Bridal Shower/Registry Etiquette Question

[clh2]

I'll be going to a wedding shower in a couple of weeks, along with my DD (who is 11)

The bride-to-be has on her list a calphalon 11" sqaure griddle on her registry list. The square griddle is here: square griddle

I would much prefer to get her the double-burner calphalon griddle. That griddle is here: double burner griddle

FWIW: Pancakes are a huge thing in our house. It is by far DD's favorite thing to eat for breakfast. DD thinks we should get the griddle, as well as get some mixes, pancake turner etc.

I don't think I would want to get the small griddle. The big size is SO much nicer. We have a calpholon double griddle, have had it for probably 10 years. We've used ours lots and lots.

Is it OK to call the bride, or her mom to see if we could "switch" items?

 

[Beth76]

I wouldn't. Get her what's on her registry. She knows what's out there, she might have a reason for not choosing the double. And if you get her the double, someone might still get her the single.

 

[Stacerita]

Get her what she registered for. She might not want the double one for a few reasons. Whos to say she has storage room for it. And maybe since its just her and her husband to be they may not need the double. She knew what she wanted when she registered for it.

I wouldn't call to ask. Thats the whole point of the registry. You dont need to ask her what she wants. Shes already let it be known.

I know you want to get the one that is "better" in your mind. But dont. Its a gift for the bride. Not your family. She knows what she wants.

Get her the small griddle she asked for and adding the mixes and stuff is a nice addition.

 

[saucymb]

When DH and I became engaged, we registered at two stores, and though we had been on our own for the past ten years or so, there were things I registered for that I wasn't sure about. Some things I chose because they were cheaper, though I really wanted the bigger or newer or more expensive things. There were a couple of instances when I opened a gift and it was close but not exactly what I registered for, and the giver explained why they got it and not the one on the registry...and both times they thoughtfully included the gift receipt, so I could exchange it if I wanted.

I was glad for the insight of women who had been there before, and had something of a better idea than I had.

My bottom line: if you really think that she will truly get more use out of the griddle you choose, get it for her, include a nice note explaining how much you love it, and most importantly include the gift receipt. And if she ends up returning/exchanging it, don't take it personally!

 

[Beth76]

I know you want to get the one that is "better" in your mind. But dont.

Exactly. My MIL actually went to the place where I was registered and didn't buy off the registry. She bought me something that she liked. She even told me that as I opened my gift. "Oh I just liked these so much better." And they were UGLY. They immediately went back to the store. Of course, this is just the thing with the MIL. She seems to think I'm a 70-year-old lady and buys gifts accordingly. I keep telling my DH that I'm going to buy her some low-cut tops from Old Navy and thongs from Victoria's Secret. Sorry to go off tangent there.

 

[FutureAshleyDukes]

Please include a gift receipt, no matter what you buy. Brides-to-be are already very busy, and retail stores are making it harder and harder to return items without one.

I love the idea of including pancake mixes, and since your daughter loves to make pancakes maybe she could write a little card of perfect pancake tips. I know it sounds silly, but until I moved out I didn't know how to make anything except scrammbled eggs and grilled cheese.

 

[clh2]

My bottom line: if you really think that she will truly get more use out of the griddle you choose, get it for her, include a nice note explaining how much you love it, and most importantly include the gift receipt. And if she ends up returning/exchanging it, don't take it personally!

I still think I may call her mom (don't want to totally wreck a gift!) and see what she thinks. It was just too late tonight. I don't give any gift (whether it is for a kid's birthday or whatever) without the gift receipt.

 

[Aimeedyan]

I would buy her what's on the registry - they can always return it for the larger one later. When they registered they would have seen the larger one and didn't register for it for some reason.

 

[luvmyfam444]

Personally I almost NEVER buy off the registry - I'll usually pull it & get an idea of the couples tastes(like floral china or modern or crystal, etc) & then buy what I want - or can afford -

As far as the gridle, I'd get the one you want - but DON"T call the mom 'cause thats tacky & the mom probably doesn't know what's on the registry anyway.

