First, I should say that DH is sort of the same way. He started off with a bang, being the first person to wish me a HB on my 31st, which was only a week or so after we met. But that was easy for him since he worked the night shift, so he was up and at work at midnight, and he sent me an e-giftcertificate through our mutual company. Only $10, which was enough for a token "I just met you and I like you", but not enough to freak me out.
Ever since then, though...he says he wants to save up over the year, but since we intermingled money so fast I have always felt the need to control that...and he takes my hesitance as a "no", and never does it.
I contribute to the problem b/c I maintain a wish list, but the things on it aren't things I want for presents...like, the one year he bought from it, he bought me "How to Simply Cut Kid's Hair". Yeah...that wasn't a good *gift*, even though it was something I wanted and might have ultimately gotten *for myself*.
But really, I had some wonderful birthdays growing up, thanks to my wonderful mom who always got the BEST presents for me...and I am thankful for that, and really, I'm kind of *over* getting presents. My mom's gone, no one else is as good with presents, so there's really no point.
Of course I wouldn't mind some nice diamond studs, but since he never saves up and I"m not going to create a fund for something like that while we're still paying other things off, I can wait!
So last year, for my 40th, I gave it all up. No expectations, not even hopes in the back of my head for something special that I was pretending to not expect (which is how it's been the last 5 years or so). I was entirely Zen, and instead I planned a DLR trip for us! It was fabulous! DS wanted to buy me something, so they went off and bought me a bracelet, which was very sweet, and I let them sing HB to me as *their* present (I have always hated that song being sung to me since my 1st b'day!), and it was an excellent trip.
But I didn't act like it was a present *from* him. I just said this is what we're doing, it's for my b'day, I'll make the plans, let's go have FUN!
But it did take awhile. This October is our 10th anniv of being together, this August will be our 7th wedding anniv, and it took until Oct '09 for me to really be OK with a b'day like that.
So I say, the bike is from you to you, and if he wants to do something, he can do it! You buying something doesn't preclude him from getting something. So he should outdo himself, tell him to go for it!
since he says this is ruining your birthday for him just plan on his birthday to give him a handmade gift certificate thats good for celebrating YOUR birthday as a one time do-over (give a VERY narrow time frame-like a week from the date of his bday). when he questions it tell he that since you ruined it for him, and it disappointed him so much, that you felt the ideal gift for him was the opportunity to enjoy your birthday as it should be-with a cake, gifts....
Tell him he's right and that you'd never want to ruin his surprise. You're happy he's decided your birthday is worth celebrating and looking forward to seeing what he comes up with.
Once on the way to the airport, on my Birthday, he was giving me an earful, on how I "shouldn't be going to Disney 4 times a year..bla bla bla.." When he was thru, I said "Thanks for wishing me Happy Birthday!"...and slammed the door after I got my suitcase out of the car...what a Dweeb!
