can I whine too??

[kelleyrn2000]

I posted a couple weeks back about my FIL wanting to buy the house four houses down from us and a block from my MIL (they have been divorced for many years, and they are total opposites...I love living close to MIL most of the time).

Last we heard FIL dropped the matter, after thinking he couldn't handle the mortgage just yet. Huge sigh of relief!

Well, then today, my SIL says he is now back in negotiations to buy the house and is very serious.
Apparently he has decided he needs to "be closer to his son" which all of my husband's life, FIL has had no interest in being a real dad. My husband at this point has no intentions of trying to heal past hurts and make up for lost time, but apparently FIL has different plans.

Normally I wouldn't take this too hard, but I know this is a bad idea for everyone, including himself. His expectations of being close with dh won't be met, he will be moving from a farm, to a residential neighborhood, with a completely different environment. DH and I will have strain in our marraige because of this, and poor MIL is going to lose her mind I am sure.

Now, FIL thinks that because DH never objected to the idea, that he is totally fine with it. DH doesn't want to create hurt feelings and says that there is nothing wrong with his dad wanting to spend the last years of his life (FIL is only 60)??? being close to us and who are we to ruin that for him.

I was so stressed about it that when I went to my dentist appt today I was mentioning it to the dentist (we have known him for years). And when I said FIL's name his eyes got big...apparently FIL is no longer allowed to come to the dentist office that I go to. FIL doesn't know boundaries. He doesn't tune into the feelings/needs of those around him. The dentist had to tell him he was no longer welcome there. FIL stayed at my SIL's for a while a few years ago (long story) but it was not unheard of for my FIL to change his clothes in SIL's driveway . He just doesn't get appropriateness and he doesn't respect boundaries.

He is going to tick off all his immediate neighbors for sure. Past neighbors of his have made formal complaints against him for various reasons. This is causing me anxiety, and my dh doesn't seem to care. I feel alone

Sorry for the long post, just needed to get my feelings out without being judged or accused of being heartless. MIL has similar feelings but I don't want to remind her of this by calling her to vent. Going to bed with lots of prayers tonight.

 

[design_mom]

Ugh. I am not sure how much you can do if FIL has his mind set and DH won't talk to him about it... but I am sorry. I would be supremely stressed out, too.

 

[C.Ann]

Well - your DH is actually right.. No one can tell your FIL where he can or can't buy a house, so unfortunately there's not a thing you can do about it.. (Nor can your MIL..)

You're all just going to have to take it day by day - try not to focus too far into the future on things that haven't even happened yet - and pray a lot..

Good luck!

 

[kelleyrn2000]

You're right, I need to not think too far in the future. I just can't help it. I think if he moves in, it's just a matter of time before he oversteps his boundaries. I guess now I am worried that dh won't care about that either, and I am already having other issues with dh and issues with dd right now, and that is already stressful for me. I need to try to think positive, and keep praying about it. Thanks for the advice

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

If your husband cannot sit your father-in-law down and talk to him about not moving, then I guess you may have to consider moving yourselves (if things get too bad).

I get the "lack of boundaries" you are describing. You will have to be very assertive in your dealings with this man i.e. what your expectations are and behaviour (like amount of visiting) you will tolerate.

I know as I write these words they are easily said, but hard to do.

 

[dis-happy]

Call the seller directly. Offer him/her $500. cash to NOT sell the house to your FIL. If you told them the whole story they'd probably be sympathetic, especially if they actually like their current neighbors.

Have to wonder what someone does to get kicked out of a dentist's practice!

 

[Disney Doll]

Sounds like your FIL has some psych issues. It's really not normal to change your clothing in your driveway, and truly, most health care professionals have to be pushed pretty far to tell a patient not to come back. We usually have a pretty high tolerance for crazy.
Good luck. I think you're going to need it.