Breathing life into old church

[Jennasis]

I was raised Roman Catholic and my parents took us to mass every Sunday (and we were enrolled in CCD class as well). Unfortunately, we lived in a town with a large retirement community, so the church was 85% old people. EVERY WEEK, my sisters and I got the stink-eye from blue haired old ladies who didn't appreciate fidgeting, or that I wore pants instead of a skirt. Then there was the cheek pinching.. The whole church was a solemn downer. That's how I view church. Boring. Regimented. Add that to the fire and brimstone and condemnation the priest dumped on us, AND the ramblings of a priest who was old enough to be the father to any of the elderly 85%.

My suggestion is that you need to make the church welcoming. Forget dress codes. Come as you are! Don't preach...teach. Get contemporary with music.

Do churches do open houses?

 

[mom2maggie]

I don't go to churches that don't have alternate, non Sunday morning services. I really dont' think my unwillingness to get up on Sunday mornings has anything to do with my faith in God, nor does it have anything to do with my willingness to learn about God.
You have to make church more accessible, period - or people like me (not raised in the church) will not go!

 

[ckay87]

I don't go to churches that don't have alternate, non Sunday morning services. I really dont' think my unwillingness to get up on Sunday mornings has anything to do with my faith in God, nor does it have anything to do with my willingness to learn about God.
You have to make church more accessible, period - or people like me (not raised in the church) will not go!

Thank you for saying that. I would love to find a church with evening services. What's wrong with making church convenient and accessible? I'm sure I know the answer to that, but I don't agree.

 

[mom2maggie]

I can also tell you some things that turn me off about my husband's familys church. It sounds a lot like yours - General Baptist, very traditional, congregation average age about 60. Church has been there for 150 years - but if they don't change soon, it won't last another 10.
What I *don't* like about that church is that I wasn't welcomed in when I first started going with my husband (then boyfriend). The congregation wasn't warm, didn't welcome me, the pastor yelled, and I left feeling chastised, not uplifted. As someone who wasn't raised in the church, I was there (BY CHOICE!) to learn - and there wasn't anything for me there. Everyone that went there had always gone there, and they had no interest in helping someone new along their journey.

 

[lspst8]

Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2maggie
I don't go to churches that don't have alternate, non Sunday morning services. I really dont' think my unwillingness to get up on Sunday mornings has anything to do with my faith in God, nor does it have anything to do with my willingness to learn about God.
You have to make church more accessible, period - or people like me (not raised in the church) will not go!

Thank you for saying that. I would love to find a church with evening services. What's wrong with making church convenient and accessible? I'm sure I know the answer to that, but I don't agree.

I love that my church started having services at 6pm on Saturday. It is so much easier to go, because my husband and I are already up, dressed, and out-and-about.

For the OP -- I just remembered something one of my friends told me. We both attend Methodist churches, but she goes to the traditional one in town, while I go to the more contemporary one outside of town. Our church has picnics after Saturday evening church during the summer and snacks (like nachos, hot dogs, chili) during the winter. There are always muffins, donut holes, and fruit out on Sunday mornings. Apparently a lot of people from her church have joined our church, and some of the members of her church call us "the church with all the food." So, it can't hurt to have a lot of free food available to eat

 

[MiniGirl]

Thank you for saying that. I would love to find a church with evening services. What's wrong with making church convenient and accessible? I'm sure I know the answer to that, but I don't agree.

I don't think there is anything wrong with making church convienent and accessible. When is that though?

We are going through much of the same thing in our church, and I can see us where the OP is in about another 4 or 5 years. We are starting a contemporary service and when to have it was a huge discussion. Bottom line was that no time was convienent. People who have expressed an interest in this service didn't want it on Sat or Sun morning. They also didn't want it on a school night, so that only left Fri or Sat night. However, they also didn't want it on those nights because those were the only nights they had free to do something else w/o worrying about getting up for school/work the next morning. Not only was there no "convienent" time for the service, nobody was willing to do anything (outside of meeting to discuss it) to get it going. Everyone was already too busy with work, school, sports, etc. If nobody is willing to do the work to make it happen, it is over before it starts.

