Buying my own birthday gift...anyone else do the same?

[Sandy V.]

...yeah, cuz' 50 doesn't get any better....

Yep. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. But I'm loving my Kindle that my DH did buy for me for that 50th.

OP, I'd give him this final chance to see if he'll really make it up to you. If he doesn't, head down to that bike shop!!!!

 

[Disney Doll]

since he says this is ruining your birthday for him just plan on his birthday to give him a handmade gift certificate thats good for celebrating YOUR birthday as a one time do-over (give a VERY narrow time frame-like a week from the date of his bday). when he questions it tell he that since you ruined it for him, and it disappointed him so much, that you felt the ideal gift for him was the opportunity to enjoy your birthday as it should be-with a cake, gifts....


his reaction should be priceless.

I like the way you think.

I woudl say the only mistake you made was telling him before your birthday that you were going to go out and buy yourself a bike.

I would have waited until the day after my birthday and said "Well, since no mention was made, once again, of my birthday, I will be going out and buying myself a bike".

I would also not be celebrating his birthday in any special way since obviously birthdays are not important to him as an adult.

The kids I'd still celebrate because...well, they're kids...

 

[sunnyday123]

This is what I'm thinking! I told my bf (they were here on the weekend) that she's in charge of making sure my mimosa's are replenished throughout the day...I plan to spend it on a beach chair, reading a good book...on an island may just be the final touch!!

It just really ticks me off how he's saying I'm ruining it for HIM!! Sheesh!

But that's his easy way out! He can mope around saying, "I had big plans for her big day, and she ruined it FOR ME!"

I think a little reminder that he has forgotten your birthday is in order.

And the day of, I would go somewhere where they are not. Even if you have to go to another lake or beach and just sit peacefully. No kids yelling, no cooking, nothing.

Also, there are a ton of cheap travel deals out there.

 

[hereyago]

And the day of, I would go somewhere where they are not.

Also, there are a ton of cheap travel deals out there.

Yea, like a spa day on a tropical island, or a spa weekend. Just you enjoying peace and tranquility and he will be at home with the kids.

And you can call and check on them and when DH starts to whine,you can do the crackling noises and say you can barely hear him and hang up ha ha

Even my exdh of 10 years calls me and wishes me happy birthday and will take our dd11 out so she can get me something.

 

[shortbun]

I always get myself a present. My husband does too though. I buy myself something cool and girlie. It's a splurge. Spa day or pretty towels for just me, my favorite old perfume, firefighters calendar(lol!).

 

[MIGrandma]

I used to be very hurt when DH did nothing or very little for my birthdays.

I am an only child and I admit, I was extremely spoiled. My parents always made a "big deal" over my birthdays, with a card, cake, special dinner, gifts. Then I got married. DH grew up in a totally different lifestyle than I did, and birthdays were not all that special.

It bothered me for years, but over time I realized he wasn't going to change. And I had a heart-to-heart talk with myself over it and realized he is a great husband in oh so many ways. I wouldn't trade him for the world.

And now that I'm older gifts don't really mean all that much to me anymore. What we do now is go out to dinner, just the two of us, to the restaurant of my choice. I enjoy that more, dinner out and spending time together, than a gift. Sometimes he'll get me a card, if he happens to be in town and thinks of it. But more times than not he doesn't. It just doesn't bother me anymore.

 

[hereyago]

I used to be very hurt when DH did nothing or very little for my birthdays.

I am an only child and I admit, I was extremely spoiled. My parents always made a "big deal" over my birthdays, with a card, cake, special dinner, gifts. Then I got married. DH grew up in a totally different lifestyle than I did, and birthdays were not all that special.

It bothered me for years, but over time I realized he wasn't going to change. And I had a heart-to-heart talk with myself over it and realized he is a great husband in oh so many ways. I wouldn't trade him for the world.

