Bringing a guest that is NOT a Disney Fan? WWYD?

[Jsharp13]

I have no idea where to place this topic; please let me know if I should move it!

Here's my background as brief as I can make it:
Mom (me!), Dad our and our 14 y.o. son. This piece is important to me but it might not resonate with everywhere here - he and I both work full time and I have always worked full time. I bring in half the income in our house.

We did a BIG family Disney trip when my son was 6 and we did EVERYTHING and it was pure MAGIC. That once in a lifetime trip. We didn't think we would return.

Then, my son and I went again in April 2022 (he was 12 y.o.), and January 2023 (13 y.o.) Just the two of us. But we met my friends - a couple that are super duper Disney experts and we spent a great deal of time with them, having fun and learning about Disney! We loved it! We had so much fun, riding rides, eating snacks, staying up late, being silly and goofing around!

I want to go one more year, just me and my son, in May 2024. He'll be 14.

When we returned from our last two trips, we talked up Disney pretty highly about all the fun things that my husband would enjoy. He loves Star Wars! There are so great meals! Guardians! Tron! Pandora at Night! Epcot food and drinks!! So, we were trying to get him to come with us in 2024.

BUTTTTTT... he is NOT a Disney person. I mean NOT a DISNEY PERSON. He hates crowds. He hates lines. He dislikes waiting, plans changing, disarray. Now, I have become pretty skilled with my use of ILL, G+, rope drop... I'd be adding in some Extended Evening Hours and Disney After Hours, which will keep crowds a bit lower and waits to a minimum.
However, also, he is not a fan of the Disney theming and adult involvement. He thinks adults going to Disney is weird, dressing up and wearing Ears is strange, doesn't want anything to do with parades or a human dressed up in a costume like a character. He thinks it is all immature and stupid, to the point that we got in a huge argument over it. My interest in Disney is stupid, creepy, why would I ever want to go, my teenage son does not want to go, etc. etc. etc.

So, I said, well forget you! My son and I will go anyway and have a great time next year. I quadruple checked that my son actually still wanted to go (he does!) and we've discussed some of our plans, itinerary, what we'd like to repeat from prior trips and what we want to do differently this time.

Well, this weekend my husband says, "Oh? I thought I was going with you? I'd like to go because our son wants me to go. Why are you telling me I can't go and we can't have a family trip." Now suddenly it is a problem that I'm doing a mother-son trip. I reminded him that while there are some things in Disney that we would really love, and we would definitely love to have him with us to share in that, the balance of the trip is really not for him and he would not be happy. And, to be honest, even worse than that, I would NOT be happy. My carefree, silly, acting like a kid, eating ice cream at 10 am, getting stuck in a monsoon, browsing in shops and trying on the silly hats - all of that will essentially go out the window. I will be planning, replanning, rechecking wait times, moving rides, removing rides, jumping through hoops, standing on my head... basically anything I can do to make sure that he is not miserable, upset, delayed, waiting in lines, avoiding all the kiddie silliness. And, even if I do that... what if a ride breaks down and the other waits are high? What if I can't get the best dinner reservation? What if the bus is just leaving as we walk up? What if he sees that waffles are $10 on a paper plate? What if there is an issue with our room or location? I am not one to "get stressed over Disney planning" but I just foresee problems and arguments if he comes with us.

On the other hand, if my son wants him to come, who am I to say that he cannot come? Should I abandon the trip I had planned for the two of us, and work to plan a trip that is more like something the three of us could enjoy? That may mean no character meals, it certainly means no ice cream at 10 am. It would be heavy on the thrill rides, low on parades. It would be high on the unique dining and adult drinks. It would be low on shopping and browsing.

Or, another thought I had... do a little of both? Have my husband join us for 2 days. Maybe 3. Hopper tickets to hit the bit stuff at the key parks. Hollywood Studios after hours. Some good restaurants. And, then send him back home. My son and I stay and finish up our fun and silly stuff that we like. This makes my itinerary a little chopped up and of course, cost more for hopper passes. (For example, I would easily spend a full day or almost two at MK; but I would go with my husband and son to do maybe 5 things and then leave the park, possibly for a resort break or heading elsewhere. That means when he goes home and it is just me and my son, we'll be back to MK again to repeat those things and add in our silly stuff, like Jungle Cruise in the dark, fireworks, and riding Haunted Mansion a bunch of times).