 

[KiminChicago]

Our church offers three Masses on Sunday (7:30, 9:30 and 11:30) and one on Saturday afternoon (4:30). Even with our kids involved in sports and dance, we rarely miss a Mass since there are so many different choices. When there were three priests assigned to our parish, there was also a Youth Mass once a month at 5:30 Sunday evenings, which led into the confirmation class. The 4:30 Sat. Mass has a small choral group, the 7:30 has a soloist to provide the music, the full choir performs at the 9:30 and there is a contemporary group that performs at the 11:30 -- which means there is something for everyone.

The preschool CCD class meets during the 9:30 Mass, which gives the parents the opportunity to go to Mass while their little ones are in CCD -- a very popular choice. There is also a separate Children's Liturgy for the K through 4th grade children which is also offered during the 9:30 and 11:30 Masses. Our church has a very active and growing community -- I've had friends from other Catholic churches in the area send their kids to CCD at our church because it is so friendly.

We also have greeters assigned to every Mass -- they wear nametags and stand in the Narthex before the Mass starts and their job is to just say hello to as many people as they can to make everyone feel welcome. The priests also make a point of welcoming newcomers at the start of the Mass.

We joined this church when DH and I got married. I was raised in the Lutheran Church and wanted to convert. We also wanted to have a full Mass for our wedding and I didn't have a full year to do the RCIA program. The deacon at our church was willing to schedule a separate class for me that basically compressed the full year into the 6 months before our wedding -- that made a huge impression on us and let us know that our church was more concerned with helping us grow spiritually than with a blind following of rules and traditions.

 

[castleview]

I don't think there is anything wrong with making church convienent and accessible. When is that though?

We are going through much of the same thing in our church, and I can see us where the OP is in about another 4 or 5 years. We are starting a contemporary service and when to have it was a huge discussion. Bottom line was that no time was convienent. People who have expressed an interest in this service didn't want it on Sat or Sun morning. They also didn't want it on a school night, so that only left Fri or Sat night. However, they also didn't want it on those nights because those were the only nights they had free to do something else w/o worrying about getting up for school/work the next morning. Not only was there no "convienent" time for the service, nobody was willing to do anything (outside of meeting to discuss it) to get it going. Everyone was already too busy with work, school, sports, etc. If nobody is willing to do the work to make it happen, it is over before it starts.

I've heard of this at surrounding churches. The biggest complaint is that there isn't anything for the kids. So a youth group gets started and those same people never show up.

 

[lovesmurfs]

Taking your inquiry in a bit of a different direction...I'm on the church board for a small conservative evangelical denomination.

WHO is wanting to change your church? I agree that something in the church that you described needs to change in order to remain relevant. However, YOU wanting to change it is like trying to climb up a down escalator, and, if change isn't embraced by the pastoral staff and the rest of the congregation, any change you recommend will not be lasting change.

I hate to sound boring, but just like a business, your church needs to decide its mission, its reason for being. Then it must decide who it wants to reach within that mission (you might want to research the demographics of your community), then strategize and plan on how to reach it, how to meet that demographic's needs. It may be that your church's core competency is outreach to the senior community and provide an adult day care. Or start a Spanish or Korean service. Or create a ministry to disabled children.

A great book is The 5 Star Church by Toler and Nelson (although I'm not sure it's still in print). Be sure, before you start or suggest any change, to first pray about the direction the Lord has for your church rather than the direction you think you want it to go.

One of the most interesting questions a pastor ever asked our congregation (before he began outlining a new ministry): "If we were to close our doors today, who else beside our members would care?" Best wishes as you begin your work.

 

[Belle2667]

Sorry, I mean no disrespect or personal attack... but, when reading the above comments... all I could do was think 'Church Lady'.

I believe I am getting underlying negative judgemental vibes about 'lame parents who don't do as I think they should...' 'MY children do not have a choice", etc....

