can I just vent???

[cepmom]

she pays me to watch her DD

The hard part is we were friends first, then I started watching her DD.

I will most likely just go and get her DD, drop of my DD8 and neighbor's DD just to get my DD16 therre on time...DD16 I'm sure will be stressed out about being late, so i'll do it for her peace of mind.

My mother tells me all the time to just tell her how it will be and don't take no for an answer, but I'm not really good at that sort of thing I try to be firm but somehow doesn't end up working out

I am a morning person..up at 5:45 everyday. I used to be the morning driver and she was the afternoon driver since the little girls went to preschool at 8:30 each day. Now they are in afternoon K so they don't need to be to school until 12:40. I told her I would like to drive the mornings..she could drop both her DD's off at my house, get her self to work by 9:00 (her office is right near the school) and she could pick up at 3:15 (again her office is right near the school so if she worked 9 - 3 there would be enough time to get to the school by 3:15) but she refused saying she wanted to do the mornings..she could get to work by 9:15 and work until 3:15 go home and wait for me to drop her DD's off after school. She just doesn't take no for an answer adn I know I am to blame for that too

 

[darrose]

I think I would give her two week notice that I couldnt watch her dd anymore and just work with the other neighbor.

 

[cepmom]

Now THAT's a good one! Nothing better than a taste of their own medicine! Maybe next Thursday, you have to leave like I suggested above, and SHE will be the one waiting for you to return!

I would actually love to do that, but the only thing is then my DD8 will be late for school since I can not drop her off before 9:05 and then I would be late for DD16's school (the schools are 5 + miles apart)

I know she is doing me a favor by driving my DD8 to school, but it was her insistance that made that the case. It just makes me crazy that I asked one time to be on time and she can't even do that.

 

[TnKrBeLlA012]

I also carpooled with a parent that was always late. I am a person who runs late but not when I take the kids to school. Every time I would pick her kids up we would put the car in park and wait for at least 5 to 8 minutes. She had two kids and the oldest would come out first and then the second one would cry, scream,lay on the lawn until the mom would get her into the car. It got to be so ridiculous. My kids would get so mad. I would have to stress out driving just to make it to school on time. I told her in a nice way we were getting to school late. She said she would try harder. She never did. The last day I carpooled with her was the day my stress level went down. People don't change. Her kids were always out of control because of her.

 

[LoveWDW]

I carpooled to the bus stop for a couple years but then decided it wasn't worth the worry about whether a couple of the parents would be on time. What really broke the camel's back was when I waited outside one of the neighbor's houses for several minutes and finally knocked on her door, she said her child was going in later that day- I told her it would have been nice if she had notified me. After that I dropped out of the carpool and took my child up every day by myself. It was really nice to have somebody else come by to pick the child up so I didn't need to get the other child ready to go out every morning, but to just be responsible for my own family was a relief.

I teach adult classes, and my policy is the class starts on time no matter who doesn't show up on time. I realize that some adults can't get there on time- traffic, work hours, family obligations- and some "can't" get there on time- unable to get themselves into the car early enough to arrive on time- So I cheerfully tell them during the first class of the session that they should not worry if they are late, they should just come on in and join in. But this is a different matter than being late for school.

What I am saying is, if it is at all possible, perhaps you should get out of the driving arrangement, still babysit the child if this works for you, but solve the problem of having to worry about the lateness by not participating in it. The inconvenience won't last forever- children grow up- and you won't feel so unhappy.

I just remembered a situation a few years back, a friend and I used to drive together to a weekly dance. The dance started at 6, but to get the table we liked, far away from the loudspeakers, we had to get in line by 5:45. She was consistently late getting to my house. Frequently she'd get there after 6:00- and it takes 35 minutes to drive to the dance from my house! I finally took my own advice and told her we'd have to each drive on our own (my excuse was that I liked to leave the dance earlier than she did.) Interestingly, when she was driving herself, she always made it to the dance well before 6:00.

 

[hentob]

I have been known to leave at the stated time and meet these people places.
I have also been known to start activities without them.

After you tolerate something for a long time, you tend not to want to be so "nice" anymore. And of course, there is always the apology "sorry I'm late"...no, you're really not sorry because if you were, you would realize how rude this behavior is and try and fix it. The fact that you continue to always be late says to me that you are not sorry at all.

And, yes, I have said that.

I have done this too.

I could go on and on. It infuriates me just to type about it.

To the OP, I would seriously consider not involving this woman in your daily routine ASAP. I wouldn't wait until next year. It is only upsetting you. She will not change and she will never see that what she is doing is rude and wrong.

 

[hentob]

She told me that she never realized how obnoxious it was to be late......

Very good way of putting it! It is just plain obnoxious to be late constantly.

 

[cepmom]

To the OP, I would seriously consider not involving this woman in your daily routine ASAP. I wouldn't wait until next year. It is only upsetting you. She will not change and she will never see that what she is doing is rude and wrong.

the funny thing is she knows she is always late, but I guess you are right...she will not see that it is rude and inconsiderate to others.

She just called to ask me a favor ~ to watch her DD6 while she takes her DD9 to a dr appointment ~ but I just couldn't deal with her yet so I let the machine pick it up

 

[horseshowmom]

This is one of my pet peeves, and it really seems to be a growing problem with more and more people. As others have said, we generally try to be a few minutes early but, at the very least, on time.

I have a friend who likes to laugh and say, "Have you ever noticed that the only people who are mad about others being late are the ones doing the waiting?" I don't find it as funny as she does. We love them but don't make plans with them anymore that require us to wait on them. They once showed up a hour late for dinner that I had spent all afternoon preparing. If we're going to a movie or whatever, we go in our own car and meet them there (and we won't wait outside if it's time for the movie to start).

 

[LiteBrite]

My situation is only similar to yours in that it involves putting my foot down when people were walking all over me.

I teach piano lessons. Years ago, when I was first getting started, I had a very small group of students. I wanted it that way, because my own daughter was little and I wanted to give her most of my time. Most of my students in those days were the children of my friends from church. I found it hard to say no to any of them about anything, since they were all my friends. They would constantly skip lessons just because they didn't feel like coming, or the kids wanted to have a play date, or any other lame reason, and not pay me for that day. Also, I had one or two who could never be counted on to show up on time, and just expected me to be ready to give their child 30 minutes whenever they wanted to show up, because I was at home anyway.

Finally, I started paying attention to the policies my daughter's violin teacher had. That's a woman who knows how not to be taken advantage of! I adopted her approach as my own: lessons have to be paid for a month at a time, in advance, and the payment is due at the last lesson of the previous month. That way all lessons are pre-paid, and people are much less likely to skip a lesson they've already paid for. Plus, I let them know that I will not refund or reschedule a lesson that's missed for any reason *I* consider to be invalid. If they come 20 minutes late, their child gets a 10 minute lesson. If they show up past their 30 minute slot, they get sent home.

The amazing thing is, that their attitudes in general are so much better now! Their children practice more, they all (parents and students alike) treat me with more respect, and they pay me on time and cheerfully. For my part, I work very hard to make sure that I can reschedule missed lessons if possible, and I'm more relaxed with the students since I'm not always tense about schedules and paymentl. It's a win/win situation. I make sure all my students get my policies in writing before they begin lessons with me now.

All of that to say, figure out what you are and are not willing to put up with, get it in writing for the mom, and stick with it. You'll be so much happier, and I imagine it will improve your relationship in the end. Even if it were to end the relationship, that might be an improvement over the situation you have now.