BUSH TWINS SURGICALLY SEPARATED FROM THEIR BEERS
Had Been Conjoined With Beers Since Inauguration Day
The Bush twins, Jenna and Barbara Bush, were surgically separated from their beers yesterday in a 22-hour operation that doctors said was the first of its kind.
Dr. Henry Kawamoto, the plastic surgeon who performed the procedure, said the operation was complicated by the fact that each Bush twin was fused to her beer bottle at the mouth, creating a powerful, vacuum-like seal.
But hours after the landmark procedure was complete, both the twins and their beers were said to be doing well.
These are two brave girls and two brave beers, Dr. Kawamoto said.
The Bush twins became conjoined with their beers in January of 2001, shortly after the Inauguration of their father, President George W. Bush, and had remained fused to their beers ever since.
While doctors cautioned that it was impossible to determine the precise origin of their beers, they said that there was some evidence that they came from the Five Boots ******* Saloon in suburban Abilene, Texas.
Experts said that even after they recover from the procedure, the Bush twins could face difficulties as they adjust to their new lives, separated from their beers.
To keep from becoming conjoined with their beers once again, Barbara and Jenna should avoid looking at any and all newspapers, their 401(k) statements, and the proposed Department of Homeland Security organizational chart, one expert said.
**** BOROWITZ ON CNN ****
Andy Borowitz takes on CEO greed Thursday morning on CNNs American Morning with Paula Zahn at 8:45 AM (EST).
Had Been Conjoined With Beers Since Inauguration Day
The Bush twins, Jenna and Barbara Bush, were surgically separated from their beers yesterday in a 22-hour operation that doctors said was the first of its kind.
Dr. Henry Kawamoto, the plastic surgeon who performed the procedure, said the operation was complicated by the fact that each Bush twin was fused to her beer bottle at the mouth, creating a powerful, vacuum-like seal.
But hours after the landmark procedure was complete, both the twins and their beers were said to be doing well.
These are two brave girls and two brave beers, Dr. Kawamoto said.
The Bush twins became conjoined with their beers in January of 2001, shortly after the Inauguration of their father, President George W. Bush, and had remained fused to their beers ever since.
While doctors cautioned that it was impossible to determine the precise origin of their beers, they said that there was some evidence that they came from the Five Boots ******* Saloon in suburban Abilene, Texas.
Experts said that even after they recover from the procedure, the Bush twins could face difficulties as they adjust to their new lives, separated from their beers.
To keep from becoming conjoined with their beers once again, Barbara and Jenna should avoid looking at any and all newspapers, their 401(k) statements, and the proposed Department of Homeland Security organizational chart, one expert said.
**** BOROWITZ ON CNN ****
Andy Borowitz takes on CEO greed Thursday morning on CNNs American Morning with Paula Zahn at 8:45 AM (EST).
