Buying a wedding gown BEFORE getting a ring?

[Chicago526]

Hmmm... I need some advice!

BF and I are going to get married late in 2005. But he hasn't officially asked yet (we've talked a lot about it, he just needs to save for a ring and wait for the right moment, which I suspect will be durring our up comming trip to WDW!).

BUT, I've found the perfect wedding dress! It's been in the window of a wedding shop at the local mall for about six months. I haven't seen anything else I like nearly as much. Since it's been there so long, I went in to the shop and asked about it. Before I said anything about when I'm getting hitched, the sales girl said "it's being discontinued, you need to order by mid-October."

The dress is a little over my budget (it's $1100 and I wanted to keep it under $800) but since it's exactly what I want, I'm not going to quibble over price. I'm 100% sure of the wedding going forward, but it just feels weird to put down a deposit on the gown before BF has finnished paying for the ring on lay away! BF knows about it, and thinks it's fine, he doesn't care when (or how much $$) I buy my dress, as long as I show up at the church on wedding day!

What do you think? Am I "jinxing" the whole thing by buying ahead of time?

 

[coliebird]

Go for it. You know you're getting married, you discussed it with your boyfriend (fiance) and he is fine with you buying it. If you really love it, buy it.

 

[caitycaity]

i tend to be practical and not superstitious, so if you bf is cool with it, i say go for it.

however, i changed my mind on style of wedding dress several times, so i guess just be sure that it is really the one.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

You should do it! I bought my wedding gown 6 months before I got the ring.

 

[bpr2002]

I did that exact thing! My now-DH encouraged me to get it when I told him that it was the dress I'd been dreaming of and would be discontinued in a month. I did not have a ring yet but my then DBf joked that this was as good as a commitment as a ring would be! I didn't let him see what it looked like, though, before the wedding 'cause that would have been bad luck!

 

[princesstommi]

I do not believe you need a ring to be *engaged*. You are planning on getting married, things are in the works, you have a wedding date - so I see no problem with finding your dream dress now and getting that part taken care of.

If you were just *hoping* for a ring with no concrete plans, then yes, I would think it was silly to get a dress first.

The only thing I would be concerned about is *changing your mind*, like caitycaity said.

Have fun shopping!

 

[Chicago526]

Thanks guys! I was thinking the same things you all mentioned!

BF (I won't call him my fiance til I've got that ring!) has seen the dress, actually. But he has such short term memory problems (not as bad as Dory, but close!) he's already forgotten what it looks like!

I'm going to do a marathon dress hunt next weekend (this weekend I'm going on a business trip) to make sure I don't find anything I like better (also to see if I can get this dress for cheaper!) and if I don't, I'll go ahead and order the dress!

Thanks again! I knew I could count on my DISer pals!

 

[Alice28]

I did the same thing. But I bought mine off the rack at the Jessica McClintock outlet in San Francisco and only paid $150! It was just one of those things where I wasn't expecting to buy the dress that day; I knew BF and I were getting married and he was going to ask me soon. We already even had a date planned. Mom and I went up to San Fran just to look and there was a perfect dress and who can pass up that price! I bought it, and still loved it on my wedding day.

 

[disykat]

I agree. I was all set to say no when I saw your thread title, but it sounds like you all really already engaged and planning a wedding.

On the opposite side, I had a roommate who bought fabric and a pattern while she was dating a guy I knew had no intention of marrying her. If he knew what she did he would have freaked. I had to hold her when she cried when he broke up with her. I don't know what she did with the fabric - I wasn't about to ask her, even when she eventually married a great guy.

 

[palmtreegirl]

I wouldn't do it. The ring isn't an issue but the fact that he hasn't officially asked you to marry him would stop me because I wouldn't consider myself engaged until that happened.

 

[onecoolmama]

Have you been trying the dress on..or only window shopping? I think you should defiantely put the deposit down if that is the dress for you and you know the season you are getting married in.


On a different note, I miss doing that. All through college, I use to go try on wedding dresses when I was feeling down (and I wasnt engaged). They dress you and undress you and tell you how beautiful you are. Ahhhh...those were the days. I think you should do this, make sure that is it..then go for it!!!

 

[bubie2.5]

Go for it.

 

[CamColt]

IMO, a ring does not make an engagement. Ive known people who have had a ring for 5+ years with no wedding plans, or a date...nothing. The fact that both of you have discussed it and are planning a wedding would be enough for me to buy the dress in that situation. If you both have agreed to marry each other, Id say he has already "asked". Go for it and congratulations!