And now that I'm older gifts don't really mean all that much to me anymore. What we do now is go out to dinner, just the two of us, to the restaurant of my choice. I enjoy that more, dinner out and spending time together, than a gift. Sometimes he'll get me a card, if he happens to be in town and thinks of it. But more times than not he doesn't. It just doesn't bother me anymore.

The difference is with the OP, is that her DH expects gifts for his birthday when your DH probably doesn't as he was brought up as they weren't that special.

 

[disneyfans95]

We don't bother. When you are a kid, sure b-days are big.

But as an adult, we don't think you need to be doing more then a hug and maybe a card.

There are things through the year that we may like (ie e-reader, garden equipment etc) that we pick up when we need them and our budget works.

Rather do it that way.

I never really saw the need for adults to go nuts over b-day gifts.

 

[LisaInNc]

I was exactly like you. I had a DH (Ex Dh now......) who never gave me gifts. No birthday, nothing for Christmas, not for my first Mothers Day which was so upsetting since it took us 7 difficult years to have a child. He just always had an excuse.

I am a very thoughtful person and each holiday I would have some really nice presents for him. I am also a gifter at heart so I like surprising people with little things on their birthday. I also do it on Valentines Day, I make chocolate covered strawberries and home made truffles and I give them to friends and neighbors that don't have a Valentine in their life......so I would get hurt when my day would come along and

Then I got smart and I would just buy myself them. Sad that I had to do it but sometimes you have to take care of yourself. As a Mom you take care of everyone else.

Now I have a DBF and ohhhhh my, he is GREAT with presents. Thoughtful and sneaky and gives me over and above what I would ever expect. I always think of it as gift Karma.

Not advocating the divorce thing.....just saying...yes.....buy yourself a present!

Lisa

 

[disykat]

Tell him he's right and that you'd never want to ruin his surprise. You're happy he's decided your birthday is worth celebrating and looking forward to seeing what he comes up with.

Oh and by the way, you've purchased yourself a bike as a birthday present for 2003. You've still got seven more presents coming but you'll wait and get those some other time after he's done his big celebration this year.

We don't really do presents/surprises and buying our own presents (or being involved in the decisions of how to celebrate or what to buy) is pretty much the norm. However, if he wants to pretend he's got this big plan to buy you presents - hold him to it!

 

[pilesoflaundry]

Don't buy the Ipad, don't buy him anything at all for his birthday. Then tell him you didn't have time this year.

Is it tough love, yes but maybe he will realize how important the day his wife was born should be to him!

 

[dislaney]

You've given him enough chances, I would just buy the bike myself and wouldn't feel a bit guilty doing it either. If he want to do something for your birthday there are plenty of other things he can do. Heck if he just buys you a cake that would be more than he has done for the last eight years.

Hope you have a great birthday! Enjoy your bike!!

 

[sunnyday123]

I was exactly like you. I had a DH (Ex Dh now......) who never gave me gifts. No birthday, nothing for Christmas, not for my first Mothers Day which was so upsetting since it took us 7 difficult years to have a child. He just always had an excuse.

I am a very thoughtful person and each holiday I would have some really nice presents for him. I am also a gifter at heart so I like surprising people with little things on their birthday. I also do it on Valentines Day, I make chocolate covered strawberries and home made truffles and I give them to friends and neighbors that don't have a Valentine in their life......so I would get hurt when my day would come along and

Then I got smart and I would just buy myself them. Sad that I had to do it but sometimes you have to take care of yourself. As a Mom you take care of everyone else.

Now I have a DBF and ohhhhh my, he is GREAT with presents. Thoughtful and sneaky and gives me over and above what I would ever expect. I always think of it as gift Karma.

Not advocating the divorce thing.....just saying...yes.....buy yourself a present!

Lisa

Lol...were you married to my x-h?? My first Mother's Day was like Christmas for me....DD almost died at birth, and then we didn't know if she would have any lingering effects ( she didn't) so it was really special.

He told me I wasn't his Mother, so he didn't have to do anything for me.

