Budget wedding gift

[karliebug]

We are going to a very formal , over the top wedding on Saturday. The groom is a "hunting buddy" of my husband but I don't know him or the bride. I get the feeling that it is going to be a big fancy reception. I checked her registry and she is already getting everything she has listed and I mean, very expensive items. Fancy silverware, real china, even a dyson vacuum. We don't have a lot of money. I was going to get a $50 gift card. Do you think that is too cheap of a present? Should I buy something instead??

 

[Lisa_M]

You're going to get a ton of different responses based on where posters live.

I'm in a similar situation. Got invited to a FANCY FANCY FANCY wedding for a very close co-worker's child. Although, I never met the child, the co-worker helped me get my job. Where I live, it is customary to give money at the wedding and at least enough to cover your plate. I know what this is costing from coversation (complaints) from the mom. I am considering declining the invite and sending a small gift instead. DH is barely working, and I don't have $300 to shell out for a wedding gift.

That said, I think $50 is too low. I would aim for either $100 or a gift that is about a $100 value, but perhaps you got a deeply discounted price. Hmm, maybe that's what I should do for the wedding I have.

 

[powellrj]

We are going to a very formal , over the top wedding on Saturday. The groom is a "hunting buddy" of my husband but I don't know him or the bride. I get the feeling that it is going to be a big fancy reception. I checked her registry and she is already getting everything she has listed and I mean, very expensive items. Fancy silverware, real china, even a dyson vacuum. We don't have a lot of money. I was going to get a $50 gift card. Do you think that is too cheap of a present? Should I buy something instead??

I am of the camp of giving what you can afford. If you can afford a $50 gift card, that is what I would give. I just can't see giving someone who you don't know several hundred dollars you can't afford just because "someone" thinks you need to.

 

[Cjmuma]

I have made towel cakes, out of 50 dollars worth of towels, which have been huge hits at even fancy weddings! but I think that if 50 is what you can afford, then that is what you should give! end of story!

 

[disneygirl 17]

I don't think $50 is too little at all. I am sure they didn't invite you to the wedding because of what type of gift you can give.

That being said I usually spend $50 and get stuff on sale...I don't do gift cards.....this way they really don't know what I spent. If I can get $100 worth of stuff for $50 then they can think I paid the $100.

Presentation, thoughtfulness and creativity are important and go along way.

 

[JoiseyMom]

Coming from the NJ/NY area, where it is usually cover the cost of the plate, but only if that is what you can afford! Give them what you can afford. If you see some great item discounted, you can buy that, but I would give an amount you can live with.

I went to my bff's wedding years ago, I was to have been the matron of honor, but I had to decline because I had just left my ex and had 2 babies and was living with my mom and had no money. My bff argued with me when I gave her the check I did, which was under $50, but I could afford that, and I was not going empty handed.

 

[tinkarooni]

This really is such a tough dilemma. I understand the intelligent way to think is to give what you can afford....but we're all just human and don't want to look like cheapskates.

We recently went to my DH childhood friends 40th surprise b-day party. I had no idea how grand it was going to be. We don't really spend a lot on adult b-days and I left it up to DH to decide, I figured it was his friend. So he ended up getting him a $25.00 gift card to Gander Mountain since all they really do together now is get together to hunt a couple times of year. When we got there the room at this restaurant was set up like a banquet hall, it was lunch but they had this huge buffet spread out with choice of chicken or fish.....our gift felt so cheap I wanted to steal the envelope back out of the big fish statute they had us stuff them in . Of course we couldn't without additional embarassment so we dealt with it.

To answer OP question if $50 of what you are giving I personally would probably buy a gift so that they didn't know exactly what you spent....but I care too much what other people think....I'm working on that.

 

[java]

I am also from the NY/NJ area so things here are nuts and not normal. I would go with a gift vs. a gift card.

I always think Tiffany & co. make great "gifts" that look more expensive than they are. They wrap it beautifully!

