That's why I like
www.youneedabudget.com. (Also called YNAB, you might have seen it mentioned here before.) I've been using it for a long time, although I still haven't completely mastered the "I have X amount to spend in A category, so that's all I'm going to spend", but I've been able to not go overboard in my categories, and I've been able to put aside money (that I would normally "nickel & dime away") for fun things, rainy days, etc.
Regarding the bolded portion of your quote - the premise of the YNAB program that you buy is that as you build a buffer (not quite the same as Dave Ramsey's $1k BEF - it's one month's EXPENSES), you're working towards budgeting only money you physically have. So, in your case, with your DH's variable pay, say DH gets paid $1000 in December. When you have the YNAB buffer in full, then the December paycheck actually goes towards January's expenses, so you know exactly how much you have available to spend... (And if next month it's only $750, or even if it's $2000, you know exactly how much you have to spend for the following month.) My husband gets comission, so we have variable pay too. On the months we're flush, we put the "extra" $$$ into our bigger categories.
PLUS, the key to budgeting (using ANY program) is to budget for the expected, unexpected expenses (like that quarterly bill you always forget about, or your annual membership, or new tires, or home repair - you know at some point you'll have an expense like that - why not sock away some $$ to cover or at least contribute to that expese when it finally happens?)