People should 'DO more' and 'GIVE more', etc....

Again, I get the whole 'Church Lady' vibe when it comes to the way you have described your church, and some other comments.

I would be afraid that if I am picking this up from a few online comments, that this vibe is very clear and obvious IRL.

I am not thinking that this is the way to grow a church.

OP here. No offense taken. Perhaps I am just a bit too passionate about my faith and I get frustrated with people (my own family included) who don't make God a priority.

I kinda live by the saying, "if I was arrested for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict me". I don't think I have a holier-than-thou attitude and I apologize if that's the way it sounds.

Our church was weeks from closing. No money. It seemed like all we had left to do was call the realtor. Unexpectedly, we were left a handsome inheritance. Yippee! I see that money as a gift from God to do God's work.

Our mission statement is Called together to do God's Work. The only problem is, no one at our church is willing to decide what that work is. My heart is in the Christian Ed / Youth / Social Ministry areas. I am hoping to come up with some ideas to present to our council to hopefully decide our future.

Again, I apologize if what I write sounds "church-lady"-like. It's really not that way.

 

[Angelhalo]

I don't think it is about 'giving the people what they want'
Christianity is about the Gospel of Christ, which is what people NEED

I agree that Christianity is about the gospel of Christ but it is also about putting it into action. I think in order to find a church that you love, they have to offer something that you want, but that doesn't mean they can't also offer what you need. After all that is the whole idea behind different types of churches. I grew up in a church that I didn't like. It didn't offer fun, it didn't offer encouragement, it only had a choir, no praise band (which I am a member of in my current church because I like it better). I felt like the the youngest person there by 100 years. Church to me shouldn't feel like going to a funeral. It shouldn't be solemn and no-nonsense. It shouldn't be a guy reading scripture and then its over. I want a church that is alive. It needs music, and caring, it needs charity, and openess. It needs interaction. I want to get to know the people in my church. I want us all to become a part of each other's lives.

We focus on the scripture even at our "jazzed up" contemporary service. But, it doesn't mean we have to sit in silence and stare at each other doing nothing just because we're focused on scripture. We sing the scripture in our praise band, we become the action of scripture through outreach programs. We teach the scripture to our youth through fun programs. We are the scripture when we engage in fellowship with each other.

I sought out a church that offered both what I want AND what I need, because if it doesn't have what I want, then I'll never get out of it what I need. A good church needs to offer something to the people it is trying to draw in, whether it be pure scripture or actvities, there has to be something that draws people to a church, and it is clear that a dry reading of the scripture to a bunch of old folks isn't keeping the OP's church alive.

 

[Belle2667]

Taking your inquiry in a bit of a different direction...I'm on the church board for a small conservative evangelical denomination.

WHO is wanting to change your church? I agree that something in the church that you described needs to change in order to remain relevant. However, YOU wanting to change it is like trying to climb up a down escalator, and, if change isn't embraced by the pastoral staff and the rest of the congregation, any change you recommend will not be lasting change.

I hate to sound boring, but just like a business, your church needs to decide its mission, its reason for being. Then it must decide who it wants to reach within that mission (you might want to research the demographics of your community), then strategize and plan on how to reach it, how to meet that demographic's needs. It may be that your church's core competency is outreach to the senior community and provide an adult day care. Or start a Spanish or Korean service. Or create a ministry to disabled children.

A great book is The 5 Star Church by Toler and Nelson (although I'm not sure it's still in print). Be sure, before you start or suggest any change, to first pray about the direction the Lord has for your church rather than the direction you think you want it to go.

One of the most interesting questions a pastor ever asked our congregation (before he began outlining a new ministry): "If we were to close our doors today, who else beside our members would care?" Best wishes as you begin your work.

I am on our worship & music committee and someone said, "we should have a contemporary service". Rather than just developing a service, I thought I'd take it one step further and ask others what they would like. (Why put time and effort into something no one wants?)

From the various responses, I see that I am thinking too in the box. I need to think a little more outside the box. I am not making any decisions, I am just trying to present the most effective suggestions.

