BUDGET Q for Guests of a Destination Wedding.

[a1tinkfans]

Okay, I know NOTHING about destination weddings...but looks like we'll be going to one at summers start.

So, since we will have go (and would like too) what are the "usual" details I should know about.
It will be out of state (Fla, Sanibel Island, we're in NY), so looks like we'll be flying (thats airfare for three)
Obviously dress clothes and hotel, doggie arrangements, rental car, gift ....
So, does a bride and groom cover ANYTHING for the guests? Do they expect the Same gift $$ as if you did not have to fly across the country to attend???? Do they usually get Discounted rooms for guests, perhaps????

We had already planned our family Disney getaway for August, now this....I am a bit up in the air now for our August trip since we were planning 2 full weeks, with some days in the Keys, some days near Vero Beach and then Disney. This second trip surely adds some $$$...
Thinking I may have to reduce/skip our planned vacation now as I do not think us adding time to "their" wedding trip will work for us.....we'd prob fly in for the weekend only and not be using vacation time..........UGH, feeling a bit out of sorts about this, though thrilled for couple!! Do I dare say, Imposed upon?? Maybe I am just tired...its been a long day....

 

[jofo]

I have no idea what the standard is, keep in mind that I hang out on the Budget Board -- but we had a destination wedding in Vegas, and we specifically told guests in the invite not to give us a gift. We said that attending the wedding or thinking of us on our special day if they could not attend would be their gift to us. We felt really uncomfortable receiving gifts when everyone spent so much $$ to join us.

We researched the cheapest hotel rooms and sent people a list of suggestions, tried to pick up as many people as possible at the airport so they could avoid rental cars, paid for the reception dinner + alcohol, and paid for a fancy lunch for all the relatives the day before the wedding.

We also had NO expectations as to who would actually attend given the expense of the trip for guests, told people to wear casual clothes so no one would have to buy new outfits, and skipped having bridesmaids/groomsmen for the same reason.

People consistently tell us our wedding was the best one they've ever attended, so we must have done something right!

 

[NHdisneylover]

The only destination wedding I have ever been to was DSiLs in Hawaii. Like the PPs experience, we were asked not to buy a gift as DSiL knew that airfare from Michigan for 4 was a huge expense in and of itself (plus rental car because the wedding was on the North shore, housing--we shared a house with my inlaws, etc.). The yalso made it clear taht they would understand if people could not come (though sadly, the brides twin brother did not fly from France--where he was living--to Hawaii for the big event as that is a very long flight and quite expensive and his son could not miss school--and he has never heard the end of it from the other sister)The couple also helped people find decent priced accomidations to rent (no hotels in the area they were getting married in) and hosted a big dinner (kind of like a rehearsal dinner but for all guests) out the night before the wedding as well as lunch and dinner buffets on the day of the wedding to help everyone a bit with the costs.
I have no idea if these things are typical or not.

 

[MSSANDRA]

Is this a close family member???

You know you can decline the invite if it may mean the loss of your family vacation.

We have not had a travel wedding in a while but it seems that added cost seem to come up. Everyone goes out for a "fun" meal, drinks etc. Many times the wedding is focused around a particlar hotel so you may be locked into that.

Just remember to do what is best for your family.

 

[JennSaint]

Okay, I know NOTHING about destination weddings...but looks like we'll be going to one at summers start.

So, since we will have go (and would like too) what are the "usual" details I should know about.
It will be out of state (Fla, Sanibel Island, we're in NY), so looks like we'll be flying (thats airfare for three)
Obviously dress clothes and hotel, doggie arrangements, rental car, gift ....
So, does a bride and groom cover ANYTHING for the guests? Do they expect the Same gift $$ as if you did not have to fly across the country to attend???? Do they usually get Discounted rooms for guests, perhaps????

We had already planned our family Disney getaway for August, now this....I am a bit up in the air now for our August trip since we were planning 2 full weeks, with some days in the Keys, some days near Vero Beach and then Disney. This second trip surely adds some $$$...
Thinking I may have to reduce/skip our planned vacation now as I do not think us adding time to "their" wedding trip will work for us.....we'd prob fly in for the weekend only and not be using vacation time..........UGH, feeling a bit out of sorts about this, though thrilled for couple!! Do I dare say, Imposed upon?? Maybe I am just tired...its been a long day....

Can your August plans be changed to dates around the wedding? You could go to the wedding then drive up to Disney for your 1-2 weeks of vacation. Maybe just skip the Keys portion.

 

[stitchfan18]

We had our wedding at disney last year and had discounted room blocks for all the guests. We also had a few meals provided, they were kind of designated to the bridal party, but we opened the invite to whoever wanted to join us. Beyond that we didn't provide anything more than welcome bags in the hotel rooms with a few snacks and water. Luckily a lot of our family had been thinking about doing a disney vacation and this was their perfect excuse to finally do it.

 

[Earstou]

I'm in a similar quandry, But the wedding is at an all-inclusive resort in another country. I haven't gotten a quote from the wedding planner, but going to the resort's website, it's $2000 for 3 people for 3 nights! Plus I'm told airfare will probably be $2400-$3000.

