Calling all Step Moms!!

[CampbellScot]

Hi everyone!! I just wanted to see if there were any other Disney loving Step mom's out there on the disboards!!

I've been a step mom for almost a year now. My step daughter is 8 and my step son is 5. It's been a great and challenging year! My step kids are wonderful. They are very funny and insightful and full of mischief and energy!

The thing is, I often find myself wanting other step moms to talk to...see how they handle this or that.

so if y'all are out there, I'd love to hear from you!!!

 

[WonderfulDreamer2]

8 1/2y veteran stepmom here to an 11 1/2 yo daughter.

 

[CampbellScot]

Well hey there! It's good to know step parenting is survivable for 8 1/2 years!!

Thanks for posting though! Good to see you!!!

 

[Pooh Crew]

Another one here! Step mom for 14 yrs now. Dsd lives with us, , but is 18 and will be leaving soon for college. We have not only survived, but thrived!

 

[L107ANGEL]

Step mom 16 1/2 years!

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

Not only am I a stepmom of 12 years, but my stepdaughter is the reason I found the DIS to begin with.

After two long custody battles and more money than I like to think about, my stepdaughter came to live with us 9.5 years ago. She's entering her last year of high school, and while I can't say it has all been a barrel of laughs, we have thrived.

When we got custody of her, the first thing we did was take her on a Disney Cruise. She absolutely loved it, and so did we. As a matter of fact, the first thing we did after getting home was to book a second cruise 6 months later!

 

[CampbellScot]

I just have to say THANKS to y'all...really. It means so much to know that people have made it for the long haul and thrived as a family!

Sometimes it's tough to know how to feel in certain situations. Or respond to some of the things the kids say...for instance "Mommy says you are too skinny and look like a paper doll!!" *ahem* Wow...that one left me spluttering a bit. How on EARTH does one respond to that?!

So thanks for all of you who have posted. It means a lot!!!

 

[CampbellScot]

Not only am I a stepmom of 12 years, but my stepdaughter is the reason I found the DIS to begin with.

After two long custody battles and more money than I like to think about, my stepdaughter came to live with us 9.5 years ago. She's entering her last year of high school, and while I can't say it has all been a barrel of laughs, we have thrived.

When we got custody of her, the first thing we did was take her on a Disney Cruise. She absolutely loved it, and so did we. As a matter of fact, the first thing we did after getting home was to book a second cruise 6 months later!

Custody battles are the worst...as I'm in the thick of one right now. It's probably the most gut wrenching, expensive process I've ever encountered. I'm glad to hear that your family made it through your step daughters middle high school years!! There are days when I think it would easier on the children if we just bowed out, cried Uncle and let their mom move them an hour away...but they need their dad too.

*SIGH* we sure do need our upcoming Disney vacation.

Cuz I am worn out y'all!

 

[WonderfulDreamer2]

Ouch. I am so lucky on that front that my DH's ex is at least friendly. I have never said a cross word about her mom in front of her nor do I think her mom does about me. As the others have said, we have thrived as a family. We don't have physical custody but she just went home this past Sunday after having been here since May. We had a wonderful time. Out of all the things I "think" I would do differently if I were the "real" mom, her mom has done a really great job raising a delightful and respectful young lady. I count myself lucky.

 

[doxdogy]

I have been one for almost 25 years. It wasn't all a bed of roses that is for certain. We just made sure we never talked about her mother in a negative way around her (we still don't). In fact for the last 4 years we have all gathered at the daughter's (DH's and I's pet name for her). The roster includes her mother and her husband and DH's former in-laws.

 

[CampbellScot]

Ouch. I am so lucky on that front that my DH's ex is at least friendly. I have never said a cross word about her mom in front of her nor do I think her mom does about me. As the others have said, we have thrived as a family. We don't have physical custody but she just went home this past Sunday after having been here since May. We had a wonderful time. Out of all the things I "think" I would do differently if I were the "real" mom, her mom has done a really great job raising a delightful and respectful young lady. I count myself lucky.

I am just GREEN with envy!!

Initially she seemed friendly enough. She called one day to thank me for taking such great care of her kids, and she told me how much they love me etc. All seemed great. But then everything changed and no one is sure why. She quit letting the kids see her parents (that live 5 houses away from her) or her sister...The kids are the ONLY grandkids in the family and were adored and over indulged to the core. So for her to take them away when they had had daily contact was tough on both her parents and the kids. I started hearing about the ugly things she is saying about me...and then she announces she is moving herself and the kids down the shore an hour away.

It's been pretty nuts. I do not EVER say ugly things about her in front of the kids. I would never do that. But it seems like I am open season over there. It's hard on the kids, especially my step daughter b/c she loves me and it hurts her to hear ugly things said, but then she feels loyal to her mom and she's stuck wondering who is "right".

