis75ney]

Not in Illinois - we held our DS back, as his birthday is one week before the cutoff and we knew he wasn't emotionally or socially ready for Kindergarten. I know that Kindergarten is not required in Illinois. I believe compulsory attendance starts at age 7 for Illinois, but each state is different. I'd research your state's laws to be positive...

 

[TinkerbellBlue]

In Michigan kindergarten is not required. I do not think many skips it but I have known of many families putting it off a year. Some parents feel a child just isn't ready to start a full day of school when 5. Kindergarten is much more demanding of children than in the past.

 

[megveg]

My parenst held me back in preschool so I started when I was 6 because they wanted to, not because I was behind or anything. Im a senior now, and earlier in my life, I was PISSED I was held back cuz I was stuck in school for an extra year, but I had to deal with it because they werent going to push me up a grade just because I wanted to.

Im just glad Im done with school now lol

 

[LadyShea]

In my state compulsory attendance is not until age 7. I don't think most states require Kindergarten at age 5.

If your DH and the ex have joint custody, he should have a say...important decisions are to be agreed upon, usually (at least that is the way with my friends and family with joint legal custody). I think they need to discuss her reasons, perhaps it is not a child support issue, perhaps it is, if they can't agree they could seek arbitration.

 

[onecutemoocow]

I sent my ds4 to preschool for the 07-08 year. He will not turn 5 until August. So we decided to have him go to preschool again and not start kindergarden until he is 6. I think for a male, graduating when he is 18 is a great idea. Men/boys are so much immature than females. I dont think a kids needs to graduate hs before they are 18. But it has to be a family decision!!

 

[java]

Depends on the state. In NJ you can hold them back if you want.

 

[rt2dz]

Here, K is optional to begin with and if they are going to go through public school (not private or homeschool) a child does not have to be enrolled until the school year that starts when they are 7 years old.

Lots and lots of people red shirt (holding them back a year)their kids these days staring with May birthdays. DS2 would just make the cut off and I have already received a lot of pressure to keep him back a year, starting with preschool enrollment. People think I’m nuts to even consider sending him the first time he is eligible to go to K. He would be the youngest by far if I did and if I do red shirt him, he will not be the oldest. Transition classes are very popular, a little more than pre-K, but not quite K. Of course, K is more like what first grade was when I was in school. Heck, my 1st grader is doing the type of work I did in 3rd grade.

 

[TwoOwls]

My dh's mom held him back and he started K when he was 6. This was in NY state. He was peeved when he found out what his mom had done (she based that decision on how is older brother had done).

Where we live now now and K is not compulsory.

 

[ajh88]

I agree with the PPs - in my state, attendance isn't compulsory until age 7 and I'm not sure if K is required, but I'm thinking it might not be because DD only did half-day kindergarten.

I understand the situation is frustrating and hopefully your DH and his ex can figure out what is best for your DSS. His birthday is definitely within that "should they start or wait" timeframe. Good luck!

 

[polineedyan]

Im pretty sure that k is required here in ohio. I know that to skip k would require whats called "whole grade acceleration." which would mean that if a child did skip k, then they would have to actually test out of kindergarten to start first grade. Which is not easy to do, most schools frown on it. But that has nothing to do with your question. I would advise against skipping it in this case, because at some point the child will want to know why they were help back.
Support laws here in ohio, or at least in our case, require not only to be 18 but to be MATRICULATED. Meaning, if the child chooses to go to college, or a trade school after high school, support continues. Much the same as a ss benefit, etc. The child has up to I think age 21, which is how long support could continue, so long as the child (if you will) is in school full time.
Sorry no hard facts here for you..

 

[2Kds2K9]

It would depend on your state laws.

My only concern would be for the child. If he's ready to go, socially, emotionally, and educationally, then send him. If he's held back, then next year when he goes, he's going to be beyond the kids in the class. Unless it's a school system that can keep him busy, he's going to be bored in class and will end up being the trouble maker. Does that make sense?

Seems that it's just a selfish, money issue for the Mom. Did she look at the whole picture? If she gets $4200 per year for keeping him home, doesn't she still have to pay for child care? She'd probably "net" more if she sent him to school and didn't have child care costs.

Good luck. Sounds like you and his Dad are the only ones keeping the welfare of the child in mind.