I really don't want to miss the wedding, yet I'm kinda upset with the couple for picking such an expensive place. The bride didn't want to go to the work of planning a wedding, so is letting the resort do the work.

Makes me wonder, since this is at an all-inclusive resort, aren't the guests really paying for the reception?

OP, I would try to bundle the wedding with your vacation. If we go to the wedding we are invited to, that is what we would do!

 

[Hannathy]

It seems to me that almost all weddings are "destination" weddings anymore since everyone is so scattered all over the country. I Have only went to 1 wedding recently that I didn't have to fly. The only difference to me is that with real destination weddings at least you are going somewhere nice!

I would still give a gift.

PS to the last poster now that is an outrageous destination wedding and there is no way I could swing that. Luckily none of my friends or family would expect anyone to pay that much. Maybe that is the idea? they really wanted to be alone or an extremely small wedding and this is one way to get it without offending anyone? I mean you are all invited..........

 

[TessRC]

We also had a destination wedding at Disney World. We live in Vegas and all of our family is scattered across the country, so we figured no matter where we got married, most people would have to travel anyway, so why not pick the place we were most excited about! We were not at all upset with anyone that couldn't attend and certainly didn't expect everyone to, also, we had no expectations on gifts. Most people did give us gifts, but some didn't and I couldn't have cared less if they did or not. We were just happy to be at Disney World with our friends & family! The standard of destination weddings is to not really cover travel expenses for the guests, we did the same as most of the above posts, told everyone to wear casual attire, provided alcohol at the reception, a welcome lunch for everyone the day before, and welcome bags when they checked into their rooms. We encouraged everyone to stay at the Value resorts to keep the costs down. That trip was my best memory of our families, it was so much fun to run into people you know at a theme park and all ride Tower of Terror or whatever together! Honestly though, if you feel pressured or put upon to go, I really don't think the couple will hold it against you or be upset if you don't. You should do whatever will be the best for you and your family, if it means not going then the couple should graciously accept that.

 

[Fire14]

What we did was block a bunch of rooms at budget hotel where we were also staying but I did put info about other hotels in area if they chose to use a nicer hotel.
We pd for rooms for wedding party and officant plus dinner after wedding and of course the reception( was diff day)
Most everyone except MOH and 1 guest drove up/over, other bridesmaid and I picked MOH up at airport. and Guest who flew in was picked up by DH to be and I and than rode up to MI with me.

I got married in my childhood hometown so I personally spent a lot of time running around doing things and picking up stuff ( flowers, helium tank).

 

[Fire14]

What we did was block a bunch of rooms at budget hotel where we were also staying but I did put info about other hotels in area if they chose to use a nicer hotel.
We pd for rooms for wedding party and officant plus dinner after wedding and of course the reception( was diff day)
Most everyone except MOH and 1 guest drove up/over, other bridesmaid and I picked MOH up at airport. and Guest who flew in was picked up by DH to be and I and than rode up to MI with me.

I got married in my childhood hometown so I personally spent a lot of time running around doing things and picking up stuff ( flowers, helium tank).

For my friends wedding which was living nightmare in getting info about
I did almost everything myself, I researched/ booked hotel close to her home and about 30 min from wedding place. Scoped out area so I knew where the heck I was going ( and was 1 of few that did). I was a BM in wedding and helped with getting flowers to church ( she'd used a wholesale place), set up at reception ( in state park). We did give them a gift of a photo album with pictures from wedding ( nothing like walking into walmart in heels/long fancy dress), had to kill time anyway, plus a card with money in it ( this was childhood friend/moh)

 

[mjkacmom]

It seems to me that almost all weddings are "destination" weddings anymore since everyone is so scattered all over the country. I Have only went to 1 wedding recently that I didn't have to fly. The only difference to me is that with real destination weddings at least you are going somewhere nice!

I would still give a gift.

PS to the last poster now that is an outrageous destination wedding and there is no way I could swing that. Luckily none of my friends or family would expect anyone to pay that much. Maybe that is the idea? they really wanted to be alone or an extremely small wedding and this is one way to get it without offending anyone? I mean you are all invited..........

My sister had an expensive destination wedding (Beaches Turks and Caicos), and she still had to pay for the reception, even though it was all inclusive (it was in a private room).

 

[a1tinkfans]

op here...thanks for all the responses!

We HAVE to go to the wedding, it is SIL and though it is her second wedding, its a BIG deal...I think only immediate family (with all the kiddos) and some very close friends will likely go. She is not doing that whole wedding thing (last I heard) so I have a feeling it will be either an intimate reception OR a family dinner. Everyone is in NY, literally within 15 miles of one another, so we'd ALL be flying to Fla. We all see each other Very frequently..........its really pretty nice........

Regarding the accommodations, SIL and future are much more budget minded then we are ...we have all vacationed before (ya know, we get the balcony, they do inside, lower deck., we get a limo, they get a ride........etc). Meantime, I think they will go "upgraded" for themselves,Hopefully, so we'll probably research a bit and choose a place We'd like to be at....prob the same place as them if really nice, or elsewhere that "fits us" (I think they are looking in/at Sanibel Island???) I have NO idea about that at all but will look it up..