I just ache for both the kids. They are the ones losing out. Having gone through my parents divorce and horrible custody battle that followed, I know what could happen to these kiddos emotionally. It's like seeing a train wreck about to happen, screaming your head off at the people on the tracks to get out of the way, but the people seem convinced that the oncoming train won't hurt anybody as long as it's presented "the right way".

It's very messed up. And very very sad.

But I'm encouraged to know that others have gone through this and survived to tell the tale.

 

[L107ANGEL]

I am just GREEN with envy!!

Initially she seemed friendly enough. She called one day to thank me for taking such great care of her kids, and she told me how much they love me etc. All seemed great. But then everything changed and no one is sure why. She quit letting the kids see her parents (that live 5 houses away from her) or her sister...The kids are the ONLY grandkids in the family and were adored and over indulged to the core. So for her to take them away when they had had daily contact was tough on both her parents and the kids. I started hearing about the ugly things she is saying about me...and then she announces she is moving herself and the kids down the shore an hour away.

It's been pretty nuts. I do not EVER say ugly things about her in front of the kids. I would never do that. But it seems like I am open season over there. It's hard on the kids, especially my step daughter b/c she loves me and it hurts her to hear ugly things said, but then she feels loyal to her mom and she's stuck wondering who is "right".

I just ache for both the kids. They are the ones losing out. Having gone through my parents divorce and horrible custody battle that followed, I know what could happen to these kiddos emotionally. It's like seeing a train wreck about to happen, screaming your head off at the people on the tracks to get out of the way, but the people seem convinced that the oncoming train won't hurt anybody as long as it's presented "the right way".

It's very messed up. And very very sad.

But I'm encouraged to know that others have gone through this and survived to tell the tale.

I am so sorry!!! Sounds like you have your head together though

 

[storzo]

I've been a step for quite a few years now...he is 23 and his wife just had my first stepgrandson.

He tells the baby I'm grandma and I told him that name is reserved for his mother (after all this time, I still don't want to step on toes) and he said well, you're his grandma too. So I guess we did alright.

 

[ilovejack02]

My sweet DSS is now 18, starting college in a few weeks UGHHH, where has time gone? I can remember the first time i ever saw him. He had just turned 5 a week before had big brown eyes and dark shaggy hair, he ran in the room grinned at me and ran back out ... and I was forever hooked.

We have had our ups and downs.. def. more ups then downs. He is a sweet boy and Im so glad to have him in my life.

 

[WonderfulDreamer2]

Sounds like you're doing all the right things. Always be the bigger person. Vent here, vent to DH. But always let the kids know how much you love them and that you are always there for them. It can be a struggle, but they see things and understand far more than I think we ever give them credit for. Your taking the high road will stick with them for life.

 

[ilovejack02]

I am just GREEN with envy!!

Initially she seemed friendly enough. She called one day to thank me for taking such great care of her kids, and she told me how much they love me etc. All seemed great. But then everything changed and no one is sure why. She quit letting the kids see her parents (that live 5 houses away from her) or her sister...The kids are the ONLY grandkids in the family and were adored and over indulged to the core. So for her to take them away when they had had daily contact was tough on both her parents and the kids. I started hearing about the ugly things she is saying about me...and then she announces she is moving herself and the kids down the shore an hour away.

It's been pretty nuts. I do not EVER say ugly things about her in front of the kids. I would never do that. But it seems like I am open season over there. It's hard on the kids, especially my step daughter b/c she loves me and it hurts her to hear ugly things said, but then she feels loyal to her mom and she's stuck wondering who is "right".

I just ache for both the kids. They are the ones losing out. Having gone through my parents divorce and horrible custody battle that followed, I know what could happen to these kiddos emotionally. It's like seeing a train wreck about to happen, screaming your head off at the people on the tracks to get out of the way, but the people seem convinced that the oncoming train won't hurt anybody as long as it's presented "the right way".

It's very messed up. And very very sad.

But I'm encouraged to know that others have gone through this and survived to tell the tale.

Ya know what ive been doing this for almost 14yrs, you just love those kids like they were your own. Spoil them, love them, discipline them and treat them with respect and while times may get rough in the end those kids will know who was right and who was wrong. They will also know that even if you and Dad didnt do everything right, you still loved them and that is all that counts.
My DSS mother LOVES to tell folks we dont and didnt pay child support and have never supported DSS and that his stepfather did all the support all these yrs. That stupid WITCH, the child lived with us from 8th grade till right after xmas and we still paid that stupid WITCH her child support and bought that child a car and paid for gas and insurance. He lived with her sister from 7th grade to 8th grade and we paid her child support and gave her sister money.... STUPID WITCH.
She sent us a letter the other day which i promptly took to our attorney who laughed her butt off at it... anyway it said we owed her 1500 in back child support and its a shame that we have never supported him and whats worse is Brad knows it. So with Brad being 18 I called him and asked him if he really thought that and he started laughing his butt off. He was like just ignore my mom she is nuts
We have stopped giving his mom money and legally can do so we just give it to Brad now and she is hoppin mad.
The moral to the story is that treat those kids well and love them to the best of your ability and it will all be ok in the end... the light at the end of the tunnel may seem very far away, but one day you will be there and those kids will be grown and they will appreciate you more than you will ever know!

