Bringing problem parents

[Paull117]

Little back ground. My parents took me to WDW in 89 to Fort Wilderness. We loved it wished we could have stayed longer, but not enough extra money to do more than 3 days.

Next part of the back ground my wife and I have been going with our girls once a year since we have been married 98. We are a little are the larger size but we have been working it and trying lose as much as we can. At this point DW has gotten the courage up to run the half marathon in January. I am very proud of her for this. We originally invited her parents to come with us to help with our girls DD1 will be 6 and DD2 3. They where not interested, I think this broke my DWs heart alittle, but the kids and I still push her to do it. So knowing that we might need a little help we invited my parents.

My parents have been begging to come, but we have alway been a little this our family trip with our kids. Its not like my parents are evil, my dad is crude humor kind of guy and my mom is never really expresses a emotion. DW kind of takes this as she doesn't like me, but it is really that is how she is. She can't tell you how she feels or anything and always has to follow when you take her someplace because she doesn't know what to do. Dad like I said is crude he kind of reminds me of Del from Delswife. It is not a bad thing I think he is kind of funny, but DW grew up with people that did not act that way. So this kind of humor rubs her raw.

DW also wants this trip to be about her and she has expressed this many times, and I totally understand and most people do when you know her past weight issues. She lately has said after we have invited my parents and bought tickets that she does not want them to come along.

I know that she is worried that they are going to be following our every move, and ruin this special moment for her. I want to reassure her that this won't happen. I am looking for ways to make DWs trip special, and keep my parents from rubbing my wife the wrong way. I still want to include them with us because I know that a little help will be great when DW needs to get up to run.

Oh one last thing our dates we are going Jan5 - 10th Friday and Sat are pretty much marathon days little park time, but mostly marathon.

Paul

 

[zurgswife]

WEll they could stay at a different resort. that's a start..

Can you be frank with your parents that you want them to come and be a part and enjoy themselves but you'd like to make this about your wife. So, that would include a little bit of just family time for a few hours.

 

[Paull117]

I would love for them to stay at a different resort, but we would like the kids to stay with them the night before DW has her run since she needs to be up so early it starts at 6:00 am. This way the kids are not so far away if there is a problem. I am hoping that I can use this service again in the week so DW and I can have a night to ourselves at WDW it has been a long time.

I keep telling them that this trip is for DW and that is the focus. They hear me, but it is like getting square peg in a round hole. With a little hammering they get it. Now we signed the kids up for the kids run. So I think they will get the clue that this trip is about running. I am a biker so I have been deligated to keep the peace.

What are some good ideas to get the parents to show interest in an event like this? Once this is done we are spending 4 days to relax and have a vacation. We don't want to spend every waking moment with my parents though, and that is one of my wifes worries.

How do you send people that like to follow, off to do some things are their own? I know they would love to eat at the world showcase because they have mention that to. On the last trip they took it was bring your own sandwiches. We had a camper with us it was easy at the time. Like I said we didn't have much money it was a trip we knew was never going to happen again as a family.

I think I am the one who is going to be planning for them because they don't have clue. I know the wants and needs of my DW, and DDs.

Paul

 

[Hannathy]

Maybe I am in a bad mood from being on an all day field trip with first graders but you both sound rather selfish to me. come and help, watch our kids, remember the trip is all about me(your wife), give us priority, don't expect to do much with us unless it helps us out and is convenient to our plans. If I was them I wouldn't go. If you only want babysitters hire some. And how many adults with 2 little kids demand that a trip be all about them? I could see asking the day before the run be handled the way she wants but the whole trip. I would just forget taking them because for a family trip to be successful there has to be compromise and your wife doesn't sound like she is willing to give anything.

 

[pweyl36]

Maybe I am in a bad mood from being on an all day field trip with first graders but you both sound rather selfish to me. come and help, watch our kids, remember the trip is all about me(your wife), give us priority, don't expect to do much with us unless it helps us out and is convenient to our plans. If I was them I wouldn't go. If you only want babysitters hire some. And how many adults with 2 little kids demand that a trip be all about them? I could see asking the day before the run be handled the way she wants but the whole trip. I would just forget taking them because for a family trip to be successful there has to be compromise and your wife doesn't sound like she is willing to give anything.

you just read my mind.

 

[suevee]

Ditto.....and they are second stringers to boot because your wife's parents said no. Please consider their feelings.

 

[Joy]

I have very difficult in-laws. I feel your pain (or your wife's pain.)