She can always take back the bigger one if she doesn't want it to get the smaller one - she might really have wanted the bigger one but just the other'cause of the price difference & didnt' want to seem greedy - you never know - so go for the bigger one & add some mixes/recipes for using it - for all she knows you buy this gift for every bride as your standard gift & never even look @ anyone's registry (got some gifts like that when we married - so ever shower the same gift showed up---picninc basket full of goodies -an igloo full of goodies)

 

[Laura]

I would buy the one from her registry, honestly. When we registered for our wedding, we put a lot of thought into what we asked for and the prices were in a wide range. Neither of us had lived alone before (shared silverware with roommates and so forth), so what we asked for is what we really needed. When we got some things off our registry, we were grateful, but, honestly, we needed the measuring spoons and the towels! We tried to make it as easy as possible for our guests (registering only at places where people could shop online, etc.) and it was kinda dismaying when people ignored our wishes, like "was what we wanted not good enough?" I don't really understand why people choose to ignore registries. They really make life easier for the gift-giver. At least, they're supposed to.

And who knows? The bride- and groom-to be may already have a double griddle and want the small one for other reasons.

 

[katerkat]

I wouldn't get it. We have a large electric griddle that does not require the stove for pancakes, etc. And we have a smaller one for just one or two grilled cheese. So I would not have registered for a double griddle - we had what we needed and we registered for what we didn't. And from my experience, people don't usually balk at putting expensive items on their registry.

 

[disykat]

I loved many of the things I received that weren't on my registry. I would never have known to select them. If you think she would enjoy it, get it for her. She always has the option of returning it if it isn't what she wants. I consider a registry a suggestion list and a way to know their china pattern, etc. - not a command kind of thing.

 

[MoniqueU]

I might reconsider the pancake mixes too. Not everyone likes every kind of pancake mix. IF someone had given me pancake mix it would end up in the trash, because I don't believe in Re gifting!! I only like one kind of mix period and that is Bisquick. Same thing with coffee I LOVE it but don't you dare get me flavored creamers or flavored coffee. Just something to consider.

 

[luvmyfam444]

Chances are though that if this couple is new to cooking they may have never even tried pancake mixes - I'm one that IF I got it as a gift I would certainly try it before throwing it out 'cause there's no telling what I'd miss if I didn't try it...

Personally don't like Belgain Waffles but when I got a maker for Christmas one year & mix I tried it since it was FREE & I wouldn't have bought it myself - I didn't like it BUT my family did so I just made them the rest of the batch instead of chucking it...

SO I love the idea of personalizing the gift with mixes/recipes/ideas on how you cook b'fast as a family & why it means so much to them....

 

[aprilgail2]

I would only buy things off the registry...it certainly saves them the time of returning something that you thought was nice but they don't like. Also I use that same small griddle for pancakes, I wouldn't want the bigger one, there is no need for it..there are only 2 of us and the small griddle is fine, the big one would be overkill for us and I really woulnd't have anyplace to store that big thing....

 

[safetymom]

I would call and ask the bride. How many brides do any type of research before they register their items?

 

[poohandwendy]

They are the same price at BB&B, from your links. I would think that makes it pretty obvious she decided she wanted the smaller one. For just a couple, the smaller one would be more practical anyways. And they would probably use it more often. (btw, I have both) And pancakes may not be as huge a thing for them as it is for you. Even still, they could still make pancakes with the smaller one.

I would just stick with what she chose in her registry. You KNOW she likes that one because she picked it.

 

[froglady]

I understand the poster who looks at the registry to get an idea of the couple's taste. It would be unwise to get an elaborate Waterford vase for a couple who have registered for Asian influenced china and silver, and have chosen minimalist style linens, lamps, etc.

But if someone does choose to use the registry as a gift list, then it should be followed exactly. The couple may have a good reason for choosing one item over another, and if you give a similar item, and the original item is not "removed", the couple will end up with two almost identical items...which they hoped to avoid by registering.

 

[Tracey1974]

I would call and ask the bride. How many brides do any type of research before they register their items?

I would call the mom before calling the bride. Actually, I wouldn't call the bride at all. I don't know if the shower is a surprise for the bride, they usually are in my circle and I would be pretty annoyed if someone called questioning my registry choices and giving me any ideas about the shower.

I would just buy what is on the registry. There were times when we exchanged things we registered for for different ones after the shower. She may decide later that they need to bigger griddle or she may not.

Just my 2 cents!

 

[ely3857]

I always thought the whole point of a gift registry was to get stuff that you actually want/need, it would seem pointless to get a list together if people are going to ignore it.



Jodie