Bridesmaids' families?/Newbie here!

[tink774]

Hello everyone! I've been lurking and reading these forums for awhile, but hadn't actually posted anything until this question crossed my mind.

I'm not officially engaged yet, but DBF and I have been throwing around wedding ideas lately, and I told him I have my heart set on a DFTW and he says he's okay with that. So since I plan on having a long engagement anyway (it will take me awhile to save up the $$ for this wedding) I've been doing research to get ideas about what I want so that when the time comes to plan, I'll know where to start and not be overwhelmed. Plus when convincing my parents to kick in some money, I'll have an estimate of how much everything will cost so they'll feel more at ease. And these boards have been a TREMENDOUS help! I love admiring all of your pics and reading advice.

Well this question came up in my mind, and I couldn't find anything relating. I'm planning on having 5 bridesmaids in my wedding party, and I've already talked to all of them about it. My BFF is of course my maid of honor, and then there's my little sister, and three of my closest friends. Since DBF and I want to keep the wedding mostly family, having these girls in my wedding party will be the best way to include them without hurting any other friends' feelings.

The thing is that I'm not close to any of the families of these three girls; in fact I've never met most of them. So I was wondering if it would be considered rude not to invite their families to the wedding? I've known my BFF's family for as long as I've known her (since I was three years old) so I know that I want to invite them. But when it comes to the three other bridesmaids, I'm just not sure. I really want to keep the guest list down, so inviting several more people that I'm not even close to seems like a bad idea. I just want to know if this would be considered in bad taste? Of course I'll talk to the girls about this before I make my decision to make sure no one's feelings will be hurt, but I just wanted to see what y'all think of this idea. Thanks!

 

[mla1977]

I can understand how you are feeling. I am not engaged yet either, but I am constantly planning things in my head. I wouldn't feel obligated to invite their families, or to necessarily invite guest for the wedding party (unless they are married or in a long-term relationship).

In my case, I would invite the families (parents only) for most of my wedding party. My 2 BFF's (HS and college) would be my maid and matron (or both matron at the rate things are going) of honor, and I am close to both of their parents. My DBF would probably only invite his best man's parents. I don't think he would invite everyone's parents.

That's just my opinion though!

 

[OceanGdss]

First off, welcome This is a great place to start planning your future day

As for your question, the families of my MOH and one of my BM will not be attending my wedding. I know them, but not well. We simply don't have room for them after mine and my DF's families. So I would say it isnt rude not to invite them. Its completely up to you. My DF's 2 groomsmen will be allowed wives and children there, but not parents or other relatives. (His BM and one of my MOH's IS our family..so they don't count lol!)

I would say its up to you, if you have the room/money then invite them, but if not..I think they will understand not being invited.

 

[AbbyPan]

Hi there? what's your guest minimum?

I think it all really depends on the type of relationship you have with your 3 other friends. Also, if your friends still live with their families, it's respectful to include the parents (you don't have to include anyone else). However, if your friends are older, live on their own, then there should be no obligation to family (or at least that's the way i see it).

...and in a kind way, you can explain to your friends your dilemma. After all, you are only including those who are CLOSE to you (which means that your probably might be excluding some family too, correct?)

Either way, you should let them know asap, this way they understand completely where you stand (and your budget )

 

[M&M126]

I don't plan on inviting the families of my BMs. Actually most of mine are my sisters or DFs sisters so the family will already be there. I will be inviting the parents of my best friend/BM but only b/c I'm very close to them. In my opinion, theres no obligation to invite the wedding party's family members. If you do not have a relationship with them then I wouldnt worry about it. Just my thoughts though

 

[tink774]

Thanks for the advice and the welcoming messages! I'm a stickler for not hurting anyone's feelings and y'all have definitely reassured me for when the time comes.

I'm aiming at a guest count of about 70, but I refuse to go over 100. DBF and I both have big families, so I'm actually overestimating when I consider the amount of guests. I know that there will be people unable to come (most of our family members live a great distance away), but I want to overestimate so that the number can only go down, not up.

At the moment only one of my BMs is in a long-term relationship, but her BF is a close friend of mine, so if they are still together at the time of the wedding they will both be in the bridal party anyway. As far as other family members of those in the bridal party, I like your ideas about inviting spouses and serious relationships (doubtful any of them will have children by that time, but you never know!). Luckily no one in my family should be having children any time soon. I'm one of the younger family members, so they're all past that point. As for his family, who knows?

Well it's good to know that not inviting BM's families is okay! Like I said, it's a lot of money to invite people you don't even know.

 

[AbbyPan]

Thanks for the advice and the welcoming messages! I'm a stickler for not hurting anyone's feelings and y'all have definitely reassured me for when the time comes.

I'm aiming at a guest count of about 70, but I refuse to go over 100. DBF and I both have big families, so I'm actually overestimating when I consider the amount of guests. I know that there will be people unable to come (most of our family members live a great distance away), but I want to overestimate so that the number can only go down, not up.

At the moment only one of my BMs is in a long-term relationship, but her BF is a close friend of mine, so if they are still together at the time of the wedding they will both be in the bridal party anyway. As far as other family members of those in the bridal party, I like your ideas about inviting spouses and serious relationships (doubtful any of them will have children by that time, but you never know!). Luckily no one in my family should be having children any time soon. I'm one of the younger family members, so they're all past that point. As for his family, who knows?

Well it's good to know that not inviting BM's families is okay! Like I said, it's a lot of money to invite people you don't even know.

Oooh, i know how you feel. My max is 70 people. Right now the guest list is 67 I'm hoping that number will stay put.

Just remember that sometimes things change in a matter of months- so stick to your guns no matter what on the kind of day that YOU want to have.
Keep us posted

 

[tink774]

Oooh, i know how you feel. My max is 70 people. Right now the guest list is 67 I'm hoping that number will stay put.

Just remember that sometimes things change in a matter of months- so stick to your guns no matter what on the kind of day that YOU want to have.
Keep us posted

I know what you mean! I already told my parents that I refuse to invite any of their coworkers that I don't know. Back when I graduated from high school, about half of my announcements went to their friends whom I had never met. So I told them I was going to draw the line on this one!