Here are some things that I can think of: Why don't you extend your vacation so you can have some family time after they leave?

You can discretely ask that your cabins not be that close together.

You could make them a dining reservation one afternoon in EPCOT and foot the bill. You could give it to them for a Christmas present. If you make the reservations for lunch, that will keep them busy most of the day.

As far as getting them to be supportive of your wife, why not get matching shirts for everyone in your group with your wife's name on them. Then you can all go and watch her on the route and then meet her again at the end. Maybe you could get your mom to help with that. It will be a way for your Mom to show your DW that she does like her.

I think that your parents would be very hurt if you uninvite them now. You said your family goes to Disney every year. You can go alone next year.

Good luck to you!!

 

[all4fun]

Well traveling with people you like and get along with on a regular basis, can be difficult at times. It sounds like your DW doesn't even like your parents so she is doomed to disappointment if she thinks this trip will be "all about her". Jmho.

My stock advice for traveling with family is:

Plan to split up

Carry cell phones or 2-way radios so you can contact each other to meet back up

If you're staying off property, have seperate cars (rental or not) so you don't have to rely on everyone being together all the time for transportation to and from the hotel.

You mentioned they would want to eat at some restaurants in the World Showcase at Epcot. Why not make an ADR or two for them at different times and pay for their meals as a thank you for coming along and babysitting? You could send them off on their own and meet up later if you want. Just a thought.

 

[minkydog]

i feel sorry for your parents. Imagine how thrilled they'd be to know that they were only invited for the free babysitting. This is the kind of thing my (insensitive) BIL pulls on my mom--"Come with us to the Grand Canyon, it'll be great"for her to take control of the autistic 3yo It's a long ride to Arizona and back.

I don't think you can un-invite the parentals without hurting their feelings so ya'll are going to have to buck up. Plan some things for them to do and some things for you to do separately so your wife doesn't go stir crazy with these people. Maybe you can send the DW to the spa a few times so she can get some special pampering.

 

[mlwear]

Good luck. I think that a lot of us who have difficult IL's understand how your wife feels. I don't think that it is that you and your wife are being selfish, it sounds more to me like you invited them without thinking it through. You're stuck now. It also doesn't seem to me that you are expecting them to babysit the whole time. You are asking for a morning and one evening.
You, my friend, are in a tough position and I hope you can find some resolution before the trip. I sure hope your trip isn't ruined by having to constantly running interference.
You are going to have to figure out ways to split up and meet up here and there. Your wife is going to have to suck it up a bit, too. I so completely understand how this could happen. I'm that way. I get generous and inspired and then realize that it may not have been such a good idea. (I end up volunteering to do everything and get in over my head, too --same idea.)

 

[Paull117]

Good luck. I think that a lot of us who have difficult IL's understand how your wife feels. I don't think that it is that you and your wife are being selfish, it sounds more to me like you invited them without thinking it through. You're stuck now. It also doesn't seem to me that you are expecting them to babysit the whole time. You are asking for a morning and one evening.
You, my friend, are in a tough position and I hope you can find some resolution before the trip. I sure hope your trip isn't ruined by having to constantly running interference.
You are going to have to figure out ways to split up and meet up here and there. Your wife is going to have to suck it up a bit, too. I so completely understand how this could happen. I'm that way. I get generous and inspired and then realize that it may not have been such a good idea. (I end up volunteering to do everything and get in over my head, too --same idea.)

Exactly we don't want them babysitting the whole time maybe 1 night and a morning, and we would not disinvite them. For the most part they just rub DW and me the wrong way from time to time. I can tolorate them because I grew up with them, and I know how to tell my father to knock it off. If he will listen is another story.

Yes we are being a little selfish because the running means so much to my wife. If you know her you would understand and we need a cheer squad to make her feel good . I want them to be there for her as much as much as I am there for her. Is it selfish trying to get them excited for someone accomplishing something that is hard for them to do?

After the running though we have 4 days of just touring the parks. This is the time for the vacation, and they understand that. We will do some touring during those couple days before hand but not much. While we like my parents they follow, we want them to have some time for themselves.

What I want to avoid is the situation where we have a MIL/FIL from He** story coming from my wife on these boards. With some help in how to approch people that really don't know WDW, and if you ask them they are not going to have an opinion about it. With carefull planning most situations can be avoided.

