blonde jokes

[capnblackbeard]

yeah ther funny so lets share some o and no offense to those who are blonde this is in all good fun=) heres one of my jokes


Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on
the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each
other and shook their heads.

"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! you'll burn up!"
said the Russian.

The Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're
going at night!"

 

[StitchGirl88]

i won't take affensively cause i am a blond but that was funny!!

 

[teh fish]

You have to say the joke out loud to get it....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a blonde, brunette, and a redhead escaped from prison and the warden is chasing after them. They hide out in a barn and the brunette hides in a sheep stall, the redhead in a cow stall, and the blonde behind a sack of potatoes. The warden goes into the barn and steps next to the goat stall and says "Is anyone in there?". The brunette goes "Baaaaa" and the wonder says "I guess not. He goes to the cow stall and says "Is anyone in there?" and the redhead goes "Mooooooo" and the warden goes "I guess not". He stands in front of the sack of potatoes and calls out "Is anyone behind there?" and the blonde says "POTATOES".

 

[TiggerMegz]

lol teh fish!! I think I've heard that one before...maybe....maybe not. lol. It was funny. i have like 500 blonde jokes that my Dad obsessively tells me....but there is one that just strikes my fancy. lol. Okay....here goes.....*sigh*....

A blonde is driving around the country side and she had just dyed her hair brown. She was sick of everyone always assuming she was dumb! So she decides to take a short break just in front of this farm. She parks her car in front of the sheep field. She sits on her car hood for a few hours just watching the graceful animals. A few hours later, the owner of the farm comes out and strolls over to the lady.
He says, "Ma'am, I've seen you watching my sheep for some time now, and I'm willing to make a deal with you. If you can guess how many sheep I have, I'll let you pick which ever one you want and you can keep him!"
She smiles happily and says calmly, "583."
The farmer's jaw drops slightly and says, "Correct!"
So they walk through the field looking at sheep. The lady takes her time looking at each one. And finally she found one she knew she wanted. It was little cuter, bouncier, and more playful than the others.
She looks down at the animal and says, "That one! I want that one"
The farmer looks down and then back at the lady. He says, "Umm....ma'am, if I can tell you your true hair color...can I please have my dog back?"

*snorts* ahh, I think that joke is funny!! Maybe it's just me. My Dad says "Kiddo, ya shoulda been born blonde!" So he just looooves telling me blonde jokes. There was one of my favs. Hope ya enjoyed!!

 

[DisneyGeek13_8_2006]

ok i have one it may have been changed around a bit because i forgot some of it...

One day a blond was watching the T.V when suddenly it broke, so she decided that she needed to go out and bye a new one. So she went down to her towns main street and went to a T.V store. She stoped in front one one store and started looking at the T.V's in the window, the owner of the store saw her out there so he went out there and asked her if she needed any help, so the blond told the man that she would like that T.V set that she saw in the window and he said I'm sorry ma'am but we don't serve dumb blonds. So the she went home and died her hair red, and the next day she went to the same store and the man asked her if she needed any help and she said that she would like the T.V in the window, once again he said we don't serve dumb blonds. So that night she went home and died her hair Brown, and the next morning she went back to the store and the man came out and once again and asked if she needed any help and once again she asked for the T.V set that was in the window and once again the man said im sorry we don't serve dumb blonds. The blond getting really frustrated with the man said how do u know that i am blond since i have brown hair and the man replyed thats not a T. V thats a Microwave!

 

[DanceBabe16]

Originally posted by teh fish
a blonde, brunette, and a redhead escaped from prison and the warden is chasing after them. They hide out in a barn and the brunette hides in a sheep stall, the redhead in a cow stall, and the blonde behind a sack of potatoes. The warden goes into the barn and steps next to the goat stall and says "Is anyone in there?". The brunette goes "Baaaaa" and the wonder says "I guess not. He goes to the cow stall and says "Is anyone in there?" and the redhead goes "Mooooooo" and the warden goes "I guess not". He stands in front of the sack of potatoes and calls out "Is anyone behind there?" and the blonde says "POTATOES".

They tell that same joke down here in Texas except with a Baylor Bear, a UT Longhorn, and an A&M Aggie...man, those Aggie jokes can be brutal but they're so, so true

 

[spacemountain]

A blonde walked into a hairdresser's with a pair of headphones on and asked the hairdresser for a haircut - but "don't touch the headphones o.k.?"