 

[Chicago526]

Originally posted by Alice28
I did the same thing. But I bought mine off the rack at the Jessica McClintock outlet in San Francisco and only paid $150! It was just one of those things where I wasn't expecting to buy the dress that day; I knew BF and I were getting married and he was going to ask me soon. We already even had a date planned. Mom and I went up to San Fran just to look and there was a perfect dress and who can pass up that price! I bought it, and still loved it on my wedding day.

WOW! I wish I could get that lucky!

I did try it on with my maid of honor this weekend, and it looked GREAT! I doubt I'll find anything I like better, but I'm going to look next week just to be sure, and to see if another shop has it for less than the one I first saw it at. I wish I could do it this weekend, but I'm going to Orlando for a business trip (only have time for DTD, drats!) tomorrow and won't have time.

Oh, and Palmtreegirl! That was my thought at first, too. "I'm not engaged yet, I have no business buying a dress". But if I don't get this dress by mid-October, I won't be able to get it at all! Since BF is all for it (and we really ARE going to get married, I'm not just "hoping" he'll ask), I'm going to go for it!

Thanks again, everyone!

 

[palmtreegirl]

Oh, and Palmtreegirl! That was my thought at first, too. "I'm not engaged yet, I have no business buying a dress". But if I don't get this dress by mid-October, I won't be able to get it at all! Since BF is all for it (and we really ARE going to get married, I'm not just "hoping" he'll ask), I'm going to go for it!

Oh, I didn't mean to imply you weren't going to be asked! I just answered your post with what I would do and I can be really weird when it comes to certain things.

Have fun dress shopping!

 

[disneyatl]

My only piece of advice is to try the dress on first. I had a totally different dress in mind that the one I actually chose. I remember the woman in the shops telling me to try on everything because they look so much different on the hanger than on you.

Same thing happened to my sister when she got married. She didn't even want to look at dresses that were worn a bit off the shoulder and that is what she got!

Good luck!

 

[DMickey28]

I don't think that you can jinx anything.

We had our wedding pretty much booked and cruises booked before the ring. We had to wait to a certain date financially before we purchased the ring and he got down on one knee. We have never done thing traditionally and this was one of them!

I think it's fine, as long as you KNOW it's the one... the dress, not the man!!!

Try it on, have you tried it one? I love a dress for months but living very far away from friends and family I didn't want to try any on alone. When we finally went to the store, I made a bee line for the dress I loved and admired for months. Tried it on and burst into tears... it looked awful... I swore to my MOH that I wasn't getting married and I wasn't trying on anymore dresses....
I still found and feel in love with one that I never imagined myself wearing that same weekend!!!

Good Luck and congratulations!! I just picked up my wedding band last night, LOVE IT! Four more weeks to go... somewhere along the way I lost my count down below!

 

[cassi06403]

Just be sure the dress will fit what you both have in mind for your wedding. If it is sleeveless, it probably wouldn't work well for an outdoor Autumn ceremony. If it has sleeves, it wouldn't work well for a Summer wedding. If the wedding will be informal, a Cathedral length train may be out of place. On the contrary, if the wedding is black tie, an informal dress with a sweep train may not be the right thing.

Don't forget also, to discuss these things with your BF. You may have one thing in mind for your wedding, and he may be thinking of something else.

Also, if your wedding is still far away, you may want to reconsider. Once you get full swing into wedding planning, there may be many other dresses that you fall in love with that you hadn't seen before since you weren't really "LOOKING". I agree with your idea to go out looking for other dresses "just to be sure".

Another big consideration: When you put that dress on, don't force yourself to like it. If it is the right dress, you will know it and you will not want to take it off. Many brides fall in love with a dress that someone else suggests and bride says "No Way." Try these on anyway - you never know until you try it on.

Sorry I wrote a novel

If you have any questions about anything WR (wedding related) feel free to PM me!

Do you know the Designer and style # of the dress so we can see a picture of it?

--Cassi (who was just reminiscing about her wedding this morning!)

 

[DMickey28]

I wanted to add...is it a designer dress?

I bought my dress online for about $300 cheaper than the bridal store was selling it for at www.bridalco.com.

There are also a bunch of other reputable websites out there as well....

Just a thought...

 

[totalia]

Wow. You need a ring to be engaged? Guess I need to tell my fiance that since I've never had one and don't think I ever will. Maybe we should just stop planning the wedding since we aren't "really" engaged after all.