BUSH: SADDAM BOUGHT GERANIUMS, NOT URANIUM
White House Defends War Decision Based on Typo
In an extraordinary retraction of key elements in his last State of the Union Address, President George W. Bush revealed today that Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein did not attempt to buy uranium in Africa, as earlier alleged, but merely geraniums.
"As I was reading the speech to the nation, I should have caught that typo," the President told reporters today. "My bad."
While the news about the uranium/geranium goof stunned diplomatic circles, Mr. Bush remained resolute about his decision to go to war, arguing that buying geraniums, while not as potentially dangerous as buying uranium, still represented a "suspicious" activity on the part of the Iraqi madman.
"The question we have to ask is, who was he buying these geraniums for?" Mr. Bush said. "Was he buying them for Osama bin Laden or Kim Jung-Il or some other evildoer? Luckily, we'll never find out."
Mr. Bush said that, thanks to Operation Iraqi Freedom, "Saddam Hussein is no longer free to terrorize the world with his evil flower-buying sprees."
While the President may have been trying to quell international criticism, his comments instead sparked more controversy, as French President Jacques Chirac challenged the U.S. to find evidence of geraniums anywhere in Iraq.
In response, Secretary of Defense Donald H. Rumsfeld said that while the U.S. had yet to turn up any concrete evidence of geraniums, U.S. forces had uncovered several "suspicious" empty flowerpots outside of Basra.
Asked by reporters about the flowerpots, Mr. Bush gave a thumbs-up gesture and said, "Mission accomplished."
**** BOROWITZ REPORT ****
White House Defends War Decision Based on Typo
In an extraordinary retraction of key elements in his last State of the Union Address, President George W. Bush revealed today that Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein did not attempt to buy uranium in Africa, as earlier alleged, but merely geraniums.
"As I was reading the speech to the nation, I should have caught that typo," the President told reporters today. "My bad."
While the news about the uranium/geranium goof stunned diplomatic circles, Mr. Bush remained resolute about his decision to go to war, arguing that buying geraniums, while not as potentially dangerous as buying uranium, still represented a "suspicious" activity on the part of the Iraqi madman.
"The question we have to ask is, who was he buying these geraniums for?" Mr. Bush said. "Was he buying them for Osama bin Laden or Kim Jung-Il or some other evildoer? Luckily, we'll never find out."
Mr. Bush said that, thanks to Operation Iraqi Freedom, "Saddam Hussein is no longer free to terrorize the world with his evil flower-buying sprees."
While the President may have been trying to quell international criticism, his comments instead sparked more controversy, as French President Jacques Chirac challenged the U.S. to find evidence of geraniums anywhere in Iraq.
In response, Secretary of Defense Donald H. Rumsfeld said that while the U.S. had yet to turn up any concrete evidence of geraniums, U.S. forces had uncovered several "suspicious" empty flowerpots outside of Basra.
Asked by reporters about the flowerpots, Mr. Bush gave a thumbs-up gesture and said, "Mission accomplished."
**** BOROWITZ REPORT ****