For example
http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/Ite...params=s+5-p+3-c+563630-r+-x+-n+6-ri+-ni+0-t+

Or less expensive

get a pair of champagne flutes
http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/Ite...params=s+5-p+2-c+563630-r+-x+-n+6-ri+-ni+0-t+

 

[okeydokey]

If your husband's friend is a real friend, then you were invited because he wants you to share this day with him. Get him what you can afford. I would have been mortified if I ever thought a guest at my wedding had financial difficulties because they attended my wedding.

 

[csharpwv]

My wife and I went around and around about 'how big' our wedding and reception should be. We had a "BIG" wedding - BUT I was behind her all the way watching the budget - and making decisions that spent 1/2 or 1/4 of the way it should.

Here is my suggestion - at our reception instead of buying favors to put on the tables, we had notes printed on 'fancy' paper informing our guests that we had made a donation in their honor to the non-profit wedding preparation retreat organization where we completed out pre-cana requirement. (We are Catholic)

You could make a donation in an undisclosed amount to a charity that you think they would find thoughtful. Here is a suggestion
"Today your dreams come true - and in honor of this day - I have made a donation to the Make-A-Wish Foundation in your honor so that a child's dream may come true as well!"

OR

"I checked your registry and it appears that you have been showered by gifts from family and friends and that you have all you have asked for. So in honor of your wedding - I have made a donation to Habitat for Humanity so that a family in need can get their lives on track!"

Or make a donation in honor of them to the Church where they are exchanging vows (If they are getting married in a Church, can't make that assumption these days - when people get married of roller coasters )

We all get caught up in giving a gift, but in reality - people today treasure knowing that you thought of them - and thought enough about them to do something -in honor of them - for someone else.

Give what you can - and be socially forward. We live in such a consumption based society - we often forget what is most important.

 

[secretpantssam]

Coming from the NJ/NY area, where it is usually cover the cost of the plate, but only if that is what you can afford! Give them what you can afford. If you see some great item discounted, you can buy that, but I would give an amount you can live with.

I agree with this. I'm from the NJ/Philly area and I always try to cover my plate but never give more than I can afford. Most of the time, the bride and groom would just rather spend their special day with you than worry about how much you give them.

 

[ccgirl]

My wife and I went around and around about 'how big' our wedding and reception should be. We had a "BIG" wedding - BUT I was behind her all the way watching the budget - and making decisions that spent 1/2 or 1/4 of the way it should.

Here is my suggestion - at our reception instead of buying favors to put on the tables, we had notes printed on 'fancy' paper informing our guests that we had made a donation in their honor to the non-profit wedding preparation retreat organization where we completed out pre-cana requirement. (We are Catholic)

You could make a donation in an undisclosed amount to a charity that you think they would find thoughtful. Here is a suggestion
"Today your dreams come true - and in honor of this day - I have made a donation to the Make-A-Wish Foundation in your honor so that a child's dream may come true as well!"

OR

"I checked your registry and it appears that you have been showered by gifts from family and friends and that you have all you have asked for. So in honor of your wedding - I have made a donation to Habitat for Humanity so that a family in need can get their lives on track!"

Or make a donation in honor of them to the Church where they are exchanging vows (If they are getting married in a Church, can't make that assumption these days - when people get married of roller coasters )

We all get caught up in giving a gift, but in reality - people today treasure knowing that you thought of them - and thought enough about them to do something -in honor of them - for someone else.

Give what you can - and be socially forward. We live in such a consumption based society - we often forget what is most important.

Love this!!! I am going to keep this in the back of my mind for future use. Love the sayings you came up with too.

Another suggestion is maybe a wine club where they could get a bottle of wine delivered every month.

If you decide on the $50 route; I think I would try to find something on sale for $50 rather than give a gift card.

 

[figment52]

You're going to get a ton of different responses based on where posters live.

I'm in a similar situation. Got invited to a FANCY FANCY FANCY wedding for a very close co-worker's child. Although, I never met the child, the co-worker helped me get my job. Where I live, it is customary to give money at the wedding and at least enough to cover your plate. I know what this is costing from coversation (complaints) from the mom. I am considering declining the invite and sending a small gift instead. DH is barely working, and I don't have $300 to shell out for a wedding gift.