As far as Our own (2 wk Aug) Vacation, I am so confused....I cannot see us flying down to Fla three times, June, Aug and then Oct........Oct is our 25th Anniv. and we were staying at Contemp for a 3-4 day quick trip to celebrate....I'd even be willing to give that up and kinda celebrate in August (since its a longer family trip) ..BUt to give up Late Aug for June, thats just TOO early for it to even Feel like our anniversary.......I am feeling a bit frustrated .....
I'm sure it'll all work out...........Looks like I need to be SAVING up more $$$$ as 2010 is looking BIG!

 

[C.Ann]

Probably not much help, but if I had to spend that much money just to reach - and attend - the destination wedding, my budget would not "allow" additional money for a gift - nor would I go in debt to purchase one..

 

[prncess674]

I attend lots of destination weddings and I don't give large gifts considering it has probably cost me at least a $1,000 to get there when you consider hotel, transportation, food, etc. Sure it is usually a nice resort destination but I didn't pick it and don't consider it to be "my" vacation.

Considering this is a second marriage I don't think you are expected to give the over the top gift. Give a more personalized heart felt gift since I am sure they already have the typical stuff.

Also why do you need a new outfit to attend a wedding? My closet is practically bursting with dresses. I assume your husband already owns a coat and tie. Your kids can where whatever they were for church or a nice dinner out.

 

[a1tinkfans]

I attend lots of destination weddings and I don't give large gifts considering it has probably cost me at least a $1,000 to get there when you consider hotel, transportation, food, etc. Sure it is usually a nice resort destination but I didn't pick it and don't consider it to be "my" vacation.

Considering this is a second marriage I don't think you are expected to give the over the top gift. Give a more personalized heart felt gift since I am sure they already have the typical stuff.

Also why do you need a new outfit to attend a wedding? My closet is practically bursting with dresses. I assume your husband already owns a coat and tie. Your kids can where whatever they were for church or a nice dinner out.

I really like the idea of a personal gift actually...not yet sure what....but giving cash is not my first choice for this situation.....maybe all the siblings will go in for something????
YEAH, I do have some dresses, but I am one of those that does not re-wear what I have....unless it is something Not recognizable, like say a plain black dress...but since this will be more tropical, I really don't even have anything I can think of off hand....The dh will need more of a "summer suit"..or maybe a sport coat and the ds, ....Actually enjoys getting dressed up....seriously though...he is growing like a weed and we'll prob need to buy everything from suit to shoes again......
And I also agree, their wedding is not MY vacation OR MY Anniversary Getaway thus the Angst.......but I am sure it will all work out.....it is a wedding after all......

 

[4Seasons]

I'm in a similar quandry, But the wedding is at an all-inclusive resort in another country. I haven't gotten a quote from the wedding planner, but going to the resort's website, it's $2000 for 3 people for 3 nights! Plus I'm told airfare will probably be $2400-$3000.

I really don't want to miss the wedding, yet I'm kinda upset with the couple for picking such an expensive place. The bride didn't want to go to the work of planning a wedding, so is letting the resort do the work.

Makes me wonder, since this is at an all-inclusive resort, aren't the guests really paying for the reception?
OP, I would try to bundle the wedding with your vacation. If we go to the wedding we are invited to, that is what we would do!

Many times the reception is at an additional per person cost to the couple, even at an all-inclusive resort. They are typically private functions in a designated area with additional staff working just that event.

 

[4Seasons]

I handle alot of destination weddings for clients, so I'll chime in here.
The majority of couples I've dealt with do NOT expect gifts if you are attending a destination wedding. They do understand the expense involved, and are happy to have you there to celebrate their "special day". Many times couples will have a wedding/honeymoon registry that allows people to purchase "parts" of their trip (i.e. spa treatment, excursion, private candlelight dinner, room upgrade, etc.) but generally if you put out the $ to attend the event it's not expected (although some people do still get a gift). It's really totally up to you what you are comfortable with.

Do they have any rooms blocked for the event?

 

[klam_chowder]

Last year I travelled to 2 weddings, both out of country, one overseas. If the brides had mentioned no gift was required, I would have obliged I gave generous cash gifts as well. DH flew in for the w/end for one and but I went overseas myself.

Traditionally, guests cover all their costs themselves. Often times, the bridal party gets a block of discount rooms. One did, but it was over $300/nt still so I stayed with relatives.

If you decide to go, pls share in their happiness and don't hold it against them that you have foregone your vacation, etc. Often times when one doesn't let go of that negativity, it's palatable during the stress of the event - a comment here & there, etc. I say this with the best intentions and am just passing it on from my experiences.

Whatever you decide, have a fab time!

cheers,

 

[girli565]

I'm having a Disney wedding in June and I am not expecting gifts at the wedding at all. The people we invite are having to pay for a hotel and travel expenses, so no gift. I am not putting a no gift request in the invite but I have mentioned it to the guests several times. I have a very small guest list so I talk to pretty much everyone at least once a week.