A final thought was have him come for the full trip, but basically dictate when to join us and when to go back to the resort to swim or relax or whatever. Come with us for this morning, and then go back to the pool and relax until we come find you in the evening. Or, go have some beers in Epcot while my son and I ride Remy and Frozen. Kind of a 50/50 trip.

What do I do here? What would YOU do?

As I'm writing this I know I am making him sound very grumpy. He is. But, I know he would absolutely be a kid in awe walking into Galaxy's Edge. Rise of the Resistance would blow him away. He'd ride Guardians as many times as I could pay for. He'd have a blast at Biergarten or Raglan Road. We'd have an epic time Trader Sam's. I have a long list of things that would be amazing for him and with him, but am I just sour that it would mean I would not get the fun mom and son trip that I had before? Help!

 

[DeeBee3]

I can see why this would be a challenge. I would ask him how he came to change his decision (for it to be a 180 it had to be more than "our son wants me to go"). Obviously, he know your son wanted him to go (I assume of course).

 

[Jsharp13]

I can see why this would be a challenge. I would ask him how he came to change his decision (for it to be a 180 it had to be more than "our son wants me to go"). Obviously, he know your son wanted him to go (I assume of course).

You're right... I think he does not recall large parts of our argument where he was really negative with me about Disney. He would say that I took that criticism too personally. He is really talking out of both sides of his mouth: I want a family trip and to be with you both. And, I don't like Disney or waiting in lines.
I would say that I think one thing that changed is our son starting high school this year, and it has been a tough realization for us both that we have about 4 years left to have him all to ourselves before he heads off to college. (We are a small family of three and have done PLENTY with our son and for him continuously over the years! But this shock of that time coming to a close is tough on us both.) I think he has a realization to want to make the most of the time left.

 

[jalapeno_pretzel]

I would plan your trip exactly how you were going to do it with just you and your son. Tell your husband when you are expecting to do the highlights for what he's interested in, and tell him if he gets bored before or after that, he can do his own thing - either go back to the resort or go back to an area he wants to see more of or whatever. What he can't do is stay with you if he's going to be complaining. There's no reason he needs to stay with you all the time if he doesn't like what you've planned.

And don't let him dissuade you from getting ice cream at 10am. That's the best time to get ice cream - by the afternoon, everyone is getting it and the line for it is much longer. If he doesn't want ice cream at that time, he doesn't have to get it. He can either do his own thing then, or wait patiently (while not sulking about it).

 

[Redsred3]

It sounds like you have described my husband haha. I do think it is manageable. On our last trip (I learned from the trip prior), I planned time for him to just do what he wanted, and then time to do what I knew he would like in the parks. For example, he doesn't like Animal Kingdom or Epcot at all (crazy, I know). So I took the kids to AK and rope dropped that day (this is where you do all your carefree, Ice Cream at 10am stuff, you don't feel as free to do with him around). That was his morning to sleep in, and be lazy, go get food and wander around, and enjoy the resort. And then we reconvened in the afternoon for pool time and a nice dinner. For Epcot day, I did ILL for Guardians and Space 220 for lunch right after. So the kids and I ropedroped, did some rides, then met up with him for Guardians and Lunch, then he came and went as he wanted after that, to and from the resort (the trick here is to stay at Crescent lake or on the Skyliner...it helps if they don't feel trapped haha). Mine loves HS, but hates lines, and the heat. So this is where G+ is a lifesaver. So I just stacked LL, for the afternoon. We did all the rides we wanted, with minimal fuss. Then he went back to the hotel, and we stayed for Fantasmic, and other things like shows etc, that we didn't have LL for, and that I knew he wouldn't enjoy.

This really worked well for us. Balancing what I know he can and can't handle well, while making him feel included, but not trapped. Whilst also giving me time to be carefree and relaxed and have fun with the kids. Good luck to you!

 

[Jsharp13]

It sounds like you have described my husband haha. I do think it is manageable. On our last trip (I learned from the trip prior), I planned time for him to just do what he wanted, and then time to do what I knew he would like in the parks. For example, he doesn't like Animal Kingdom or Epcot at all (crazy, I know). So I took the kids to AK and rope dropped that day (this is where you do all your carefree, Ice Cream at 10am stuff, you don't feel as free to do with him around). That was his morning to sleep in, and be lazy, go get food and wander around, and enjoy the resort. And then we reconvened in the afternoon for pool time and a nice dinner. For Epcot day, I did ILL for Guardians and Space 220 for lunch right after. So the kids and I ropedroped, did some rides, then met up with him for Guardians and Lunch, then he came and went as he wanted after that, to and from the resort (the trick here is to stay at Crescent lake or on the Skyliner...it helps if they don't feel trapped haha). Mine loves HS, but hates lines, and the heat. So this is where G+ is a lifesaver. So I just stacked LL, for the afternoon. We did all the rides we wanted, with minimal fuss. Then he went back to the hotel, and we stayed for Fantasmic, and other things like shows etc, that we didn't have LL for, and that I knew he wouldn't enjoy.