I have been pressing our council about defining our mission statement further. We have such a broad mission statement and I am trying to get them to make a decision as to our direction. The problem is no one seems to want to make a decision.

Our pastor has asked us the same question. We keep reaching out to our neighborhood. We need to decide if maybe we need to reach others, and if so, who.

Thanks.

 

[Belle2667]

For the OP -- I just remembered something one of my friends told me. We both attend Methodist churches, but she goes to the traditional one in town, while I go to the more contemporary one outside of town. Our church has picnics after Saturday evening church during the summer and snacks (like nachos, hot dogs, chili) during the winter. There are always muffins, donut holes, and fruit out on Sunday mornings. Apparently a lot of people from her church have joined our church, and some of the members of her church call us "the church with all the food." So, it can't hurt to have a lot of free food available to eat

Ha! I don't know if it's true with all Lutherans or if it's just our church, but we can't do anything without food!

We have coffee hour every Sunday after church and before Sunday School.
We have soup & sandwiches every Wednesday during lent.
We have congregation breakfasts several times a year
We have community suppers monthly (free)
We have a Rally Day picnic open to the public (free)
We have Family Fun nights with potlucks

Really, any excuse to eat.....

 

[ead79]

Our mission statement is Called together to do God's Work. The only problem is, no one at our church is willing to decide what that work is. My heart is in the Christian Ed / Youth / Social Ministry areas. I am hoping to come up with some ideas to present to our council to hopefully decide our future.

Again, I apologize if what I write sounds "church-lady"-like. It's really not that way.

It sounds to me like the church leadership really needs to focus its mission. I would suggest focusing on a handful of areas that are God's Work. Perhaps 1) preaching the gospel, 2) missions, 3) discipling believers, 4) serving others outside the church. Then come up with practical new ministry ideas for each of those areas.

For example, here are some ideas that our church has done before that go with each of those areas:
1) preaching the gospel--be sure that the Sunday sermons are relevant, from Scripture, and have practical application
2) missions--perhaps ask the church members to select 2 or 3 mission trip locations, then send out groups of church members on the mission trips; mission work has a powerful ability to bring about change and a re-focusing of priorities, not to mention you are able to do a lot of good for those less fortunate; if you can't do them all abroad, perhaps a trip to the nearest large inner city or rural area that has low income would be a good substitute
3) discipling believers--start some new groups for families like MOPS, Moms in Touch, a kids music program for little ones like Tiny Tots & Tunes, etc.; also see if you can divide Sunday School up by ages more so each lesson can be relevant to that particular life phase
4) serving others outside the church--do things in the community like coat drives, block parties for kids, house upkeep for the elderly, etc.

I hope this helps a bit! And I do agree with the others that it's important that visitors feel that you are welcoming them. Often visitors feel worried about being judged, so be sure that's not going on.

 

[cybrkitn]

Ha! I don't know if it's true with all Lutherans or if it's just our church, but we can't do anything without food!

We have coffee hour every Sunday after church and before Sunday School.
We have soup & sandwiches every Wednesday during lent.
We have congregation breakfasts several times a year
We have community suppers monthly (free)
We have a Rally Day picnic open to the public (free)
We have Family Fun nights with potlucks

Really, any excuse to eat.....

LOL, well you know what they say about us Lutherans - we LOVE to eat! Belle is your church LCMS or a different Synod? What you have said sounds just like ours

 

[Handbag Lady]

Since you asked, if I were to go to church again it would have to be:

Open to all, including gay families amd mixed raced families.
No racism.
Teaching and understanding and not preaching and yelling.
Alternate sessions. Not everyone can make it on Sunday morning. Why not have three sessions on Sunday, so that those with parents to tend to, those with jobs, those with late-night jobs in Saturday, can all attend.


I know I am asking alot, but these are reasons why I've stopped going to church. The main reason I quit my church was that they changed the language spoken at the sermons. It was really hard to follow along.

