Can I Give Up? (A vent)

[chell]

Time is a great healer. This is something that someone sent to me when my husband died. It helped me maybe it can help you.



1. Tomorrow is close by, but not close enough...live for today
2. Living is for those left behind...do it well, and enjoy every bit of it...you OWE it to your loved one.
3. Look ahead and live by example...have hope...show the next one that there IS a future! Don't dwell on the past...or a sad, bemoaned future.
4. Write often on the bulletin board ( the DIS)...it helps you.
5. Write often on the bulletin board (the DIS)...it helps others.
6. Read what you have written...AFTER you have entered it.
7. Think ahead of happy possibilities...no matter how slim the chances...something good always comes along when you are positive.
8. Make every attempt to help someone in more pain than you
9. Listen to your friends...they may have suffered the same loss and understand.
10. Remember wistfully...don't dwell on the past in more than some sadness...smile, laugh...KEEP TRYING!!!

Thanks. I need to print this one out.

 

[arminnie]

Until I had personally experienced this level of grief, it was just impossible to imagine how incredibly painful emotions can be. I told people that it was as if my emotions had been dipped in hot boiling oil.

I don't know if anything physically painful could hurt more than the raw emotions of grief at their worst. At one point I think I would have traded physical pain for the emotion pain.

I wondered if it would EVER diminish. Everyone tells you that time helps. And it does but knowing that and "feeling" that it will go away are two different things. So we can all tell you that you will eventually not be in emotional agony, but I know it doesn't seem like a sure thing yet.

I am aware that none of what I am writing will make you feel better right now, because that is pretty much impossible. BUT IT WILL GET BETTER - even if you can't imagine how.

Great advice from lots of people here so I won't repeat it. Just wanted to let you know that it is possible to feel better again.

 

[disneylizzy]

Praying that tomorrow will be a little it better for you than today.

 

[Kirk]

Chell,

My heart goes out to you! P&PD! It's been nearly 10 years since I lost my wife and I still get a heart pain from time to time but the frequency has diminished. The first couple of years were the hardest for me and my friends/family just seemed to make it worst! They'd see me hurting and feel they HAD to say something but since they had never been through it, the dumbest things seemed to come out of their mouths. I had a few things that really helped me through:

1. A very good, experienced grief councilor. I saw him once a week for a year then once a month for another.
2. I found a “Young widow/widowers” support group in my town. (Indianapolis at the time.) Being around people that had been through a similar experience and at different stages in recovery was a godsend!
3. My DD helped me through some of the waves of grief. I guess just having to be strong for someone else helped.

After I moved from Indianapolis I couldn’t find a support group again but an online group was helpful:

GROWW

The place is worth some exploring if you haven't been there before. They have several subgroups where you're sure to find similar experiences via message boards or chat.

If you ever have anything specific where I might be of help please feel free to PM me.

Kirk

 

[Goofball]

Bless your heart. Coming here to get things off your chest is a good thing, I think. Listen, my younger sister lost her husband very suddenly 7 1/2 months ago. I don't like to think about how the next few months were for her and everyone else. But just last night, she was here at my house, and we were listening to music, dancing around the kitchen, laughing our fool heads off. Time helps, but a teeny bit at a time, so much so that you may not notice it getting better. Please do keep seeing a counselor; my sister still is and it has helped a lot. Mostly, know in your head that you will be okay. It doesn't feel like it, but know it in your head. Keep those who love you close at hand. Cry, scream, laugh, or whatever when you feel like it. Know that we're praying for you.

Don't I sound like the grand authority on all things big and small? LOL. Take good care of yourself, chell. It's important.

 

[Maleficent13]

 

[Hillbeans]

Hugs to you Chell. Please feel free to come here anytime you need to talk or get something off of your chest. I don't have much experience with what you are going through, however I always have an ear to listen.

 

[Cthia]

Know we are all here to offer you support and an ear to listen. I know nothing is easing the pain right now but in time it will be better and you will remember the good times you both had. Don't give up.

 

[Stitchfans]

So very sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope you find some comfort in such a hard time in your life.

 

[ugadog99]

Hi Michelle, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I was 6 months pregnant and had a 3 year old daughter when I was left a widow. I understand your feelings. I have no magic words, but can only tell you that if you need to talk, please pm me.

Melanie

 

[disneymom3]

I am sorry you are struggling. I am sure this time of year makes it so much harder.

 

[ADisneygirl]

I am sorry. Sadness is a powerful, debilitating thing. Everyone here had great advice for you, but I too understand that hearing the pain will lessen and believing it are two different things. The only way to know for sure is to go on and find out that we are right. The pain will lessen. The crushing feelings of despair will not be as close to the surface. Unfortunately it takes time. No magic here or we'd all use it.

Best wishes to you and please know my prayers are with you.

 

[Jennifer S]

Chell, I can't even imagine what you are feeling. I have no words of wisdom. Just a big hug Please hang in there.

 

[chell]

Thanks everyone. Today and yesterday I have been crying tons again. I don't what has made me start crying so much again but oh well.

At least today I don't have such a strong feeling to no longer want to live. That is a start. Right? But I still don't want to accept the fact that he is gone and I don't want to face each day alone and knowing that he isn't going to call.

Tonight at work I answered the phone and in the background it sounded just like it did when he would call me from the road. I couldn't help but hold my breath. It was all I could do to stand there. In that brief second my body got so weak and started to tremble again. All of the hope that flooded my body then it was gone even faster than it came. I don't want to keep doing that to myself.

I do appreciate you all letting me come here and get everything off of my mind. It means so much to have a safe place to come to where I know I will not be judged or put down for speaking my mind. And it means the world to me to have such support and kind words from so many of you.

Tomorrow morning I do have an appointment with the counselor again. And I have started looking for a support group. It would be ideal for me to find a group of widow/widowers closer to my own age. I'm not saying that I wouldn't have a lot in common with people older than me but my hope is also that I could make friends with some of the people and go out to eat or something once in a while. That part of my life is really lacking anyway. I have no life. I don't get out unless it is with my sisters and nephews. Since they moved away I don't get out often at all. I have no friends here to go to dinner with or even catch a movie with. It would help to have people to go somewhere with.