This really worked well for us. Balancing what I know he can and can't handle well, while making him feel included, but not trapped. Whilst also giving me time to be carefree and relaxed and have fun with the kids. Good luck to you!

Thank you, this is great advice and a great compromise! I've stayed at POP before on the skyliner so that might be a consideration.
I did have my heart set this trip on AKL though. I've never done a deluxe and that is the one I always wanted to stay at. I may need to rethink that to consider the transportation if we end up "sending him back" a few times a day. Yes the heat is another thing, but TBH that will get us all... If it's super hot in the middle of the day we'd all like a nice mid-day pool break!
Thank you for these ideas and tips. I really appreciate them!

 

[slo]

Your situation slightly sounds like mine except my DH does like WDW, he just doesn’t like to do WDW the way my DD20 and I like to do WDW.

When we go, when he’s done, he leaves and goes back to the resort and we are understanding of that. We don’t make him feel bad for leaving and he doesn’t make us feel bad for staying - it’s very mutual and I’m very grateful.

You mentioned “dictate” on what he should do - that’s a recipe for disaster - that word alone is already setting this trip up for failure.

Have a family conversation with him where everyone discusses what they want to do and find a good solution for everyone.

One year we stayed off property and my DD and I wanted to stay at the MK until close. My DH didn’t want to, so he left, picked up some takeout and picked us up later. He was happier doing that than staying. To each their own - everyone deserves to be happy when on vacation.

 

[Redsred3]

Thank you, this is great advice and a great compromise! I've stayed at POP before on the skyliner so that might be a consideration.
I did have my heart set this trip on AKL though. I've never done a deluxe and that is the one I always wanted to stay at. I may need to rethink that to consider the transportation if we end up "sending him back" a few times a day. Yes the heat is another thing, but TBH that will get us all... If it's super hot in the middle of the day we'd all like a nice mid-day pool break!
Thank you for these ideas and tips. I really appreciate them!

We did AKL on our first trip (it was nice, but it had its challenges...the food and transportation was tough for my family). I learned from that trip, that waiting on buses and the transportation issue, made it more of a stressor for him. So staying near the Skyliner or boats (he LOVED those interestingly enough) or walking distance, was a game changer in his attitude. We have done Boardwalk and Riveria both, and both worked well for transportation. I'd imagine Pop would be good too. Could you rent points? You could stay in a deluxe resort for about the same as you would pay for a value/moderate through Disney. Just a something to look into!

 

[RoseGold]

You need to have an actual conversation about expectations. It's still going to be hot and raining and crowded and lines and cheerful and parades and Disney adults, and all the things he hates. I wouldn't put up with what you call "grumpy." He can stay home if that's how he feels.

You need to have an actual, long, adult conversation because you are getting mixed messages.

And sure, maybe that means he comes for two days and you plan them around him. Before I went down that road, I would want to make sure this is what he WANTS, not just that he feels left out.

 

[dvcgirl67]

I like the suggestions from people who let their spouse join in as much or as little as they'd like. Or...your suggestion of him joining for a few days and you and your son then doing things the way you'd prefer.

What I would not tolerate is having to coax a grumpy man along for a week or more to get him to enjoy Disney. That is just going to affect your good time. Not everyone has to like everything....but that person isn't allowed to bring the others down in the process.

I would present the suggestions that he come along and join in as he felt comfortable....come for 2-3 days to see some. things he'd like....or stay home. But coming along and being a grump would not be an option and I'd make that crystal clear.

 

[BrianL]

Well, I think he does want to come to be with you guys, which is the best reason of all. I think the number one tip I can give you is to not push him while you are there. What I mean is, if he doesn't want to get up at the crack of dawn, don't insist on rope drop! If you want to, maybelet him sleep in and meet you a little later. Make sure to include the things that he likes or needs - you know, the things that people get cranky about. Coffee? Food? Whatever it is, make sure to let him get it. I know one real pleaser for those non-Disney guys is Biergarten. It's meat and beer - lots of guys love that! It's a little tougher if he's not food & beverage driven, but try to find something nice to do - maybe an adult night out at Disney Springs. Don't be afraid to take breaks if he gets overwhelmed or cranky - it can work wonders.

