Bullying and being passive-aggresive

[OceanAnnie]

I know this thread was just in fun, (read that up thread), but I think it's an interesting topic. I don't know anything about the origin of the question. But I'll give you my .02.

I think bullying and being passive-aggressive are on the same spectrum of mean spirited, manipulative behaviors. I have had the displeasure of coming into contact with both. On the receiving end, the feelings are not much different. Except until you catch on to the passive-aggressive person, you are hurt and confused as to why they say and do their thing. Maybe even extend the benefit of the doubt for a time. Then when they get away with it, they get more brazen and more hurtful. It must be empowering. I don't know. When you encounter a bully, you don't really need a why answered, IMO.

I can see where passive-aggressiveness can be a mental illness. I do however think that there must be some cases of people just being terminally mean and artful. When I encounter it, it's repelling and I don't try to distinguish between the two. I'm cordial, but the wall is up so to speak.

I agree with a pp that stated she would rather deal with a bully because at least they are out in the open and you know what you are dealing with. How true. Neither is a walk in the park though.

 

[arminnie]

I think Passive-Aggressive Behavior and Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder are two different things.

So right - I have personal friends who are psychiatrists, LCSWs, and psychologists. They laughed at the thought that anyone who ever uses passive aggressive behavior is automatically mentally ill.

I have proudly used passive aggressive behavior against an office bully. Anything overt would have gotten me fired. I was able to totally thwart her career. Everytime she applied for a new job I casually let my friends know her history. She had tried to fire me because I was having major, major surgery. She went TOTALLY BALLISTIC when I had my doctor send a notice to HR which exposed her lies. (and she got demoted)

At first glance she looked liked the sweetest little rosy cheeked grandma - but was truly evil incarnate. I could never ever do violence to someone - but I used to say that if she were on the ground writhing in pain I could easily step over her and go on my way.

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

You wouldn't be a fan of "Stand Up for Mental Health" then.

http://www.standupformentalhealth.com/videoclips.shtml

However, I think these folks are hilarious, and I'm proud to support them.

.

Thanks for the link..I've just watched a few of the acts, and I plan on watching more tomorrow.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Not by a long shot.

 

[DawnCt1]

Do you feel they are essentially the same?

Absolutely not. One can avoid a passive aggressive person if they so chose. I find that bullies are aggressive/aggressive and seek out certain people to be deliberatively tormenting. Big difference. A bully is a bully and it doesn't matter if its in real life or elsewhere.

 

[mpsiq]

Interesting thread for DIS

 

[L&Lfan]

I definitely think passive aggressive people are bullies in their own way.

And yes, unhinged people, I am aware that this is a zombie thread.

 

[chickapin parterre]

Interesting thread for DIS

hmmm is this passive aggressive or bullying....because "interesting" can be bullying or passive....depending on the flower.

If you are bulling us, ...they have a thread about guns.
If you are passive about the thread...thank you for the flower.!!!

As a passive aggressive person...I use it to bully my wife.....who is on the extreme side of being a bully.....that is how we survive our marriage!!!

 

[Kitty 34]

Interesting thread for DIS

Clearly you haven't been on the CB on a daily basis to see some of our interesting threads. Of course some get cut short or possibly locked, etc.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Bullies aren't usually passive. They are usually directly aggressive.

Some people who exhibit passive aggressive behaviors often play the innocent victims when they are anything but innocent or a victim.

Kind of like pretending on another thread they don't know why they are the person being talked about on that passive aggressive thread.


Just kidding!

Bullies are often both active aggressive and/or passive aggressive depending upon what they think they need to do to get their way. And after their active aggression is stood up to, they usually will go passive aggressive. Playing the martyr after they are stood up to is a bully specialty.

Not everyone passive aggressive is a bully. But passive aggression is a tool in the Bully's toolbox.

 

[brockash]

Do you feel they are essentially the same?

No, not at all. Being passive-aggressive is not saying what you mean, but taking it out in other ways. Bullying is very different, it's a repetitive targeted behavior towards someone.

Bullying behavior could be completed by using passive-aggressive ways, but certainly not the only way. On the same note, someone can be passive-aggressive, but not engage in bullying behavior. Both are not pleasant and a PITA, but not the same at all.

 

[mjkacmom]

Interesting thread for DIS

10 years ago...

 

[Disneypro1]

Completely different. To me bullying is physical. Verbal is nothing. I told my kids to expect some verbal crap and give it back. But if someone touched them. Then game on. I am totally anti bullying. But today schools take it too far. A little picking or giving some one the business is normal things in life. Some folks need thicker skin. I’m a professional firefighter... we pick on each other without mercy. The military was like that. Bullying to me is what happens 1% of the time people actually say is bullying. Being passive aggressive is just being smarter than the person on the receiving end....

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Meanwhile, the CW4D polling team out to take a poll.
ZOMBIE ON THE LEFT WATCH OUT!!! ZOMBIE ON THE RIGHT WATCH OUT. OH NOES, WE'RE SURROUNDED.
Ask us questions. Ask us poll questions.
Ok ok.
5 out of 10 zombies said bullies do use passive and active aggressive behavior.
2 zombies pushed us around.
2 zombies after asking for a poll said they really preferred another question. So we asked one. Then they didn't like that one either.
1 zombie asked whether it was being a bully or passive aggressive to eat brains. So I kicked him in the knee and while they all became "unhinged" we escaped in the commotion.
As we hopped in the car and drove away we all vowed to be more careful so as not to be caught off guard again by Zombie threads.

 

[Disneypro1]

Benny Hill was brilliant.

 

[brockash]

Completely different. To me bullying is physical. Verbal is nothing. I told my kids to expect some verbal crap and give it back. But if someone touched them. Then game on. I am totally anti bullying. But today schools take it too far. A little picking or giving some one the business is normal things in life. Some folks need thicker skin. I’m a professional firefighter... we pick on each other without mercy. The military was like that. Bullying to me is what happens 1% of the time people actually say is bullying. Being passive aggressive is just being smarter than the person on the receiving end....

That's very true. I'm a school counselor and the amount of time I spend teaching kids the difference between bullying and an argument or bullying and someone one time being mean to you is exhausting. Everyone throws the bullying word around for any and everything.

 

[Disneypro1]

That's very true. I'm a school counselor and the amount of time I spend teaching kids the difference between bullying and an argument or bullying and someone one time being mean to you is exhausting. Everyone throws the bullying word around for any and everything.

Yep. Agreed.