 

[CampbellScot]

Ya know what ive been doing this for almost 14yrs, you just love those kids like they were your own. Spoil them, love them, discipline them and treat them with respect and while times may get rough in the end those kids will know who was right and who was wrong. They will also know that even if you and Dad didnt do everything right, you still loved them and that is all that counts.
My DSS mother LOVES to tell folks we dont and didnt pay child support and have never supported DSS and that his stepfather did all the support all these yrs. That stupid WITCH, the child lived with us from 8th grade till right after xmas and we still paid that stupid WITCH her child support and bought that child a car and paid for gas and insurance. He lived with her sister from 7th grade to 8th grade and we paid her child support and gave her sister money.... STUPID WITCH.
She sent us a letter the other day which i promptly took to our attorney who laughed her butt off at it... anyway it said we owed her 1500 in back child support and its a shame that we have never supported him and whats worse is Brad knows it. So with Brad being 18 I called him and asked him if he really thought that and he started laughing his butt off. He was like just ignore my mom she is nuts
We have stopped giving his mom money and legally can do so we just give it to Brad now and she is hoppin mad.
The moral to the story is that treat those kids well and love them to the best of your ability and it will all be ok in the end... the light at the end of the tunnel may seem very far away, but one day you will be there and those kids will be grown and they will appreciate you more than you will ever know!

This made me laugh and it made me cry!! I know that the light is down there. It's a way off, but it's there and I've just got to hang on through the tough years.

I truly do not know what gets in to some women...my husband's ex essentially draws a $24k salary a year off my husband and it's still not enough for her. She makes good money. Yet she tells the kids how sad she is that SHE couldn't take them Disneyworld, but she had to use all her money to "take care of them".

It's infuriating and baffling to me. I want to scream. And be violent...

But I suppose I just have to keep remembering that the kids won't be "babies" forever...they'll know someday who was a nut and who kept their best interests at heart. I hope so anyhow.

 

[lsyorke]

Step Mom for 23 years! My stepkids are both married and have their own kids now, they were 5 and 9 when we married. I love them dearly!!! I think one of the things that made stepping so easy for me was that DH and I were very close to his ex and her DH, once they got past all the angst of a divorce. Remarrying by both made things so nice! It was her new husband and I who put our foot down to cut out the anger. There were two kids to raise..no place for drama.

The kids were raised in the same town, within 8 blocks of each parent. The one main rule was "If your fighting with a parent, you stay with that parent until you work it out". Vitally important for not playing one parent against the other. We didn't have set "visitation". They were free to go to whatever house they wanted to, within reason. They had bedrooms at both houses.

We are all very close(the ex, her DH and me and DH). It's been so healthy for the kids. I'll never forget my stepdaughter doing her seating plan for her wedding..."the only table I DON'T have a problem doing is the one with my parents and step parents"..LOL!

I know this situation isn't possible for everyone, but it's made for a large extended family that have nothing but love for each other. I'm very lucky.

 

[3princesses+aprince]

Hi, my stepson is 11 as of yesterday!!!!!!! Just finished buying the rest of the party supplies!!!! I have been with dh since my dss was 1 and a half. I remember the first day I met dss, my dh met me at a park down the street, I still remember he was wearing little white and black timberland boots.
Me and my stepson have an awesome relationship too. He is with us alot, normally from friday to sunday night, but during the summer we have him 4-5 days out of the week. And usually over all vacation weeks. I get along with his mother just fine, we actually even go out with all the kids together, which I know must be good for my dss.
Dh and I also have 3 daughters, and my stepson is such a good big brother. He always wants to help me when we go out, he'll always help his sisters out of the car, and hold their hand in the parking lot. He is a very sweet child, and I couldn't imagine life without him.
Sometimes things get tough, but the good things far outway the bad.

 

[CampbellScot]

I just have to say how encouraged I feel.

At the moment my heart feels broken. I don't know why the kids mom has to tear them up for her own gain.I don't know how on earth moving them an hour away could be good for them, but her answer is always "They'll get it over it". I don't want them to feel as I felt as a child. At 11 years old I walked across the city (Houston) to a church and got down on my knees starting praying that God would send an angel to take me away b/c it hurt to much to go on. My parents fought bitterly over me from the time I was six years old. I heard and understood everything that was being said. Lawyers "prepping" me to say things that weren't true...it was too much. It changed me. I went from being a fearless daddy's girl to a shadow. I felt the bitterness and tension between my parents every second. I have never gotten over it and it was by the grace of God that I met my husband...or so I thought...now I'm not so sure...I wonder if fate hates me and I am destined to relive my childhood nightmare.

It doesn't help that I have PMS right now either!

but I am encouraged by your experiences. This too shall pass!