Broke the news to my mother!

[mrsscooter]

My husband and I eloped almost 12 years ago to Fort Lauderdale. I told my mom that we were doing that and she didnt beleive me. When we got back, we called and told her and she sobbed so hard, she made me sob. She went on about how I was her only daughter, the oldest, etc. and she had been dreaming of my wedding since I was a little girl, and now she was crushed because she never got to see me in my dress or walk down the isle or go through any of the planning, etc. She was really really hurt. She gave us a reception a few months after we got married, but it wasnt the same. She made me feel horrible, and rightfully so, because now after having a daughter (she's six) I think I would react the same way if Emily did what I did. I think what I am trying to say is that you only do this once, and if there is ever one person who should be there the most, is should be your parents, unless of course, there is no ties, etc. That is the most important thing to any parent, especially a mother. Just let her know that you would like her to "help" you make the plans, etc. But be firm with what you would like. I am sure that she understands that you will have "romantic couple things" planned after. Again, just an opinion.

 

[jojoandhb]

I don't have a mother, and my family is not close by any stretch of the imagination. My guest list is super small, and not by my choice. Still, I have a daughter, and I know I would be really hurt if she didn't want me at her wedding no matter what her reason. I don't think you should honeymoon with your mom, but couldn't you include her somehow for just the ceremony? When you love someone, you give up things to make them happy. Your relationship with your mom is more important and more special than that with your fiance. I know you love hime, but your mom is your mom. If it were me, I'd try to include her in the ceremony and take her out for a nice dinner. She can fly home and then go to the reception when you return.

 

[Scot-n-Michelle]

Hello after reading thur all of these posts I am shocked at some peoples responses. You do whatever you feel is right. It is your wedding and your life. I can see it from both points of view daughter and mothers. I know my mother would want me to do whatever makes me happy and I would want the same for my daughter. I think it would be be a safe assumption to assume that many of the posters who responded with "Your being selfish" have children that regret them in many ways. This is YOUR day not your day and your families. Plan it how you and your DF want it. You two are paying for it not them. Don't listen to some of these people - I am sure they are the most selfish people themselves. And I understand about the money. DH and I have a comfortable income. But we save all year long to be able to take a vacation. My question would be to all of those that say she should pay for her mothers flight - Isn't the brides family supposed to take care of the bills - not the bride. My advice would be to go with your original plan for the wedding - take tons of pictures. Include your mother in the planning of the reception so at least she feels a part of you wedding. My cousin recently was married in Las Vegas - a few family members attended (we did not). They had their reception a week later - the video and pictures were shown - she wore her dress, and we all had a wonderful time. While yes we were not at the actually "wedding" we did get to share in the special time with them afterwards. I wish you the best of luck and remember this -
Opinions are like a**holes - everyones got one.!!!

 

[Summer-Caitlin]

Thank you again for your support After reading the last few posts I noticed they have got considerably more supportive!

I have let my mum know that I want her to be a part of the Wedding, helping plan it etc, and by all means I want her to be a part of the reception formal meal when I get back.

I would have had her fly over and be there for the wedding and would have gladly wanted her to spend a week before the wedding in Orlando, but we arrive on August 16th and the wedding is on August 17th. The 17th is our Anniversary of when we got together, so I don't want to change the date. If we had been there a little while before the wedding it wouldn't have been a problem I don't think she, would even see the point of flying out for a few days. I know she wouldn't be comfortable spending time on her own and I wouldn't expect her to, but again it's our honeymoon and I can't spend that with my mother.

As for the vow renewal, I would easily do that in several years, but just after the wedding doesn't seem right and again doing it in Church and all would only be for my mother, my fiance is against that as he is not religious and neither really am I. I will do my best with the reception when I get home and make it as memorable as possible, but I think thats the best I can do.

 

[Maggimus]

Its been a while since I have posted on this thread... BUT LEMME TELL YOU- Some of you should be real glad I dont live in your home town... and if you ever come to TN... I would love to go face to face with you mothers and give you a peace of my mind..

