"Bless your heart"

[minkydog]

DD18 and I were watching something on TV when this phrase came up. They started discussing the uses of "bless your heart" and one of them said, "You know, when it's a really ugly baby but you don't want to say it? Bless his heart, he's so precious!" DD turned to me with her mouth open and said,'OMG! You say that all the time, Mom!" Like my old southern Granny always said, if you can't say something nice, well, bless their heart.

 

[simba20]

Gotta love Southern double entrandras.

 

[ugadog99]

DD18 and I were watching something on TV when this phrase came up. They started discussing the uses of "bless your heart" and one of them said, "You know, when it's a really ugly baby but you don't want to say it? Bless his heart, he's so precious!" DD turned to me with her mouth open and said,'OMG! You say that all the time, Mom!" Like my old southern Granny always said, if you can't say something nice, well, bless their heart.

I say this ALL the time!

 

[NeverlandClub23]

One of my co-workers definitely uses "bless his/her/your heart" in place of "He/she/you is/are an idiot". I hear it multiple times a day (and about once every few months directed at me ).

 

[minkydog]

Gotta love Southern double entrandras.

Well, the part i found funny is that DD18 didn't realize it was a double entendre. You should have seen her face Like she had suddenly unlocked the key to a great mystery, a secret holy language, like I was passing down some secret ritual. Ahh, mothers & daughters. Sometimes i come out on top.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I'm curious about something. How is this not considered passive/aggressive? The DIS always has threads about how being passive/aggressive is a horrible thing. How is this any different?

 

[Belle0101]

Hm, can I say, regarding my DH, "Bless his heart"?

 

[phorsenuf]

Reminds me of a joke;

Two Southern ladies, Maribelle and AnneMarie, were sitting on the porch drinking mint juleps. They have the following conversation, best imagined with an upscale Southern drawl:

Maribelle: AnneMarie, do you see this huge diamond ring?

AnneMarie: Yes.

Maribelle: My husband bought this for me.

AnneMarie: Isn’t that special.

Maribelle: Do you see that Jaguar in the parking lot?

AnneMarie: Yes.

Maribelle: My husband bought that for me.

AnneMarie: Isn’t that special.

Maribelle: And you know that mansion I live in?

AnneMarie: Yes.

Maribelle: My husband bought that for me.

AnneMarie: Isn’t that special.

Maribelle: What did your husband buy for you, AnneMarie?

AnneMarie: My husband sent me to finishing school. That’s where I learned to say, “Isn’t that special” instead of “screw you.”


(cleaned it up a touch. )

 

[minkydog]

I'm curious about something. How is this not considered passive/aggressive? The DIS always has threads about how being passive/aggressive is a horrible thing. How is this any different?

I suppose someone will come along and deem this passive-aggressive. We in the South would probably consider it being polite. Everyone has had that odd situation in which you need to make a response of some kind and you don't want to say something hurtful. "Bless your heart" fills the bill. I can mean many things to different people. It isn't always a negative term. "Bless your heart" can be used to express genuine feeling. Sometimes letting our feelings all hang out there isn't the best way to move among people. At least, here in the South that's how we do it. You are free to do otherwise and we will not think badly of you.

 

[L107ANGEL]

Reminds me of a joke;

Two Southern ladies, Maribelle and AnneMarie, were sitting on the porch drinking mint juleps. They have the following conversation, best imagined with an upscale Southern drawl:

Maribelle: AnneMarie, do you see this huge diamond ring?

AnneMarie: Yes.

Maribelle: My husband bought this for me.

AnneMarie: Isn’t that special.

Maribelle: Do you see that Jaguar in the parking lot?

AnneMarie: Yes.

Maribelle: My husband bought that for me.

AnneMarie: Isn’t that special.

Maribelle: And you know that mansion I live in?

AnneMarie: Yes.

Maribelle: My husband bought that for me.

AnneMarie: Isn’t that special.

Maribelle: What did your husband buy for you, AnneMarie?

AnneMarie: My husband sent me to finishing school. That’s where I learned to say, “Isn’t that special” instead of “screw you.”


(cleaned it up a touch. )

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I suppose someone will come along and deem this passive-aggressive. We in the South would probably consider it being polite. Everyone has had that odd situation in which you need to make a response of some kind and you don't want to say something hurtful. "Bless your heart" fills the bill. I can mean many things to different people. It isn't always a negative term. "Bless your heart" can be used to express genuine feeling. Sometimes letting our feelings all hang out there isn't the best way to move among people. At least, here in the South that's how we do it. You are free to do otherwise and we will not think badly of you.

Minky, I'm sorry but that sounds like an excuse. It gives people the right to be mean to other people without having to feel bad about it. Wouldn't it be nicer to lie than to be condescending by saying "Bless Your Heart"? Remember that SNL skit with the Church Lady -- Well isn't that Special? You really have be assuming the person you're speaking to is an idiot to not know the difference between being condescended to and genuine happiness for them. It just seems so fake. I'd rather have someone tell me the truth or lie to me than treat me like an idiot who doesn't know any better.