 

[Belle2667]

LOL, well you know what they say about us Lutherans - we LOVE to eat! Belle is your church LCMS or a different Synod? What you have said sounds just like ours

We belong to the ELCA, NE PA Synod.

We have a very diverse neighborhood. Low income housing just blocks from the ritzy section.

I think we are friendly and non-judgmental. We have all types of people from all walks of life in our membership. We will explore this further to make sure we aren't putting out bad vibes.

We reach out to our neighbors frequently, (through free community dinners, trunk or treat, food drives, movie nights, etc.) but perhaps we aren't offering what they are looking for, or we are just reaching out in the wrong way.

From some of the responses, it sounds like we need to offer alternate times/services. We will need to do that in conjunction with our outreach. If we do it with just our current membership, I am afraid we might only have a handful of people and council will put the kabash on it before it gets a chance to take off.

Thank you for all the responses. I've definitely got a lot to work with. The only piece I'm struggling with is the low turn out history we've had, but as the saying goes, if we build it, they will come, right? Or maybe, we just need to step up our faith and pray.

 

[disneymarie]

Hi. I am a life-long member of our church. We have a dwindling membership and the average age of our parishioner is about 65. We currently have one traditional Sunday service. While I love our service, we realize that if we do not reach out and provide something younger (under 50) people would come to, our end is drawing near.

Therefore, I want to know what appeals to people regarding worship services. I would like to create a service that people would want.

If you go to church, what about your service draws you in and keeps you coming? If you don’t go to church, what type of worship service would make you want to go to church?

I appreciate all opinions.

Bussing., there are some people that would love to get out, or kids for Sunday school if there were a large van or bus to pick them up,. Our doors burst from packed house when we had our bus.

 

[Rora]

OP, you've gotten some great suggestions on this thread!!

I just wanted to add my "I second this!" to a couple of things:
MOMs group
Scrapbooking club/Quilting
Event planning- church sponsored parties/get togethers etc
Strong Youth Group
Bible studies based upon gender, age, interests, etc

Good luck!

 

[pat fan]

WOW..is this thread ever timely! Our church is small as well (average of 6-12 people a week) and our treasurer just said our account is LOW!

Youth Group question for those who have it: how do you get kids to come? What do you do with them?

They may sound like silly questions, but we are really at a loss. The pastor would like to get kids into the church and we are having a monthly "youth night" with different activities, but they really aren't well attended. Maybe 4 or 5 kids. Game/pizza night was liked the best. We did a movie night (NOT a hit), ornament making at Christmas and a couple other things.
The problem is, the congregation is older except for 3 couples. My DH & I are one of the "younger couples" and we're in our 40's. The other 2 couples don't have kids because they don't want & can't have them.

We can't have Sunday School as there is no room in the building to have it. It is an old church and nothing in it meets the new state requirements (window on door, 2 exits, window on wall). I know they are rules for the safety of kids, but we aren't equipped to handle that. besides, we love having kids in church. I was raised that way (sitting through services) and no one minds babies crying or little ones coloring or stretching their legs.

Another problem is, the town our church is in is VERY anti-church. Only 3 or 4 people who attend are from that town. Most of the regulars don't even live in that town!

An example: the town has a "fair" once a year. The church has a food booth there. We used cards with scriptures on them for the food tickets."John 3:16 your order is ready! The town requested we not use them anymore as some people were offended by them. Hello! We are a CHURCH booth! I know they had a bad pastor years ago, but this one is good. He preaches the Bible/Word of God. That in itself is probably part of the problem. People don't want to hear about sin and right & wrong etc...They want happy services with no rules. Our services are NOT fire & brimstone, but darn it, the Bible does give rules of what is right & wrong and we need to hear it.

And I am NOT church-lady but those are the facts. Our pastor used to be a teacher so he does preach in a very teaching manner (in a good way) and is always available to anyone who needs him. At their home/hospital or whatever. I hate to see our church dying like this and have no idea how to help it.

Sorry this was so long, but it is near & dear to my heart.