Good luck!

 

[Lord Manhammer]

I have no idea where to place this topic; please let me know if I should move it!

Here's my background as brief as I can make it:
Mom (me!), Dad our and our 14 y.o. son. This piece is important to me but it might not resonate with everywhere here - he and I both work full time and I have always worked full time. I bring in half the income in our house.

We did a BIG family Disney trip when my son was 6 and we did EVERYTHING and it was pure MAGIC. That once in a lifetime trip. We didn't think we would return.

Then, my son and I went again in April 2022 (he was 12 y.o.), and January 2023 (13 y.o.) Just the two of us. But we met my friends - a couple that are super duper Disney experts and we spent a great deal of time with them, having fun and learning about Disney! We loved it! We had so much fun, riding rides, eating snacks, staying up late, being silly and goofing around!

I want to go one more year, just me and my son, in May 2024. He'll be 14.

When we returned from our last two trips, we talked up Disney pretty highly about all the fun things that my husband would enjoy. He loves Star Wars! There are so great meals! Guardians! Tron! Pandora at Night! Epcot food and drinks!! So, we were trying to get him to come with us in 2024.

BUTTTTTT... he is NOT a Disney person. I mean NOT a DISNEY PERSON. He hates crowds. He hates lines. He dislikes waiting, plans changing, disarray. Now, I have become pretty skilled with my use of ILL, G+, rope drop... I'd be adding in some Extended Evening Hours and Disney After Hours, which will keep crowds a bit lower and waits to a minimum.
However, also, he is not a fan of the Disney theming and adult involvement. He thinks adults going to Disney is weird, dressing up and wearing Ears is strange, doesn't want anything to do with parades or a human dressed up in a costume like a character. He thinks it is all immature and stupid, to the point that we got in a huge argument over it. My interest in Disney is stupid, creepy, why would I ever want to go, my teenage son does not want to go, etc. etc. etc.

So, I said, well forget you! My son and I will go anyway and have a great time next year. I quadruple checked that my son actually still wanted to go (he does!) and we've discussed some of our plans, itinerary, what we'd like to repeat from prior trips and what we want to do differently this time.

Well, this weekend my husband says, "Oh? I thought I was going with you? I'd like to go because our son wants me to go. Why are you telling me I can't go and we can't have a family trip." Now suddenly it is a problem that I'm doing a mother-son trip. I reminded him that while there are some things in Disney that we would really love, and we would definitely love to have him with us to share in that, the balance of the trip is really not for him and he would not be happy. And, to be honest, even worse than that, I would NOT be happy. My carefree, silly, acting like a kid, eating ice cream at 10 am, getting stuck in a monsoon, browsing in shops and trying on the silly hats - all of that will essentially go out the window. I will be planning, replanning, rechecking wait times, moving rides, removing rides, jumping through hoops, standing on my head... basically anything I can do to make sure that he is not miserable, upset, delayed, waiting in lines, avoiding all the kiddie silliness. And, even if I do that... what if a ride breaks down and the other waits are high? What if I can't get the best dinner reservation? What if the bus is just leaving as we walk up? What if he sees that waffles are $10 on a paper plate? What if there is an issue with our room or location? I am not one to "get stressed over Disney planning" but I just foresee problems and arguments if he comes with us.

On the other hand, if my son wants him to come, who am I to say that he cannot come? Should I abandon the trip I had planned for the two of us, and work to plan a trip that is more like something the three of us could enjoy? That may mean no character meals, it certainly means no ice cream at 10 am. It would be heavy on the thrill rides, low on parades. It would be high on the unique dining and adult drinks. It would be low on shopping and browsing.

Or, another thought I had... do a little of both? Have my husband join us for 2 days. Maybe 3. Hopper tickets to hit the bit stuff at the key parks. Hollywood Studios after hours. Some good restaurants. And, then send him back home. My son and I stay and finish up our fun and silly stuff that we like. This makes my itinerary a little chopped up and of course, cost more for hopper passes. (For example, I would easily spend a full day or almost two at MK; but I would go with my husband and son to do maybe 5 things and then leave the park, possibly for a resort break or heading elsewhere. That means when he goes home and it is just me and my son, we'll be back to MK again to repeat those things and add in our silly stuff, like Jungle Cruise in the dark, fireworks, and riding Haunted Mansion a bunch of times).