That said, I think $50 is too low. I would aim for either $100 or a gift that is about a $100 value, but perhaps you got a deeply discounted price. Hmm, maybe that's what I should do for the wedding I have.

When I have a say in the cost I will consider sharing the expenses. You are not the host of the wedding it is not your responsibility to 'cover your share'. Give a gift that is comfortable for you.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Give what you can afford. We had a big fancy wedding and we didn't care what anyone gave us. We just wanted them there to celebrate.
That said do not make a donation to a charity in their name. I would not like a gift like that because I am selective in what charities I want to support. I wouldn't want my name attatched to one that I didn't care for.

 

[java]

Give what you can afford. We had a big fancy wedding and we didn't care what anyone gave us. We just wanted them there to celebrate.
That said do not make a donation to a charity in their name. I would not like a gift like that because I am selective in what charities I want to support. I wouldn't want my name attatched to one that I didn't care for.

I agree.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

When I have a say in the cost I will consider sharing the expenses. You are not the host of the wedding it is not your responsibility to 'cover your share'. Give a gift that is comfortable for you.

I don't understand why people always have to say things like this. It is simply customary where we live. The same way a gift table is customary in other areas. It doesn't mean you have to do it but most of us here use it as a guideline.

 

[leslie826]

At most of the weddings I have attended, cards with cash outnumber gifts by a mile. I definitely appreciated the money when we were just starting out. If $50 is what you can afford (and I think this sounds reasonable) I vote for a card with a check over a GC.

 

[Lisa_M]

I am also from the NY/NJ area so things here are nuts and not normal. I would go with a gift vs. a gift card.

I always think Tiffany & co. make great "gifts" that look more expensive than they are. They wrap it beautifully!

For example
http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/Ite...params=s+5-p+3-c+563630-r+-x+-n+6-ri+-ni+0-t+

Or less expensive

get a pair of champagne flutes
http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/Ite...params=s+5-p+2-c+563630-r+-x+-n+6-ri+-ni+0-t+

That vase is beautiful! I may go for the vase for one of my 3 weddings coming up...

When I have a say in the cost I will consider sharing the expenses. You are not the host of the wedding it is not your responsibility to 'cover your share'. Give a gift that is comfortable for you.

I cover my share as a gesture of goodwill, so it doesn't cost the bride and groom for me to be there. In this instance, I may go with a nice gift because I can't cover my share, but my boss and co-workers will be there and I want to be there to support my friend/co-worker.

 

[csharpwv]

I would never donate to a political cause or something of that nature in another person's name -

Who could look down their nose at or not appreciate a gift to Make-A-Wish, Habitat for Humanity, the Humane Society or other well respected charity?

You really don't have to even put 'their' names on it - you can just make a donation to the organization with thoughts of them - don't be a stick in the mud.

I for one really appreciated it when my Brother and Sister in law donated a flock of ducks through Heifer International - it was touching. Here we are with card after card with cash and check in them - wedding gifts that in reality we still haven't used much if at all - but that gift has kept on giving to provide for a destitute family in the 3rd world.

Charity gift giving is a viable option and it has been on the rise since 9/11. A greater percentage of Americans give to charity at least once a year since that tragedy.

 

[tar heel]

Where do you live? $50 would be a perfectly normal amount to spend on a gift where I live, and it doesn't really matter how much was spent on the wedding. DH and I went to two weddings in July and I doubt that our gift "covered the plate" at the first and I'm 150% positive it didn't at the second. No worries.

We buy gifts instead of giving checks here, too. The all-purpose gift is a piece of china. When I got married I got 30 dinner plates. I loaded up the extras and took them back to the department store where I exchanged them for serving pieces. Everyone does that here.

I personally buy a lot of artwork. You can look at the registry and see what kind of design/colors they've chosen for everyday, then buy a piece of pottery that would work with it. Easy to do for $30-$50 and a very special gift.