I packed up the baby, went to the mall, and she picked out the NICEST watch for me!! She also took me shopping on my birthday because he would not have the time since he worked and all. My last present before we divorced were some really sharp 1ct diamond earrings!

You'd think he would've got a clue in all those years when I kept going up in price, but I guess he thought he'd just cut his losses!!

OP, cruises are nice too, I hear!

 

[sunnyday123]

We don't bother. When you are a kid, sure b-days are big.

But as an adult, we don't think you need to be doing more then a hug and maybe a card.

There are things through the year that we may like (ie e-reader, garden equipment etc) that we pick up when we need them and our budget works.

Rather do it that way.

I never really saw the need for adults to go nuts over b-day gifts.

( I really need to start multi-quoting)

But he's not even doing that! He tells her "Oh, I didn't have time." or some such nonsense. Birthdays dont' change, they come at the same time every year.

 

[AKL_Megs]

I usually buy myself something...

I can't decide what I want this year, though!

 

[mickeywho?]

Tell him he's right and that you'd never want to ruin his surprise. You're happy he's decided your birthday is worth celebrating and looking forward to seeing what he comes up with.

Oh and by the way, you've purchased yourself a bike as a birthday present for 2003. You've still got seven more presents coming but you'll wait and get those some other time after he's done his big celebration this year.

We don't really do presents/surprises and buying our own presents (or being involved in the decisions of how to celebrate or what to buy) is pretty much the norm. However, if he wants to pretend he's got this big plan to buy you presents - hold him to it!

oooh...I like the way you think!!

He's driving me crazy - keeps saying "but I wanted to do something this year - I know I need to make it up to you!" I just keep telling him "buy me a card - that won't only surprise me but will shock me as well!"

I let him get away with this for too long. Mainly because in years past my parents would have us over for a bday dinner when we got back from vacation and he would contribute to anything they gave me. Which was never anything big - because I would tell them not to! I've been estranged from my parents for a few years now - so it's all on him. Needless to say that kind of rubs a bit of salt in the "estrangement from my parents" wound.

He's a great guy otherwise. Just really drops the ball year after year on this one!! Otherwise he would have gone the way of a few of your exes a looong time ago!

BTW - it's a really nice bike! I'm heading out soon to pick it up!

 

[okeydokey]

I don't really expect or ask for much! All I have ever asked for is a card - anything homemade from the boys would be fine. But every year after seeing our friends wishing me happy bday he says "oh well, sorry - guess I didn't have time". But then he always expects something BIG for his bday! He's already said he's like an iPad...I just don't get it...

I like the idea of giving him a chance to make a big deal of my bday as a gift to him...

Are you kidding me? He expects a big deal for his birthday but thinks you should be OK with him not having time for you for the last 8 of your birthdays? I have to say in my house this would have happened ONCE and then never again. Buy yourself whatever you want this year and every year!!

 

[okeydokey]

Don't buy the Ipad, don't buy him anything at all for his birthday. Then tell him you didn't have time this year.

Is it tough love, yes but maybe he will realize how important the day his wife was born should be to him!

I agree with this. Tell you'll have time to celebrate his birthday again starting in 2018.

 

[sunnyday123]

I agree with this. Tell you'll have time to celebrate his birthday again starting in 2018.

Or better yet, buy YOURSELF an ipad!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I don't really expect or ask for much! All I have ever asked for is a card - anything homemade from the boys would be fine. But every year after seeing our friends wishing me happy bday he says "oh well, sorry - guess I didn't have time". But then he always expects something BIG for his bday! He's already said he's like an iPad...I just don't get it...

I like the idea of giving him a chance to make a big deal of my bday as a gift to him...

Really, he "EXPECTS" something from you after doing nothing for you. That is priceless.

If my dh did that I would ignore his birthday.

Now that being said, we are not big holiday gift givers and sometimes you get gifts and sometimes you don't. We don't keep score here.