A final thought was have him come for the full trip, but basically dictate when to join us and when to go back to the resort to swim or relax or whatever. Come with us for this morning, and then go back to the pool and relax until we come find you in the evening. Or, go have some beers in Epcot while my son and I ride Remy and Frozen. Kind of a 50/50 trip.

What do I do here? What would YOU do?

As I'm writing this I know I am making him sound very grumpy. He is. But, I know he would absolutely be a kid in awe walking into Galaxy's Edge. Rise of the Resistance would blow him away. He'd ride Guardians as many times as I could pay for. He'd have a blast at Biergarten or Raglan Road. We'd have an epic time Trader Sam's. I have a long list of things that would be amazing for him and with him, but am I just sour that it would mean I would not get the fun mom and son trip that I had before? Help!

So I guess I'll be blunt with my reactions after reading your post. I don't mean to offend but your husband sounds like a jerk, NO, I'll go one further and say he sounds like a word that rhymes with "mass-whole." I'm hoping he's perfectly nice since you married and had a child with him, but to call your interests "stupid" or "weird?" Your husband was so dismissive of your interests that it caused an argument? That's not cool. We all have different interests. My wife is not into Disney either; she really doesn't see the point in spending all of that money for the fake Eiffel Tower in Epcot when we could (and have) hop on a plane and see the real one for probably a little cheaper. But I adore Epcot. That said, she would never call my enthusiasm for the World/Disney stupid. It's just not her jam. And so when I go to the world, I go myself and have a guys weekend with my buddy who works at the parks. He's my age, we have the same interests in music and have a great time. If you can't be YOU on vacation, if you can't be goofy or sing or eat whatever at whatever time or wear silly ears, then what kind of a vacation is it? Go with your son and have a blast and leave the Debbie Downer at home. (I seriously don't mean to offend, but it really grinds my gears when a partner calls their partner's interests stupid if they don't share the same interests. My wife and I have interests on complete opposite ends of the spectrum, and that's perfectly ok.)

 

[AquaDame]

The only advice I can really give is tread carefully and if you think it is an option maybe put on the table an idea of another family vacation somewhere everyone would be sure to enjoy. Then you can still go with just your son on this trip, and he can have family time in another place.

The fact that he doesn't remember the argument means it either was never about Disney anyway, or he is trying to downplay it, suck it up, and join you to get some memories, but I worry he is already setup to be unhappy before you even get started.

The main question is, what kind of man is your husband? If he realizes he made a mistake in joining, will he calmly and happily go do something else? Or will he be a jerk and ruin your fun? Honestly answer it in your heart... this is the only thing that will let you know how to proceed.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

I’d tell him he is more than welcome to come along but he might not enjoy the parks the way you and your son do. Don’t let him spoil your trip! If he starts whining, tell him you warned him and he can do his own thing.

 

[gottalovepluto]

I would find out what he thinks about splitting up at times, maybe in the afternoons or crack of dawn mornings if he isn’t into those things. If his gripes about Disney are real he is going to need breaks from the crowds and from things he considers stupid. And you’re going to need a break from his judgmental attitude if he fails to leave it at home.

Maybe consider a Swolphin hotel? Convenient so you don’t need to worry about transportation, yet no Disney theming so he could get a mental break from it all.

…I am concerned about how much he belittled your enjoyment of Disney. That was taken rather far. I’d keep in the back of my head that there could be something else going on there. Hopefully he’s just embarrassed about becoming a Disney Adult, like a child who acts too cool to play with toys and judges those who do harshly, then plays with them when he thinks you aren’t looking

 

[pindecisive]

However, also, he is not a fan of the Disney theming and adult involvement. He thinks adults going to Disney is weird, dressing up and wearing Ears is strange, doesn't want anything to do with parades or a human dressed up in a costume like a character. He thinks it is all immature and stupid, to the point that we got in a huge argument over it. My interest in Disney is stupid, creepy, why would I ever want to go, my teenage son does not want to go, etc. etc. etc.

And, to be honest, even worse than that, I would NOT be happy. My carefree, silly, acting like a kid, eating ice cream at 10 am, getting stuck in a monsoon, browsing in shops and trying on the silly hats - all of that will essentially go out the window.

To be blunt, I would encourage you and your husband to go to couples therapy if you're not currently doing so.