You have really ticked me off now. How dare you as mothers.. HOW DARE YOU make her feel bad.... you are talking to her as though she were your child... you are saying how you would feel toward your child... HOW DARE YOU be angry and upset with your children for living out their dreams. PEOPLE ARENT ALL THE SAME... you raise your kids so that they can make their OWN decisions... have their OWN lifestyles... and follow their OWN dreams. Her mother should be pleased as hell that her daughter can even afford to pay for this on her own... a lot of kids are living in poverty stricken households where they cant afford to feed themselves... AND YOU MOTHERS WANNA BE SELFISH AND CRY OVER A WEDDING? Be thankful she has someone who wants to treat her right, be thankful she can afford things she wants, be thankful she can breath each day and is healthy enough to make the trip. Her mother can be there in spirit and can be number one at the reception... but I swear those mothers out there who wish to bash her and make the rude selfless comments on this thread are really showing your true colors.

Some might respectfully disagree- and we know who you are... and we are okay with you saying you think it is selfish... but those of you who have bashed heartlessly and wanted to make her feel bad.... Well all I can say is I hope you count your blessings and hope that your kids dont end up resenting the way that you are.

On these boards you can somewhat pretend to be something you are not- to make yourself BETTER- but you people are making yourself look HORRIBLE. I would be ashamed to have a mother that would come out and talk like this...

This thread has made me more aware of what a great, nurturing, loving mother I have.... one that raised me to live for me.... and not base my life on someone else. Apparently I missed the handbook that said that we need to be happy but only if everyone else agrees.

If you can go to bed at night realizing that you have made an innocent person feel like utter crap then please, by all means, go to sleep.

People kill themselves over decisions like this.... I hope you unsupportive selfish mothers out there are happy...

And one more thing... I am VERY proud to be having my SELFISH DESTINATION WEDDING at WALT DISNEY WORLD.

 

[RobinMarie]

Magg, I think you are being a little dramatic. The OP asked

I feel terrible now cause I know everyone will say how selfish I'm being, that I don't even want my own mother there, what do you guys think?

She asked what people thought. She even knew what the majority would think when she asked! People gave their responses. People took the time and effort to explain their positions.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" ~E. Roosevelt.

 

[Maggimus]

NO, you are right... you are absolutely right- she asked their opinions... she didnt ask to me made to look like a fool and for everyone to make her feel like crap. She got that same opinion long ago... and people have continuously told her how selfish she was, how could she do such a thing, yadda yadda...

I think THATS a little dramatic.

Who goes OUT OF THEIR WAY to reitterate the point that she should feel like crap. This is suppost to be a board of support... ofcoarse say you DONT agree-and state RESPECTFULLY your feelings... read those previous posts and tell me that if they werent to you that you wouldnt feel bad... and like they were attacking you for your decision. This isnt an abortion debate here...

 

[RobinMarie]

Magg,

You can't control how those opinions are delivered, or what the circumstances are behind the passion of their delivery. People spent time and effort trying to explain themselves.

This isnt an abortion debate here

Come on, that's a little over the top.

 

[Maggimus]

Its about delivering those opinions with RESPECT and an a suggestion on how to change... (which some have done... but many have been very unrespectful)

Even Summer-Caitlin said herself that she was feeling very unsupportive. Why would you come on a community board and try to make someone feel pinned up on the wall... even those who are against her could have offered her a nice kind word of some sort...

 

[RobinMarie]

I'm still reading how you believe others have control on how she feels. No one can make her feel anything! I did not read the Orig. Post as if it was a request for support but more of a request for perspectives.

It would be nice if things were worded in ways we found acceptable all of the time, but it's just not going to happen.

 

[Maggimus]

Its called common courtesy.. its called just being nice. You can have your opinions and be nice about them instead of rude and judgemental.

 

[RobinMarie]

Magg, on post number 13 you said

Oh My Goodness!! This is where I am going to become very hated on this board. This is ridiculous. You all are making her feel like crap.

In reviewing the thread, you seem really preoccupied with this. I did not see anyone being rude to her in those 12 posts before yours. In fact, I think your constant statements about 'making her feel like crap' are some of the worst I've read in these threads.

 

[happymealuk]

I'm still reading how you believe others have control on how she feels. No one can make her feel anything! I did not read the Orig. Post as if it was a request for support but more of a request for perspectives.

