BUSH BLAMES ECONOMY ON SOMEONE NAMED HADLEY
Mid-level Bureaucrat Caused Massive Job Losses, President Alleges
Stephen Hadley, the mid-level bureaucrat who last week took the blame for the controversial sixteen words in President Bush's State of the Union Address, suffered another setback tonight as Mr. Bush blamed Mr. Hadley for the struggling state of the U.S. economy.
Mr. Bush made the extraordinary accusation during a nationally televised speech devoted to the failings, errors and screw-ups of the beleaguered Mr. Hadley.
"Every President must tell the nation where the buck stops," Mr. Bush said. "In this administration, the buck stops at Hadley."
Saying that Mr. Hadley was responsible for the nation's weak job numbers, lagging productivity and anemic housing starts, Mr. Bush added, "Stephen Hadley owes each and every American a full apology."
Aides to the President, while agreeing with Mr. Bush's decision to blame the economy on Mr. Hadley, expressed surprise at the ferocity of the President's attack.
"I know Hadley wrecked the economy and all, but the President really ripped him a new one," one aide said.
Dr. Kenneth Childs, head of the Economics Department at the University of Minnesota, said today that it was "highly unlikely" that one mid-level bungler could ruin an economy the size of the U.S.'s.
"But if anyone could do it, it's Hadley," Mr. Childs was quick to add. "What a loser."
In a related story, Mr. Hadley accepted "full responsibility" for the dissolution of Liza Minnelli's marriage, the spiraling violence in Liberia, and "Gigli," the upcoming film starring Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez.
**** BOROWITZ REPORT ****
Mid-level Bureaucrat Caused Massive Job Losses, President Alleges
Stephen Hadley, the mid-level bureaucrat who last week took the blame for the controversial sixteen words in President Bush's State of the Union Address, suffered another setback tonight as Mr. Bush blamed Mr. Hadley for the struggling state of the U.S. economy.
Mr. Bush made the extraordinary accusation during a nationally televised speech devoted to the failings, errors and screw-ups of the beleaguered Mr. Hadley.
"Every President must tell the nation where the buck stops," Mr. Bush said. "In this administration, the buck stops at Hadley."
Saying that Mr. Hadley was responsible for the nation's weak job numbers, lagging productivity and anemic housing starts, Mr. Bush added, "Stephen Hadley owes each and every American a full apology."
Aides to the President, while agreeing with Mr. Bush's decision to blame the economy on Mr. Hadley, expressed surprise at the ferocity of the President's attack.
"I know Hadley wrecked the economy and all, but the President really ripped him a new one," one aide said.
Dr. Kenneth Childs, head of the Economics Department at the University of Minnesota, said today that it was "highly unlikely" that one mid-level bungler could ruin an economy the size of the U.S.'s.
"But if anyone could do it, it's Hadley," Mr. Childs was quick to add. "What a loser."
In a related story, Mr. Hadley accepted "full responsibility" for the dissolution of Liza Minnelli's marriage, the spiraling violence in Liberia, and "Gigli," the upcoming film starring Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez.
**** BOROWITZ REPORT ****
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