If my husband were to call something I loved stupid or creepy? It would be a very clear sign he doesn't respect the things I love. That he doesn't value what I value. I might not love basketball like my husband does, but when I have the option for Warriors 9th row free tickets, I get them and cheer during the weiner dog races.

Yes, that was a very specific (true) example. But I don't denigrate the things he loves. Because I love him, and I love seeing him happy.

It's not your job to manage your husband's mood. I'll say it again. It's not your job to manage your husband's mood.

Feeling worried that he's going to react with an argument for normal everyday vacation hassles is a sign of a deep issue in his communication.

It's clear from what you've said that he does not want, or is unable, to look past mild irritation to enjoy seeing you happy. If anything, from what you've stated, him being there would make you actively unhappy as he's made it clear he doesn't respect what brings you joy.

I'd clearly communicate to him that he's stated Disney is not an environment he'd enjoy, so you'll be heading on the trip with DS alone.

My previous relationship was with someone who just wasn't a joy person. I loved him very much, but I'm married to someone I adore who I spend all my time with. We travel, we hike, we go to Disney. I organize everything, run it past him, and then off we go.

0% of my time is spent planning to avoid an argument.
I never spend a single second listening to him tell me something I love is stupid.
And it's always better with him there.

So if you have the opportunity to speak with someone about the amount of work you're putting into keeping your husband's mood balanced, I would. While it might be easily brushed off as "he's a grump" it sounds like there's more to it than that.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I'm wondering if he thought it was a okay destination when you had a young kid or was one of those people who felt it was an obligation to take a WDW trip. The fact that he went on that trip but years later calls your enjoyment of it stupid sounds like one of the reasons above.

I personally wouldn't do a joint vacation with someone like you describe. Possibly enjoying part of a trip doesn't make up for so much of it not being what someone would want. And why force that on someone.

I'm wondering if some of it may be that you've done multiple of these trips with your son. Nothing wrong with that but it could be your husband may be a tad jealous along with some FOMO at not being there with you guys (if only it was a different destination).

Have you and your husband taken a nice good vacation just the two of you since you've been doing these trips? I realize you have a kid you may not necessarily be able to leave with someone watching them for long but even a nice weekend away could be nice.

Someone mentioned doing a family destination elsewhere, I agree that would be nice. I wouldn't cancel the upcoming mother/son trip since it's already been hyped up enough with your son but I would probably hold off on making future ones.

Something I could see being an issue is your son being put in the middle here. He probably has gotten the talks from his dad about really being sure about wanting to go to a place he finds adults don't belong and it's a point of contention between you and your husband, IMO an easy place for your son to feel like he's just being used because of an issue between his parents.

 

[AgentMama]

I agree with so much of what previous posters have said. I would not plan a vacation where I had to worry about catering to my spouse's mood or their mood ruining a trip I was looking forward to. If he wants quality time with you and your son, he can plan a different vacation, but no way would I include him in this trip.

I am firmly in the camp that it is not my job to parent or cater to my spouse. Everything you said about your concerns are red flags.

My family regularly travels together as a whole, or in smaller subset groups depending on interests and time.

I hope you can have a reasonable conversation with him outlining why he isn't going to be invited on this trip, but you're happy for him to either plan his own trip with your son or all of you that is more his speed.

 

[Lord Manhammer]

I agree with so much of what previous posters have said. I would not plan a vacation where I had to worry about catering to my spouse's mood or their mood ruining a trip I was looking forward to. If he wants quality time with you and your son, he can plan a different vacation, but no way would I include him in this trip.

I am firmly in the camp that it is not my job to parent or cater to my spouse. Everything you said about your concerns are red flags.

My family regularly travels together as a whole, or in smaller subset groups depending on interests and time.

I hope you can have a reasonable conversation with him outlining why he isn't going to be invited on this trip, but you're happy for him to either plan his own trip with your son or all of you that is more his speed.

Or maybe even letting the husband go have a vacation on his own if he wants. There are plenty of families that vacation separately.

 

[goofyernmost]

It wouldn't be a challenge for me. I'd chose from two options. I would just ignore what will inevitably be constant gripping about everything or, and this would be my choice, tell him to stay the hell home. That said however, I managed to convince some people that were pretty much as you described concerning their dislike for a place like Disney and had the idea that it was just for kids. They went and I just told them to allow their inner child to be released when they got there and you know what, it worked. They became fans just by having an open mind.,