 

[Jennasis]

I'm curious about something. How is this not considered passive/aggressive? The DIS always has threads about how being passive/aggressive is a horrible thing. How is this any different?

Well bless your heart.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Well bless your heart.

 

[ugadog99]

i'm agreeing with minky on this one. In the south, it's the polite thing to say. That's just the way we were taught.

 

[Goofyluver]

Minky, I'm sorry but that sounds like an excuse. It gives people the right to be mean to other people without having to feel bad about it. Wouldn't it be nicer to lie than to be condescending by saying "Bless Your Heart"? Remember that SNL skit with the Church Lady -- Well isn't that Special? You really have be assuming the person you're speaking to is an idiot to not know the difference between being condescended to and genuine happiness for them. It just seems so fake. I'd rather have someone tell me the truth or lie to me than treat me like an idiot who doesn't know any better.

A. The person who I tell "Bless your heart" to is an idiot, and they don't realize I'm only saying it so I don't have to say what I'm really thinking.

B. The person who I tell "Bless your heart" to isn't an idiot, and they can fake it right along with me. After all, if someone deserves a "Bless your heart" from me, they probably don't want to hear what I want to say anyway.

It's usually A or B.

And I usually consider that I'm bein' quite diplomatic. It's better than saying: "OMG. Look at your ugly kid" or "You're stupid for doing __________"

 

[PrincessKsMom]

i'm agreeing with minky on this one. In the south, it's the polite thing to say. That's just the way we were taught.

I guess we'll all have to agree to disagree, because I really don't see how being condescending to someone is considered polite.

 

[minkydog]

Minky, I'm sorry but that sounds like an excuse. It gives people the right to be mean to other people without having to feel bad about it. Wouldn't it be nicer to lie than to be condescending by saying "Bless Your Heart"? Remember that SNL skit with the Church Lady -- Well isn't that Special? You really have be assuming the person you're speaking to is an idiot to not know the difference between being condescended to and genuine happiness for them. It just seems so fake. I'd rather have someone tell me the truth or lie to me than treat me like an idiot who doesn't know any better.

I think you're missing an important point. "Bless your heart" is a multi-dimensional statement. It can mean many things. You're suggesting we lie to someone to avoid saying something rude. "Bless your heart" can be both a negative and a positive comment. Usually, the only person who really knows is the person who utters it. When someone asks me if i think their baby or their pet is so utterly precious, what should i say? should i tell them the truth, that their baby has cross-eyes and their dog looks like wet rat? Or should I tell a bald-faced lie and say, "Oh he's so cute!" Isn't that the same thing as "Bless your heart?" Bless your heart can be a prayer, a comment, a put-down, and a benediction.

 

[taylor3297]

i'm agreeing with minky on this one. In the south, it's the polite thing to say. That's just the way we were taught.

I suppose someone will come along and deem this passive-aggressive. We in the South would probably consider it being polite. Everyone has had that odd situation in which you need to make a response of some kind and you don't want to say something hurtful. "Bless your heart" fills the bill. I can mean many things to different people. It isn't always a negative term. "Bless your heart" can be used to express genuine feeling. Sometimes letting our feelings all hang out there isn't the best way to move among people. At least, here in the South that's how we do it. You are free to do otherwise and we will not think badly of you.

 

[Goofyluver]

I think you're missing an important point. "Bless your heart" is a multi-dimensional statement. It can mean many things. You're suggesting we lie to someone to avoid saying something rude. "Bless your heart" can be both a negative and a positive comment. Usually, the only person who really knows is the person who utters it. When someone asks me if i think their baby or their pet is so utterly precious, what should i say? should i tell them the truth, that their baby has cross-eyes and their dog looks like wet rat? Or should I tell a bald-faced lie and say, "Oh he's so cute!" Isn't that the same thing as "Bless your heart?" Bless your heart can be a prayer, a comment, a put-down, and a benediction.

Hallelujah.

 

[laurie31]

I'm curious about something. How is this not considered passive/aggressive? The DIS always has threads about how being passive/aggressive is a horrible thing. How is this any different?

It's hard to explain, but it's not meant in a mean-spirited way. Now, it CAN be said "church lady" style, the same way you'd say, "Oh, lovely" when you step in dog poo, and you don't think it's lovely at all, but usually we mean it in a "poor thing, she's stupid" kind of way. Okay, that doesn't sound better.

An example:

If I were to say, "Dh forgot to empty the dishwasher before he left for work, bless his heart," I don't mean that DH is a stupid callous turdbucket, but rather that he got distracted or maybe overslept or just forgot, and I should feel sorry for him and find out his side before I go all postal on him about it when I see him again.

At work, someone might say, "Jane forgot to chart her I's and O's, bless her heart." Meaning: dang, Jane's oversight made extra work for me, but she didn't do it on purpose, poor thing. She probably had a really busy day.

In other words, while there can be insult, there is also pity/sympathy, and literally to bless someone is to pray for them. So yes, we are saying someone needs prayer because they are scatterbrained.