"Fine" said the hairdresser - a little taken aback - but happy for the work. Three weeks later, the same blonde returned and asked for another haircut but with the same condition:

"Whatever you do ... don't touch the headphones" "No problem" said the hairdresser who went on to give her another good cut, considering the restraint.

Three weeks later, the same thing happened "and don't forget - don't touch the headphones" said the blonde.

Well, just as the hairdresser was finished, she couldn't resist and she just lifted one side of the headphones up. The blonde promptly fell stone dead on the floor of the shop. "Oh my God - I think I've killed her" screamed the hairdresser. She picked up the headphones and put them on herself. She heard the strangest thing... "breathe in...breathe out... breathe in...breathe out."

 

[spacemountain]

this is a pretty common one but i still think it's pretty funny:

There is a brunette and 11 blondes hanging over the edge of a
cliff off a piece of rope. They realize that the rope would
break if one of them didn't let go and they would all fall to
their deaths. The Brunette starts this big heartwarming speech
about how she is going to sacrifice herself for the others. At
the end of the speech the blondes all clap.

 

[spacemountain]

There once was this blonde, and she was sitting at the table
with her husband eating breakfast before he went to work. Out
of the blue the blonde says,"Honey today while your at work I
am goning to paint the house." The husband says "No, no dear
don't paint the house because then when I come home from work I
will just have to clean everything up, just please don't do
it." So the husband went to work and when he came home the
house smelled like paint. Then he went up to their bedroom, and
he saw his wife laying on the floor with 2 coats on and
sweating to death. He ran over to her and said, "Honey, honey
what's wrong why on earth are you sweating to death?" She got
up and grabed the paint cane, went over to her husband and
said, "Well look at the can dummy, it says for best results put
on 2 coats!"

 

[spacemountain]

So a blonde is walking down the street and she stops to ask a
man the time, he says "O, it's uhh...4:45." The blonde
responds, "Man, I've been asking that question all day and I get
a different answer every time!

 

[spacemountain]

Legend has it that there is a restaurant in New York where, in
the Ladies Room, there is a very special mirror. If one stands
in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a
wish. However, if one tells a lie-*poof*-you are instantly
swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.

Sooooo, A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies
Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the
most beautiful woman in the world."-*poof*-The mirror swallows
her. Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and
says, "I think I'm losing weight."-*poof*-The mirror swallows
her.

Then an absolutely gorgeous blonde comes in and stands before
the mirror and says, "I think...."-*poof*-

 

[DanceBabe16]

Originally posted by spacemountain
Legend has it that there is a restaurant in New York where, in
the Ladies Room, there is a very special mirror. If one stands
in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a
wish. However, if one tells a lie-*poof*-you are instantly
swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.

Sooooo, A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies
Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the
most beautiful woman in the world."-*poof*-The mirror swallows
her. Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and
says, "I think I'm losing weight."-*poof*-The mirror swallows
her.

Then an absolutely gorgeous blonde comes in and stands before
the mirror and says, "I think...."-*poof*-

lol I love that one!

 

[distigger]

Once a wizard came to a small town with a magic miror, on the second day a blonde, brunette, and a red head came to the miror. if you look in the miror and tell the truth you get 3 wishes granted. The redhead said i think i am the skinniest person in this town, and she got 3 wishes granted. the brunette said i think i am the smartest person in this town, and she got 3 wishes granted the blonde said I think..... and she was gone. another one i heard was there was a burnette, a red head, and a blonde up in space. they had just landed on the moon and prepared to leave the ship, the brunette and redhead put on their helmets and the blonde said " What are you doing that for?" "so we can breath." they replied, "well, thats stupid" said the blonde, I was born knowing how to breathe!"

 

[Princess Aurora45]

lol

I have so many blonde jokes, most of them are one lines though.

How do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a swimming pool (no1 ever gets that one)

How do you know what computer a blondes been working at? There is tipex on the screen.

A blonde, a brunette and a red head were in a breast stroke compition. The red head one then the brunette did. After the blonde had finished she went up to the person in charge and said 'I think the other 2 ladies were cheating! They used there hands'.

How do you amuze a blonde for hours. Put PTO on both sides of a piece of paper.

A blonde at work was getting really feed up about how blondes are really dumb. So 1 night she goes home and memorizes all the captials of each state. The next day a guy made a remaik about blondes. Think that this wa her chance she tells the guy that she knows all the capitals of each state. They all seemed impressed, so he asks her ' What is the capital of Arazona?' and she replies 'A'

 

[spacemountain]

Originally posted by Princess Aurora45
How do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a swimming pool (no1 ever gets that one)

lol i do