Paul

 

[Minnie824]

I don't think you're being selfish at all. My parents had taken me to Disney growing up, and are waiting for us to take them. This year, will be our second trip with our DDs. I told them, in 2 years, when we go again, maybe they could go. They just do things differently. Anyway, what you need to is plan a day or 2 on your own. That is something I am definitely going to do! And, although your wife wants to make the trip about her, which I understand, I think after the marathon, you need to make it about your kids. Do what they want, and go celebrate! Its great that your parents are coming along to help, but you need to make sure that they understand that. I guess thats easier said then done, cuz I'm sure my parents won't listen to our rules when we bring them. Thats why you guys need some alone, family time.

 

[ENSOCK]

I am sorry but it sounds like your wife is just being extra selfish. I understand the running and the losing weight should be about her but not the whole vacation. I would give anything for my mom to still be with us and us be able to bring her to Disney. She had never been and I think that she would have enjoyed it. If as you say you and your wife go every year or every other year, why not make the vacation about both your wife and parents? Just remember that your parents will not be here forever and this maybe the last trip you can make with them.
On a better note, tell your wife good luck and I hope that she does really well in the run.

 

[Paull117]

I don't think you're being selfish at all. My parents had taken me to Disney growing up, and are waiting for us to take them. This year, will be our second trip with our DDs. I told them, in 2 years, when we go again, maybe they could go. They just do things differently. Anyway, what you need to is plan a day or 2 on your own. That is something I am definitely going to do! And, although your wife wants to make the trip about her, which I understand, I think after the marathon, you need to make it about your kids. Do what they want, and go celebrate! Its great that your parents are coming along to help, but you need to make sure that they understand that. I guess thats easier said then done, cuz I'm sure my parents won't listen to our rules when we bring them. Thats why you guys need some alone, family time.

That is what I am saying. We just do things so different from them, they have been wanting come for the last couple and knowing how they are we have been holding them back. Don't get me wrong I love them but being with them for extended period of time is going to be hard.

I may have misspoken but my wife really wants the days first few days about her just because of the running. After that we totaly agree it is about the kids, but just to save sanity I am trying to plan for my parents. So this does not turn ugly. Trust me I want good trip with them, but I know that if I don't give us some space it could be bad. All the people giving planning advice thank you. To everyone that thinks we are being selfish look past that I just want a trip with everyone with smiles on their faces.

Paul

 

[mlwear]

Well, how about this...I am being very serious. Why not say flat out when discussing your plans that Thursday (as an ex. whatever day) is your family day and is their (parnets) day to be free and do what they want. Then, Friday we'll have our day together. It's blunt, yes. Sounds like your dad is that kind of guy anyway. But, when dealing with my difficult IL's I have found that I just have to be that way. I'm not saying be mean about it. I don't think it is mean. If they say something about you not wanting them around (guilt trip 101) tell them obviously you do or you wouldn't have invited them, but it is really important that your family have a day to connect and you know they will have a great time not being tied down and able to do whatever they want. Maybe even give them some examples of more adult things. My MIL loves to linger through exhibits studying every detail anywhere which is torture for my kids. Tell them of a couple of restaurants that they may enjoy but you just can't imagine "dragging the kids in there" (I know most places are very kid friendly but you have to work it a bit). I think if people know the expectations up front they are less likely to get their feelings hurt.
As far as the runnig. I would do the same. I would tell them, "you know the main reason we are going is for the race and to support DW, so those first couple of days I want to make really special for her. We'll have more of our personal Disney experience after it is over. First we need to focus on cheering on DW". I think that should tell them "Hey, we are going on this trip for the race. You are going because we are going and you will have a good time, but you are going to have to cool your heels a bit". From your description, I wouldn't expect to see them waving banners and yelling on the sidelines no matter what you do. Your mom doesn't sound the type. Not everyone is like that and it's OK. I'm sure your DW isn't really expecting that from them anyway. But, as long as they are respectful, I think that should be fine. Plus, they are helping with the kiddos and that is another good example of knowing expectations up front. Maybe you can plan a congratulatory dinner or some sort of celebration afterward. That definitely would put the focus on your wife and your parants couldn't ignore that.

 

[penguin087]

I'm not trying to sound harsh or bash you in any way but I think you and your wife are just going to have to buck up and enjoy the vacation the best you can. They have been invited and they are going. Appreciate the fact that they are interested enough, healthy enough and able to get to spend time with their grandchildren in WDW. Its not always easy getting along with in-laws but its part of married life. You can make the trip about your wife if you wish but I think you'll be better off if you don't expect your parents to. They won't be around forever. Enjoy your trip and make as many memories as you can.