It would be nice if things were worded in ways we found acceptable all of the time, but it's just not going to happen.

Offering a perspective would be someone saying 'Personally, I dont agree - I think a mother should be at her daughters wedding and can understand why your mother would be upset'. Someone calling the girl 'Bridezilla' and saying she is selfish etc... is not a perspective, it is a rude and ignorant response.

I agree when you say that it would be nice if things were worded in ways we found acceptable all the time, and I agree that in this world now things like that will never happen - thats why its so nice when people such as Maggimus speak, it restores the faith that there are still some decent and caring people out there.

 

[TinkBride]

Obviously you have all heard what my two cents have been this whole time, and I am proud to say that Maggimus and I, along with others can give this girl the support she has needed, not about the OP, but as a defense against some of you others that have bashed her and made her feel terrible. Summer even said that some of the posts had brought her to tears.....

The issue that upset me was the comment that "destination weddings are by inherently selfish" and you know who you are. Even though now you are singing a different tune.

When you come on a board of people planning destination weddings and you make a comment like that......expect to have a lot of upset people respond.

I was telling my mom about what some of you "mothers" or controllers of your children's lives have said and she laughed her butt off. She said "oh and i bet their kids are super happy. lol"

Some mothers still care about their childrens happiness and dreams, i am glad my mother is one of them!

Summer-Caitlin:
You have the EXACT wedding you want, and know that while you do, there are some ADULTS out there who are less unfortunate with parents that will resent them if they make their own choices.

Can anyone say Marie Barone?

 

[Maggimus]

I agree... why would someone come on this board if you are against destination weddings. Not that I would necessarily say they are "looking for trouble"... but thats just a line that should never have been crossed. Why are you on a Disney wedding and honeymoon board anyway?

We each have decided by personal choice to belong and view this board. Its a community. We are suppost to be a circle of friends and support. Giving your personal view of something is great- we WANT that... we want everyones opinions.. but in upmost respectful manner. Dont be demeaning and bashing... I agree -to say that someone is taking on a Bridezilla attitude is more like a personal attack on their judgement and character- and NO ONE likes that.

Dont you people watch Dateline and 20/20... statements like those posted on this thread really effect people. And to say the least- she is telling you that they are hurting her feelings, yet you continue them further. Im sure Summer-Caitlin is a great girl (i know as much about her as you do)... but lets not hurt peoples feelings... its really unnecessary!

 

[RobinMarie]

114 replies to this thread - 50 by three posters who are accusing others of being rude. "You people" and other phrases ('some mothers still care", "this isn't an abortion debate') are pretty insensitive and really are only stirring the pot at this point. It's time to just relax and realize three posters are working themselves up.


OP 18
TinkBride 18
Maggimus 14
disneyjunkie 7
robinb 6
antmaril 5
RobinMarie 5
gradtchr 4
fireplug 3
dannirose 3
mickeyfan2 2
ForKeeps 2
disneybridetobe 2
Funniebunny 2
kimnkel 2
happymealuk 2
mrsscooter 1
JackieSparrow 1
Eeyore3838 1
terri01p 1
LuvOrtiz2004 1
JandJ 1
Scot-n-Michelle 1
dandee00 1
ead79 1
JDR2b777 1
bopper 1
Janis 1
jojoandhb 1
JJClemson 1
disney's daughter 1
friendofgusgus 1
Principessa1284 1
rigs32 1
wendy46001 1
drag n' fly 1

 

[TinkBride]

lol-that just makes me laugh.....is that supposed to mean something?

 

[disneyjunkie]

You all really need to kill the drama.

The OP asked "Am I being really selfish telling my mum not to come?"

My answer was and still is yes. She started this thread asking for opinions. She never said only reply if you agree with me.

I don't think the OP wanted honest replies. I believe she just wanted everyone to agree with her and send out tons of and

 

[awesomepinktink]

No your not being selfish not asking your mum to come. You have so many more Life celebrations that she can be part of. Geez I hope nothing happens to your mum while your on Your honeymoon.

 

[Maggimus]

At this point.... the actions by some just make me laugh...