Leigh

 

[mamaLori05]

Here in Wisconsin Kindergarten is optional. I don't know anyone who doesn't send their child, but I do know many who wait a year. Especially if their birthday is in the summer or closer to the cut off date. In my opinion, it's better to have boys start later anyway. It just gives them an extra year to be at the same maturity level as the girls, more for junior high and high school than anything else. Holding back your DH's son may not be your top choice, but it definatly won't hurt him. After all, it's only a year and once he graduates high school or college and gets a job, it won't matter whether he was held back before kindergarten or not. Most likely no one will even notice at that point. I hope that makes you feel better.

 

[Taja]

The law can vary from state to state--and even within a state.

It sounds as though you and your DH should bring this matter to the attention of the family court that is responsible for your custody agreement. They most likely would require an evaluation and make a binding determination.

 

[Merriwind]

The law can vary from state to state--and even within a state.

It sounds as though you and your DH should bring this matter to the attention of the family court that is responsible for your custody agreement. They most likely would require an evaluation and make a binding determination.

I think this is your best option, Clarabelle. I don't know of anywhere that has mandatory kindergarten, or especially compulsive education by age 5. If you think that the ex is just doing this to stick you, you may have to get the courts involved. Good luck!

 

[powellrj]

Most kids, boys especially HATE being the youngest in their class. They are smaller and less mature than their friends in middle school and high school, and are the last to drive. Just because you think he is ready now, his DM maybe thinking long term and realizes how hard it is for boys to be the youngest in their class.

I was the youngest in my class because I skipped a grade and it was awful. I didn't drive for almost a 1 1/2 years after my friends and was only 16 when I was a senior in high school. Add to the fact that I was a late bloomer and it was hard.

I was the only kid who started jr. high still wearing a size 1 in a little girls shoe and a size 8 in little girls clothes.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

In my state compulsory attendance is not until age 7. I don't think most states require Kindergarten at age 5.

If your DH and the ex have joint custody, he should have a say...important decisions are to be agreed upon, usually (at least that is the way with my friends and family with joint legal custody). I think they need to discuss her reasons, perhaps it is not a child support issue, perhaps it is, if they can't agree they could seek arbitration.

They do have joint legal custody. DH has contacted his attorney about it so we will see what he says.

It would depend on your state laws.

My only concern would be for the child. If he's ready to go, socially, emotionally, and educationally, then send him. If he's held back, then next year when he goes, he's going to be beyond the kids in the class. Unless it's a school system that can keep him busy, he's going to be bored in class and will end up being the trouble maker. Does that make sense?

Seems that it's just a selfish, money issue for the Mom. Did she look at the whole picture? If she gets $4200 per year for keeping him home, doesn't she still have to pay for child care? She'd probably "net" more if she sent him to school and didn't have child care costs.

Good luck. Sounds like you and his Dad are the only ones keeping the welfare of the child in mind.

Leigh

I honestly have no doubt in my mind this is financially motivated. The timing speaks volumes. Why bring it up 15 months before it would even matter?

Their oldest child has a late Fall birthday and started K on time (DH said she even pushed for him to start K at age 4 but they decided to wait). This child was so bored in K that he was the constant troublemaker. The school ended up testing him for the Gifted program.

The law can vary from state to state--and even within a state.

It sounds as though you and your DH should bring this matter to the attention of the family court that is responsible for your custody agreement. They most likely would require an evaluation and make a binding determination.

We are constantly in family court over something so I guess we should just start adding attorney fees to our monthly budget.

I think this is your best option, Clarabelle. I don't know of anywhere that has mandatory kindergarten, or especially compulsive education by age 5. If you think that the ex is just doing this to stick you, you may have to get the courts involved. Good luck!

Thanks.

I could care less about the money. Yes it burns me up to see her try to manipulate DH to milk more money out of him but as a mother it burns me up more to see her use the kids as pawns. DH's child support to her makes up 86% of her household income so she panics when she thinks her money is going to be cut off.

This is the same woman who refused to let her oldest miss 2 days of K to attend our wedding reception at WDW because he may "miss something" then that same school year yanked him out 4 weeks early to switch school districts so she could move herself and the kids in with her boyfriend in another county.

Thanks for letting me vent. The whole situation is so frustrating. DH is a fantastic father and he is just trying to make sure his kids are taken care of.

Also just wanted to add - my DD9 has a Sept birthday so we faced the same issues of when to start school. We chose to delay and I do regret it now as she is socially miles ahead of those in her class. I know girls are very differernt than boys in that aspect but if I had it to do over then I would have started her at 4 and let her turn 5 a month later in K. She would have been just fine.