BUSH CONSIDERING TAX CUT FOR NORTH KOREA
Would Swap Dividend Loophole for Nuke Shutdown
In what some are calling an unorthodox plan to defuse the North Korean nuclear crisis, President Bush is considering granting North Korean leader Kim Sung-Il a sweeping package of tax cuts, the White House revealed today.
Aides to Mr. Bush said that the President hopes that the tax cuts which would include a total elimination of the tax on dividends -- will induce Pyongyang to dismantle North Koreas nuclear program immediately.
Aides say Mr. Bush revealed the plan at a Cabinet meeting late last week, explaining, I dont care if youre talking about a stumpy little jerk in North Korea -- Ive never met a man who didnt like a good tax cut.
Democrats in Congress were quick to criticize the Presidents plan, arguing that it was impossible to offer North Korea a tax cut since North Korea pays no U.S. taxes to begin with.
Hello! Theyre a foreign country! Democratic leader Tom Daschle said in response to Mr. Bushs proposal.
But at the White House, press secretary Ari Fleischer praised the President for thinking outside the box, arguing that benefits of the tax cut for North Korea would trickle down to South Korea.
Even as the President was putting the finishing touches on the tax cut package to be presented to Pyongyang, the White House was reportedly hard at work on another strategy to reduce the North Korean crisis: checking the thesaurus for less-scary words to describe the crisis than crisis.
As of last night, the leading candidates to replace the word crisis were predicament, fix, jam and pickle.
**** BOROWITZ IN THE NEW YORKER ****
Andy Borowitz asks, "Am I Hot or Not?" in this week's New Yorker magazine. On newsstands Monday or at http://www.newyorker.com/shouts/content/
Would Swap Dividend Loophole for Nuke Shutdown
In what some are calling an unorthodox plan to defuse the North Korean nuclear crisis, President Bush is considering granting North Korean leader Kim Sung-Il a sweeping package of tax cuts, the White House revealed today.
Aides to Mr. Bush said that the President hopes that the tax cuts which would include a total elimination of the tax on dividends -- will induce Pyongyang to dismantle North Koreas nuclear program immediately.
Aides say Mr. Bush revealed the plan at a Cabinet meeting late last week, explaining, I dont care if youre talking about a stumpy little jerk in North Korea -- Ive never met a man who didnt like a good tax cut.
Democrats in Congress were quick to criticize the Presidents plan, arguing that it was impossible to offer North Korea a tax cut since North Korea pays no U.S. taxes to begin with.
Hello! Theyre a foreign country! Democratic leader Tom Daschle said in response to Mr. Bushs proposal.
But at the White House, press secretary Ari Fleischer praised the President for thinking outside the box, arguing that benefits of the tax cut for North Korea would trickle down to South Korea.
Even as the President was putting the finishing touches on the tax cut package to be presented to Pyongyang, the White House was reportedly hard at work on another strategy to reduce the North Korean crisis: checking the thesaurus for less-scary words to describe the crisis than crisis.
As of last night, the leading candidates to replace the word crisis were predicament, fix, jam and pickle.
**** BOROWITZ IN THE NEW YORKER ****
Andy Borowitz asks, "Am I Hot or Not?" in this week's New Yorker magazine. On newsstands Monday or at http://www.newyorker.com/shouts/content/
