bullying at school

[wildwood]

My 7yr ds came home out of school with dh today with a very sad face and told me that he was in trouble and had , had play time taken away from him my dh said that he had been told off because he had been fighting on futher investgation from myself and dh we discovered that he was standing up for himself because he was getting hurt . The thing is he got bullied all last year quite badly and now he has stood up to them he has got into trouble with the school we have told him he should not fight for no reason and he knows it is wrong but now we feel he will stop standing up to them any advice from anybody would be greatly recieved

 

[Joanne UK]

I really do sympathise with your situation - bullying is one of the main things I worry about happening to my children.

If it was me I would arrange a meeting with the Headmaster/mistress and discuss it with him/her. Were they aware of the bullying your DS was subjected to last year? If so they would know that that was connected to what has happened today.

I hope everything works out Ok for you all,

Joanne

 

[allie5]

Yes, speak to the school. Start with his teacher then the head. If the situation doesnt improve, then go to the next governors meeting and bring it up there - I can assure you it will be taken VERY seriously.

Its also worth speaking to the dinner ladies, as they are often aware who the "troublemakers" are and they will keep a special eye on your son.

Its a very hard call about what a child should do to combat bullying. My DH was severely bullied throughout his schooling and consequently he hated every second. He wanted me to teach our DD at home (she has just started Reception) but I refused, feeling she needed to mix, and the fact she loved Nursery so much. I caught DH telling her she must "stand up for herself" at school and "fight back if nessacary". I was quite shocked, but he said if he had done that from day one, the bullies would have left him alone.

Its not something I am comfortable with at all, but I CAN see both sides of the coin, so to speak. It doesnt seem right that your poor son is being victimised and then punished for standing up for himself. However, when the other lads go home and say "XXX hit me today" the mothers probably have NO IDEA that their precious sons are the instigators of bullying and would expect action against the other child.

It seems there are unresolved issues here that need dealing with, and in my opinion, it is the schools responsibility to you, your son and the other pupils involved. Dont be fobbed off by "words", demand action and some positive anti bullying messages from the school. If the school has a prospectus, see what "measures" they promote to tackle bullying. If these are not happening, then ask why.

I wish you and your son every success. Bullying is one of the worst things to have to deal with as a parent. My DH has never forgiven his parents for "not believing how bad it was" (it wasnt the same immotive issue that it is now) and although he now has a great career, his own business (and earns tons more than his "bullies" now do ) it has left a scar on him.

Once again, good luck and...

Allie

 

[allie5]

Double post sorry - WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE DISBOARDS!!! Its crazy!

 

[natalielongstaff]

just to totally agree with what allie posted
and for your son

 

[Miffy2003]

I've no advice but I wanted to send

 

[Rosie]

My own family have recently had a few problems with Bullying, so I feel for all of you too. My DS 10 is autistic but in a mainstream school (our choice) so we knew that because he is different Bullying would be an issue at some point.

Schools are required by law to have a written policy on how to handle Bullying. It is your right to have a copy of that policy and that was my own starting point for handling the issue.

I waited until DS felt able to talk about what had happened and we read the policy together. We identified exactly what forms the Bullying took and noted when it had happened and who had been present.

We followed the policy and the people accused of Bullying were spoken to by the relevant Teacher. I did not ask what action had been taken to discipline the children accused of Bullying nor did I put any pressure on DS to fight back or run away should the situation recurr.

DS complained several more times in the following months that the Bullies were still tormenting him. As before I reported all the details to the Teacher but also had a long chat with DS about why it was happening.

The breakthrough for us came when I spoke to a different Teacher (who was a substitute for a couple of months). We agreed that it would be worth trying to get DS and the child most often accused of Bullying to work on something together. They found it very tough at first, but I have to say that with the encouragement of the Teacher they learned not to argue and fight.

The child that DS thought hated him was in fact jealous of him because he gets lots of praise from the Teachers. The "Bully" isn't now DS's best friend but he has been round here for tea and they accept one another.

I really hope you have a happy outcome, Bullying is a terrible problem

Regards
Rosie

 

[Ware Bears]

Lots of andfor you all.

 

[carolfoy]

Wanted to send lots of to you and your son, My sons school has an issue with one or two particularly bullying children and they know who they are, many parents have complained but still nothing seems to actually be done about it, the parents of the bullies have been spoken to but seem to be unwilling to accept that their children are just downright nasty. I suppose I'd find it hard to beleive if someone accused my children of that but still...

 

[sharon78]

I have no advice really,but i hope that you get it sorted out quickly,and your DS soon starts to like school,the advice given on the thread by other Dis members sounds good to me.

 

[wildwood]

Thanks to you all for your kind words and thoughts i have been to ds school today and hopfully everything has been sorted out , i think ds will be ready for half term thanks again

 

[catherine]

I feel so bad for all of you. I have been there done that with my DD who was severley bullied in year four. The teacher could not control the class, and the headteacher was ineffective. Her idea of taking action was to get my DD and the main instigator of the bullying together in her office and promise them that if they could get along for the rest of the week that she would take them to the local shop and let them choose something! Thankfully the teacher and the headteacher have since retired.

I am so glad that things seem to have been resolved with your DS's school!

 

[cheryl.UK]

Big from me too.

Bullying is a big issue in schools and most tackle it well. I agree with other posters, talk to the school, particularly your ds' class teacher. The trick is to keep talking. Not in a desk thumping shouty kind of way (no better way to put staff off) but in an open dialogue way. Staff find it helpful if they know how things are progressing so that they get clues as to where to go next.

Just as important though, keep talking to your ds. Kids need to know that you're on their side and haven't forgotten something which is very important to them. From my experience, try to keep the B word out of the conversation. Kids often find events even more frightening if they feel that what's happening to them is bullying. Its a very big deal to kids and something that they are scared of. Better to talk about that actually happened rather than lable it as bullying, at least with your ds.

 

[Jane and Ian]

Feel for you on this one as we too have had problems and in a way is still ongoing. Our DS has been bullied for 4 years. The school didn't believe him and to be frank it got to the point that we didn't wither. In the end a teacher actually saw it going on and the child was put on a verbal warning. Now we have come to select our secondary school, purposely choosing the other school in the area to the one that the bully is going to, and what do we get - the same school. We are going to appeal on Tuesday, so keep your fingers crossed. I say take it up with the headteacher and don't take no for an answer - keep at it until you geta satisfactory result.

Good Luck
Jane

 

[wildwood]

Hope everything gets sorted out at your appeal although it is still a few years away for my ds i am already worried about him going to secondary school . The last cople of days last week my ds did not have any promblems so hopefully things hace settled down i think i will always be on the lookout for any promblems now and will go to the school as soon as i sence any thing going on thanks again to everyone for your kind words and thoughts i wish people didnot have to be so cruel